How Could Abstinence End Up Improving Your Sex Life?

Can not having sex be a good step to take on your journey to sexual health? Surely, it’s better for your wellness to have “a healthy sex life?” We’ve spoken to three sexperts – some of whom extol the virtues of abstinence – to find out how giving up sex, albeit temporarily, can affect your wellbeing.

 

1. 12 Years Celibate: Sophie Fontanel embarked on a period of self-imposed celibacy after years of being ‘taken and shaken’ made her decide she was ‘through with being had’. She’s now written a book on the subject, The Art Of Sleeping Alone: Why One French Woman Gave Up Sex, as she found the experience to be almost instantly beneficial. ‘My backbone was much straighter and my friends asked me if I was in love,’ she recalls. ‘They could have had my life, but they were afraid of my solitude because it could have been theirs. Sometimes you are alone even when you are married.’

 

Fontanel instead put her energy into travelling, socialising and work. She notes, ‘It was never meant to be 12 years. Suddenly one year passed, then another.’ At the end of her book, she meets a man, a friend’s brother, who found the 50-year-old writer – and her journey – fascinating. Fontanel enthuses ‘Young, beautiful girls complain about being single but they are alone because their dreams are better than reality. They are free.’

 

2. 18 Months Without Sex: If 12 years sounds a little difficult, why not take a leaf out of Audrey Bellis’ book and give up sex for 18 months? The 27-year-old marketing executive comments, ‘“You must masturbate a lot.” That was pretty much everyone’s response when I announced my year of celibacy and no dating. Following a miserable broken engagement, I did what most people do to numb their feelings: I drank too much gin and tonic, I dated men I didn’t really like and I had drunken, empty sex. Each time would be filled with regret.’ So Bellis decided to give up men for a while, but how did she manage it?

 

‘It was hard at first,’ Bellis admits. ‘It was all I could think about, much the way a dieter fantasises over chocolate. But it got easier. I found strength in resisting rather than giving into temptation. I noticed men wanted me more – the idea of being the one who might make me give it up tantalised their alpha egos. I eventually abstained for 18 months, during which time I rebuilt my confidence. I oozed my own kind of sexual appeal. Satisfaction came not from orgasm but from total physical control. I began to explore yoga and dabbled in meditation…Eventually, I craved physical contact again and I met a guy who I was genuinely attracted to on all levels…I no longer have sex simply to feel desirable but my 18 months without it gave me the foundation of my sex appeal today.’

 

3. Yes, Yes, Yes: Agony uncle James McConnachie counters, ‘Sex is like a diet: it’s driven by appetite, and different regimes work best for different people. Some of us thrive on shovel-loads of late-night carbs, others go for light protein and fruit snacks, others still are chocolate guzzlers. Similarly, some people like lots of masturbation and partner sex every other Sunday, others insist on sex with love only, and a few s**g themselves silly at every opportunity. Unless you’re asexual, meaning you never want sex, celibacy is a problem for the same reason that diets are a problem: you’re taking a natural pleasure and rewarding yourself emotionally if you defeat it…If I was recommending a sex diet to anyone, I’d say listen to your body and your mind. Find your own balance of health and pleasure. However, be open to change. And say no to other people’s rules and restrictions.’

Categories: abstinence, better sex, confidence, months, nbsp, people, sex life, year, years

Sex and Sport: Does Abstinence Improve Your Performance?

You may have heard that top athletes avoid sex before a big event, so as to keep their fitness and wellness levels to an absolute maximum, but is there any science to support this? How does your sexual health really affect other aspects of your wellbeing?

 

At the London 2012 Olympics, there was more than 150,000 condoms handed out to the 10,500 athletes, as London Mayor Boris Johnson noted he wanted the Olympics to “inspire a generation” not “create a generation”. However, even if the modern day Olympiads were getting down to it before race day, that’s not how it’s always been. Boxing legend Muhammad Ali supposedly practised abstinence in the six weeks leading up to a big fight, and the England football team was reportedly banned from sex during the 1998 World Cup. Then you have American Marty Liquori, the world’s top 5000-metre runner four decades ago, who was famous for says, ‘Sex makes you happy. Happy people don’t run a 3:47 mile.’ So does that mean Mo Farah could have edged a few seconds off his time? Not according to the evidence.

 

Ian Shrier, a professor in the department of family medicine at McGill University in Canada, comments, ‘When we test people in the lab, we are examining “tests of performance” but in competition, psychology very likely plays a much more important role. Those who claim it decreases performance usually say it is because it decreases focus or aggression or tension. There are no studies that have examined this.’

 

Martin Milton, an expert in psycho-therapeutic and counseling psychology at the University of Surrey, notes that the effect of sex really comes down to who you are, how often you’re having sex, for how long and in what way. ‘If it’s “up all night swinging from the rafters” type sex we’re talking about, then obviously the athlete is not going to be getting enough sleep or rest and their mind isn’t on the job,’ says Milton. ‘So that might well be more the issue than whether or not being involved in a short period of sex might be detrimental to someone’s performance.’

Categories: abstinence, athletes, generation, london, nbsp, Olympics, performance

US City Leads the Way in Raising Sexual Health Awareness

Not talking about sex, and the diseases that come with it, may seem like the typically British thing to do, but those across the pond are tackling this very wellness problem. According to Carson City Health and Human Services, the residents of Carson City – the capital of the state of Nevada – need to address this taboo subject, and have “the talk.” The Health and Human Services department stresses that sexual health is part of overall wellbeing, and is joining with providers across the country to observe National STD Awareness Month, and remove some of the stigma and embarrassment that surrounds sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

20 million people are infected with a sexually transmitted disease every year, and at least half of those affected are between the ages of 15 and 24. This highlights that better education and prevention efforts are needed, especially among young people. Avoiding being infected in the first place is the best way to evade the negative health outcomes and stress associated with sexually transmitted diseases, and the Health and Human Services department recommends abstinence. According to the officials, choosing to not have sex is the only 100% effective way to keep from getting an STD or having an unwanted pregnancy.

However, even with the best of intentions, it’s hard for young people to remain abstinent and so Carson City Health and Human Services advises that, if you do choose to be sexually active, you need to do so responsibly – not only to protect your health, but also the health of your partner or partners. Every time you engage in sexual activity, including oral sex, you need to use a condom to prevent the spread of STDs. You can also reduce your risk of getting an STD by limiting the number of partners you have. It’s easy for a partner to pass on an STD, as the diseases often have no signs or symptoms.

As part of their sexual health initiative, Carson City Health and Human Services are offering affordable, confidential testing and treatment for STDs. Getting a quick and easy STD test is the only way to know for certain if you are infected, and it is recommended that you get tested annually or whenever you have a new partner. Luckily in this country, these tests are free and confidential on the NHS, so you have no excuse not to go get one.

US City Leads the Way in Raising Sexual Health Awareness

Categories: abstinence, carson city, city health, Condoms, health, human services, services department, sexual health, sexually transmitted, STDs, transmitted diseases, young people

Should Sex Education be Taught within a Moral Context?

A report from the Government has shown that parents want sexual health education to be taught in its “moral context” with an emphasis on marriage and the importance of the legal age of consent. However, the Government has emphasised that the content of sex education lessons will be entrusted to individual schools, and not dictated by a nationwide policy.

In the official consultation, over half of the respondents believed it was essential that sex and relationship classes promote emotional wellness, ensuring that children respect themselves and ‘value their own bodies’. Published by the Department for Education (DfE), the report also found that many people believe ‘teaching about abstinence before marriage should be taught alongside contraception.’

Almost 700 people responded to the consultation, with parents making up the biggest single group. The document detailed that 52% of people believed it was ‘essential that sex and relationships education must place sexual relationships within a clear and objective moral context.’ It added, ‘Respondents were of the opinion that commitment and fidelity in sexual relationships were no less important than sexual consent, and the emphasis should be on having respect for themselves and others. It was also put forward that teaching about ‘abstinence’ before marriage should be taught alongside contraception.’

The DfE have outlined a new system in which schools will be tasked to draw up their own curriculum covering personal, social, health and economic education (PSHE). This is a non-compulsory subject through which sex education lessons are delivered. According to Ministers, teachers are ‘best placed to understand the needs of their pupils’ without the need for ‘central prescription’ from Whitehall. PSHE’s trade body, the PSHE Association, will therefore be handed a DfE grant to provide advice to schools, being told to ‘promote the teaching of consent as part of sex and relationships education’, the DfE said.

However, campaign groups have become infuriated by the move to devolve subject content to schools. Paul Tuohy from Mentor, the children’s alcohol and drug protection charity, said, ‘We knew this was coming but even so the sheer incompetence of Government is breathtaking.’ According to Brook, a leading provider of sexual health services, the review was ‘not a very funny joke’ which would lead to the subject being downgraded. In a statement, it said, ‘Clearly the Department for Education has not been looking at the same evidence as the rest of us or listening to the views of children and young people themselves.’

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Should Sex Education be Taught within a Moral Context?

Categories: abstinence, Moral Context, Research