Non-Monogamy: Does It Appeal To You?

These days, everyone seems to be inventing their own way of dating, from open relationships to multiple dating and lifelong fidelity. There are numerous ways to approach passion and love, and celebrities seem to be more and more open to the less traditional route of relationships. But people aren’t simply sleeping around with whoever they want. There are templates for this kind of dating that more people are latching onto. There are five new ways to be in a relationship, according to experts. Here’s a list of what you can expect in the world of dating now, from dating men and women at the same time, to being in love with a number of people at once.

 

Flexi-sexuals

This is the new buzzword for straight men and women who experiment with bisexuality, but perhaps don’t necessarily conform to it as a label. This isn’t just for adventurous singletons, but also for people in relationships who are experimenting with their own sex (with the consent of their partner, of course!). This is almost like a stepping stone for people who are nervous about plunging into a full open relationship status, and is all about the fluidity of a relationship. The other word for this is pan-sexual – in other words, the ability to fancy people of all genders and sexualities.

 

Hybrid relationships

Extra-marital frisson can be explored in a number of ways, but it doesn’t have to take two – you can always just get their consent, even if you can’t get them as enthusiastic as you are about the subject. It’s becoming increasingly common for one partner to allow the more sexually charged of the pair permission to enjoy a little extra-marital activity while they stay at home. It may seem like one partner is getting the raw end of this deal, but actually this way of being in a relationship works for many couples. For example, there are websites dedicated to people having affairs and for people who simply don’t enjoy sex much anymore, it can be a great way for couples to stay together but both get what they need.

 

Multiple Dating

Consider this trying before you buy – the idea that you date multiple men or women, rather than immediately settle down with the first person you meet up with. This is common in cities such as New York, where dating is popular, as opposed to in Britain where dating in this way isn’t all that common. Recent surveys suggest that 63 per cent of women and 53 per cent of men date multiple people at the same time.

 

Posh Swingers

Couples’ parties are becoming more popular, but this isn’t the aged version of a sleazy swingers party in someone’s living room. This is an elegant party of sexy waiters and canapes, where couples sip champagne whilst parading around in Agent Provocateur. It can be popular amongst couples who feel their sex life needs spicing up a bit.

 

Polyamory

Polyamorous couples believe that love isn’t reserved for just one person – this is more than simply having sex with multiple partners. Some poly people have a primary partner who is considered their number one, but then also love other people as well and maintain relationships with them all. If it’s a three-way bond, it’s a triad; if there are four, it’s a quad. There have even been TV programmes based around this type of relationship, something which works for a number of couples now.

Categories: Couples, date multiple, dating, extra marital, love, multiple, multiple dating, nbsp, people, Relationships, Sex

What You Learn As a Sexual Health Advice Columnist

Have you ever written into a newspaper or magazine with a relationship or sexual health problem? Not only do you learn a lot from writing in or reading other people’s wellness dilemmas; you learn from answering them! We’ve spoken to three agony aunts and uncles, who shared what they have learnt from giving out advice.

 

1. Rupert Smith: According to the author of several books, including Man’s World, Grim and The Hardest Thing, ‘I’ve always assumed people writing in to a newspaper want advice, not sympathy. They don’t write unless they’re really stuck and, to an outsider, the reasons are blindingly obvious. If I’m having trouble, I don’t want someone saying: “There there, dear.” I want help. As a middle-aged gay man who reached adulthood at a time when my sexuality and aspirations were illegal or stigmatised, I’ve had to stand up for what I wanted and wait for the rest of the world to catch up. One of the common problems we get concerns people who are afraid of what their family will think of their relationships for religious or cultural reasons. I always say one of the hallmarks of becoming an adult is telling your parents you’re going to make your own decisions; if you spend your life soliciting their approval, you’re still a child. So what if your beloved is from the wrong faith group, class or ethnicity? You don’t get many shots at happiness, so don’t let prejudice screw it up.’

 

Smith adds, ‘The other big worry is a lack of sex: one partner wants it, the other doesn’t. One ends up feeling frustrated and bitter, the other threatened and harassed. Should the frustrated one play away and jeopardise the relationship? Should the other lie there and take it, hating every minute? It’s easy to say: “Talk to each other. Reach a compromise.” But in practice, this is hard. I totally understand people who look elsewhere for sex: it’s horrible if you’re being ignored and shut out. Most problems can be dealt with via a bit of advice from someone who’s been round the block. But sometimes we get letters from people with serious mental problems. I want to march round to their houses and rush them to the nearest A&E and stay with them until they’ve got the help they need. It’s inappropriate to be glib or funny in these cases and I worry about the ones that might fall through the net.’

 

2. Dr Cecilia d’Felice: ‘What I have learned about human behaviour is that it’s enacted so unconsciously, we often don’t even notice what is really happening in our lives until after it has been staring us in the face,’ says the author of 21 Days To A New You. ‘The stories are always of the same epic motifs: love that’s found, lost, stolen, abandoned, unfulfilled and misunderstood. All these issues reflect hidden feelings that come down to the fact many of us believe we are not truly and unconditionally lovable…None of us set out to generate conflict but until we understand the true nature of love – which can only ever be real love if it is unconditional – and until we understand why the ego is afraid to give that love unconditionally, then conflict we shall have.’

 

3. James McConnachie: ‘I’ll never forget Ms Pony Play,’ the author of Sex recalls. ‘I know a few things about human sexuality, thanks to my books, but I had to look up that fetish. She wanted to groom and ride her boyfriend. Maybe use a bridle. He wasn’t keen…Often, it’s women writing in. Many tell us “my partner does this…” and then ask “…and is that OK?” My answer, typically, is “no!” It comes better from a man, I think. Porn is often the problem. Many women are deeply upset by their partner’s use of it – and by his refusal to see why it’s a problem. My thoughts on porn have provoked some cross comments. I’ve said porn often objectifies, degrades and mistreats women, and I’ve warned it’s addictive. A man who eats free-range eggs and watches pornography, I’ve gently suggested, is a hypocrite. I’ve even argued a man who secretly uses porn is cheating on his partner.’

Categories: Advice, agony aunt, love, nbsp, partner, people, Porn, sexual health

How to Make The Most of Your Sexual Relationship

Did you know that your sexual wellness and wellbeing is integral to not only your emotional health, but also your physical health too? The benefits of being in a loving relationship can have wide-reaching implications for your health. Human touch has long been recognised as having powerful healing properties. It increases the production of growth hormones, endorphins and DHEA, all of which increase your life span and lower the negative impact that stress can have on your body. Studies have even shown that patients who are regularly touched recover faster than those who are not touched at all.

 

Give someone a special hug, pat or massage and you could help to improve the mood and health of both of you. Studies show that those who are loved and cherished by members of their family tend to live longer lives and have fewer illnesses. A loving, meaningful relationship, both with your family and with a significant other, do not necessarily come naturally, but they are worth working on and investing in, as they can create a lot of positive side effects for your health.

 

If you want to work on your relationship, think about it in terms of sharing yourself with another. Share your energy, time and your inner self with your loved one. Look at the life you share and think of ways that you could make them happy. You might want to cook their favourite meal one night as a surprise, or do the dishes to help take the burden off them. You could send them a card, writing inside it all the qualities that make them special to you. You can even buy them a gift, which does not need to be elaborate or expensive, but should be specific to them – something that you know that they will like and that will show how well you like them.

 

 

Categories: health, love, nbsp, relationship, studies, touched

How Are Sex and Love Linked in Your Brain Chemistry?

As well as being a fun activity, sex is good for your physical health. According to award-winning wellness writer Hope Gillette, ‘The act of engaging in sexual contact with a partner can lead to the production of a number of hormonal and other biological changes, which can in turn ease pain, boost immunity, offset menopausal symptoms, and even reduce the risk for certain cancers.’ However, beyond this, there is a link between your sexual health and a number of mental health benefits.

 

Laurie Mintz, Professor of Psychology at the University of Florida and the author of the self-help book A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex, explains, ‘Sex has very potent emotional health benefits. Sex has important mood boosting properties and it also enhances relationship health and satisfaction, which itself is related to mental wellbeing.’ Sex helps you to sleep better, connect more deeply with your partner, develop a more positive outlook and zest for life and be more serene, patient and happy.

 

Another mental health benefit of sex is that it can boost your self-esteem. Sex, marriage, and family therapist, Gina Ogden, notes, ‘One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves. Great sex begins with self-esteem. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it.’ Sex also enhances the trust and intimacy you have with your partner, giving you a special way to express love and create shared memories and special secrets. However, that is not to say that you and your partner approach sex in the same way.

 

Gillette details, ‘Research indicates that men have stronger sex drives when compared to women, and they also have more straight-forward inclinations. Men are driven by the physical desire to have sex whereas women tend to have sex to increase relationship status and the emotions which go along with it.’ Mintz agrees, ‘Research consistently shows that women’s sexuality is strongly linked to a close relationship, with an important goal of sex being intimacy and the best context for pleasurable sex being in a committed relationship. This is less true for men.’

 

However, regardless of the reason for it, both men and women experience mental health rewards due to the chemical release of dopamine and oxytocin during sex, which are the same chemicals responsible for linking two people in “love.” Deborah Anapol, PhD, a seminar leader and relationship coach who offers training in Pelvic Heart Integration, clarifies, ‘The physiology of love depends upon what kind of love we’re talking about. When we first “fall in love” with a romantic partner our brains release endorphins – natural opiates that create a feeling of euphoria. What exactly triggers this response is a bit of a mystery but theories range from detecting a match with the personality of parental figures to identifying someone carrying DNA, which would combine with ours to make the best babies.’

 

Gillette points out, ‘A 2012 study reported by The Atlantic found men experiencing frequent oxytocin release were more likely to remain monogamous during a relationship. What’s more, oxytocin boosts feelings of generosity toward a significant other, another relationship-strengthening benefit of sex. Overall, past research links sexual satisfaction in a relationship to that of general happiness, suggesting that people with healthy sex lives feel more fulfilled in other areas of their lives as well.’ Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH, sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, adds, ‘Sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction are closely linked. When people feel happy and satisfied in their relationships, that may in some ways protect them from depression, anxiety or other health risks.’

Categories: endorphins, health, Health Benefits, love, Mental Health, nbsp, nbsp gillette, relationship, sexual, sexual health, sexual satisfaction

Five Signs That You’re Well and Truly in Love

Family wellness begins when two people fall in love, but how do you know if the Big L has called your name? Let’s take a look at some of the potential signs that you’re loved up:

 

1. You Want to Talk About Not Dating Other People: According to Joy Browne, author of Dating For Dummies (3rd Edition), ‘The issue isn’t a willingness to be exclusive. It’s a willingness to talk about and explain being exclusive. A surprisingly large number of men and women are surreptitiously monogamous, feeling that their willingness to forgo all others gives power to the partner. But when you’re willing to admit that you’re willing to share the power and admit your vulnerability (I really like you and hope you like me as much), not only are you in love, but you sound like a rational, fairly adult soul in the bargain.’

 

2. You’re Willing to Go Somewhere You Hate: ‘The willingness to go someplace you actually hate with someone you actually love — and not be a pain in the neck about it — is one of the hallmarks of love,’ says Browne. ‘When you first start to date, you’re tempted to do whatever it takes to get the date off the ground because you’re blinded by the possibilities. During the next phase of dating, you stand up for yourself and don’t do the activity you hate. This is a necessary evolution because if there is to be true love, it has to be based on who you are, not who you think your beginning-to-be-significant other will like. But once you actually get to love, your need to constantly assert yourself is softened by your beloved’s influence and the sense that you can give because your love will reciprocate your generosity.’

 

3. You’re Open-Minded to Other Beliefs: Brown points out, ‘Any good relationship changes us. If being around your beloved makes you examine or change some fundamental part of yourself, it may not be love in and of itself, but it does indicate respect, a willingness to learn from another, and a relationship in which you feel safe enough to try something foreign and scary. Forget about flattery or hypocrisy. Rather, you have the courage, strength, and energy to examine and experiment with a fundamental belief system, be it religion, politics, gun control, abortion, Chinese food, travel, having children, gardening, money, or any other position you used to consider inviolate.’

 

4. You Like the Idea of Doing Nothing Together: ‘Even though the stakes aren’t very high at the beginning, you might feel that they are, so you play at dating, and one of the easiest ways to play is to do something at all times — either publicly or privately,’ Browne explains. ‘The dating ritual is about finding places to go and things to do. Once a couple is sexual, the thing to do is sexual, and everything else seems just a holding action until the couple can hit the sheets. Then when the initial flurry of sexual activity is over, there is a tendency to want to show each other off because you’re feeling connected and proud. When the idea of doing nothing together is the coolest thing either of you can come up with, you’re very likely in love, because you’ve gone through the other stages of terror, sex, and showing off.’

 

5. You Can Be Yourself: Browne asserts, ‘When you truly love someone, you want them to know who you are and love you for all that you are, not just for who you pretend to be. When you’re in a truly loving relationship, you can be honest and direct and take chances. The tricky part of being in love is that it can encourage you to be yourself but ups the ante that you might make someone whom you really want to stay change their mind and leave if you show the real you. You want your beloved to be happy now and forever, and the only way to do that is to be who you really are.’

Categories: browne, dating, exclusive, love, nbsp, openness, relationship, willingness

What to Do If You’ve Fallen Out of Love With Love Handles

Why are love handles called love handles? It’s not like you actually love them, do you? No – thought not! These unsightly deposits of fat on the sides of your body often cling stubbornly to you, even when you lose other areas of fat. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to help you remove these love handles. All you have to do is include these in your normal workout to help you tone up the sides of your body.

 

If you don’t know what exactly love handles are, they are the chubby, flabby areas that many people have on top of their obliques. You can tone up your whole stomach with abdominal exercises but unfortunately this little area always escapes attention, as it doesn’t respond to normal ab exercises.

 

This is why you needa whole separate routine for your obliques. When you start to give them specific, individual attention, you will start to see the results that you have been looking for all along.

 

To tone up your abdominal exercises, you need an Olympic bar, a BOSU ball, an exercise ball, a yoga mat and a dumbbell. You can make do without any of these pieces of equipment but they would all come in useful for your home gym setup anyway, and can be used for a variety of pieces of equipment.

 

A modified straddle forward bend is one great way of targeting those abs. You take a block in your left hand to start with and then you turn to the right and take a step to move your feet apart.

 

Take a block in your left hand. Turn to the right and step your feet apart. Fold downwards at the waist and then place the block onto the floor, just between your feet under your left shoulder. Inhale and move your right arm up, turning your chest towards the right, whilst keeping your hips on the level. Look towards your right hand and breathe, then rotate your spine while opening your hamstrings and hips. Then repeat on the other side.

Categories: abdominal exercises, Feet, hand, handles, left hand, love, nbsp, tone, Workout

What to Do If You’ve Fallen Out of Love With Love Handles

Why are love handles called love handles? It’s not like you actually love them, do you? No – thought not! These unsightly deposits of fat on the sides of your body often cling stubbornly to you, even when you lose other areas of fat. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to help you remove these love handles. All you have to do is include these in your normal workout to help you tone up the sides of your body.

 

If you don’t know what exactly love handles are, they are the chubby, flabby areas that many people have on top of their obliques. You can tone up your whole stomach with abdominal exercises but unfortunately this little area always escapes attention, as it doesn’t respond to normal ab exercises.

 

This is why you needa whole separate routine for your obliques. When you start to give them specific, individual attention, you will start to see the results that you have been looking for all along.

 

To tone up your abdominal exercises, you need an Olympic bar, a BOSU ball, an exercise ball, a yoga mat and a dumbbell. You can make do without any of these pieces of equipment but they would all come in useful for your home gym setup anyway, and can be used for a variety of pieces of equipment.

 

A modified straddle forward bend is one great way of targeting those abs. You take a block in your left hand to start with and then you turn to the right and take a step to move your feet apart.

 

Take a block in your left hand. Turn to the right and step your feet apart. Fold downwards at the waist and then place the block onto the floor, just between your feet under your left shoulder. Inhale and move your right arm up, turning your chest towards the right, whilst keeping your hips on the level. Look towards your right hand and breathe, then rotate your spine while opening your hamstrings and hips. Then repeat on the other side.

Categories: abdominal exercises, Feet, hand, handles, left hand, love, nbsp, tone, Workout

Lose Those Love Handles Fast: Five Easy and Quick Ways

They may be called love handles, but nobody really loves them. If you walk into any gym up and down the country, you will find that a bigger priority than general wellness and wellbeing is often to lose those pesky love handles, and this can be achieved through weight loss and fitness, but it is a tricky task.

 

Love handles is a name used for the deposits of extra fat that sit around either side of your abdomen. They can seem very tricky to get rid of, but there is hope if you follow these exercises. These can be done individually or (for best results) in a circuit, one following the other and then a rest in between circuits.

 

The first move is a ‘bicycle’ move, and to do this you need to lie on your back with your legs up in the air at a 90-degree angle. Put your hands behind your head, and then reach your right elbow to your left outer thigh (diagonally opposite. Then do the same with the other elbow and outer thigh. Repeat this 20 times. You should feel a strong burning feeling.

 

Russian twists are also great for love handles. Do this by sitting on the floor and then lowering your upper body so that you are only balancing on your bum. Lift your legs up and then bring your hands to your hips. Do around 15 to 20 reps of this.

 

Mountain climbers are also really useful for trimming off those love handles. Start in a push up position. Keep your back totally flat and then bring your right knee into your chest. Then do the same with your left knee. Do this for 30 seconds, alternating knees each time.

 

If you do all of this, and mix in a good bit of cardio, you can wave goodbye to those love handles once and for all.

Categories: handles, hands, legs, Lose, love, nbsp, outer thigh, ways

Does Love Hurt? Find out About Dyspareunia

Dyspareunia is the name given to pain caused during sexual intercourse. It is one of the most common sexual health problems, but many do not understand what causes it. It can deeply affect wellbeing, as, unsurprisingly, it causes people to avoid sexual intercourse. This can affect their long-term wellness, as well as that of their sexual partner.

The most common cause of dyspareunia is lack of sexual arousal. Unlike men, who can be ready for intercourse fairly quickly, women’s bodies are designed to take longer to be ready. When a woman becomes aroused, her vagina prepares for intercourse by lengthening and widening, and it also becomes lubricated with natural bodily fluids, ready for penetration. Attempting penetration before the vagina has reached this state can be a very painful experience.

If, despite reaching full sexual arousal, sex is still painful, it is a good idea to talk to your GP in order to ensure that there are no other underlying health conditions that could be causing the pain during intercourse.

Childbirth, for example, can lead to painful sex, at least for a while afterwards, as the area heals. Women who have had an episiotomy in particular may find that sex continues to be painful for some time after childbirth.

Menopause can also cause painful intercourse, as plummeting oestrogen levels cause the vaginal walls to thin and the body to produce less natural lubrication. There are creams and hormone treatments that can help reduce this unfortunate side effect.

Urinary tract infections such as cystitis or warts, thrush and vaginitis can also cause soreness during intercourse. They are all easily treated and, once correctly identified and treated, should disappear, leaving sex a pain-free experience once more.

Finally, some people can develop sensitivities to condoms. If you feel that this may be the case for you it is worth experimenting with different brands in order to find one that suits you better.

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Does Love Hurt? Find out About Dyspareunia

Categories: Dyspareunia, hurt, love

How Falling In Love Could Make You Fat

For most people a healthy and steady relationship is the ambition. This leads into family and kids, moving in and then growing old together. But the first step is always that relationship with a person you love. This can be tricky for a lot of people, most will achieve it at some point in their lives but people are much less willing to settle than they once were. Where divorce was once an absolute rarity it has now become much more common than living happily ever after. It can be a little discouraging to realise this but the facts speak for themselves.

Most single people will spend a lot more time looking after their appearance than those in relationships. This is largely because they’re trying to attract the man/woman of their dreams but also because they don’t have the security of a partner giving their self-esteem that little boost.

A recent study has shown that love could genuinely make you fat. Or rather being secure and in a loving relationship could. On average people tend to stop watching their figures once they settle down and couples put on around 18 pounds together in the first few years. For many this might be because time once spent exercising gets taken up with kids or spending time with your partner. For others it might simply be that they don’t have strangers to impress anymore. Regardless of the reason behind it, the fact remains the same; love could well cause you to put on weight.

This shouldn’t be something to put you off finding the man/woman of your dreams. If it concerns you then you can always work hard to be in that minority who manage to keep their figure while in a relationship. It’s certainly not impossible to be. The fact is that you won’t have to try as hard to impress the world when you’ve got the stability of someone else loving you.

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How Falling In Love Could Make You Fat

Categories: love, relationship, weight

Divorce can bring a whole host of family wellness issues, one of which being the child’s future attitude towards relationships. There is a direct connection between the wellness of your love life and that of your parents’ during your formative years and even if your parents’ divorce was amicable, you will still try to protect your emotional wellbeing by taking a cautionary relationship route. According to a new study, though experiencing your parents’ divorce, you develop a particular mental and emotional framework about relationships, exhibiting the effects of their breakup throughout adulthood. You accept, and do not question those beliefs, as they are deeply embedded within you and rooted in your childhood, but this means that those negative beliefs will control your love life until you do something about them. One thing children of divorce decide is that they aren’t going to get married themselves, and avoid commitment altogether as they are afraid of being vulnerable. However, this extreme doesn’t help your emotional wellness either, as pushing down or trying to ignore feelings of rejection resulting from divorce does not eliminate them, so that pain will eventually surface, regardless of whether you’re married or not. However, you might be tempted to go to the other ‘picket fence’ extreme and believe that marriage can be effortlessly perfect, so long as you find ‘The One’. This is a dangerous ideal as you set your partner up for unrealistic expectations, and you’re entirely unprepared to make a marriage work. A marriage requires more than physical attraction, it needs a solid foundation of trust, connection, respect and deep love from both of you and anything short of that will fail. Within relationships, you might find yourself mentally waiting for something terrible to happen, so you can cut and run when your partner messes up. However, this expectation may only ever be fulfilled because you put that on your partner, and you sabotage the potential you have together by waiting for them to screw up. You may, on the other hand, allow unacceptable behaviour from your partner because you fear the consequences of being alone. If you saw divorce make life difficult for one or both of your parents, you might decide that staying with someone who doesn’t deserve you is better than separating, which could have terrible consequences. You need to break free of these beliefs if you ever want to have a healthy attitude to love and relationships. It’s possible to create the type of love you desire and not end up as your parents, you just need to identify the problem and work on letting it go. How Does Your Parents’ Love Life Affects Yours

Divorce can bring a whole host of family wellness issues, one of which being the child’s future attitude towards relationships. There is a direct connection between the wellness of your love life and that of your parents’ during your formative years and even if your parents’ divorce was amicable, you will still try to protect your emotional wellbeing by taking a cautionary relationship route.

According to a new study, though experiencing your parents’ divorce, you develop a particular mental and emotional framework about relationships, exhibiting the effects of their breakup throughout adulthood.  You accept, and do not question those beliefs, as they are deeply embedded within you and rooted in your childhood, but this means that those negative beliefs will control your love life until you do something about them.

One thing children of divorce decide is that they aren’t going to get married themselves, and avoid commitment altogether as they are afraid of being vulnerable. However, this extreme doesn’t help your emotional wellness either, as pushing down or trying to ignore feelings of rejection resulting from divorce does not eliminate them, so that pain will eventually surface, regardless of whether you’re married or not.

However, you might be tempted to go to the other ‘picket fence’ extreme and believe that marriage can be effortlessly perfect, so long as you find ‘The One’. This is a dangerous ideal as you set your partner up for unrealistic expectations, and you’re entirely unprepared to make a marriage work. A marriage requires more than physical attraction, it needs a solid foundation of trust, connection, respect and deep love from both of you and anything short of that will fail.

Within relationships, you might find yourself mentally waiting for something terrible to happen, so you can cut and run when your partner messes up. However, this expectation may only ever be fulfilled because you put that on your partner, and you sabotage the potential you have together by waiting for them to screw up. You may, on the other hand, allow unacceptable behaviour from your partner because you fear the consequences of being alone.  If you saw divorce make life difficult for one or both of your parents, you might decide that staying with someone who doesn’t deserve you is better than separating, which could have terrible consequences.

You need to break free of these beliefs if you ever want to have a healthy attitude to love and relationships. It’s possible to create the type of love you desire and not end up as your parents, you just need to identify the problem and work on letting it go.

How Does Your Parents’ Love Life Affects Yours

Categories: life, love, Parents