Building and Sustaining Positive Relationships in the Workplace

 

It’s Monday morning and you’ve only been at the office for a couple of hours. The phone has not stopped ringing, you’ve barely made a dent in your emails, there is a project deadline looming, a team meeting to lead and your boss is concerned and hassling you about the project outcome. Does any of this sound familiar to you? Does it feel overwhelming?

The truth is that in order to be successful, productive and less stressed, you need positive, supportive relationships at work.

Here are the 7 keys to developing them.

1. Foster a willingness to listen.

Good listening skills are necessary in order to succeed in establishing good relationships with managers, colleagues, and employees. While talking less and listening more can be a challenge at times, it’s important to suspend your own needs and reactions in order “hear” what another person is saying.

2. Promote a willingness to work collaboratively.

Collaboration or “working together” is an extremely important team concept. This means noticing and responding to the comments and requests of others. Each member of the team has value and a role to play so if one or two team members attempt to be “in charge” and view themselves as more valuable, the effectiveness of the whole team may be greatly reduced.

3. Endeavor to be respectful.

The old adage “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar” holds true. Showing respect to others, even if they are unpleasant and rude, exhibits a strong sense of self.

4. Respond in a timely fashion.

Evaluate how timely you are in responding to others. Remember, your response may affect decisions or someone else’s ability to complete projects. When you let someone know you have received their message but don’t have the data they require, at least they know you aren’t ignoring them. Often much time, energy and frustration is expended because people don’t acknowledge a message or request.

5. Find a mentor.

A mentor understands the company culture, how decisions are made and office protocol. Your mentor is willing to answer your questions, share their wisdom and challenge you. Developing a relationship with a mentor can help you transition into a company, a new department or a different job. Having a mentor can help you manage and thrive in a competitive environment.

6. Eliminate the negativity.

Examine your behavior to be sure that you’re not a chronic complainer who never has anything positive to say, the boss who yells at employees under the guise of motivating them, or the person who always blames others for their problems. You’ll also want to limit contact with these toxic influences as much as possible.

7. Surround yourself with supportive people.

People who value, encourage and support you are invaluable both in the workplace and in your personal life. They help you problem solve and deal with the challenges you encounter. They encourage you even while asking tough questions. They don’t always agree with you but rather are with you through “thick and thin”. Identify the supportive people in your life and let them know how much you appreciate them.

Categories: mentor, people, positive, Relationships, supportive people, team

Why Building Relationships at Work is Important to Your Career

 

It has been said that this business decade is all about technology – but the next one will be all about relationships. This is how important building of relationships is considered to be.

As an employee, you can make your relationship and rapport building ability your best asset. It is going to be your best job skill and highly useful, no matter where you will be working. If you are going to change jobs several times during the span of your career, then building relationships is going to be the best thing that you learn how to do.

Every day you meet someone new and you connect with someone new. It is best to network with this person, as you do not know how that person can help you in your career. This is especially true at work; always build a good relationship and rapport with your colleagues, because you never know when you may need a professional favor from them.

The Bossy Way

Your growth at work could and most likely will depend on the way you behave with your boss. You have to remember that the reason your boss is your boss is because he is respected by top management. You will do really well for yourself if you build a good working relationship with your boss. They are the one who will let you handle major clientele or accounts, and who is also responsible for your appraisals and performance reviews.

Your boss can be your best mentor. Your boss is the best person to give guidance and direction about your job. You not only have to build a professional relationship with your boss, but it would also benefit you to build a personal relationship with them. This doesn’t mean you are sucking up to them, it just means that you respect them as a person. So get to know him on a more personal level. You could call their family for lunch or dinner or you could go golfing with them; do whatever it takes to get to know them better.

Cooperating with Coworkers

Your coworkers and colleagues are important to your career. The way you work and deal with them reflects on your people skills. The relationships that you build with them can be very valuable. Do whatever it takes to build a bond with them. Help a colleague who is lagging in his work. Compliment them on an accomplishment or job well done. Go to the bar around the corner and socialize with them after work. Have a drink or two together. Get to know your co-workers on a more personal level. It will help you to build your network.

The Client, The King

Your client is the king. Today when the market is so competitive and so similar, where every product is the same, where is the edge? The edge lies in customer service. Customers are likely to be drawn to a company that is better at customer service than its competitors. You as an employee have to build that relationship with your customer to ensure that your customer comes back to you and appreciates your work well enough to put in a good word to your boss.

In an increasingly competitive business world, building relationships can make or break your career – so don’t underestimate the importance of it.

Categories: boss, build, Building Relationships, Career, customer service, personal level, relationship, Relationships, work

First-Time Sex: What’s He Hoping You’ll Do?

Sex may be something which is natural to you, but when you’re having sex with a new partner it can be difficult to know what to do and how to act – are they hoping you’ll be really confident in bed or would acting in such a way between the sheets scare them off? Sometimes it helps to know how to strike a balance and please your partner, even when you’re still getting to know their likes and dislikes in the bedroom. If you’re embarking on a new romance, these tips will help you to make a great first impression.

Firstly, oral sex is almost always a great way to start sex – men and women love it and it shows you’re interested in giving as well as receiving, so this is a fantastic start to what one hopes will be a fun and passionate evening. You should also be active – that doesn’t mean leaping all over the bed like a child, but also don’t lie there waiting for him to make all the moves. Men love a woman who makes an effort, so play your part in the same way you hope he will – it will be more fun for both of you. You also shouldn’t spend the whole time worrying about your body. Hiding under the covers is both unnecessary and unsexy, so don’t insist that the lights go out the moment anything begins to happen. Be confident and remember that you’re having sex with him! If he didn’t find you attractive, neither one of you would be in this situation, so stop worrying and just enjoy yourself. By the same token, don’t stress about his performance – first-time sex can be intense and erotic, but it can also be charged with high expectations that don’t always get met. Don’t assume that you’re both rubbish in bed together just because it didn’t match what you imagined; nerves are often to blame.

Two things are possibly to blame if your man isn’t performing in the right way – a lack of erection or premature ejaculation. Don’t make a big deal of either one if they occur, as your man is already likely to be embarrassed and stressed out about the situation. Make light of it and let him know that it’s normal and that you’re not worried by it. Setting the tone for honest and communicative sex is important for developing a close bond and a great sex life for the future. If you don’t, you’ll make him even more apprehensive the next time you have sex together. Furthermore, let him know that you’re enjoying having sex with him.

Don’t patronise him by pretending that you like everything he does in bed though, unless of course that you do! If he’s doing something particularly well, let him know, but don’t overdo it and make it clear you’re lying – he’ll see right through it and it will cause tension between you. Lastly, save the post-sex emotional fallout for a catch up session with your friends – if he doesn’t want to know you once you’ve done the deed, then trying to ascertain if you’re an item will only be more humiliating. If he really likes you, he’ll be in contact and you’ll arrange meeting up. The important thing is to be relaxed about the whole thing – keep it casual and try not to dwell on the finer details. Have fun with it and you’ll both have a better time.

Categories: blame, didn, Relationships, Sex, situation, technique, time, time sex, worrying

Non-Monogamy: Does It Appeal To You?

These days, everyone seems to be inventing their own way of dating, from open relationships to multiple dating and lifelong fidelity. There are numerous ways to approach passion and love, and celebrities seem to be more and more open to the less traditional route of relationships. But people aren’t simply sleeping around with whoever they want. There are templates for this kind of dating that more people are latching onto. There are five new ways to be in a relationship, according to experts. Here’s a list of what you can expect in the world of dating now, from dating men and women at the same time, to being in love with a number of people at once.

 

Flexi-sexuals

This is the new buzzword for straight men and women who experiment with bisexuality, but perhaps don’t necessarily conform to it as a label. This isn’t just for adventurous singletons, but also for people in relationships who are experimenting with their own sex (with the consent of their partner, of course!). This is almost like a stepping stone for people who are nervous about plunging into a full open relationship status, and is all about the fluidity of a relationship. The other word for this is pan-sexual – in other words, the ability to fancy people of all genders and sexualities.

 

Hybrid relationships

Extra-marital frisson can be explored in a number of ways, but it doesn’t have to take two – you can always just get their consent, even if you can’t get them as enthusiastic as you are about the subject. It’s becoming increasingly common for one partner to allow the more sexually charged of the pair permission to enjoy a little extra-marital activity while they stay at home. It may seem like one partner is getting the raw end of this deal, but actually this way of being in a relationship works for many couples. For example, there are websites dedicated to people having affairs and for people who simply don’t enjoy sex much anymore, it can be a great way for couples to stay together but both get what they need.

 

Multiple Dating

Consider this trying before you buy – the idea that you date multiple men or women, rather than immediately settle down with the first person you meet up with. This is common in cities such as New York, where dating is popular, as opposed to in Britain where dating in this way isn’t all that common. Recent surveys suggest that 63 per cent of women and 53 per cent of men date multiple people at the same time.

 

Posh Swingers

Couples’ parties are becoming more popular, but this isn’t the aged version of a sleazy swingers party in someone’s living room. This is an elegant party of sexy waiters and canapes, where couples sip champagne whilst parading around in Agent Provocateur. It can be popular amongst couples who feel their sex life needs spicing up a bit.

 

Polyamory

Polyamorous couples believe that love isn’t reserved for just one person – this is more than simply having sex with multiple partners. Some poly people have a primary partner who is considered their number one, but then also love other people as well and maintain relationships with them all. If it’s a three-way bond, it’s a triad; if there are four, it’s a quad. There have even been TV programmes based around this type of relationship, something which works for a number of couples now.

Categories: Couples, date multiple, dating, extra marital, love, multiple, multiple dating, nbsp, people, Relationships, Sex

What Are The Consequences Of An Uncontested Divorce?

An uncontested divorce is where both spouses agree to a divorce, and as such have no disagreements concerning usual divorce issues such as the division of property or maintenance. There’s usually no major court hearings with an uncontested divorce and the result of this is less paperwork and other procedures. A contested divorce, in contrast, is one where one or both parties can’t reach an agreement on the major divorce issues, and this can become a complex process which can take months to resolve. There will be much back-and-forth communication with a contested divorce and it can take a long time for both parties to agree on the terms of their divorce. Naturally, however, it’s common for one spouse to initiate the divorce proceedings, no matter how mutual it is afterwards.

Uncontested divorces generally are only available for couples who mutually agree on the decision to divorce from one another. In addition to this, the spouses need to reach a basic understanding regarding the major issues, such as child custody, property division and spousal support. Usually, it’s common for one spouse in particular to initiate the paperwork for an uncontested divorce, and if the other spouse agrees then a judge will grant the divorce using streamlined court procedures. depending on the factors of the situation, it may be the case that the couple is eligible for other types of divorce mechanisms such as a summary dissolution. However, if one spouse doesn’t agree to a divorce, then the divorce is no longer considered uncontested and in these situations, the couple will need to embark on the usual court proceedings in order to come to an agreement which both parties are happy with.

So what are the pros and cons? An uncontested divorce has many advantages over usual proceedings, such as streamlined paperwork for a start. As both parties are agreeing to all of the terms of a divorce, the proceedings take far less time and, thus, less paperwork. Instead of taking months to complete, an uncontested divorce can be over in as little as one month – sometimes, a court hearing isn’t even necessary. As a result, the cost of the divorce can also be a lot less. Less information can also be made public, as with all divorce proceedings, the results are eventually made accessible to the public in county records. But because there is less paperwork, there is less information to be published on the background and history of the individual parties.

 

There’s also less potential for error. Unless new issues arise in the middle of the process, there is less chance that the parties will make errors because there are fewer documents and forms to fill out. There will also be less back-and-forth correspondences between each party, which can be helpful in sensitive situations. This type of divorce isn’t always suitable though, and there are things to consider. For example, there may be limited availability – uncontested divorce isn’t available in all jurisdictions, and a couple must meet certain requirements in order to be eligible. You will need to check your local divorce laws in order to see if uncontested divorce is indeed allowed. If your divorce is more complex, also, then the uncontested route may not be suitable – this can be surrounding anything from criminal matters to property disputes. Such issues will need to be addressed by other divorce hearings.It’s still recommended, regardless of what type of divorce you have, that you seek legal advice from your lawyer.

Categories: contested divorce, divorce, divorce isn, divorce issues, divorce proceedings, legal, parties, proceedings, Relationships, uncontested, uncontested divorce

How To Have Better Sex, Starting Now

Fantastic, movie-like sexual experiences tend not to happen in everyday life – in fact, everyday life tends to get in the way of such romance and passion. It’s no-ones fault, but rather part of reality that time runs out and so does our desire to spend hours on romantic gestures and foreplay. You may find yourself questioning, at some point or another, ‘Is this all there is?’. The answer, of course, is no, or at least not all of the time. There is some middle ground between breath-taking sex and no sex at all – it’s just a case of finding it and improving on what you have already. Forget what the movies tell you; good sex requires some work and effort, not just on your partners part but yours as well. You need to take charge of your sex life if you’re not seeing the results you want. The first rule, if you’re single, is that you need to leave your home and meet people.

Great sex, and even great relationships, don’t happen overnight and they don’t happen while you’re spending all of your time indoors. It can be anything from forming a book club to taking up swimming or learning another language. You don’t need to spend every Saturday night dolled up in order to meet the love of your life – simply living your life is often the best way to find that special someone. But that doesn’t necessarily equate to a great sex life and that’s where taking control of your life comes into play. Making time is the first thing you need to do.

 

There are loads of articles and DVDs on the market targeting this very issue which can help you begin learning exactly what feels good. Do you prefer direct pleasure, hours or foreplay or a combination of the two? If you don’t know, find out! You need to know your body before you can even begin to expect someone else to know what to do in order to please you. Knowledge, it seems, is the easiest way to improve your sex life. You can do this with your partner or on your own. But if the concept of self-investigation makes you feel awkward, take it slow – do some research, set some time aside for just yourself and get to know yourself a little better. You may find reading up on the subject really helpful to give you ideas of ways to improve your sexual knowledge – there are plenty of books on the matter which have proven to be very popular and helpful. And sex toys can be really beneficial in helping you work out what you enjoy and what you don’t.

 

It could well be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself. Learning to climax on your own is the first step towards having a fantastic sex life with your partner. But lust is, after all, essential to a good sex life, so don’t be afraid of slipping into a fantasy and enjoying yourself for a while.Go out, meet likeminded people and have some fun. Alternatively, if you’ve already found them, spend some time together getting to know each other again. Often, in relationships, we get trapped into a routine and it can remove all traces of romance and passion. So don’t be shy in sparking that passion again and taking time out of your day for each other to improve on the sex life you already have.

Categories: everyday life, life, meet, passion, Relationships, Sex, sex life, Sexual Wellness, spend, time

Do Women Watch Porn? How Porn Affects Relationships

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Categories: nbsp, Porn, Relationships, romance novels, sexual, thornton, unrealistic expectations, ve watched, watch porn, Women

Three Steps To The Happiest Relationship Of Your Life

Everyone wants a happy relationship, but sometimes it can seem like you’re asking for the impossible. Psychologists have done some research into what’s required to create the happy and stable relationship we all want, and they’ve come to the conclusion that you need just three components: passion, shared interests and intimacy. You should think of your relationship as a three-legged stool – if you have all three components, the relationship will be stable. If not, things can get a bit wobbly. If your relationship is based on passion and intimacy, you have a romantic relationship. One which combines intimacy and shared interests but lacks the physical passion is known as a companionate relationship, and a relationship which has passion and shared interests but no intimacy is referred to as a shallow relationship.

The passion side of things comes from the way you see your partner – the excitement you feel at seeing them, at being turned on by them, and by sex. But more than just understanding how you rate the passion with your partner, you also need to remember that they will have a figure in mind for themselves as well – do they match up? If you rate the passion in your relationship as a 3, but they rate it as a 9, that could cause a problem. Passion doesn’t just have to be sex either – it can be a number of things, from holding hands to kissing. Think about the ways you’re passionate with your partner, and the ways perhaps you could increase this to become closer.

 

Shared interests are what make us connect with our partners on a more day-to-day basis. It’s fulfilling to have someone to share your common interests and goals with, as it helps us feel close to them. Try rating where you think you and your love are on a scale of one to ten in terms of shared interests, with one meaning you and your partner have no shared interests and ten meaning you do everything together. Then ask your partner. If you’re on the lower end of the scale, it’s not to say that your relationship is doomed to fail. But it could mean that you may benefit from taking up a hobby or activity together, or becoming more interested in what each of you do – if he likes golf and you like swimming, why don’t you try taking part in these activities as a couple sometimes to share the fun?

 

Lastly, intimacy is important in a relationship. But when people think about intimacy, they invariably think of sex. That’s not the only answer – are you close? Do you enjoy sharing confidences with each other? Do you have an honest, communicative relationship? There are so many ways to be intimate with someone, and it doesn’t have to rely on a great sex life. Enabling yourself to be vulnerable and letting your guard down is important to increase the level of trust, and to share yourself entirely and emotionally with another person. Once again, rate where you are together on a scale of one to ten. If you don’t consider your relationship to be particularly intimate, ask yourself what’s lacking – are you not being honest or communicating much with each other? Do you not feel as though you can share your innermost thoughts and feelings with one another? This may be something your relationship could benefit from if it’s lacking at the moment, and is something both of you can enjoy.

Categories: interests, Intimacy, passion, relationship, Relationships, Romance, shared, shared interests, trust

Relationship Resilience: How to Spot Signs of Trouble

When you’re in a relationship for a long time, it’s easy to miss the signs that the wellbeing of the relationship isn’t all-that great. This is why Brent Bradley, PhD, an Associate Professor of Family Therapy, and James Furrow, PhD, is Professor of Marital and Family Therapy, have written about the warning signs of relationship trouble – and ways to build a more resilient relationship through complementary wellness – in their book Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies. So what are the signs your relationship is in trouble?

 

• Arguments Go Unresolved: According to Bradley and Furrow, ‘Most couples have common issues they argue about, but when couples find they can’t get to a resolution of key issues in their relationship, the relationship is in trouble.’ Do your arguments involve criticism, defensiveness, and contempt? Bradley and Furrow explain, ‘When conflicts take on patterns that include attacks against a partner’s character, mind reading, counter-complaining, and insults or name calling, damage is being done to the emotional security of the relationship.’


• You Walk on Eggshells: ‘If you find yourself avoiding topics and protecting yourself from conflicts in your relationship, this is a sign that there is a lack of safety in the relationship,’ Bradley and Furrow note. ‘If you no longer trust your partner with emotional vulnerability, your relationship is at risk… Shared vulnerability is how partners show and share intimacy. When partners stop depending on each other, their relationship loses its importance and closeness is lost.’


• You Don’t Spend Much Time Together: ‘Partners who chose to spend less time together without purpose are often enacting emotional disengagement,’ say Bradley and Furrow. ‘Time is a crucial resource for sustaining intimacy.’


• Anger and Frustration Has Become Apathy and Indifference: Bradley and Furrow warn, ‘Partners who give in to apathy and indifference are moving away from the relationship. Active acceptance of an unresolved difference or disagreement is purposeful. Giving up on an issue can be a step toward giving up on the relationship.’


• You Try to Control the Circumstances: ‘Controlling actions are a common way in which injured or fearful partners respond to insecurity in their relationship,’ Bradley and Furrow comment. ‘These efforts at control undermine efforts to rebuild trust.’


• You Fear Criticism Towards Your Personal Thoughts: Bradley and Furrow point out, ‘A common sign of insecurity is fear of your partner’s lack of care and concern. Managing this fear through withdrawal is a short-term solution to eroding trust, which can threaten a long-term relationship.’

 

If these things sound familiar, or you just want to strengthen your relationship, Bradley and Furrow provide the following tips for relationship resilience.

 

1. Be Available and Responsive to Each Other’s Needs: Bradley and Furrow assert, ‘Being responsive when your partner needs you to listen after a tough day, or needs you to pick up the kids in a bind — these types of things show that you care.’

 

2. Tell Stories About Ways You’ve Overcome Difficulties as a Couple: ‘Taking a look at what you’ve overcome together pinpoints your successes,’ note Bradley and Furrow. ‘Negatives can steal away the positive accomplishments if you aren’t careful.’

 

3. Face Fears and Share Needs as a Couple: Bradley and Furrow detail, ‘The most successful couples confide in each other when life throws a real curveball. If you’re scared that you’ve really hurt the other, for example, step up to the plate and admit it, and then share that you don’t want to be that kind of a person.’

 

4. Reminisce: Invest ‘in memories and activities that remind you how important you are to each other,’ Bradley and Furrow instruct. ‘Make a list of places and activities that you enjoy together, and act on it.’

Categories: bradley, closer connection, family therapy, furrow, nbsp, Partners, relationship, relationship bradley, relationship resilience, Relationships, ve overcome, warning signs

Is Sex More Important To Your Wife For A Reason?

It’s a common myth that men never turn down sexual advances from women, but there are cases where the opposite is true. In fact, some men are so desperate to turn down these advances that they become incredibly angry at the thought of having sex with their partner. So why are magazines and TV programmes promoting the concept that men are always the ones eager for a sexual relationship when the opposite is sometimes true? Male passivity towards physical intimacy is a real problem in 20 to 30 per cent or more of couples, according to researchers. For many couples, the woman is the person initiating sex and trying to get her partner aroused, and the male partner is the one ignoring those advances. It’s a common problem that sex counsellors are greeted with on a regular basis – women feel as though the roles have been reversed in the relationship, and that they always feel the need to initiate intimacy and sex, a role traditionally taken on by the man.

If you’ve been rejecting your wife’s advances, it’s easy to feel guilty about your reasons but have you really considered why you’re doing it? And also, the effect it has on your wife? When a man feels a lack of interest in sex with his wife, she will feel several emotions. In the first instance, she will feel undesirable and wonder if she’s still attractive, both to you and in general. She will wonder if you still love her, and she will feel profoundly rejected. According to the Bible, God’s design is for a man to be ‘united to his wife, and they will become one flesh’ – sex in marriage is meant to be shared, not withheld. And when that romance and intimacy is not shared, it creates a void in the relationship that can become difficult to repair.

Physical intimacy is not optional in marriage, and when you ignore the needs of your wife to cultivate that intimacy and passion, you’re opening up the relationship to a big void. Romance and sex, just as it does for anyone, affirms a woman and helps her to feel confident and loved. Imagine how you would feel if your advances were repeatedly rejected – it would hurt and after a while you would begin to wonder what value you have within the relationship if you’re no longer desired by your partner. Sex and intimacy holds enormous power within a couple’s private life, and has the power to strengthen or destroy the relationship. So it’s important that you find out why you’re feeling this way. Has your wife made you angry or do you resent her for something? Perhaps this is something a counsellor could help you work through as a couple, so that you can get back to building a strong union. Perhaps you have lost the desire to have sex entirely, not just with your wife, and this may be based on a hormonal issue that your GP could help with. Or maybe you need to make an effort to rekindle the romance and spark between you and your wife – maybe you’ve got so used to the habit of rejecting her advances that you worry you won’t be able to go back to how your relationship used to be. It’s important to be honest with your wife though and communicate why you’re feeling the way you do, so that you can both begin to resolve the issue rather than ignoring it and letting it perpetuate.

Categories: advances, Advice, feel, Intimacy, physical intimacy, relationship, Relationships, Sex, wife

Passion Lost? Communicate More With Your Partner

Miscommunication between men and women often stems from the fact that many people, particularly men, equate sex with romance. If their sex life is adequate, they believe everything else is fine, but this isn’t always the case. Furthermore, there’s the confusion about what is considered to be romantic or sexual activity. Many people think of kissing and hugging as a prelude to sex, but that’s not always the case. As a result, when people aren’t in the mood for sex, they don’t want to kiss or cuddle either as they think this is where it will lead. But these actions can help to retain the passion and intimacy in a relationship even when your sex life isn’t tip-top.

This kind of activity can be true of people in a relationship where a pattern has been established that kissing can lead to sex. This is where communication is so important, as the partner who wants the romantic touching needs to make it clear that their desire for physical contact has nothing to do with sexual feelings. Sometimes all we need it a kiss and a cuddle to feel loved and close to their partner, not necessarily as a precursor to sex. The onus isn’t always on the men though. Some women crave romance, but deliberately shut their libidos down once they get their fix because they find themselves busy or preoccupied. They don’t consider what it will take to satisfy their partners, as well as themselves. But this can lead to people feeling rejected and worthless in the relationship, which can create bigger problems than just the desire for sex being overlooked.

 

There’s also the level of confusion which occurs when couples try to communicate with each other about which signs of affection will lead to sex and which won’t. This confusion can create problems. There are two key factors to remember here – men get aroused easily and women can change their minds. But just because men can get aroused by kissing and hugging, it doesn’t mean that they’ll start kicking up a fuss when they don’t have sex. The answer is improved communication, where you need to be able to share your sensitivities and feelings with your partner without hurting his or her feelings.

 

For example, when a man gets an erection but the woman isn’t in the mood for sex, she needs to be able to tell her partner that she’s not in the mood without him getting upset or annoyed. And if she decides that she’s in the mood and they do have sex, he can’t assume that it’s going to happen every time the situation arises. The best way to do this is to avoid fixed patterns – each member of the relationship needs to be flexible and understand that people change their minds on the matter of sex, and that you can’t assume that one particular scenario will just be repeated each time. And it also means that you should compromise sometimes to please your partner. The man should understand that if a kiss drags on longer than usual, it doesn’t mean he should make her feel guilty when she turns down his advances. And she should be willing to hug and kiss without thinking about sex, but be accepting of her partners needs as well. Compromise and communication are the two pillars of a good relationship, and increasing the levels of them can do wonders for your closeness.

Categories: Communication, Kiss, lead, partner, people, relationship, Relationships, Sex, sex life

Why Are Rich People Having Better Sex?

Money, it seems, can’t buy you love but it might be able to buy you great sex – recent research suggests that socioeconomic factors correlate directly with a higher level of sexual satisfaction. This amazing result comes from research by the Spanish National Sexual Health Survey, from the Barcelona Public Health Agency who surveyed 9850 participants to determine the results. After analysing the data they found that sex actually better when you have money. People of lower socioeconomic status claim to be less sexually satisfied, particularly women who seem to be more influenced by these factors. The study looked at the level of education and where the participants grew up to reveal potentially critical differences. Over 92 per cent of women with a university education, for example, said that they were satisfied with their sex life, whereas only 81 per cent of women with less than a primary education agreed. This gap widens when it comes to contraception, where 62 per cent of women with less than a primary education used contraception within the past year, but this jumps to 81 per cent for women who had attended university.

Contraception may not be initially related to sexual enjoyment levels, but for many women, the use of contraception can lead to a less stressful experience with sex, because it reduces the risk of pregnancy and STDs. In fact, authors of the study noted that women of a higher socioeconomic standing tended to use contraception more frequently could also indicate a greater awareness of their needs in the bedroom, and a great ability to develop their sexuality with control. This is an interesting factor and one which is often overlooked in terms of sexual satisfaction – the ability to control your own needs and desires, rather than relying on other people to fulfil your sexual needs.

 

With regards to sex in your own life, isn’t it more enjoyable when you aren’t worried about an unwanted pregnancy or the health risks you could be putting yourself under? Removing these concerns from your sexual experience immediately makes it more enjoyable, something practically everyone can attest to. But there are other factors to remember too, not just our stress levels when we enter the bedroom. For example, the rates of sexual abuse were greatly different, with 4 per cent of women with a university education reporting sexual abuse, compared to 13 per cent of women with less than a primary education. It’s no shock that what may have happened previously can also impact what’s happening currently. And stress greatly differs the figures too. It’s no surprise that alleviating the worry of finances and debts lowers your stress levels overall, making the enjoyment of sex far easier.

 

People who are stressed tend to produce higher amounts of the hormone cortisol and when this is produced in large amounts, it can lower one’s libido. So it seems that those sensationalist headlines which claim that the rich have better sex lives in addition to better lives overall could actually be right, but in a different way. What this study shows us is that socioeconomic privilege can extend into more aspects of a person’s life than we first thought, and it’s those changes which actually influence our sex lives rather than being rich itself. but great sex should be a luxury we all enjoy, and aspects like stress, worry and contraception are all things which can be alleviated with a little planning and lifestyle changes, not just through how much money you have in the bank.

Categories: Education, primary education, Relationships, Sex, sex lives, sexual, Sexual Abuse, sexual satisfaction, Stress Levels, university education, wealth, Women

Are You In A Sex Slump? Here’s How To Escape It

If you’re in a long-term relationship, you may have found your sex life bearing the brunt of your familiarity and comfort levels. It can be difficult sometimes to make sex exciting and passionate when you spend all of your time with someone, but the effort is well rewarded when you do! There are loads of ways to make sex more passionate, and one of the easiest ways to get back in the mood is to talk about when you first met and the things which made you fall in love in the first place – these feelings of nostalgia almost always bring the passion back to your relationship immediately. Once you’re there, what can you do to make things more interesting? Here are some tips on how to combat those excuses for why the passion has gone, and how to make sex feel more exciting again.

There’s too much else going on

In between, work, the kids and your social life, sex is invariably the last thing on your mind. But while it may sound counterintuitive, eyeing up a handsome stranger could be just the thing to spike your libido. Checking out other people puts sex back in your mind, getting you thinking about the next time you’ll have the chance to get steamy in the bedroom with your partner. So don’t be afraid of eyeing up that cute barista at your local coffee place or flirting with the guy on the bus – it could be the best thing that’s ever happened to your sex life. Just remember that the rule is to look, not touch!

You’re never in the mood

There’s always an excuse, such as a headache, a deadline at work or looking after the kids all afternoon that’s made you tired. It’s no surprise that with so much going on, we’re not really interested in having sex. But sometimes the best thing to clear your mind and help you relax could be just that. Sex is renowned for being a great stress buster, it can perk you up, and it can help you to feel more connected to your partner as well which is great for increasing intimacy. No-one ever feels bad having sex once they’ve done it, so next time you feel the excuses piling up, just ignore them and do it anyway – you won’t regret it!

You’re in roommate mode

When you’re spending all your time doing chores around the house, dealing with the finances and taking care of the kids, you wind up feeling more like housemates than lovers. That’s to be expected, but there are ways you can overcome this and get back to being the passionate couple you once were. Making out with your partner can help you feel like love-filled teenagers again, and can remind you that you’re in a relationship rather than a friendship. Often, the amount of time people spend kissing when they’re in a relationship decreases over time as they settle into a long term relationship. So make the effort to keep up the make-out sessions and enjoy the feeling of romance entering your relationship again.Regular date nights are a great way to do this, as it strengthens your relationship and the passion, and also forces you to make the effort to set time aside for each other each week – something that can be easier said than done when you’re in a long-term relationship.

Categories: Advice, feel, Long term, mind, relationship, Relationships, Sex, sex life, term relationship, time, ways

Manageable Steps To A More Intimate Relationship

It’s highly likely by the time you reach adulthood and serious relationships that you will have, at some point, experienced the kind of easy intimacy you have with a friend or partner – when conversations are easy and you can trust the person entirely. But not every relationships begins with such a deep connection, and it can be difficult to build a relationship when that level of intimacy isn’t present straight away. Relationships require a lot of work and they aren’t always something you fall into. Whether you’re looking to reconnect with someone you’re already in a relationship with, or are beginning a new partnership with someone and want to create a trusting and close bond, these steps can help you on your way to a loving and nurturing relationship.

One of the first things you need to remember is that being present with your partner is something heavily undervalued in today’s society. Thanks to the invention of the smart phone, we can be connected to numerous people at any one time – but are we always connected to the people we’re actually with? It may seem like no big deal to be on your phone when you’re with your partner, but when you’re multitasking, you’re not focusing on any one activity overly well, which means your relationship could be at risk. It can be emotionally stifling to feel as though you’re less important than other things your partner is doing, so make time to be there for them and fully engaged in the conversation.

 

On that note, intimacy is created through really seeing your partner for who they are, and that can sometimes be physically as well. Eye contact is really important and can help show that you’re being interested, attentive and caring towards your partner and what they have to say. Eye contact is a key component in how we socialise with other people and one of the most important elements in creating an intimate relationship. It’s a non-verbal, subtle yet easy way of showing that you’re being vulnerable and trusting of your partner. It shows emotional openness and increases our sense of understanding both in and of your partner. You should also be physically open with your partner – physical affection not only feels good but also triggers our bodies to produce oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone. This feel-good effect we have when oxytocin is produced helps to promote a monogamous and romantic relationship. But physical affection isn’t just about sex – it can also be holding hands, cuddling or kissing.

 

Oxytocin also increases the levels of a certain neuropeptide, a molecule in the brain which regulates memory, rewards and learning, called arginine vasopressin (AVP. This facilitates bonding with your partner, and both of these substances increase intimacy. Lastly, simply listening can help to increase intimacy – often overlooked but hugely important. Being emotionally, mentally or physically intimate with your partner begins with you listening to what they have to say. It may sound simple, but think how undervalued you would feel if your partner ignored you and never listened to your thoughts and opinions. It’s easy to become stressed by work and preoccupied by other things in your life, but take the time to sit down with your partner regularly and listen to each other. Be silent, don’t spend the whole time thinking about what you want to say next, and begin creating and honest and open relationship with your partner.

Categories: easy, eye contact, increase intimacy, Intimacy, intimate relationship, partner, physical affection, relationship, Relationships, time, Tips

Could Tantric Sex Lead You To A Stronger Relationship?

Tantric sex is often associated with images of grand, eight-hour sex sessions spring to mind, or some erotic perversion of sex parties, but that isn’t actually the whole story. In our culture, tantric sex is shrouded in mystery, but what does it all mean and what can it do for you? The associations between sex and Tantra is actually a misinterpretation, one that reveals our preoccupation with sex in our culture. Tantra is actually an ancient practice which dates back to the 5th century in India and has been described as a celebration of existence in the universe – a way to improve not only yourself but also the world. Tantra is broadly defined as a spiritual method which focuses on heightening your experience of pleasure in the world, then sharing it with those around you. Historically, it’s been practiced via yoga, where mantras and movements are performed through rituals. Sexual rituals were only really performed by a minority of practitioners, even though that’s what has become linked to the method. Tantric sex, also known as NeoTantra, emerged as a rebellion against the organised religions, where sex was discouraged when seeking enlightenment.

However, Tantric sex teachers believe sex to be a sacred act where you have the opportunity to reach a higher spiritual state of being. It’s a way of opening your heart, making peace with your emotional self and embracing the power of your sexuality. Sexual energy is one of the most powerful energies for boosting your health, and using it consciously means you can tap into a source of youth and vitality. Those who practice tantric sex view the act as a way of truly connecting with their partner, rather than a means of self-gratification. There is no goal associated with tantric sex – the whole point is that you don’t achieve an orgasm. Rather, the goal is to focus on your feelings and the sensations you’re feeling during sex, making you really present in the moment, much as though you are meditating. Furthermore, Tantric sex is not always about intercourse. There can be other sensual experiences such as massage, prolonged eye contact, dancing and breathing exercises – anything which helps you be present with your partner and enables you to fully connect. Your sexual movements and breathing pace will be deliberately slow, and your orgasm is delayed – perhaps not even achieved.

Many people who practice tantric sex claim that both men and women are able to achieve multiple orgasms through practicing lingering and mindful sex. If your mind wanders, you need to bring your attention back to your breathing and the physical sensations of the moment, in order to be fully present. There are various positions and muscle contractions are advised to prolong your experience. And taking small ‘time outs’ to regain your composure when the arousal is becoming too much will help you control the time together and sustain the pleasure. Tantric sex teachers believe that Western society has an unhealthy relationship with sex and an unnatural attitude towards the act. In practicing sacred sexuality, people and the world as a whole can be transformed for the better.The aim of Tantric sex is the art of learning rather than succumbing to lust, and this helps you to achieve a sense of mindfulness and clarity, in addition to building a stronger relationship with your partner. Removing the pressure of ego and lust can help us reach this state a lot quicker, and that is what Tantra teaches us.

Categories: achieve, practice, practice tantric, present, Relationships, Sex, sex teachers, stronger relationship, tantra, tantric, tantric sex

What is Financial Therapy and How Does it Help You?

Anyone who has ever had an argument of debt or expenditure will know that your emotions are absolutely linked with your financial habits. In this stage of the recession, with so many people looking for jobs or finding that the rising costs of living are becoming difficult to cope with, money has become a big issue in many households. Until the past few years though, the emotional side of the situation was more important than the numbers themselves – therapists are now looking more into all elements of the situation though, rather than just the one  side. A new practice coming into play is known as financial therapy. This practice bridges the gap between traditional therapy and finance. Many financial planners are focused on money only and become uncomfortable when the subject of emotions arises. By the same token, most therapists don’t have the knowledge to navigate clients’ financial difficulties. Some education providers are even bringing this subject into the curriculum, such as the psychology of personal finance so that people are aware of what it takes to plan for their goals. This is a growing industry that more educational providers have realised.

 

Experts compare this gap to the notion of diet and exercise. People know that diet and physical activity is important for their health, yet the increasing obesity crisis shows that  vast proportion of people don’t act on it. The emotional aspect of finance is where people get stuck – how do they stop doing something they don’t want to be doing? For example, gambling, overspending or under-spending could be some of these problems. Understanding the emotional side of finance helps to open up a dialogue about it and can strengthen couple’s bonds over money and accounts. Therapists may counsel people on the boundaries they set with their children about financial handouts or making decisions on money as a family. The way your parents acted with money may well impact how you do too, yet these decisions might not always suit the lifestyle you’re trying to lead. Financial therapy can close in on these issues and find a way out of them.

The Financial Therapy Association Network lists over three dozen members who provide services in this area. The field is still developing, and most people aren’t yet aware of the industry as a whole, but it is growing. In a time when so many people are struggling to make ends meet and trying to survive on less money, through unemployment or increased prices in the supermarkets, financial therapy could be the way forward for a lot of people. And if there isn’t a financial therapy service in your area, there is the wonder of technology – many counsellors work via Skype or the internet. Because there is no official certification for financial therapists yet, because the industry is so new, experts recommend looking to the educational background of therapists, or any licenses they may hold. Look at the average number of client meetings they hold, how they get paid and their hourly fee. Are they getting commission from referrals, and is the fee insurance based? These questions will help you to determine how valid and authentic your therapist is. It will also help you to determine if the therapist has any biases. How they approach financial therapy themselves says a lot about their practices and how they teach, which varies from person to person. What you’re looking for may not be taught by one person, but you may find that another therapist can help you.

Categories: financial, financial therapy, money, people, Relationships, therapists, therapy

New Relationships: Are You Ready to Have Sex?

A new relationship can be a wonderful boost to your wellbeing, but there are certain sexual health and wellness concerns to consider. Before you jump into bed with someone new, you need to make sure that you’re ready for sex, both emotionally and in terms of protection.

 

It’s easy to get carried away in the early days of a blossoming romance, but that doesn’t mean you should rush things. These days, it seems as though everyone is having sex early on in their relationships, and there seems to be some sort of “three-date rule” about giving up, but if you are feeling like you’re being rushed into things, you should stop to consider why you’re feeling under pressure. This pressure may be coming from your partner, others around you or even from yourself. If you’re worried that your new partner will lose interest in you if you don’t start having sex soon, the only sensible way to find out is to talk to them. If you feel unsure before having sex, you’re unlikely to feel good afterwards, so only have sex when you’re both ready.

 

Choosing to have sex with someone is often part of a natural process of deepening and strengthening a special relationship. If you take the time to get to know each other, you’ll be more comfortable with your partner as and when you do decide to have sex – and the experience will be all the better for it. Or, waiting to have sex could give you the time you need to realise that this isn’t the relationship for you, meaning it will be that much easier to move on without the heartache and regret (and possibly worse). Good sex means no regrets. If you rush things and don’t consider your choices carefully, it’s easy to end up regretting it. This might mean you end up with an unwanted pregnancy, having an STI, messing up other, more valuable relationships or just wishing you had waited.

 

You or your partner may choose not to have sex for cultural or religious reasons such as choosing not to have sex until you are married or until you move in together. Whether it’s you who wants to wait, or your partner, you need to understand that there’s more to life and relationships than just sex and there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with choosing not to have sex. Still, if you’re not having sex but both of you want to, it’s important that you talk about what’s happening and maintain good communication. It may be because of time constraints, children, periods of stress or illness, fears of bad sex or that your feelings for each other have changed radically. For most of these problems, talking about it can be a massive help. However, for the latter it could help to get some relationship counselling.

 

If you and your partner are ready and willing to have sex, you first need to discuss your contraception options, as well as STI testing and pregnancy. It’s best to get these conversations out of the way before having sex, as it’s less likely that, in the heat of the moment, you’ll stop to ask about sexual history and birth control. You should always get tested for STIs before having sex with someone new, and make sure that your partner has also been tested. Moreover, you need a barrier method of birth control – such as condoms – to prevent the transmission of infections. However, as condoms can be forgotten or end up splitting, it’s also a good idea to double up your birth control with something more regular, such as the Pill or the Injection.

Categories: Birth Control, nbsp, new relationship, partner, ready, relationship, Relationships, waiting for sex

How to Rebuild Relationships when Suffering with PTSD

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) takes its toll on your emotional health, and also your relationship wellness. Trauma survivors often have trouble maintaining or establishing intimate and family relationships or close friendships, as PTSD can interfere with your ability to trust, communicate, solve problems, be assertive or achieve emotional closeness. We humans were made to be together and in relationships with one another, so this outcome of PTSD can further damage your wellbeing, and begin a negative cycle.

 

When you survive a trauma, you can experience a great deal of emotional and physical pain, be it from the trauma itself or the emotional trauma afterwards. Not only does this impact you as the victim, but also the loved ones that surround you. You might not be interested in anything social or sexual, you may feel distant from others, or you may be numb to what’s going on around you. You may experience problems relaxing, socialising or being intimate without being tense or demanding, because you’re often in a state of irritation, anxiety, worry, nervousness or distrust. Plus, avoiding reminders of the trauma, reliving painful memories and struggling with the emotions that come out of them can interfere with your ability to concentrate, listen and make decisions.

 

All of the above emotional and mental problems mean that PTSD survivors and their loved ones often go through problems that aren’t resolved for a long time, as your friends and family struggle to communicate with you, and feel it’s impossible to work as a team. They might be hurt, alienated or discouraged by your lack of progress, or even feel angry and distant towards you because of how you’ve been acting. Then, if the PTSD is interfering with your sleep patterns, your partner may also suffer from a lack of sleep and, as a result, the emotional problems grow. In fact, living with someone with PTSD can cause the partner to experience vicarious or secondary traumatisation, which is similar to having PTSD.

 

PTSD is caused by a number of traumatic events, including childhood sexual and physical abuse, rape, domestic violence, combat, terrorism, genocide, torture, kidnapping, and being a prisoner of war. Understandably, survivors often report feeling a lasting sense of terror, horror, vulnerability, and betrayal that interferes with relationships. This means that you can be resistant to let down your guard and be emotionally or sexually intimate with another person, even if you feel a strong bond of love or friendship towards that person.

 

So how can you let down your PTSD guard, and create and maintain successful intimate relationships?

 

1. Establish a personal support network: You need a strong team of professionals around you to help you cope with the PTSD while you maintain or rebuild relationships with family and friends. However, the support network can’t do the job for you; you need dedication, perseverance, hard work, and commitment to get your relationship wellness back on track.

 

2. Create a safe environment in which to share your feelings: You and whomever you’re building a relationship with need to be able to sharing feelings honestly and openly. This should be done with an attitude of respect and compassion. When sitting down to discuss your relationship or the PTSD, it may be helpful to lay down these ground rules, in order to set the tone and ensure everyone is on the same page.

 

3. Work on yourself: Recovering from the emotional trauma of PTSD can be a lengthy process, and will take more that just a few conversations. You need to continually strengthen your relationship skills, with particular regard to cooperation, problem-solving and communication.

 

4. Have fun: Relationships aren’t all about feelings and deep chats; they’re also about enjoying life together. Make sure that you make a special effort to include playfulness, spontaneity, relaxation, and mutual enjoyment in the relationship, and the rest will come out of that.

Categories: Advice, emotional, emotional trauma, nbsp, ptsd, rebuild relationships, relationship, relationship wellness, Relationships, support network

Could An Unhealthy Relationship Literally Break Your Heart?

It’s obvious how relationship problems can affect family wellness, but you may not be aware how your relationship with your partner affects your personal health. Relationship distress can interfere with your immune system and hormones, delay healing and even affect your mental health with depression and anxiety. According to a lot of studies, good relationships are beneficial to wellness, and can create a stronger sense of happiness. Unhealthy relationships, however, can damage your emotional and physical wellbeing. The question is; are you experiencing the signs of an unhealthy relationship?

 

1. Touch hunger: Clinical psychologist Dr Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, explains that we Westerners are ‘the world’s least tactile people, we hold, hug, pat, stroke, fondle and caress each other much less often than do other folks. Psychologists have suggested that we suffer from “touch hunger” and that this is just one of the signs of our ongoing loss of connection and community.’ This lack of connection can be even more damaging when you feel it in context of your significant relationships, so maybe it’s time to get a little more touchy-feely.

 

2. Isolation within relationships: ‘The sense of isolation is a pivotal concern in love relationships,’ says Dr Johnson, who argues that touch hunger, or not feeling safe enough to touch a loved one, shows this deprivation of emotional connection at its most obvious. Dr Johnson comments, ‘The new science of love tells us that feeling a sense of connection to another is the deepest and most pressing need we have as human beings. Our social brain codes this connection as safety, and touch is the most obvious route into this safety.’ Loving touches releases oxytocin – the cuddle hormone – in your brain and turns on your mind’s reward centres, which makes you feel recognised, significant, relaxed, comforted or even aroused. As oxytocin counters cortisol – the stress hormone – this shows just how important physical and emotional connection is in weathering the stresses and strains of life.

 

3. The (literal) heartbreak rejection: According to Dr Johnson, ‘Partners speak about the pain of rejection or abandonment in terms of life and death. This is not because they are immature or too needy. It is because emotional isolation is traumatic, reminding us of our essential vulnerability in a world teeming with danger.’ When you feel emotionally alone or in hostile a situation within your relationship, research shows that this elevates your blood pressure, stress hormone levels, heart disease risk and risk of death from a major cardiac event. It turns out a bad relationship can really break your heart! Dr Johnson adds, ‘The quality of our love relationships is a big factor in how mentally and emotionally healthy we are. Conflict with, and hostile criticism from, our loved ones increase our self-doubts and create a sense of helplessness, classic triggers for depression.’

 

So that’s how an unhealthy relationship can affect your health, but how do you make things better? It’s normal to go through phases of feeling disconnected to the one you love, but if this separateness causes you to become more withdrawn, hostile or hurtful to one another, this can destroy your relationship as well as your health, and you need to take measures to bring you and your partner closer. Dr Johnson recommends reaching out to your loved one and asking to be held, perhaps with the help of couples’ therapy. ‘The couple therapy I do is a tested, cutting edge approach to healing a love relationship,’ she says. ‘The powerful outcomes it achieves seem to hinge on a couple’s ability to shape a “hold me tight” conversation, where each partner can reach for the other, be held and hold in return.’

Categories: Connection, dr johnson, emotional connection, heart health, Isolation, johnson, relationship, Relationships, stress hormone, Touch Hunger, unhealthy relationship

Best Friends: Should Children Have Them?

Everyone can remember having at least one best friend in the course of their childhood, but the question of whether or not the nature of having a best friend is a fundamentally sound one has struck the minds of pupil’s teachers across the UK.

It is a natural process for many youngsters, seeking for companionship whilst undergoing their early steps into education; but there are growing concerns that by having one best friend, it ostracises other children from interacting with them. As such, there are a number of schools that are encouraging their pupils to have many “good friends” instead.

It hasn’t been the first time that schools have given children the “no best friend rule” – in modern teaching, it has become widely acknowledged for tutors to encourage group-playing, rather than tightly-knit bonds.

For many however, the concept of forming special relationships is a fundamentally human process.

Relationships Expert Judi James explained thus: “Children have usually had extensive bonding with at least one parent, so when they first go to school, they are used to being part of a double act, so it’s only natural that they want to seek out a best friend.

“It’s probably a bit of fear and a survival instinct. It makes them feel more secure, it’s easier to face the world when there are two of you and it validates your behaviour, and who you are,” she says.

There are growing concerns for critics and philosophers that the concept of banning best friends will stunt children emotionally, which will consequently mean that they will have little to no understanding of how to cope with future complications. The mistake, they suggest, lies in the fact that an adult’s emotions will differ significantly from that of a child’s.

So is there a science behind childhood bonds?

“If we buy our child a pet, there’s a likelihood it will die, but we want them to be able to form a bond with an animal. We get married knowing it could end in divorce.” James explained, “Yes, a child might fall out with their best friend, they might get jilted, their best friend might move away – but that’s not a reason to keep relationships at arms length. Children have to learn to survive socially.”

Categories: Child, Child Wellness, childhood, Children, emotional, Friend, Friends, Friendships, growing concerns, Relationships, School