Three Steps To The Happiest Relationship Of Your Life

Everyone wants a happy relationship, but sometimes it can seem like you’re asking for the impossible. Psychologists have done some research into what’s required to create the happy and stable relationship we all want, and they’ve come to the conclusion that you need just three components: passion, shared interests and intimacy. You should think of your relationship as a three-legged stool – if you have all three components, the relationship will be stable. If not, things can get a bit wobbly. If your relationship is based on passion and intimacy, you have a romantic relationship. One which combines intimacy and shared interests but lacks the physical passion is known as a companionate relationship, and a relationship which has passion and shared interests but no intimacy is referred to as a shallow relationship.

The passion side of things comes from the way you see your partner – the excitement you feel at seeing them, at being turned on by them, and by sex. But more than just understanding how you rate the passion with your partner, you also need to remember that they will have a figure in mind for themselves as well – do they match up? If you rate the passion in your relationship as a 3, but they rate it as a 9, that could cause a problem. Passion doesn’t just have to be sex either – it can be a number of things, from holding hands to kissing. Think about the ways you’re passionate with your partner, and the ways perhaps you could increase this to become closer.

 

Shared interests are what make us connect with our partners on a more day-to-day basis. It’s fulfilling to have someone to share your common interests and goals with, as it helps us feel close to them. Try rating where you think you and your love are on a scale of one to ten in terms of shared interests, with one meaning you and your partner have no shared interests and ten meaning you do everything together. Then ask your partner. If you’re on the lower end of the scale, it’s not to say that your relationship is doomed to fail. But it could mean that you may benefit from taking up a hobby or activity together, or becoming more interested in what each of you do – if he likes golf and you like swimming, why don’t you try taking part in these activities as a couple sometimes to share the fun?

 

Lastly, intimacy is important in a relationship. But when people think about intimacy, they invariably think of sex. That’s not the only answer – are you close? Do you enjoy sharing confidences with each other? Do you have an honest, communicative relationship? There are so many ways to be intimate with someone, and it doesn’t have to rely on a great sex life. Enabling yourself to be vulnerable and letting your guard down is important to increase the level of trust, and to share yourself entirely and emotionally with another person. Once again, rate where you are together on a scale of one to ten. If you don’t consider your relationship to be particularly intimate, ask yourself what’s lacking – are you not being honest or communicating much with each other? Do you not feel as though you can share your innermost thoughts and feelings with one another? This may be something your relationship could benefit from if it’s lacking at the moment, and is something both of you can enjoy.

Categories: interests, Intimacy, passion, relationship, Relationships, Romance, shared, shared interests, trust

How to Keep the Romance Alive in Your Relationship

We all want to find that special someone and fall in love, but staying that way for years to come can sometimes be more difficult that we first imagined. It’s natural for some of the excitement and romance to dissipate a little when you’ve been with someone a long time, but making the effort to retain a little of that honeymoon period magic could be the difference between an average relationship and an incredibly rewarding and happy one. If your relationship is going to grow, you need to nurture it and give it the attention it deserves. You need to focus on your partner, but also on what you want out of your relationship. Spend some time thinking about how you want this partnership to progress, what you need out of it in order to feel fulfilled, and how you expect you and your partner to achieve this in everyday life. Often we only have time to get the bare bones of our schedules done, but a happy relationship is important and the required time won’t have been wasted if you really give your love life the attention it needs.

 

It sometimes can occur that you’ve gone a long time without any intimacy without you even realising it, where neither partner makes an effort or realises that anything is even different to how it was when you first started dating. What many therapists and relationship counsellors see is that both partners sweep a lot of unresolved issues under the rug, then wonder why they aren’t as happy as they once were. As with any relationship, communication really is key – you need to be honest and open about how you feel in order to be happy. Consider your relationship like a plant – plants need air and water to grow and become strong. Your union with your partner is no different – you need to give it space and nourishment in order to see results. Try devising a weekly date night where you can enjoy a little romance and fun together. Make time in both of your schedules for one night a week where you ignore the emails and laundry and just be together. It’s important that this happens regularly and that you both make the effort here. The consistency will build trust and a connection which really is the heart of a happy relationship.

 

Another thing you can do it to develop a sense of security by showing your affection in a variety of ways – this may be a surprise visit to their workplace to see them on their lunch break, a warm hug when they come home from work, or simply a complement. These things are small but they often go amiss when you’ve been with someone a long time. Likewise, establish a meaningful connection with them by being honest and open about who you are and what you want from life. Watch your tone when you’re speaking to your partner and how you speak to them – remember that they aren’t just someone you’re talking to at work or in the supermarket. They deserve attention and affection in ways that should be separate from your everyday communication. Changing your relationship may be difficult at times, but with the right amount of effort and nurturing in the right places, it can be well worth it. Even the most secure relationships require work, so you’ll be in good company and hopefully happy for many years to come.

Categories: counsellors, effort, life, long time, partner, relationship, Romance, time

What to do When You’re Not in the Mood for Sex

Sex is an important part of any relationship and when one of you isn’t really feeling in the mood, it can put stress on your love life. It’s easy to fall into the trap of running out of time to have sex, from those work emails you have to respond to, to putting the laundry away and doing the washing up – life can get on top of you and before you know it, it’s been ages since you had sex. But once you put the to-do list as a higher priority than your romance, it can spell disaster for other areas of your relationship too. There are ways out of this predicament though. The first way to do this is to embrace the concept of the quickie. Sex doesn’t have to be a marathon session every time in order to be enjoyable, so why not sneak in a quick sex session before work or on your lunch break? It will keep the passion alive and enable you to keep the romance in your relationship. Try keeping the attention on your partner instead of your mundane schedule – leave sexy notes for your partner, surprise them with sex when they’re least expecting it or doing a sexy striptease for your partner. Whatever it is, keep it sexy and romantic.

 

Stress can be a big killjoy in a partnership anyway, but it can certainly spell the death of sex and romance. You’re not going to want to leap into bed the moment you get back from a stressful day at work, but give yourself chance to unwind and the concept of sex may not seem quite so bad. Spend some time with your partner and relax, before seeing where things go – if they lead to sex, great! If not, you’re at least relaxing and enjoying each others company, which is still important in keeping the romantic spark alive. Likewise, if there is stress in your relationship such as with an unresolved argument it can cause problems between you. Don’t allow your feelings to linger for days on end – talk it out with your partner, get to the bottom of what is troubling you both then move forward. Once you get back to that positive and romantic place in your relationship, you can begin to include sex as part of your weekly routine once again. It’s easy to let arguments take centre stage in your relationship, but they don’t need to. Communication really is key in these situations and once you can create an open and honest dialogue in your union, you will find that the arguments are few and far between.

Being tired is a common excuse for people not wanting to have sex but long hours at the office don’t have to mean the end of your sex life. Yes, you may want to lounge on the sofa when you get back from work, but making the effort a few times a week to spend time with your partner and ignite a little romance will have enormous payback in the form of a happy relationship and a healthy sex life. Make a deal with your partner that neither one of you attempts to initiate sex when the other is particularly stressed or tired from work – this means that on days when you’re really wiped out from work, you don’t have to worry about having an awkward exchange of views when you get back. But don’t let intimacy fall to the side either – perhaps replace sex on these occasions with a romantic night in with a nice meal.

Categories: partner, relationship, Romance, romantic relationships, sex life, sexual health, Sexual Relationships, time, work

Valentine’s Is Over But That Doesn’t Mean The Passion Is

Valentine’s Day has come and gone and we can all breathe a huge sigh of relief. Who needs a day to express their love? It should be something which you celebrate every single day you’re with the person you love, not something which requires a manufactured day to be special. So along those lines we’ve been thinking up ways for you to spice up your nights in with your partner. Did you know that there are certain foods containing certain supplements which are natural aphrodisiacs? That’s right, there are all sorts of foods which you can stick into a romantic meal to boost your desire and have a night of passion you’ll never forget. More importantly, it’ll be a night of passion which you schedule not some corporation.

-       Chocolate

Tasty it may be but innocent it is not. Chocolate is an incredibly complex food which contains certain compounds known to flood our brains with the love chemical, or dopamine. Also, eating chocolate has been shown to be beneficial for maintaining a healthy heart!

-       Figs

Known to be food to arouse the passions in us all since the times of the bible, figs aren’t just the shrivelled foods beloved by the elderly! Ancient cultures considered the open fig to be a talisman of love and fertility.

-       Avocado

Full of folic acid, potassium and vitamin B6 this fruit was beloved by the ancient Aztecs who believed that they increased sexual desire. Use with dark chocolate to create some fantastic vegan deserts.

-       Almonds

Full of vitamin E, magnesium, fat and fibre, almonds have been said to have the powers of potent aphrodisiacs for generations!

-       Asparagus

Not only does it hold a phallic shape, asparagus has always been known to be capable of stirring the fires in even the least passionate of couples. It’s also great for you and can give you the vitamin and mineral boost you may need!

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Valentine’s Is Over But That Doesn’t Mean The Passion Is

Categories: chocolate, Romance, Valentines

Did you know that we’re all little liars when it comes to our romantic lives? Most of us don’t even know it either, we actually think we’re telling the truth and maybe consciously we are but at our subconscious and primal core we’re all about a very different thing. What am I talking about you ask? Why, what we go for in perspective partners of course. Many of us will say that looks aren’t as important as personality; we’ll tout our desire for an emotional connection and our partner needing to be good or intelligent but what we really want is a “hotty with a body”. It’s in-built and not something that we can control. Think about how many people end up with partners who’re nothing like them, the only thing they have in common is physical attraction and I’m telling you now it’s not always a bad thing. Sex is a cornerstone of a good romantic relationship; you’re never closer to your partner emotionally and of course physically than during intercourse and this can very easily supersede all other requirements. Ask yourself, would you rather be with a partner with whom the sex was terrible but the connection was good, or a partner with whom the sex was outstanding but the connection wasn’t really there? A relationship without sex is a friendship, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Scientists have been working to prove this very point through the use of a flash card type computer program which monitors subjects reaction to certain words and images. These reactions are subconscious and occur before we’ve had time to process the information and allow the researchers to get a good read on what we actually want in a partner. They found that what people say they want and what they actually go for tend to be two separate things and we’re often not even aware that we’re doing it! Little liars, all of us! Why we’re all little liars when it comes to romance

Did you know that we’re all little liars when it comes to our romantic lives? Most of us don’t even know it either, we actually think we’re telling the truth and maybe consciously we are but at our subconscious and primal core we’re all about a very different thing. What am I talking about you ask? Why, what we go for in perspective partners of course.

Many of us will say that looks aren’t as important as personality; we’ll tout our desire for an emotional connection and our partner needing to be good or intelligent but what we really want is a “hotty with a body”.  It’s in-built and not something that we can control. Think about how many people end up with partners who’re nothing like them, the only thing they have in common is physical attraction and I’m telling you now it’s not always a bad thing. Sex is a cornerstone of a good romantic relationship; you’re never closer to your partner emotionally and of course physically than during intercourse and this can very easily supersede all other requirements. Ask yourself, would you rather be with a partner with whom the sex was terrible but the connection was good, or a partner with whom the sex was outstanding but the connection wasn’t really there? A relationship without sex is a friendship, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Scientists have been working to prove this very point through the use of a flash card type computer program which monitors subjects reaction to certain words and images. These reactions are subconscious and occur before we’ve had time to process the information and allow the researchers to get a good read on what we actually want in a partner.
They found that what people say they want and what they actually go for tend to be two separate things and we’re often not even aware that we’re doing it! Little liars, all of us!

Why we’re all little liars when it comes to romance

Categories: Attraction, Information, Romance