If there are problems with your sexual wellbeing, you can want to place blame on your partner. But is there something that you could do differently? According to sexual health and wellness writer Mara Kofoed, creator of A Blog About Love, ‘I’m all for happy marriages. And a satisfying sex life can help contribute to that. Problem is, there are a lot of women that aren’t feeling it. There are certainly many complicated reasons why people don’t enjoy sex. But in honour of marriage and in honour of trying to help women to feel empowered, I’m happy to start up a conversation that really never happens: what are women doing that could be contributing to their unsatisfying sex lives?’ In fact, Kofoed has shared with us her list of things women do that impede their sexual wellness, so how can you change things up and make your sex life better?
1. Not Wearing Your Birthday Suit Often Enough: Kofoed instructs, ‘Find a way to work that thing in. Being naked leads to good things.’
2. Having Sex Just For Someone Else, and Not For Yourself: ‘Have you had a long day?’ asks Kofoed. ‘Think to yourself that you deserve to get some. This attitude will likely drive your husband nuts.’
3. Not Thinking About Sex Enough: Kofoed admits, ‘This might take some deliberate effort to work some sexy thoughts into your busy day. But do it anyway. You’ll definitely greet your husband with more enthusiasm when you see him.’
4. Not Having Underwear That Fits: Pretty underwear is expensive, so you may be tempted to attach a bra extender to get more wear out of your tired and ill-fitting bras. However, Kofoed confesses, ‘After 5 weeks travelling in Europe, I needed [a bra extender]. But well, it makes taking the thing off a bit tricky (per my husband). So if you can, maybe ditch the bra extenders, and treat yourself to good-fitting underwear all around.’ You’ll feel sexier, and your partner will have a much easier time of it too!
5. Starting Too Late: Kofoed notes, ‘Do you normally go to bed at 10pm? Midnight? 2am? Whatever your norm is, make some advances an hour before…it’s the easiest way to make sure no one’s “too tired.”’
6. Having a Bad Attitude About Sex: ‘It seems so many women blow sex off or don’t consider it a priority,’ Kofoed points out. ‘And they think that’s ok. This is not okay. It’s one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage. A simple change in how you view it can do wonders.’
7. Only Having Sex in the Bedroom: Kofoed enthuses, ‘Let’s mix it up, people. Obviously, if you have children, privacy becomes a concern. In that case, take advantage when your kids are away. Or make good use of your bedroom wall.’
8. Being Too Critical of Your Own Appearance: ‘This is one huge damper on a good sex life,’ Kofoed explains. ‘Even if you don’t look like your ideal self, try not to be critical of your amazing and beautiful body. Instead, work to take care of your body physically, but also work to change the critical and negative scripts in your head (or in conversations with others). Doing this will fill you with the most attractive and desirable kind of beauty.’
9. Not Taking Care of Yourself Physically and Mentally: ‘No one feels good by not taking good care of themselves,’ says Kofoed. ‘Not possible. Do yourself and your spouse a favour by working in a daily walk or run.’
