How to Talk To A Friend About Their Substance Abuse

 

If your friend is suffering from a substance abuse disorder, you do not have to stand by and watch them destroy themselves and their relationships. By taking a proactive approach, you can help them get back on track to a better quality of life. Here is how to talk to a friend who is abusing substances.

 

1. Analyze the situation.

Although you are probably eager to talk to your friend about your concerns, you should first carefully analyze the situation so you know the best way to tackle the topic. Does your friend increasingly have problems with relationships, finances and the law due to their habit? How has their substance abuse been affecting you specifically? Also, speak to mutual friends and family members of the substance abuser to confirm that they have noticed the same issues.

 

2. Tell your friend how you feel.

In a place where you are unlikely to be overheard or interrupted, express your concerns to your friend. Have a prepared list that details the negative effects their substance abuse has been causing for them and others. Florida Attorneys Andrew Moses and Jay Rooth say substance abusers typically do not realize how many people can be harmed by their actions, especially if they have a habit of getting behind the wheel while under the influence. Bringing this situation into the open is essential to break through the wall your friend may have constructed to hide the substance abuse.

 

3. Avoid making your friend feel defensive.

Defensiveness is likely to result if you are accusatory or argumentative. Talk about the actions of your friend in relation to the substance abuse instead of assassinating their character. For example, tell them how much they mean to you and explain that you blame their behavior on the addiction rather than their intrinsic character. Avoid using inflammatory words that might upset them and cause them to shut you out.

4. Encourage your friend to get help.

You should enter this conversation with resources in mind that might help your friend escape from addiction. For example, substance abuse counselors and rehab clinics that are experienced in treating physical and mental aspects of substance cessation can be valuable. Tell your friend that you recognize the challenges they are facing and that they can count on you for support.

 

If your friend initially rejects your concerns, do not give up. Throughout this process, you can be a key element of their successful recovery. Knowing that their pattern of destructive behavior is no longer secret, your friend may begin to realize how damaging this behavior is and how much they can benefit from the resources you have suggested.

 

Categories: Friend, substance abuse, talk

Helping a Friend with Depression

 

If you know someone who is suffering from depression it can be difficult to know how best to help. Perhaps you feel they should talk about their problems but then find they won’t open up to you. Or maybe you think getting out of the house will make them feel better but find they turn your invites down. Well, the truth is that depression can be very complicated and often there isn’t a simple way in which to help so you shouldn’t take it personally if they reject your company or refuse your assistance. There are however some practical steps you can take to help a friend with depression.

 

If your friend hasn’t already spoken to professionals about their depression, you can encourage them to seek advice. Some people are worried about asking for help but you can reassure them that a GP or counsellor will have seen lots of people suffering with the same issues and will be able to provide practical support.

 

Simply being available is important. Even if your friend is shutting themselves away from the world they will feel reassured to know that you are there so continue to offer to chat even if they turn you down. If they won’t pick up the phone, perhaps send a card every now and again to let them know you are thinking of them.

 

If a friend is struggling with daily life, they may need practical support such as help with grocery shopping or laundry. You may want to offer to help with small tasks but be ready to back off if they would rather be alone.

 

For more advice about depression, visit: www.mind.org.uk

Categories: depression, Friend, Helping

Fakebook: Is the Internet Getting in the Way of Friendships?

These days, there are plenty of articles about taking care of your wellbeing through diet, exercise and enhancing your relationship and sexual health, but what about friendships? Why do you stop talking about making friends once you reach adulthood? Forging and maintaining real bonds has been proven to be vital to your health and happiness, but, according to wellness writer Meirav Devash, you’ve lost sight of how to do it.

 

Devash details, ‘The last time I checked, I had 643 Facebook friends and 1124 Twitter followers. To me, it feels like a pretty exclusive group. But when a lazy evening rolls around and I realise there’s no one I can invite over for an impromptu TV night, I pine for when I may have had only a half-dozen friends but saw them often and in person.’ This is no singular case, says Andrea Bonior, an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University, US, and writer of Psychology Today’s Friendship 2.0 blog. According to Bonior, research has shown that we are ‘collecting more acquaintances but don’t really have time for true friendships. We’re actually starting to get lonelier.’

 

The internet has made it easier to stay in touch with people, but a touch – or “poke” –  is really all you get. A recent poll by digital marketing firm Performics found that nearly 40% of us feel more comfortable socialising online than face-to-face. Bonior asks, ‘How many of the friends hanging around in your feed would you bother to ask to brunch?’ Not only is there something nice about meeting in person rather than chatting online; it’s good for your health. Devash notes, ‘Numerous studies have shown that hanging with the gals can lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of depression and create a sense of wellbeing.’ So how do you step up your friendship game?

 

1. Don’t Let Online Friends Take Up All Your Time: Carlin Flora, author of Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are, comments, ‘Checking Twitter and Facebook can eat into time you might have otherwise spent with a close friend.’

 

2. Follow Up Sooner: You don’t end a great date by saying “We should do it again sometime,” and then letting it go for three months, so why do you do that with your friends? Life coach Shasta Nelson, author of Friendships Don’t Just Happen!, points out, ‘It takes six to eight connections with somebody before we start considering her a friend.’ This means that if you meet up once a month, it’ll take over half a year before you consider yourselves close. Nelson enthuses ‘But if you meet with the same person over and over again, chances are high that you’ll forge a meaningful friendship.’

 

3. Make the Gesture: ‘Meaningful actions can mark you as a great friend, so jump in and be the one who throws her a 35th-birthday bash or drives four hours to attend her aunt’s funeral,  Devash advises. ‘When former publishing executive Rachel Guidera’s home and most of her possessions were damaged by a cyclone, her friend Corrine Butler Thompson immediately started a fundraising campaign to help out – and raised more than $10,000.’

 

4. Pick Up the Phone: Flora recommends, ‘Force yourself to have one long, meandering, laughter-filled phone call with a close friend at least once a month, whether she lives close by or far away.’ Studies show that this can lower your body’s levels of the stress hormone cortisol and increase your levels of anxiety-reducing hormone oxytocin. Seeing as stress is the gateway to a myriad of health problems, it seems like one phone call is worth the effort!

Categories: close friend, Friend, Friends, Friendships, Health Benefits, nbsp, Social Media, time

Best Friends: Should Children Have Them?

Everyone can remember having at least one best friend in the course of their childhood, but the question of whether or not the nature of having a best friend is a fundamentally sound one has struck the minds of pupil’s teachers across the UK.

It is a natural process for many youngsters, seeking for companionship whilst undergoing their early steps into education; but there are growing concerns that by having one best friend, it ostracises other children from interacting with them. As such, there are a number of schools that are encouraging their pupils to have many “good friends” instead.

It hasn’t been the first time that schools have given children the “no best friend rule” – in modern teaching, it has become widely acknowledged for tutors to encourage group-playing, rather than tightly-knit bonds.

For many however, the concept of forming special relationships is a fundamentally human process.

Relationships Expert Judi James explained thus: “Children have usually had extensive bonding with at least one parent, so when they first go to school, they are used to being part of a double act, so it’s only natural that they want to seek out a best friend.

“It’s probably a bit of fear and a survival instinct. It makes them feel more secure, it’s easier to face the world when there are two of you and it validates your behaviour, and who you are,” she says.

There are growing concerns for critics and philosophers that the concept of banning best friends will stunt children emotionally, which will consequently mean that they will have little to no understanding of how to cope with future complications. The mistake, they suggest, lies in the fact that an adult’s emotions will differ significantly from that of a child’s.

So is there a science behind childhood bonds?

“If we buy our child a pet, there’s a likelihood it will die, but we want them to be able to form a bond with an animal. We get married knowing it could end in divorce.” James explained, “Yes, a child might fall out with their best friend, they might get jilted, their best friend might move away – but that’s not a reason to keep relationships at arms length. Children have to learn to survive socially.”

Categories: Child, Child Wellness, childhood, Children, emotional, Friend, Friends, Friendships, growing concerns, Relationships, School

Bossy Friends: Is Working for a Mate Ever a Good Idea?

Anyone who’s ever sat around drinking wine with a good friend has probably come up with some business idea they could do together. “We should start a bar!” or “Come work for me!” are commonly thrown about phrases around 11pm, but what happens when the deal is actually on the table? Is it ever a good idea to mix business and friendship?

Having a friend who’s your boss seems like the perfect recipe for corporate wellness, but there’s a lot to consider before you commit to an extra 40 hours a week with your pal. Firstly, the good thing about working for a friend is that she’ll know your career aspirations, your strengths and your weaknesses. If she isn’t aware that cold calls put you in a cold sweat, it’s good to have an informal discussion about it before you go ahead and make things official.

However, you can’t expect special treatment just because you’re friends with the boss, so don’t be surprised if, now and again, you’ll be asked to do some things outside of your area of expertise. Your friend wants the best for you and your wellbeing, but, at the end of the day, the wellness of her business has to take priority between the hours of nine and five. As an employee, you have to help make that happen, just like everyone else on the team.

Working for your friend means it will be a lot easier to communicate and share ideas, which can set the standard for a very productive and comfortable work environment. However, when it comes to the tough stuff, discussing it with a friend may be problematic. If you’re not satisfied with a portion of your job, your friend’s management style, or your salary, there will likely be an element of awkwardness when it comes time to have a serious conversation about it, and the same goes if your friend needs to talk to you about your performance. How would you feel about humbly accepting her criticism?

Finally, it’s likely that your friend offered you a job because she knows you’re altogether deserving of the salary she’s paying you, which means she trusts you and you’ll have immediate access to the boss to collaborate on big projects and provide important input. Yet, it’s important to remember that she’s in charge, and will always have the final word. You can voice your opinion about how strongly you disagree with her, but in many cases, you’ll have to be prepared to take a step back and regard her as the boss.

Bossy Friends: Is Working for a Mate Ever a Good Idea?

Categories: boss, Friend, Pros and Cons

What Gifts are Good to Give Friends with Arthritis?

Rheumatoid arthritis comes with certain limitations, such as difficulty holding pens or doing up buttons, and so that nice stationary set or item of clothing you were going to buy for your friend may not be the best thing for their wellness. If you have a friend with rheumatoid arthritis – and a birthday coming up – there are many gifts you can give them that can help improve their wellbeing.

Firstly, get to know about the types of limitation that your friend has to deal with. Does he or she have a problem using regular utensils to prepare meals and to eat, or is that fine but reaching for items in their kitchen cupboards is a challenge? Once you have the low-down on their condition, there are several shops online that provide a wide range of items to help someone with rheumatoid arthritis cope with physical challenges.

Your friend might appreciate eating utensils with special grip handles that make them easier to hold and use or knives that work with a rocking motion – as these will greatly reduce stress on your friend’s hands and wrist. for gardening enthusiasts, tools with special grips or extra-long handles might be a good idea, or your friend might like a reacher or grabber which allows them to extend their reach and retrieve items. You can also buy door knob grippers, which make it easier to turn regular door knobs, special cushions that can be put on pens and pencils, and dressing aids, such as button hooks, zip pulls, and shoe horns.

If your friend struggles buttoning clothing, or has items that are difficult to put on, how about giving them a voucher to have the clothing altered by a professional tailor or seamstress? You could even do the alterations yourself if you are handy with a needle and thread – all you need is a few Velcro brand fasteners. Other vouchers your friend might appreciate include ones for lawn services, cleaning services, maintenance services, food shopping delivery or a catered or home-cooked meal once a month. You could also help them with a voucher for a massage, gym or fitness club membership, tai chi classes, hair salon services or even a spa day.

 

What Gifts are Good to Give Friends with Arthritis?

Categories: Arthritis, Friend, gifts, items, Rheumatoid Arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis (RA), services, special, Vouchers