While your wellbeing might be the furthest thing from your mind when you’re grieving, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself during this time. Not only does bereavement do a number on your emotional health, but it can present you with physical problems, such as the physical implications of stress and a lack of energy. This is why looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time, so how can you help yourself through it?
1. Don’t hide or suppress your feelings: Grief is a powerful experience; so powerful, in fact, that you can be terrified of letting it out, in case it overwhelms you. You can try to suppress your grief but, unfortunately, you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal and move forward with your life, you have to face your feelings and acknowledge the pain. By trying to avoid the feelings of sadness and loss, you are really only prolonging the grieving process. Plus, if you let that grief go unresolved, you could be putting your wellness at risk of major complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
2. Get creative and practical with your feelings: One way to prevent the suppression of your grief – but not let the emotions overpower you – is to express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Some people find it helpful to write about their loss in a journal, as this enables you to clarify and get a grip on that myriad of feelings. If you’ve lost someone you love, you might feel the benefit of writing a letter to that person, so you can say the things you never got to say. You might like to make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life or get involved in a cause or organisation that was important to them so you can carry on their legacy.
3. Take care of your physical wellbeing: There is a strong connection between the body and the mind, and so feeling good on a physical level will help you to feel better emotionally too. Using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief and artificially lift your mood will only serve to make things worse. Instead, attaining enough sleep, eating a healthful diet and getting plenty of exercise will help you to combat stress and fatigue.
4. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel – including yourself: Grief is not a cookie-cutter emotion that’s the same for everyone; your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it” – the same goes for what you tell yourself. You need to come to terms with things in your own way, whether that involves being angry, yelling at the heavens, crying, not crying, laughing or whatever else you need to do. Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment and remember it’s ok to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling, and it’s ok to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.
5. Be prepared for your grief “triggers”: Lots of events in life can reawaken memories and feelings about your loss. When you have an anniversary, milestone or holiday season coming up, get ready for that inevitable emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If other relatives or friends will be around during that holiday or lifecycle event, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on ways in which you can honour the person you loved.
