Showing posts with label sex life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex life. Show all posts

 


 


As women, it can sometimes be difficult to take the lead in the bedroom. Many women feel as though it would be unfeminine to be assertive and initiate sex, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. There are a number of ways to make yourself heard in the bedroom and make your sex life more compatible with your needs – here are some of the ways to be a little more forthright with your partner and get the kind of sex life you’re looking for.


 


Be more creative with your ideas


Men are known for being more imaginative when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that it is a true representation of what women are like in the bedroom. If your sex life has become a little routine, it’s easy to jazz it up a bit. It’s all about confidence. You need to tell your partner exactly what you want from sex, what you think is missing, and what you want to do about it. Expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, it simply means you know what you want from your sex life and you’re making changes to ensure that you get it. Men often find it a turn on to find that their partner is being bolder and more assertive – it puts you both on more of an equal playing field where sex is concerned.


Be expressive


The best way to communicate effectively is to have a good understanding beforehand of what it is you want to say or do. Spend some time beforehand thinking about what you want from your sex life, such as more intimacy or passion, then what it is you’d want from your partner in order to achieve that. You need to be at ease with what you’re asking for before you speak to your partner about it. Being expressive isn’t limited to just your likes though – if there is an aspect of your sex life you aren’t happy with, or something your partner does which you don’t enjoy, tell them. Speaking about these issues is the only way to change them.


Give feedback


On that note, giving feedback is a great way of airing any issues between you both which have arisen in the bedroom. Men, in particular, are renowned for not being great at taking hints, so if you’re trying to be subtle its most likely failing. You don’t need to be rude or derogatory about their sexual style – a simple talk about what you both want more or less of is often quite effective. You can also use your body language to show them what you enjoy and don’t, so that they have a better understanding of how to please you.


Share your fantasies


Everyone has sexual fantasies, yet we very rarely share them with our partners. This can be a great bonding session to increase the intimacy between you both, as well as being a fantastic way of spicing up your relationship. Set the mood, perhaps by having a romantic evening together, then you’ll both feel relaxed to share your innermost sexual desires. You may even be inclined to act on some of them, helping to increase the bond between you and improve your sex life. This is a simple way to be more assertive and tell your partner exactly what you want from them out of your sex life, without feeling as though you have to do it on your own. By sharing together, you’re both as vulnerable as each other so the trust is equal.


 


The post How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex appeared first on .

 


 


As women, it can sometimes be difficult to take the lead in the bedroom. Many women feel as though it would be unfeminine to be assertive and initiate sex, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. There are a number of ways to make yourself heard in the bedroom and make your sex life more compatible with your needs – here are some of the ways to be a little more forthright with your partner and get the kind of sex life you’re looking for.


 


Be more creative with your ideas


Men are known for being more imaginative when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that it is a true representation of what women are like in the bedroom. If your sex life has become a little routine, it’s easy to jazz it up a bit. It’s all about confidence. You need to tell your partner exactly what you want from sex, what you think is missing, and what you want to do about it. Expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, it simply means you know what you want from your sex life and you’re making changes to ensure that you get it. Men often find it a turn on to find that their partner is being bolder and more assertive – it puts you both on more of an equal playing field where sex is concerned.


Be expressive


The best way to communicate effectively is to have a good understanding beforehand of what it is you want to say or do. Spend some time beforehand thinking about what you want from your sex life, such as more intimacy or passion, then what it is you’d want from your partner in order to achieve that. You need to be at ease with what you’re asking for before you speak to your partner about it. Being expressive isn’t limited to just your likes though – if there is an aspect of your sex life you aren’t happy with, or something your partner does which you don’t enjoy, tell them. Speaking about these issues is the only way to change them.


Give feedback


On that note, giving feedback is a great way of airing any issues between you both which have arisen in the bedroom. Men, in particular, are renowned for not being great at taking hints, so if you’re trying to be subtle its most likely failing. You don’t need to be rude or derogatory about their sexual style – a simple talk about what you both want more or less of is often quite effective. You can also use your body language to show them what you enjoy and don’t, so that they have a better understanding of how to please you.


Share your fantasies


Everyone has sexual fantasies, yet we very rarely share them with our partners. This can be a great bonding session to increase the intimacy between you both, as well as being a fantastic way of spicing up your relationship. Set the mood, perhaps by having a romantic evening together, then you’ll both feel relaxed to share your innermost sexual desires. You may even be inclined to act on some of them, helping to increase the bond between you and improve your sex life. This is a simple way to be more assertive and tell your partner exactly what you want from them out of your sex life, without feeling as though you have to do it on your own. By sharing together, you’re both as vulnerable as each other so the trust is equal.


 


The post How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex appeared first on .

 


 


As women, it can sometimes be difficult to take the lead in the bedroom. Many women feel as though it would be unfeminine to be assertive and initiate sex, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. There are a number of ways to make yourself heard in the bedroom and make your sex life more compatible with your needs – here are some of the ways to be a little more forthright with your partner and get the kind of sex life you’re looking for.


 


Be more creative with your ideas


Men are known for being more imaginative when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that it is a true representation of what women are like in the bedroom. If your sex life has become a little routine, it’s easy to jazz it up a bit. It’s all about confidence. You need to tell your partner exactly what you want from sex, what you think is missing, and what you want to do about it. Expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, it simply means you know what you want from your sex life and you’re making changes to ensure that you get it. Men often find it a turn on to find that their partner is being bolder and more assertive – it puts you both on more of an equal playing field where sex is concerned.


Be expressive


The best way to communicate effectively is to have a good understanding beforehand of what it is you want to say or do. Spend some time beforehand thinking about what you want from your sex life, such as more intimacy or passion, then what it is you’d want from your partner in order to achieve that. You need to be at ease with what you’re asking for before you speak to your partner about it. Being expressive isn’t limited to just your likes though – if there is an aspect of your sex life you aren’t happy with, or something your partner does which you don’t enjoy, tell them. Speaking about these issues is the only way to change them.


Give feedback


On that note, giving feedback is a great way of airing any issues between you both which have arisen in the bedroom. Men, in particular, are renowned for not being great at taking hints, so if you’re trying to be subtle its most likely failing. You don’t need to be rude or derogatory about their sexual style – a simple talk about what you both want more or less of is often quite effective. You can also use your body language to show them what you enjoy and don’t, so that they have a better understanding of how to please you.


Share your fantasies


Everyone has sexual fantasies, yet we very rarely share them with our partners. This can be a great bonding session to increase the intimacy between you both, as well as being a fantastic way of spicing up your relationship. Set the mood, perhaps by having a romantic evening together, then you’ll both feel relaxed to share your innermost sexual desires. You may even be inclined to act on some of them, helping to increase the bond between you and improve your sex life. This is a simple way to be more assertive and tell your partner exactly what you want from them out of your sex life, without feeling as though you have to do it on your own. By sharing together, you’re both as vulnerable as each other so the trust is equal.


 


The post How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex appeared first on .

 


 


As women, it can sometimes be difficult to take the lead in the bedroom. Many women feel as though it would be unfeminine to be assertive and initiate sex, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. There are a number of ways to make yourself heard in the bedroom and make your sex life more compatible with your needs – here are some of the ways to be a little more forthright with your partner and get the kind of sex life you’re looking for.


 


Be more creative with your ideas


Men are known for being more imaginative when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that it is a true representation of what women are like in the bedroom. If your sex life has become a little routine, it’s easy to jazz it up a bit. It’s all about confidence. You need to tell your partner exactly what you want from sex, what you think is missing, and what you want to do about it. Expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, it simply means you know what you want from your sex life and you’re making changes to ensure that you get it. Men often find it a turn on to find that their partner is being bolder and more assertive – it puts you both on more of an equal playing field where sex is concerned.


Be expressive


The best way to communicate effectively is to have a good understanding beforehand of what it is you want to say or do. Spend some time beforehand thinking about what you want from your sex life, such as more intimacy or passion, then what it is you’d want from your partner in order to achieve that. You need to be at ease with what you’re asking for before you speak to your partner about it. Being expressive isn’t limited to just your likes though – if there is an aspect of your sex life you aren’t happy with, or something your partner does which you don’t enjoy, tell them. Speaking about these issues is the only way to change them.


Give feedback


On that note, giving feedback is a great way of airing any issues between you both which have arisen in the bedroom. Men, in particular, are renowned for not being great at taking hints, so if you’re trying to be subtle its most likely failing. You don’t need to be rude or derogatory about their sexual style – a simple talk about what you both want more or less of is often quite effective. You can also use your body language to show them what you enjoy and don’t, so that they have a better understanding of how to please you.


Share your fantasies


Everyone has sexual fantasies, yet we very rarely share them with our partners. This can be a great bonding session to increase the intimacy between you both, as well as being a fantastic way of spicing up your relationship. Set the mood, perhaps by having a romantic evening together, then you’ll both feel relaxed to share your innermost sexual desires. You may even be inclined to act on some of them, helping to increase the bond between you and improve your sex life. This is a simple way to be more assertive and tell your partner exactly what you want from them out of your sex life, without feeling as though you have to do it on your own. By sharing together, you’re both as vulnerable as each other so the trust is equal.


 


The post How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex appeared first on .

 


 


There are many happily married couples out there, but how many of them are enjoying equally happy sex lives? Marriage is about far more than just sex, but there’s no denying that it does play an important role. If your sex life leaves a lot to be desired, it could end up putting a strain on other areas of your relationship – it’s the kind of thing that affairs are made of. There are several ways to improve your sex life though, without you needing to stray from the bonds of your marriage. The first one is simple – be honest.

If you aren’t enjoying the bedroom antics with your partner, you need to tell them and explain what it is that is not doing it for you. Nobody wants to hear that they are a lousy lover, and the number of people wanting to tell someone that kind of news is equally low. However, no-one can improve if they don’t know what they’re doing wrong. Lying to your partner about your sex life is only making the issue worse. Be open with them and explain that while you aren’t enjoying the sex at the moment, you are willing to work at it to improve and better your relationship. While they may be sad to hear it initially, the silver lining is that you’ve communicated it honestly and are willing to try and work things out. Try to soften the news with compliments and praise outside of the bedroom, so that they know you aren’t disappointed in every aspect of your marriage.

Be honest about what turns you on and explain this to them – perhaps you may want to share some fantasies together to get each other in the mood and broach the subject in a flirty way. If the way they kiss you doesn’t do it for you, tell them. Be honest if you’ve never been able to orgasm with them, or if something they do during sex really turns you off. It’s embarrassing, but no more so than lying to your partner about something as vital to a relationship as sex. Educate each other about how to turn each other on, so that you can both do a better job of making each other sexually satisfied. Criticism is only constructive when you offer advice and alternatives, so don’t tell your partner they’re a bad lover without offering ways they can improve.

You need to verbalise and show them exactly how to touch you and the ways that you want them to turn you on. Most importantly, during this early stage in the game, be supportive. It’s never easy to hear that something you’ve been doing for so long isn’t actually working. It’s vital that you express pleasure when they do something even slightly close to what you want, so that they know when they’re getting it right. It’s likely that at this stage they are dealing with a new set of insecurities on top of any they already have, so don’t make it worse by leaving them in the dark about what they’re doing. Maintain the intimacy between you and be sure to spend time together, romantically, outside of the bedroom too. Your relationship is about more than just what goes on in the bedroom, so don’t forget that. If all else fails, and you’ve given it time to try and work things out, there’s also professional help. There are many couples therapists available to help you work through any rough patches, so don’t be worried about speaking to someone if you’re finding things difficult.


 


The post How to Improve Disappointing Sex With Your Partner appeared first on .

 


 


Doing exercise on a regular basis can do wonders for your wellness, but did you know it can also help improve your sexual wellbeing?


 


For many years, doctors and scientists have been very vocal about the health benefits of exercise. It can help you to lose weight, or just help you to maintain a healthy weight range. It can help to fight against serious health conditions such as high blood pressure, and it can also reduce your risk of developing other serious health conditions such as Type 2 diabetes and heart disease. If you exercise regularly, you will also benefit from improved energy and are likely to get a better night’s sleep. On top of all this, exercise is great for your mental health; it can help to increase your self-esteem, improve your mood and can help you to fight against depression.


 


If none of those are good enough reasons to motivate you to move off the couch then think about this: taking regular exercise can help to boost things in the bedroom. Of course, being fitter and healthier overall will go a long way to improving things in the bedroom, but certain types of exercise can also be great to help improve your flexibility, strength and stamina in bed. So, if you want to impress your partner next time you hit the sack, why not try some sex-specific exercises?


 


One such sex-specific exercise is the kegel exercise. You’ve probably already heard of these, but it’s important to bear in mind that they are not just for women. They are designed to improve the strength of the pubococcygeus muscle, which works as a sort of hammock to support the organs in the pelvis, including the bladder, rectum and reproductive organs.


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By Jenny Hope, Medical Correspondent for the Daily Mail


 


A new once-daily hormone treatment has boosted the sex lives of older women.


 


Using VagiCap increased by a third the number of women getting sexual satisfaction, say findings from a trial.


 


The treatment, which is not yet available, is aimed at women who experience pain during sex and other symptoms caused by the menopause.


 


More than half of post-menopausal women suffer vaginal dryness that can make sex uncomfortable because of a lack of the hormone oestrogen.




A new gel claims to be able to boost a woman’s sex life after the menopause – by relieving the pain and discomfort associated with a  lack of oestrogen


 



The new treatment is a tear-shaped softgel capsule designed for easy insertion once a day, alleviating local symptoms.


 


However, the oestrogen has less effect throughout the body than hormone replacement therapy (HRT) which should lessen any side effects.


 


Dr Sheryl Kingsberg, chief of the Division of Behavioral Medicine Department at UH Case Medical Center in Cleveland, presented the trial at the International Society of Women’s Sexual Health Annual Meeting, in Austin, Texas.


 


Dr Kingsberg said: ‘Menopause is typically associated with hot flashes (flushes), but there are other common and distressing symptoms such as pain and discomfort during sex due to lack of oestrogen.

‘Approximately 30 million women in the United States experience this condition, which can really impact their quality of life.’


 


She said the VagiCap, if approved by regulatory authorities, could be a treatment that women ‘may find to be convenient and easy to use’.


 



At least half of menopausal women experience uncomfortable, often distressing symptoms such as dryness -making sex painful.


 



In the UK, the average age of the menopause is 51 years, when periods stop and oestrogen hormone levels decline.


 


Research earlier this week found at least half of menopausal women experienced uncomfortable, often distressing symptoms for more than seven years on average and often much longer.


 


The latest study involved women between the ages of 40-75 who were assigned to use the VagiCap once daily – usually at the same time in the morning – or a placebo (dummy) treatment.


 


A qualitative survey by the researchers found that 63 per cent of women on the VagiCap reported an improvement in quality of life after only two weeks of therapy treatment, compared to 48 per cent on the placebo.


 


Dr Kingsberg said: ‘For many women, symptoms such as these have a major impact on frequency and spontaneity of their sexual activity.


 


‘It is essential that health care attendants routinely engage in open and sensitive discussions with postmenopausal women to ensure that symptomatic atrophy is detected early and appropriately managed.’


 


New treatment options have the potential to improve satisfaction for these women, she said.


 


‘There is medical consensus that oestrogen administered locally is the preferred mode of treatment for both symptom reduction and restoring and maintaining healthy vaginal tissue and sexual function’ she added.


 


TherapeuticsM, manufacturers of the VagiCap, began a phase three trial in September 2014 which is investigating 4 mcg, 10 mcg and 25 mcg doses of oestrogen as different options to meet women’s treatment needs. 


 

 


When your wellbeing is affected by a low libido, you can feel like you’re the only one, or that something is wrong with you. However, according to sexual health and wellness expert Celia Shatzman, ‘If you’ve lost that frisky feeling, you’re not alone. Research shows that nearly a third of women and 15% of men lack the desire to have sex regularly. But there are things you can do to put the sizzle back into your sex life.’ So, which lifestyle changes can give your sex drive a boost?


 


1. Plan More Date Nights: ‘If a fun Saturday night with your hubby means watching Showtime in sweatpants, it could be killing your sex drive,’ warns Shatzman. ‘Rekindle your romance by getting out of the house for an old-fashioned date. Your dates don’t need to be grand romantic evenings; just going to the movies or out to dinner can reignite the spark you felt when you first met.’ Leah Millheiser, MD, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Programme at Stanford Hospital & Clinics, suggests, ‘If it’s too expensive to hire a nanny, ask your friends with kids to watch yours for the night and offer to return the favour.’


 


2. Choose a Different Birth Control Pill: ‘Hormonal changes take a big toll on your sex drive,’ Shatzman notes. ‘Birth control pills can be one of the biggest perpetrators: they can reduce your body’s production of testosterone, and in turn, your desire to get down. Certain varieties may even cause pain during sex. And even if you’re not on birth control, being aware of your hormonal status can help you dial in your libido. Prolactin, the nursing hormone, decreases estrogen and testosterone in breastfeeding women, which can wreak hormonal havoc. Additionally…menopause can bring a decrease in testosterone and estradiol, a type of oestrogen.’


 


3. Check Your Other Meds, Too: Shatzman instructs, ‘Take a look at your medicine cabinet—your prescriptions could be behind your lower libido. Aside from birth control pills, common offenders include drugs for high blood pressure, gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), anxiety, and depression.’ Dr. Millheiser advises, ‘If a medication is the most likely culprit, discuss your concern with the prescribing doctor. It’s possible that another treatment may be used with fewer side effects.’


 


4. Divide Household Chores Equally: Dr. Millheiser points out, ‘After the kids go to bed, there’s often cleanup followed by work that you’ve brought home. As a result, intimacy gets pushed to the background.’ Shatzman comments, ‘If you and your partner are both working full-time, keeping the division of household labour equal and ensuring one partner doesn’t shoulder the whole burden will make both of you happier in the bedroom and out.’


 


5. Set Your Room Up for Romance: ‘It’s easy to get in the habit of letting your kids crawl into bed with you after they’ve had a bad dream, or sharing cuddle time with your cat or dog,’ allows Shatzman. ‘These are major mood killers. [Keep] the kiddos and pets out by simply locking the bedroom door at night. It may take some time to break these habits, but making the bed sexy again will make you more relaxed and ready for romance.’


 


6. Add Sex to Your To-Do List: Shatzman asks, ‘We schedule doctor’s appointments, work meetings, and drinks with friends—so why not sex? It’s not the most romantic approach, but setting aside a specific time with your significant other means you’re making a commitment to having an active sex life. This way, you’ll feel compelled to keep the appointment and be less likely to make excuses.’

You might think you have your sexual health and wellbeing sorted. You know what you like, and you know what you don’t like, so it’s smooth sailing from here on in, right? Wrong. According to sexual wellness expert Marissa Gold, ‘There are two primary phases in most people’s sex lives—the sex you have before you get into a relationship, and the sex you have after.’ And, let’s be honest, the latter phase isn’t the one you brag about to your friends at brunch. As a long-term couple, things change and your sex life needs to change with it, or else you’ll be bored in the bedroom – and no one wants that. Improve your sex life in any relationship by giving these sex tips for couples a try.


 


1. Role-Play the Opposite of Your Personalities: ‘Is your guy a go-getter who handles everything in your relationship?’ asks Gold. ‘Tie him to the bedpost. Is he on the shy side and lets you call all the shots? Hand him some bondage tape and tell him to take over. Most people like to play a role in bed that’s not what they play in real life.’


 


2. Do That Thing He’s Always Begging You to Do: Gold points out, ‘Most men are pretty vocal about their sexual fantasies. It’s the male equivalent of our nagging them to pick up their socks. Does your guy really, really want you to dance for him? Try anal sex? Dress up like a French maid, perhaps? Since you’re the only woman he’s allowed to have sex with and all, it’s worth a try!’


 


3. Try A Position You’ve Never Done Before: Gold explains, ‘Doing new things together is a bonding experience, and let’s be honest—it’s probably been a while since either of you did something new in bed. Just throw out a sex position, or ask him if there’s one he’s never tried, and go for it. Best case? Someone loves it. Worst case? You have a good laugh.’


 


4. Leave Your Underwear at Home on Date Night: ‘OK, it’s a little cheesy,’ Gold admits. ‘But it’ll make your typical routine of sharing the burrata appetizer at your neighbourhood Italian restaurant a little more fun. As you’re leaving home, as you’re walking in, or as you’re sitting down, just let him know. And wear a body-con dress and heels so he can fantasize about the easy access.’


 


5. Have Sex When You Don’t Really Feel Like It: ‘Let me be clear,’ Gold cautions. ‘Never do anything you really don’t want to do. However, relationships are about compromise, so if you’re turning him down more than you’re turning him on, you might consider some pro bono (he-he!) sex once in a while. It will go a long way in your relationship, because once a guy feels neglected or rejected, he might stop trying to do all those things you like too.’


 


6. Treat Him Like a Sex Object Sometimes: Gold notes, ‘What kind of sex do people have during affairs? The kind of sex where clothes get ripped and lamps get broken. A lot of people crave that kind of passion, which we all know is hard to maintain when you’ve slept together literally hundreds of times. So consider it an investment in your monogamy and treat him like the jerky-but-so-hot football player you wanted just one night with in college and take the guy. He’ll like it, promise.’


 


7. Don’t Forget About Oral: Gold comments, ‘Every woman knows that men love oral sex, and every man knows that at some point in a long-term relationship, he’ll probably stop getting it. In his ideal world, you’ll keep doing it because you want to, so don’t make it seem like a chore (even if you kind of feel like is). P.S. This rule works both ways.’


 


8. Don’t Wear Frumpy Outfits to Bed Every Night: ‘To a lot of men, the moment you wear sweatpants to bed is the exact moment when the romance officially dies,’ says Gold. ‘This is hard, because you want to wear those comfy sweats as much as he wants to stop doing sit-ups every day. But consider an upgrade to lingerie (or at least retire the baggy T-shirt) every once in a while and watch the magic happen. Bonus: Not only will he love it if you’re a little sexier when you hit the sheets, you might find it puts you in the mood too.’

Everyone these days has heard of the G-spot, and yet many men have never witnessed a G-spot orgasm and women often scoff at the idea of one even existing. If you’re involved with a woman who feels this way about this mystical area of the body, you may both be converted by the concept of the G-shot. Scientists in the USA have found a way to increase a woman’s G-spot with a small injection, making it virtually impossible to miss during sex or foreplay. But how does it work and how much does it cost? The G-shot is a trademarked collagen injection which is intended to increase the size of a woman’s G-spot – it’s being touted as the next big thing. In fact, it’s becoming so popular that women are using their lunch break to drop in on their gynaecologist in America for this nifty treatment. The procedure takes around 30 minutes from start to finish, and will set you back around $1850 for the injection, which only requires local anaesthetic to take place.


Once you’ve had it done, the G-spot is supposed to increase to an amazing inch-wide diameter with a quarter-inch height. That’s pretty large when you consider that G-spots often go completely unnoticed due to their size. The results are immediate and sex is possible within as little as four hours after the procedure. So what are the benefits? The most obvious one is that having the G-spot enlarged to such a size means that it is practically impossible to miss during sex, so the amazing orgasms reported when it’s involved in sexual play are possible to women who have this procedure. Many women report that orgasms reached in conjunction with the G-shot are far better than normal orgasms, particularly where intensity and length of duration are concerned.


The G-shot is also said to increase libido in some women, increasing their sense of sensitivity and even arousal itself. Some women even feel as though the G-shot has revolutionised their sex life, which was considered frustrating beforehand. The results of this procedure last just four months though, so anyone looking to sustain these results would need to keep up with the injections. The man who invented the shot, Dr David Matlock, advertises that the procedure an 87 per cent success rate in terms of women who feel as though the treatment has revolutionised their sex life. His website is keen to state, though, that the G-shot is only intended for women who don’t currently suffer with a sexual dysfunction – it’s only meant as an enhancement rather than a cure for any problems they may have. If you cannot reach orgasms via a normal sexual routine, the G-shot is probably not going to make much difference. The same can be said of women with a low sex drive or a similar condition, as the G-shot is unlikely to increase your sex drive by any significant amount.


The G-shots primary purpose is to make the area large enough that it’s easy to find when you’re having sex with your partner.The testimonials for this treatment almost speak for themselves, but as with any procedure, you should speak to your GP before making any changes, particularly if you’re suffering with some form of sexual dysfunction. If you are, you may find it more beneficial seeking medication for your complaint as this may be more effective in improving your sex life.

When your man underperforms in the bedroom, you can be left wondering what to do. According to sexual health and wellness writer Holly C. Corbett, Talking about his bedroom problems can be incredibly awkward, but for the sake of your relationship—and for maximum personal pleasure—it’s worth it…Working through these situations will help you turn a mortifying moment into a mind-blowing sex life.’ So which of his little issues are impacting your sexual wellbeing, and how do you fix them?


 


1. He Comes Too Soon: Sex therapist Bill Bercaw, co-author of the upcoming From the Living Room to the Bedroom: The Modern Couple’s Guide to Sexual Abundance and Lasting Intimacy, explains, ‘His fear of coming too soon causes him to clench his pelvic muscles, which accelerates him toward the point of no return. The key to getting more in sync is to help him learn how to relax…Try experimenting with different positions to find the ones that make him last longer. Female on top is great for women because there’s direct clitoral stimulation, which most women need to orgasm, and you get to control the thrusting.’ Corbett adds, ‘Press pause on the thrusting action when he’s nearing his peak to give him a break as he keeps stimulating you with his fingers or tongue. Then start up again and keep pausing intercourse until you both are ready to finish. Not only will this help sex last longer, it will also help him develop more control over his ejaculatory response.’


 


2. His Size Kind of Does Matter: Corbett points out, ‘The average erect penis is between 5.1 and 5.8 inches long. If your guy comes up a little short, try doing it doggie style: It will make you feel fuller because his penis will be hitting your G-spot, and he can also stimulate your clitoris with his hand to help you get there.’ Ginger Bercaw, wife of Bill and the other co-author of From the Living Room to the Bedroom, suggests, ‘On your end, the vagina is a muscle that can be tightened to help increase your arousal, so try strengthening your pelvic floor by doing kegels.’


 


3. He Can’t Get (or Keep) It Up: ‘Many women feel inadequate or rejected when their man can’t get it up, but his erection or lack thereof is not about you,’ says Bill. ‘Tell him what you want him to do with you that does not require an erection. This demonstrates that having a satisfying sex life is not solely dependent on his erection, which could help shift his focus away from what his penis is doing.’


 


4. He Suffers Low Libido: Ginger asserts, ‘The best kept sex secret in America is male low desire. Women are ashamed to talk about it because they feel inadequate, and men also feel ashamed out of fear that they’re not keeping up with their lover’s expectations. Many of us think we shouldn’t have to talk about sex because we want it to work naturally, but talking about it is the only way to improve your sex life. Tell him you love making love to him and want to find a number or a range that you both can agree upon. Flexibility is key, so say you’re shooting for two to three times a week, with the lower number being the minimum of what you’re okay with and the max number being an excellent week.’


 


5. You’re Uncomfortable with His Sex Fantasy: Corbett comments, ‘Few things are more awkward than when your guy makes like Adam from HBO’s Girls and asks you to do kinky things, like pretending to be an underage girl. If he springs an idea that feels degrading or makes you uncomfortable, wait a second…Talking about fantasies before playing them out is key. Because it’s a risk to share what’s going on inside your head, that shared vulnerability can bring you closer. Of course talking doesn’t mean you have to play out the fantasy, but you may consider meeting in the middle.’



Better grades, better university, better facilities, better variety of people … but better sex?


 


In a video released by The Huffington Post on Feb. 18, two student journalists and sex columnists, one from Cornell University and the other from Brown University, debated why they believe students at high-caliber universities have better sex than those who don’t attend such universities.


 


Of course, there is no actual scientific evidence or study to prove or disprove this statement, but Purdue’s sexual health education coordinator, Chico Jensen, found it to be a discussion-worthy topic. He has taught and given keynote speeches at many universities, including Indiana University, Purdue and Ball State, and experience tells Jensen that what we don’t know might be made up for by what we do.


 


“I’m not saying (better universities mean better sex); I can’t know that,” says Jensen. “But would it surprise me if we did a survey study and it was? Absolutely not.”


 


Part of this opinion is based on a sociological theory he has read about, called the “Matthew effect.” Based on the biblical verse Matthew 25:29, it is the sociological truism that says “the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer,” or that similarities attract.


 


“I think there is a possibility that being at an institution that is more educated across the board might affect how well-educated the students are,” says Jensen. “And, honestly, there might be a lot of people who disagree with this, but because of what I do for a living, I would say knowledge about sex is absolutely going to improve your sex life and your relationships.”


 


Furthermore, Jensen said better universities could also have better sexual education and sexual health resources which could in turn have a positive effect on students’ sex lives.


 


Maxwell Foreman, a junior in the College of Arts and Sciences at Indiana University, isn’t completely convinced of the preceding point, though. IU is the home of the nationally renowned Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction; however, he says many of his peers “haven’t even heard of the Kinsey” but have good sex lives anyway, signaling to him that facilities have nothing to do with sex quality on a college campus.


 


“Well, I’m only one person, but it isn’t like students are (short on dating opportunities) here. Regardless of if you are part of the Greek scene, the bar scene, or even in the dorms, if you are looking to get laid and willing to put in some effort, class should be more difficult,” said Foreman, interjecting some humor.


 


According to Jensen, though, the quality of the university is only part of what determines a college student’s sexual satisfaction. Other factors, such as the size of the university, a variety of demographics and whether or not a university is residential or non-residential all matter when it comes to students finding and having the kind of sex that makes them happiest.


 


Alex Overway, a senior in the College of Engineering at Purdue, said he definitely could see how these factors could shape students’ experiences.


 


“I feel like the average sex life at Purdue is probably representative of most large colleges just because there’s such a diverse group of people that are all bound to have varying degrees of sexual interest and experiences,” said Overway. “Smaller schools might have more people with similar backgrounds, which could limit both variety of opinions and opportunities for exploration.”


 


And exploration is what Jensen says makes college sex what it is; it’s good, it’s exciting and it’s fun because, for many students, it’s their first time to experiment and explore without any parental influence.


 


“It’s why I love (teaching) this particular demographic,” he said. “The overwhelming majority – and I’m talking about (those inside) the bell curve – of college-aged students that are specifically at a residential university in the United States … are Americans who are on their own for the first time (and figuring out who they want to be).”


 


Good sex, Foreman agreed, is a highly variable thing based on this experience.


 


“I’ve visited friends at small schools like IUPUI and (Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne) where the atmosphere wasn’t the same, but that doesn’t mean people weren’t (having sex),” says Foreman. “I have friends at Wabash College (an all-male school) that have zero complaints in that department, so it just seems to be a university-by-university thing, with the size or guy-to-girl ratio not seeming to be that big of a factor.


 


“I’d really bank on everyone just being horny college kids, and no one should have any sort of problem with it,” laughed Foreman.




Exercise may not be high on your radar when it comes to commitment, but you may be more inclined to hit the gym when you discover this interesting fact: exercise can offer a number of health benefits, and it also improves your sex life. For example, it helps to lower the risk of erectile dysfunction by opening the arteries which supply the blood flow to your penis. In a study carried out by the Harvard School of Public Health of more than 31,000 men who were over the age of 50, those who were physically active were less likely to be impotent than those who weren’t. Even moderate levels of exercise can help to offer such benefits, such as a brisk 30-minute walk each day of the week. Research has even shown that exercise can reverse the symptoms of ED. Physically active men also have fewer symptoms of an enlarged prostate than men who don’t exercise. Men with BPH often feel the need to urinate more frequently or have a weak stream or urine, but exercise can cut their risk of developing of this by simply keeping fit. There’s no exercise in particular which works best for BPH, but getting 30 minutes of solid exercise most days of the week is often enough to see positive results. If you’re trying to have kids, or think you may want to in the future, keeping fit is vital for the quality of your semen – a recent study showed that men who work out at least 15 hours a week had higher sperm counts than inactive men. So if you’re more inclined to lift the TV remote than a dumbbell, you may want to change your habits. Men who watched more than 20 hours of TV a week had significantly lower sperm counts than men who watched no TV – something to consider for men who want a family!


 


Of course, it’s not just your health to consider (although that’s a pretty important factor). There’s also your ability in the bedroom itself. When it comes to the strict matter of sex, fitter men have the advantage over couch potatoes. Men in good shape will find sex easier and less painful than men who don’t exercise very much. For example, you’ll notice the effects after having sex in your abdominal muscles and your hips. But if you exercise regularly, these effects won’t be noticed as the muscles will already be stronger and more flexible. Likewise, if you’re partial to the missionary position, you may find that your chest muscles are achey after sex. Exercise not only lowers the risk of a muscular injury after a particularly passionate sex session, but it also helps you to feel more confident and energised both in and out of the bedroom. This can improve your sex life significantly, as you’ll feel good about yourself which can improve both how you see yourself and how your partner sees you. You’ll be more relaxed and less distracted, as well as less likely to suffer sexual problems, as stated above. The best exercise routine for a great sex life is a well-rounded regimen which sees you improve your strength, cardio and flexibility training. So if you want to become a better lover, as well as healthier in the process, it seems the answer is simple – hit the gym on a regular basis and you’ll be seeing positive results in no time.

Having trouble with your breathing can affect all areas of your wellbeing. Something as simple as spending time with your family or working on your fitness can be all the more complicated, as your problematic breathing makes it difficult to chase after your kids or exercise properly. Everyday tasks and once-enjoyable activities become a real mountain to climb, and the sheer effort of participating can put you off even trying to do the things you enjoy in the first place. This is no truer than when it comes to your sexual health; sex is good for your wellness, providing many physical, emotional and relational benefits. However, there’s no denying that sex is a tiring activity in the best of circumstances, and problematic breathing can put you right off even trying. But does this mean that sex is off the table forever? Of course not.


 


No matter what health problem you have, there is always a way in which you can enjoy sex – you just need to know how! When it comes to people with breathing problems, the British Lung Foundation (BLF) has come up with the necessary measures you need to take if you have breathing problems but want to continue to enjoy a healthy sex life (and who doesn’t?!). According to the BLF’s medical director Dr Noemi Eiser, even if you suffer from a lung condition, you do not have to ‘compromise on intimacy. It is important that you talk to your partner about any worries and are open-minded and understanding. Creating a comfortable and trusting environment will prevent stress and shortness of breath.’ Here are a few more sex tips from the leaflet Sex and Breathlessness, which have been recommended for people with breathing problems:


 


1. Try to Only Have Sex When You Feel Rested: ‘Have sex when you feel rested and your breathing is at its best,’ Sex and Breathlessness recommends. ‘Adequate rest will also take care of any stress you might be having because of your day-to-day life and that is always good for your sex life.’


 


2. Forcefully Cough Before Sex: Sex and Breathlessness notes, ‘If at all you are going to cough, it is better to do it beforehand. Cough up some phlegm before indulging in sex and it’ll make your chest feel much lighter during the activity.’


 


3. Avoid Morning Sex: ‘Try and avoid having sex in the morning as that is the time you will be very like to produce more phlegm,’ Sex and Breathlessness says. ‘If at all you feel extremely aroused in the morning, indulge in masturbation or foreplay to release tension.’


 


4. Avoid Sex After Alcohol or a Heavy Meal: Sex and Breathlessness asserts, ‘Having sex right after a heavy meal or too much alcohol is a bad idea for anyone with breathing problems. Your stomach might feel bloated and your breathing will be weaker than normal. You don’t have to have sex all day, so making a fixed time for sex when you are completely relaxed should be a good idea.’


 


5. Take a Break: Sex and Breathlessness advises, ‘In case you feel that you’re extremely short of breath during intercourse, just pause and take a few deep breaths to regain composure. You can resume having sex once you feel comfortable again.’


 


6. Switch Positions: ‘The typical missionary position may exert too much pressure on the chest,’ Sex and Breathlessness explains. ‘You could instead try positions like spooning.’


 


7. Try Home Remedies: ‘Besides taking these measures, it’ll also be a good idea to address your problems,’ Sex and Breathlessness says. ‘You could try home remedies like mint leaves or pudina to reduce cough and asthma. Besides these, avoiding triggers for asthmatic attacks and eating foods that build your immunity will also help.’

Having trouble with your breathing can affect all areas of your wellbeing. Something as simple as spending time with your family or working on your fitness can be all the more complicated, as your problematic breathing makes it difficult to chase after your kids or exercise properly. Everyday tasks and once-enjoyable activities become a real mountain to climb, and the sheer effort of participating can put you off even trying to do the things you enjoy in the first place. This is no truer than when it comes to your sexual health; sex is good for your wellness, providing many physical, emotional and relational benefits. However, there’s no denying that sex is a tiring activity in the best of circumstances, and problematic breathing can put you right off even trying. But does this mean that sex is off the table forever? Of course not.


 


No matter what health problem you have, there is always a way in which you can enjoy sex – you just need to know how! When it comes to people with breathing problems, the British Lung Foundation (BLF) has come up with the necessary measures you need to take if you have breathing problems but want to continue to enjoy a healthy sex life (and who doesn’t?!). According to the BLF’s medical director Dr Noemi Eiser, even if you suffer from a lung condition, you do not have to ‘compromise on intimacy. It is important that you talk to your partner about any worries and are open-minded and understanding. Creating a comfortable and trusting environment will prevent stress and shortness of breath.’ Here are a few more sex tips from the leaflet Sex and Breathlessness, which have been recommended for people with breathing problems:


 


1. Try to Only Have Sex When You Feel Rested: ‘Have sex when you feel rested and your breathing is at its best,’ Sex and Breathlessness recommends. ‘Adequate rest will also take care of any stress you might be having because of your day-to-day life and that is always good for your sex life.’


 


2. Forcefully Cough Before Sex: Sex and Breathlessness notes, ‘If at all you are going to cough, it is better to do it beforehand. Cough up some phlegm before indulging in sex and it’ll make your chest feel much lighter during the activity.’


 


3. Avoid Morning Sex: ‘Try and avoid having sex in the morning as that is the time you will be very like to produce more phlegm,’ Sex and Breathlessness says. ‘If at all you feel extremely aroused in the morning, indulge in masturbation or foreplay to release tension.’


 


4. Avoid Sex After Alcohol or a Heavy Meal: Sex and Breathlessness asserts, ‘Having sex right after a heavy meal or too much alcohol is a bad idea for anyone with breathing problems. Your stomach might feel bloated and your breathing will be weaker than normal. You don’t have to have sex all day, so making a fixed time for sex when you are completely relaxed should be a good idea.’


 


5. Take a Break: Sex and Breathlessness advises, ‘In case you feel that you’re extremely short of breath during intercourse, just pause and take a few deep breaths to regain composure. You can resume having sex once you feel comfortable again.’


 


6. Switch Positions: ‘The typical missionary position may exert too much pressure on the chest,’ Sex and Breathlessness explains. ‘You could instead try positions like spooning.’


 


7. Try Home Remedies: ‘Besides taking these measures, it’ll also be a good idea to address your problems,’ Sex and Breathlessness says. ‘You could try home remedies like mint leaves or pudina to reduce cough and asthma. Besides these, avoiding triggers for asthmatic attacks and eating foods that build your immunity will also help.’

As you reach your 50s and beyond, you may notice a few changes to your physical wellbeing. Sure there are a few creaky joints and wrinkles that weren’t there before, but that doesn’t mean your physical needs have changed – not to mention your emotional needs. The need for intimacy is ageless, and sexual health has actually been linked to good wellness overall and a longer lifespan!


 


According to Arthur Hayward, MD, a geriatrician and the clinical lead physician for elder care with Kaiser Permanente’s Care Management Institute, Many women are surprised by the impact menopause has on their sex life. Some women enjoy sex more after menopause while others feel a drop in interest. Men may feel a decline in their sex drive and may want to learn about treatment for erectile dysfunction. Whatever the situation, be honest and open with your doctor about your concerns, so you can get the help you need to improve your sexual health.’ So how can you continue to enjoy a physically and emotionally fulfilling sex life as you age?


 


1. Communicate: This is a top tip regardless of age, but communication is key when changes occur to your body. As people age, you lose oestrogen while your partner loses testosterone. These hormonal changes may lead to changes in libido, but your partner won’t know what’s going on in your body until you tell him. Not only can openly discussing your concerns and what you’re experiencing emotionally and physically help you both to find a solution; the sheer act of open, vulnerable communication can bring you closer and help you both enjoy sex and intimacy all the more.


 


2. Spend Time Together: Sex and sexuality communicate a great deal: affection, love, esteem, warmth, sharing and bonding. These gifts are as much the right of older adults as they are of those who are younger, so why not take a leaf out of young peoples’ book? Go out on a date to the movies or to dinner, or just suggest you go for a walk. Quality time helps you to focus on intimacy and physical touch, so hark back to your younger selves and hold hands, hug and show affection.


 


3. Experiment: If you find that you’re too tired to have sex at night anymore, try trying it on with your partner in the morning or the afternoon when you have more energy. A low libido can make you want to get things over with quickly, but taking your time and spending longer on foreplay can increase vaginal lubrication and boost your level of desire. If uncomfortable sex is putting you off, try using a lubricant. There are loads of sexual factors to play with, such as mood, lighting and sensual exercises – so try something new to get in the mood.


 


4. Practice Safe Sex: Research shows that rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis have doubled for people in their 50s, 60s and 70s in the past decade, due to the lack of fear of pregnancy. However, condoms are vital for protecting you against STDs, so it’s important to practice safe sex with every new partner.


 


5. Know When to Seek Help: If you suffer from physical limitations or the effects of certain illnesses or medications, you may need to make a few accommodations. Talk with your doctor about any changes that concern you, and he or she can help you make the necessary changes. Some health niggles can be the first sign of a medical problem, so it’s always worth bringing them up.

If you think your “below-the-belt” area is the most important part while performing a sexual activity, think again; the most important organ that determines your performance in bed is your brain! Performance anxiety can damage the sexual health and wellness of any man, rendering him incapable of fully enjoying his sex life for fear of messing things up. So how can you protect your wellbeing against the fear of performing?


 


1. Don’t Be Too Body-Conscious: You are exposed to so many different types of media these days that it’s impossible not to view images of good-looking people with perfect bodies. As a regular, human man, this can make you feel under pressure to meet these unfeasible standards and, as a result, you can lose your sense of self-esteem and even stumble into depression. When you’re having sex, your body is indeed on display, which can make you worry about the odd skinny or wobbly bit and not enjoy sex fully. However, it’s important to note that no woman expects absolute perfection – if you were a complete 10, you’d make your partner feel insecure about how she looks. Try to focus on the parts of your body that you like and, if you really do want to look better, hit the gym.


 


2. Don’t Expect Real-Life Sex to Be Like Porn: As a teenager, it’s easy to get your hands on a lot of porn, which means most men have a slightly warped view of what sex is like. This internet-given sex education can make you feel like you have to last for more than 30 minutes, for example, which is completely unrealistic. Again, not meeting up to these expectations can knock your confidence, but it’s important to note that these things aren’t real; just like images of perfect bodies are the result of clever camerawork, pornographic acts are often performed with several cuts. In fact, research shows the standard time that a man should take to ejaculate after penetration is three to five minutes, so you’re doing fine.


 


3. Don’t Obsess About Size: A lot of men worry about the size of their penis but, again, this can be warped by the viewing of pornography. Let me speak on behalf of women everywhere; it’s not the size – it’s what you do with it. If you can learn about things like female erogenous zones and kegel exercises to enhance your sex life, your partner won’t be thinking about how big it is. If you’re really concerned about how you measure up, the average penis size for adults is about 14-16cm (5.5-6.3 inches) when erect, and the average girth for an erect penis is 12-13cm (4.7-5.1 inches), so you’re probably way bigger than you realise.


 


4. Forget Your Past Negative Experiences: If you’ve ever had a partner ridicule you, or even make some sort of off-hand comment about your performance, you can carry that with you for years. If you’ve had such an experience, this has probably knocked your confidence and, as such, led to performance anxiety. The weird thing is that even if you’re amazing at sex, worrying that you’re not can actually make your performance worse, as you’re worrying rather than focusing on the experience. Remember that every person is different, which means that your current partner might love the things that your negative partner didn’t. Moreover, part of intimacy is working out what each other likes, and improving together. She’s not expecting you to be a rock star on your first try, and women quite like tailoring a man’s skills to their personal needs.

Can not having sex be a good step to take on your journey to sexual health? Surely, it’s better for your wellness to have “a healthy sex life?” We’ve spoken to three sexperts – some of whom extol the virtues of abstinence – to find out how giving up sex, albeit temporarily, can affect your wellbeing.


 


1. 12 Years Celibate: Sophie Fontanel embarked on a period of self-imposed celibacy after years of being ‘taken and shaken’ made her decide she was ‘through with being had’. She’s now written a book on the subject, The Art Of Sleeping Alone: Why One French Woman Gave Up Sex, as she found the experience to be almost instantly beneficial. ‘My backbone was much straighter and my friends asked me if I was in love,’ she recalls. ‘They could have had my life, but they were afraid of my solitude because it could have been theirs. Sometimes you are alone even when you are married.’


 


Fontanel instead put her energy into travelling, socialising and work. She notes, ‘It was never meant to be 12 years. Suddenly one year passed, then another.’ At the end of her book, she meets a man, a friend’s brother, who found the 50-year-old writer – and her journey – fascinating. Fontanel enthuses ‘Young, beautiful girls complain about being single but they are alone because their dreams are better than reality. They are free.’


 


2. 18 Months Without Sex: If 12 years sounds a little difficult, why not take a leaf out of Audrey Bellis’ book and give up sex for 18 months? The 27-year-old marketing executive comments, ‘“You must masturbate a lot.” That was pretty much everyone’s response when I announced my year of celibacy and no dating. Following a miserable broken engagement, I did what most people do to numb their feelings: I drank too much gin and tonic, I dated men I didn’t really like and I had drunken, empty sex. Each time would be filled with regret.’ So Bellis decided to give up men for a while, but how did she manage it?


 


‘It was hard at first,’ Bellis admits. ‘It was all I could think about, much the way a dieter fantasises over chocolate. But it got easier. I found strength in resisting rather than giving into temptation. I noticed men wanted me more – the idea of being the one who might make me give it up tantalised their alpha egos. I eventually abstained for 18 months, during which time I rebuilt my confidence. I oozed my own kind of sexual appeal. Satisfaction came not from orgasm but from total physical control. I began to explore yoga and dabbled in meditation…Eventually, I craved physical contact again and I met a guy who I was genuinely attracted to on all levels…I no longer have sex simply to feel desirable but my 18 months without it gave me the foundation of my sex appeal today.’


 


3. Yes, Yes, Yes: Agony uncle James McConnachie counters, ‘Sex is like a diet: it’s driven by appetite, and different regimes work best for different people. Some of us thrive on shovel-loads of late-night carbs, others go for light protein and fruit snacks, others still are chocolate guzzlers. Similarly, some people like lots of masturbation and partner sex every other Sunday, others insist on sex with love only, and a few s**g themselves silly at every opportunity. Unless you’re asexual, meaning you never want sex, celibacy is a problem for the same reason that diets are a problem: you’re taking a natural pleasure and rewarding yourself emotionally if you defeat it…If I was recommending a sex diet to anyone, I’d say listen to your body and your mind. Find your own balance of health and pleasure. However, be open to change. And say no to other people’s rules and restrictions.’

If your sex life has hit a bit of a rut, then there is a lot of merit in trying some new moves in the bedroom. Not only will trying new things boost your sexual wellness and wellbeing, but the experience of both working together on increasing your mutual pleasure will bring new intimacy and closeness to your relationship – hopefully with a few mind-blowing orgasms along the way.


 


When it comes to bringing a couple together, nothing beats a steamy romp in the bedroom. This will naturally translate into intimacy in all other areas of your life and make your relationship stronger than ever.


 


If you don’t know where to get started, why not try standing up sex in the shower? To do this, face your partner and get him to hold you up, as you wrap one leg around his hip and he enters you. This position makes hitting the G Spot inevitable, increasing the pleasure for you. The fact that he will have to have his arms around you the entire time also makes it feel very close, bonded and imitate. The hot water of the shower also stimulates extra nerve endings and makes it a very sensual experience.


 


If you like the idea of being face to face the entire time, but standing up is too tricky, why not try lying down face to face on the bed, lying on your sides? Being face to face means you can make eye contact the whole time, and stay in a full body embrace throughout sex, too. Wrap your legs around his waist and then he will be able to enter you, whilst you pull his body closer with your legs and feet.


 


Another alternative for face to face is to sit on his lap, facing him and have him enter you. This has the added bonus of improving clitoral stimulation and makes him feel like he is getting and extra sexy lap dance.

Fantastic, movie-like sexual experiences tend not to happen in everyday life – in fact, everyday life tends to get in the way of such romance and passion. It’s no-ones fault, but rather part of reality that time runs out and so does our desire to spend hours on romantic gestures and foreplay. You may find yourself questioning, at some point or another, ‘Is this all there is?’. The answer, of course, is no, or at least not all of the time. There is some middle ground between breath-taking sex and no sex at all – it’s just a case of finding it and improving on what you have already. Forget what the movies tell you; good sex requires some work and effort, not just on your partners part but yours as well. You need to take charge of your sex life if you’re not seeing the results you want. The first rule, if you’re single, is that you need to leave your home and meet people.


Great sex, and even great relationships, don’t happen overnight and they don’t happen while you’re spending all of your time indoors. It can be anything from forming a book club to taking up swimming or learning another language. You don’t need to spend every Saturday night dolled up in order to meet the love of your life – simply living your life is often the best way to find that special someone. But that doesn’t necessarily equate to a great sex life and that’s where taking control of your life comes into play. Making time is the first thing you need to do.


 


There are loads of articles and DVDs on the market targeting this very issue which can help you begin learning exactly what feels good. Do you prefer direct pleasure, hours or foreplay or a combination of the two? If you don’t know, find out! You need to know your body before you can even begin to expect someone else to know what to do in order to please you. Knowledge, it seems, is the easiest way to improve your sex life. You can do this with your partner or on your own. But if the concept of self-investigation makes you feel awkward, take it slow – do some research, set some time aside for just yourself and get to know yourself a little better. You may find reading up on the subject really helpful to give you ideas of ways to improve your sexual knowledge – there are plenty of books on the matter which have proven to be very popular and helpful. And sex toys can be really beneficial in helping you work out what you enjoy and what you don’t.


 


It could well be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself. Learning to climax on your own is the first step towards having a fantastic sex life with your partner. But lust is, after all, essential to a good sex life, so don’t be afraid of slipping into a fantasy and enjoying yourself for a while.Go out, meet likeminded people and have some fun. Alternatively, if you’ve already found them, spend some time together getting to know each other again. Often, in relationships, we get trapped into a routine and it can remove all traces of romance and passion. So don’t be shy in sparking that passion again and taking time out of your day for each other to improve on the sex life you already have.