Marriage: How to Strengthen and Deepen Your Bond

As the saying goes, families begin because two people fall in love. Therefore, family wellness first begins with a healthy and happy relationship, but how do you give your marriage a spring clean? While some couples believe they need to go on a romantic getaway to rekindle that flame, there are actually small, simple secrets to helping you bond with your partner, and boosting your wellbeing in the process.

 

1. Send him love texts: Wellness writer Holly Corbett, co-creator of LostGirlsWorld.com, notes, ‘When we focus on something, we tend to see it show up more often. So try sending him a text every day this month that acknowledges something you appreciate about him, such as “I love that you get me peanut M&Ms when I have PMS.”’ This certainly worked for Orna Walters, who co-founded Creating Love on Purpose, a relationship coaching service, with her husband, Matthew. ‘My husband did a text appreciation month for me after he forgot to get me a Valentine’s Day card one year, and I was surprised that he found something new to write every single day,’ Walters recalls. ‘It made me feel so cherished.’

 

2. Hang Up Old Pictures: According to Corbett, ‘Research confirms that experiences rather than things increase your happiness levels, and recounting shared moments in your relationship can also boost marital satisfaction. Gather pictures of your favourite times together — such as the camping trip you took sans kids or his surprise 35th birthday party — and place your new collection somewhere he will see it as a happy reminder.’

 

3. Look at the Glass as Half-Full: It’s more fun to be around positive people, especially if you’re married to that person. Brian G. Ogolsky, PhD, assistant professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, recently co-authored a study in which, of the most important strategies for overall relationship satisfaction, positivity landed at the top of the list. ‘Our research shows that there are concrete, small moves you can do in your daily life to make your partner like being around you more, and feel more committed to the relationship,’ he says. ‘In terms of relationships, positivity really means those little fun, romantic gestures.’

 

4. Open Up More: You have to create space for openness if you want your relationship to deepen and thrive. Dr. Ogolsky points out, ‘We give as much as we get in terms of disclosure. The more open you are, the more likely your partner is to open up. It leads to deeper conversations and connection.’ After work, carve out time to greet your partner with a glass of wine and see what you end up chatting about.

 

5. Do Chores as a Team: While the most efficient way to clean up the house may be to divide and conquer, doing household chores together can provide a huge boost to your relationship. This is because you’re spending more time together, and can see each other working on this home that you both care about. In fact, Dr. Ogolsky’s research found that taking part in shared tasks was another top-five relationship booster. He explains, ‘It doesn’t mean that you have to vacuum the floor together, but simultaneously doing the chores that keep your household functioning, such as washing the dishes while he fixes the stove, reminds you both that you are working together as a team.’

 

6. Create a Relationship Bucket List: Dreaming and making plans together strengthens your bond, as it reinforces the idea that you’ll be together forever. Dr. Ogolsky comments, ‘You’re effectively boosting commitment by creating a shared future with your partner.’ So whether you want to travel around South America or own your own business one day, start dreaming!

Categories: dr ogolsky, making plans, nbsp, ogolsky, openness, partner, relationship, Research, strong marriage

Five Signs That You’re Well and Truly in Love

Family wellness begins when two people fall in love, but how do you know if the Big L has called your name? Let’s take a look at some of the potential signs that you’re loved up:

 

1. You Want to Talk About Not Dating Other People: According to Joy Browne, author of Dating For Dummies (3rd Edition), ‘The issue isn’t a willingness to be exclusive. It’s a willingness to talk about and explain being exclusive. A surprisingly large number of men and women are surreptitiously monogamous, feeling that their willingness to forgo all others gives power to the partner. But when you’re willing to admit that you’re willing to share the power and admit your vulnerability (I really like you and hope you like me as much), not only are you in love, but you sound like a rational, fairly adult soul in the bargain.’

 

2. You’re Willing to Go Somewhere You Hate: ‘The willingness to go someplace you actually hate with someone you actually love — and not be a pain in the neck about it — is one of the hallmarks of love,’ says Browne. ‘When you first start to date, you’re tempted to do whatever it takes to get the date off the ground because you’re blinded by the possibilities. During the next phase of dating, you stand up for yourself and don’t do the activity you hate. This is a necessary evolution because if there is to be true love, it has to be based on who you are, not who you think your beginning-to-be-significant other will like. But once you actually get to love, your need to constantly assert yourself is softened by your beloved’s influence and the sense that you can give because your love will reciprocate your generosity.’

 

3. You’re Open-Minded to Other Beliefs: Brown points out, ‘Any good relationship changes us. If being around your beloved makes you examine or change some fundamental part of yourself, it may not be love in and of itself, but it does indicate respect, a willingness to learn from another, and a relationship in which you feel safe enough to try something foreign and scary. Forget about flattery or hypocrisy. Rather, you have the courage, strength, and energy to examine and experiment with a fundamental belief system, be it religion, politics, gun control, abortion, Chinese food, travel, having children, gardening, money, or any other position you used to consider inviolate.’

 

4. You Like the Idea of Doing Nothing Together: ‘Even though the stakes aren’t very high at the beginning, you might feel that they are, so you play at dating, and one of the easiest ways to play is to do something at all times — either publicly or privately,’ Browne explains. ‘The dating ritual is about finding places to go and things to do. Once a couple is sexual, the thing to do is sexual, and everything else seems just a holding action until the couple can hit the sheets. Then when the initial flurry of sexual activity is over, there is a tendency to want to show each other off because you’re feeling connected and proud. When the idea of doing nothing together is the coolest thing either of you can come up with, you’re very likely in love, because you’ve gone through the other stages of terror, sex, and showing off.’

 

5. You Can Be Yourself: Browne asserts, ‘When you truly love someone, you want them to know who you are and love you for all that you are, not just for who you pretend to be. When you’re in a truly loving relationship, you can be honest and direct and take chances. The tricky part of being in love is that it can encourage you to be yourself but ups the ante that you might make someone whom you really want to stay change their mind and leave if you show the real you. You want your beloved to be happy now and forever, and the only way to do that is to be who you really are.’

Categories: browne, dating, exclusive, love, nbsp, openness, relationship, willingness

Three Secrets to Strengthening Your Relationships

Is there a secret to building and strengthening your relationships? Whether it’s because of the pressure of a hard day, a bad situation, or even for no apparent reason at all, you can often push the people you care about away with your attitude. There’s a direct link between your emotional health and your relationship wellness, so how do you nurture your relationships? You look after your own wellbeing. That is not to say that you look out for number one; rather, you need to create a fertile ground for self-care, which will provide the building blocks for your important relationships.

 

Firstly, be authentic and real. You need to speak your truth, albeit without being hurtful to another person. In the words of Ambrose Bierce, ‘Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.’ Before being honest with someone, take a few deep breaths to feel calm and clear so that you will speak with greater thought and care, regardless of the message to be delivered. If you have a problem in your relationship, use a “kindness sandwich” to deliver your message – beginning and ending with something positive, but expressing the problem in between. For example, ‘I love hanging out with you. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t cancel at the last-minute. I think that would help both of us to feel less stressed.’

 

Next, be compassionate to yourself so that you can then be compassionate towards other. You’re always the hardest on yourself, but the overflow of your negativity can affect others too. If your child or a loved one made a mistake or fell short of expectations, would you be this hard on them? Of course not, so cut yourself some slack! Recognise who you really are, including strengths. No one is perfect, so if you are doing the best that you can, be kind to yourself. This has a way of being contagious, and opens space for others to do the same.

 

Finally, cultivate a disposition of curiosity and openness, rather than judgement. Judgment and criticism can be toxic to any relationship, and it is much more compelling and informative to listen carefully when someone is speaking to you. If you know your friend well, you might assume you know what he or she is going to say. However, if you remain open to the possibilities, you may find yourself surprised by the outcome.

Categories: compassion, openness, truth