Immediately after a break up, you’re not thinking about your sexual health. However, soon enough you start considering getting back on the horse, as it were, to satisfy your needs that a no longer, ahem, being met. As the saying goes; sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But is this the best thing for your wellbeing in the long run? After all, a great night in the sack can bolster your mental health, amping up your confidence and reminding you there are other fish in the sea. However, sometimes this isn’t always the case, and having sex with someone new sets you back a few steps on your road to recovery. So how do you know if you’re ready to have sex with someone new?
1. You can listen to the radio without bursting into tears: Let’s be honest; you don’t even comprehend the sadness of EVERY SONG EVER WRITTEN until you’ve had your heart broken. If you’re going out clubbing to meet someone new or he takes you back to his and tries to set the mood with some sexy tunes, you’d better make sure you can listen happily without being reminded of the past.
2. You can drink without bursting into tears: If you only have your crap together when you’re stone cold sober, you’re not ready to get together with anyone just yet. Having a meltdown after one glass of wine does not scream “over it” to anyone, least of all the nice new fella you’re trying to sleep with.
3. You know your ex was not the be-all and end-all of satisfaction: The stakes are high when sleeping with someone else, because if it’s not firing in all cylinders you’re guaranteed to start longing for your ex’s magic touch. You need to be at least open to the possibility that someone else can make you feel good in a way that may be different but still hot – and potentially even better than your ex did. Disappointment can set your progress back so wait it out until you’re genuinely ready for something different. Likewise, if you’re too miserable to have sex with yourself (i.e. masturbate), you sure as hell are not in a position to have sex with someone else.
4. You’re not constantly reminded of your ex: Everyone has random little things that reminds them of an ex and sets them off. However, if everyone and everything is making you freak out and burst into tears, no sex for you. Until you limit your triggers, or start to look back with fondness rather than misery, you’re not ready to move forward.
5. You’re confidence isn’t shaken: It’s totally ok to be fragile after a break-up, but getting naked with someone new is a really vulnerable place to put yourself in, so you need to be ready to take that step. If your new partner can’t get it up, for whatever reason, will that make you feel ugly and desirable for weeks? Before you have sex, you need to be in a place where you feel hot no matter what someone else’s expression is when you take off your clothes.
6. You’re prepared: Do you know what doesn’t help the heartbreak situation? Herpes. If you’re coming out of a monogamous relationship, you need to take a look at your contraceptive methods. Go out and get condoms or dental dams or whatever you need to have safe sex. If the thought of it brings the crocodile tears, you’re not ready.
