Written by Jenny Catton
The ability to forgive is key to emotional health. If we can’t forgive those who’ve hurt us, we become stuck in a cycle of negativity. It can become impossible to move on from bad experiences and can mean that we approach the future with grief or pessimism. And holding onto grievances from the past can seriously affect our relationships in the future as we struggle to trust other people.
When we forgive, we instantly feel emotionally stronger, healthier and more positive. Forgiveness frees us from anger and resentment. And being able to forgive isn’t just about being kind and tolerant to others; it can actually boost our own health. A study by the Mayo Clinic in the USA found that by practising forgiveness, people can experience lower blood pressure, better muscle tension, fewer symptoms of depression and a reduced risk of alcohol or substance abuse.
If you’re finding it hard to forgive someone, remind yourself that people don’t usually go out of their way to hurt others.Many people who causepain are acting on their own insecurities or have been hurt themselves. Try to think about why the person may have acted the way they did.
Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to understand or condone what the other person did. It just means that in spite of what they did you are able to forgive and move on.
Ask yourself who is going to suffer most by refusing to forgive? If the person who hurt you is no longer in your life then they probably don’t give think about the pain they caused you. Refusing to forgive is therefore only hurting you. Think about the positive changes you can make in your life by choosing to forgive and moving on.
If you are able to tell the person that hurt you that you forgive them, this can be enormously beneficial. If you can’t, perhaps because they have died or you’re not in contact with them anymore, write a letter telling them that even though they hurt you, you have forgiven them. Once you’ve written the letter, you can throw it away or burn it as a symbol that the hurt and resentment is in the past.
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