Written by Jenny Catton
It’s natural to want your child to be successful and most parents encourage their children to develop skills, interests and hobbies as much as possible. But when does encouragement turn into pushiness? And can being a pushy parent actually be a good thing?
Yes – Susannah
My daughter Sophie was three years old when she started ballet classes. We took her along thinking that it would just be a bit of fun for her but she quickly showed that she had a real talent, with a natural ability that outshone all of her classmates.
Sophie really loved ballet and so we decided to let her take part in as many classes and shows as possible. We didn’t see it as being pushy; we just wanted to encourage her to enjoy a hobby that she was obviously very good at. But as she got older, Sophie began to lose interest and we really had to push her to keep practising. Often we had to force her to go to her classes when she said she didn’t want to go.
I know that I’ve been labelled a pushy parent for making Sophie continue with her ballet butall children go through phases when they’d rather just watch TV than work hard at something. And if Sophie continues to practice, her teachers say she might be good enough to join a major ballet company when she’s older.
Children can’t be expected to make rational decisions about what’s best for them – they rely on their parents for that. I’m sure in the future, if she becomes a famous ballerina, she’ll be grateful that we encouraged her to carry on with her lessons.
No – Bridget
Children should be free to try as many different hobbies as they like. And if they don’t particularly want to do something, they shouldn’t be forced. I think a lot of the time pushy parents are trying to live through their children – hoping that the children will be a success in areas where they have perhaps failed.
My father was very pushy. With my older brother, he forced him to play rugby every week even though my brother hated it. And with me, he pushed me academically. He was never happy unless I got an ‘A’ for every assignment. I remember when I took my exams, I got three As and a B. Rather than congratulating me, my father said: “Why couldn’t you just get straight As?”. As a result, I’m now very hard on myself, striving for perfection all the time and feel depressed if I don’t achieve it.I also grew up feeling that my father’s love was dependent upon me being successful.
I’ve worked hard not to be a pushy parent with my own kids. If they want to try something, that’s great and if they show a talent for something they enjoy, I’ll support them as much as possible. But if they don’t want to do something, I won’t force them. Being a pushy parent is not good for you, or for your kids.
