Hiii
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Going on holiday with friends can be a great experience. It gives you more people to socialise with and if you are travelling with children, you can share baby-sitting duties. Travelling with friends is also a good way to cut the cost of expensive holidays as you can often get better deals when more people travel together. However, going on holiday with friends for the first time can also have its stressful moments and no matter how well you usually get on, suddenly being thrust into close proximity for seven days or more can put a real strain on your friendship.
The key to a successful holiday with friends is to address potential issues before you set off. Have a meeting before you travel to talk about what you are expecting from the holiday. It might sound boring but it could save your friendship. Things to consider include:
Will you spend each day together as a group, or just socialise together in the evenings? Make sure you know what your friends’ ideal holiday is before you agree to go. Some people’s idea of heaven is lazing by the pool every day whilst others might prefer to pack each day with a full itinerary of sightseeing and adventure. There’s no reason why you have to do the same things each day but it’s better to let your friends know what you intend before you go so that no-one gets upset if you aren’t together all the time.
If you are taking children, tensions can often occur if you and your friends have different approaches to parenting. For example, one set of parents might think that children should be allowed to stay up late when on holiday whilst others might believe that it’s best for them to go to bed at their usual time. It’s also a good idea to establish rules for the kids. You don’t want one set of parents telling their kids they can’t have ice-cream every day whilst the others are letting their kids eat as many as they like.
Money can be a big source of tension when on holiday. Some people think that holidays are a time to blow the budget; eating out every night and enjoying expensive sightseeing trips. This is fine if all the people in your party can afford to do the same things but if some need to keep an eye on expenses, they may be reluctant to join in. Talk about budgets before you go to prevent tensions arising once you are away.
Remember holidays should be a time to enjoy spending each day exactly as you choose so don’t feel you have to join in activities just to please your friends. In fact, it can be a good idea to spend a chunk of time each day apart – that way you’ll have plenty to talk about when you meet up again in the evening.
You can find money saving holiday tips at: www.moneysavingexpert.com/travel/
It is sometimes said that the only person who can get you to kick an addiction is yourself. While that is certainly true in a narrow sense, the fact is that no one quits a bad habit in a social vacuum. You need the help and support of those around you. There are always other people involved in any major undertaking in life, with addiction recovery being no exception. Knowing how other people can effectively support your efforts to kick an addiction can make the difference between success and failure.
Professional Support
The techniques and programs for overcoming addicting vary widely, and it is not the intention here to identifying specifically who or what kind of professional people you will encounter. But whatever the program of recovery, it will be certain to include at least some people who are serving in a professional capacity and that are there to help you. These are people who are either medical experts or who have had extensive experience in overcoming your area of addiction.
How helpful such professionals may be to you in your journey of recovery may vary widely, but all of them will have at least a little insight to offer. Don’t be afraid to listen and learn from each of them. Going into any meeting with an open mind can be one of the hardest things but if it is done this attitude can help further your recovery immensely
Support From Friends
The role of friends can be a tricky one in kicking an addiction. Certainly friends who are still addicted can play a negative role by either directly or indirectly encouraging a return to the addictive lifestyle. Yet, other friends, perhaps ones you fell out of touch with in your most addictive phase, may now be ready to re-enter your life in a positive way.
Sometimes it may require making new friends outside the circle of acquaintances you had when addicted. But whether old friends or new, it is important to have people you can socialize with who will not place you in danger of relapse. Friends like these can be found in programs like those at Women’s Recovery Center as you can certainly relate with other people in the program. Don’t be afraid to go outside your comfort zone when attempting to make new friends. Not only can friends offer you encouragement to stay addiction free, but they also provide a crucial distraction from dwelling too much on addiction issues.
Family Support
Regardless of how you feel about your family they most certainly only want what is best for you and most family members are willing to go to any lengths to help a loved one kick an addiction. Communicating with family members often can lead to a unknown strength you didn’t know you had. This interaction will keep your mind on what is really important and can provide support when you desperately want to relapse.
Support is Essential
While the decision to overcome an addiction is often a very personal one, the process of becoming addiction free is in many ways a group effort. Building a new life free of addiction requires having others who can advise you, provide you with new opportunities and give you better alternatives to former, unhealthy relationships. Therefore, try to cultivate both professional and informal support networks that can both guide you onto a new path in life and help you stick to it.
These days, there are plenty of articles about taking care of your wellbeing through diet, exercise and enhancing your relationship and sexual health, but what about friendships? Why do you stop talking about making friends once you reach adulthood? Forging and maintaining real bonds has been proven to be vital to your health and happiness, but, according to wellness writer Meirav Devash, you’ve lost sight of how to do it.
Devash details, ‘The last time I checked, I had 643 Facebook friends and 1124 Twitter followers. To me, it feels like a pretty exclusive group. But when a lazy evening rolls around and I realise there’s no one I can invite over for an impromptu TV night, I pine for when I may have had only a half-dozen friends but saw them often and in person.’ This is no singular case, says Andrea Bonior, an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University, US, and writer of Psychology Today’s Friendship 2.0 blog. According to Bonior, research has shown that we are ‘collecting more acquaintances but don’t really have time for true friendships. We’re actually starting to get lonelier.’
The internet has made it easier to stay in touch with people, but a touch – or “poke” – is really all you get. A recent poll by digital marketing firm Performics found that nearly 40% of us feel more comfortable socialising online than face-to-face. Bonior asks, ‘How many of the friends hanging around in your feed would you bother to ask to brunch?’ Not only is there something nice about meeting in person rather than chatting online; it’s good for your health. Devash notes, ‘Numerous studies have shown that hanging with the gals can lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of depression and create a sense of wellbeing.’ So how do you step up your friendship game?
1. Don’t Let Online Friends Take Up All Your Time: Carlin Flora, author of Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are, comments, ‘Checking Twitter and Facebook can eat into time you might have otherwise spent with a close friend.’
2. Follow Up Sooner: You don’t end a great date by saying “We should do it again sometime,” and then letting it go for three months, so why do you do that with your friends? Life coach Shasta Nelson, author of Friendships Don’t Just Happen!, points out, ‘It takes six to eight connections with somebody before we start considering her a friend.’ This means that if you meet up once a month, it’ll take over half a year before you consider yourselves close. Nelson enthuses ‘But if you meet with the same person over and over again, chances are high that you’ll forge a meaningful friendship.’
3. Make the Gesture: ‘Meaningful actions can mark you as a great friend, so jump in and be the one who throws her a 35th-birthday bash or drives four hours to attend her aunt’s funeral, Devash advises. ‘When former publishing executive Rachel Guidera’s home and most of her possessions were damaged by a cyclone, her friend Corrine Butler Thompson immediately started a fundraising campaign to help out – and raised more than $10,000.’
4. Pick Up the Phone: Flora recommends, ‘Force yourself to have one long, meandering, laughter-filled phone call with a close friend at least once a month, whether she lives close by or far away.’ Studies show that this can lower your body’s levels of the stress hormone cortisol and increase your levels of anxiety-reducing hormone oxytocin. Seeing as stress is the gateway to a myriad of health problems, it seems like one phone call is worth the effort!
Those whose mental and emotional wellness is being compromised by depression will do whatever it takes to help restore their wellbeing.
The number one thing that you must do if you are suffering from depression, or even suspect that you may be, is to make an appointment and go and see your GP. Your doctor will be able to talk to you about how you are feeling and discuss potential treatments that you could try to help you feel better.
It can also be useful to try to put some coping mechanisms into place. There are many different things that you could try.
First of all – be active. The temptation with depression is to withdraw from life and to stop talking to family and friends. In fact, you should do quite the opposite. Socialising with others can help to improve your mood, and keeping the lines of communication open between your family and friends can be useful when you find yourself in need of someone to talk to in the future.
Taking up exercise is also really important. There is a lot of evidence around which proves that taking exercise can help to lift your mood. Even if you haven’t exercised for a while, you can still start out gently, such as by going for a 20 minute walk every day for 20 minutes. Exercise relaxes you and releases ‘happy hormones’ in your body.
Facing your fears is also really important. Those with anxiety or depression often find themselves shying away from situations that make them feel uncomfortable. For example, some people lose their confidence about doing things such as driving or socialising with friends. Running away from these situations does not make them better, however, it actually makes them worse. The only way to make things easier for yourself is to face up to the things that you find difficult and keep doing them.
Most people say “New year, new start” but what if you’re not feeling so positive at this time of year? While friends are taking care of their wellbeing with new diets or quitting smoking, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that 2014 is no different from 2013, and you’re stuck in a rut. Depressive thoughts such as these aren’t only damaging to your wellbeing, they can also affect your corporate wellness, making you less productive at work and less satisfied in your job. If you think you may be depressed, as yourself the following questions:
- Have you been withdrawing from friends and family?
- Have you missed or been late to work a lot in the past few months?
- Has there been any conflict or tension with your colleagues, friends or family?
- Has your boss or colleague complained about your work performance?
- Have you put in excessive work hours?
- Have you been pacing or engaging in other repetitive behaviours?
- Are you more emotionally distressed than usual?
- Has your usual behaviour changed significantly?
- Have you used more drugs or alcohol than normal?
- Have you been making negative comments about positive things in your friends’ lives?
If that sounds familiar, you might need to talk to your GP about depression. Even if it isn’t medical depression, and you’re just feeling a bit low, it’s good to know where you stand, and just talking to a doctor doesn’t hurt. Once you’ve got your doctor’s advice, why not try some of these tips for getting yourself out of that funk?
Here are some tips on how to get through the holiday period with your wellbeing in tact:
1. Manage your expectations: You often get upset when your expectations are let down, so be very careful about what expectations you are communicating with your family and colleagues. If you’ve set yourself unrealistic New Year’s resolutions, for example, you may be unintentionally setting yourself/or others up for disappointment. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, especially to your kids as they have minds like elephants. This doesn’t mean not aspiring to anything; just be honest with yourself.
2. Don’t over-commit: When you set yourself resolutions for the new year, you can end up trying to fit in too many activities and end up overloading your mental shopping trolley. If your schedule is already pretty full, don’t try to cram things into every nook and cranny. After all, you need some downtime, otherwise your trolley will spill over and everything will break!
3. Keep things simple: Take a look at your weekly to-do list – do you need to do every one of those things yourself? Find the activities/tasks that you need help with or can delegate to someone else to do, be it a work task, cleaning, the gardening or preparing a meal. Would you rather spend your time doing things that others could do, or would you rather spend it on yourself or with your family? It’s sometimes cheaper and easier to do things yourself, but at what cost to your health?
4. Celebrate your successes: While it’s important to manage your expectations, when something good does happen in your life, celebrate it! Make time to reflect on and savour the past year, paying attention to all the positive things that have happened. Have you learnt any new skills, made any new relationships or achieved anything you’re proud of? Even if it was just one thing, celebrate that thing and find ways to make similar achievements this year.
Your kids are often the culprits when it comes to your fragile mental health, but the funny thing is they hit you hardest when they’re no longer around. Whether your children go off to Uni, leave the country or move out to start a new job, Empty Nest Syndrome can have a huge impact on your wellbeing, as you can feel like they no longer need you, and that you no longer have an identity.
As a parent, your wellness is inextricably linked to your children. When they start their own lives, you can become derailed, especially if you’ve been staying at home and putting your own work and hobbies on hold in order to take care of them. You might think that mothers are more at risk to Empty Nest Syndrome than fathers, but actually studies conducted by Helen M DeVries, an associate professor of psychology at Wheaton College in the US, have shown that fathers are more affected by children leaving home as they are not prepared for it.
Preparation, then, is key, so what can you do to get ready? By reading this article, you’ve already begun, as you need to acknowledge that your child will not need you in the same way forever. This is difficult to accept as parents, but planning ahead can help you to cope. Think about the time when they will lead their own lives away from you, and make a list of all the things you will get to do when you finally get that time off. Remember, you are more than just a mum or dad; you are an individual with your own personality that existed long before you children arrived. Don’t wait for your kids to leave to get back to that – make sure you have your own activities, hobbies and friends now, as well as spending time as a couple.
So, are you or your partner showing the symptoms of empty nest syndrome?
1. Depression. This is the most common symptom of Empty Nest Syndrome, and is cause for concern if it lasts over a week. This may involve excessive crying, feeling withdrawn from your normal routines or friends, decreased energy, insomnia and a persistent sad mood.
2. Feeling useless. For parents who stay at home, it’s common to feel that there is now nothing for you to do, and you are superfluous.
3. Marital problems. When your kids are round, they’re the priority, which means that problems in your marriage may not surface until there’s just you and your partner left. Now you may find issues emerge, which you will need to focus on as a couple.
If you experience Empty Nest Syndrome, there are things you can do to get your wellbeing back on track. Start by seeking counselling from a professional. Not only does it help to have someone to talk to, but counsellors can help you to look at the situation in a positive way, and take positive steps as a couple to rebuild your lives. This may begin with keeping yourself busy, and reclaiming some of the activities and hobbies you used to love before your time became taken up by parenting. If nothing old springs to mind, try something new, creative and fulfilling to beat the empty nest blues.
Another important aspect of rebuilding your emotional health is to fill your lives with good friends, be they from relationships you may have ignored over the years, new relationships, or ones you just want to strengthen and grow even more. The house won’t feel so empty if you’re always inviting someone round for tea, or going out. While your children may not be here anymore, this doesn’t mean that they’re out of your lives forever. It’s not like the days when you left home; there is all kinds of technology to help you keep in touch with your kids, wherever they are. You might not want to be a burden, but your kids will actually appreciate the odd phone call or text – just try not to phone every day!
Puberty doesn’t just affect your sexual health – i.e. get your body ready for making babies – it also impacts your overall wellbeing. Out of nowhere, your jeans no longer fit, your legs rub together when you run and pores are taking over your face – what’s happening to you? If you’ve ever felt out of step with your body, you’re not alone.
Some of the changes that come with growing up are pretty cool. Guys become more muscular, and girls start developing breast – all things we appreciate. However, before, during and after puberty, your body goes through other changes you might not expect, and this can take its toll on your wellness. You notice that your bum and stomach starts to grow, or you find that you’re suddenly taller and skinnier than you once were. Sometimes, you get a temporary layer of fat during puberty, and this is so your body can prepare itself for a growth spurt. Other people find they fill out permanently, even if they exercise and eat healthy foods. Then there are those who chow down on everything in sight and still stay skinny.
Eventually, all these changes balance out and you adjust to your new body, but it can get some getting used to the way it moves and works. What happens to you physically during puberty can influence how you feel about your body and yourself for a long time to come. It’s perfectly normal to be worried or even upset by the changes you go through; lots of teens base their self-image on how their bodies feel and perform. Even minor details, such as the way you smell, change when you go through puberty, and this is a perfectly normal part of growing up. Still, there are things you can do to help yourself adjust physically and emotionally.
1. Don’t compare: It’s natural to look at your friends for comparison, but it’s not a good idea. Everyone develops differently and at different times, meaning that there’s no point comparing yourself to others. You might have had a growth spurt before everyone else and think you’re too tall, but your friends are probably thinking they’re too small. It’s usually hardest for the people who develop first or last. Also, don’t compare yourself to celebrities and models. With clever airbrushing, hair and makeup, anyone looks that good in the media. In reality, however, no one looks that good.
2. Treat your body well: Part of developing a mind and life of your own means making educated choices about food and exercise. Plus, if you eat right and exercise, you can take some control over how your body turns out. Exercise also boosts your mood, which can be helpful if your changing body has you feeling sad or confused. You don’t have to join a gym or start an insane fitness regime; just go for a walk, play with your dog, or throw a Frisbee with your friends to reap the mood-boosting benefits of exercise. Taking yoga, martial arts classes, or other activities that involve focusing on how the body stretches and moves can help you become familiar with your body.
3. Befriend your body: It takes time to get to know your new body, much in the same way that your relationships with your friends evolve and grow. Just like you know your friends’ secrets, you also see a side to your body that no one else does. However, that doesn’t mean you know your body, or see it accurately. You can spend ages focusing on your sticking-out stomach in the mirror, but all this time you spend obsessing actually distorts your view of reality. The truth is, other people won’t notice it like you do.
You may think that sexual health and wellness concerns start once you begin having sex, but actually the issues start a lot earlier than that. As soon as a few people in your class begin to go through puberty, suddenly it seems like everyone is talking about sex; about who’s a virgin, who isn’t, and who might be. This pressure can intensely effect your wellbeing, whether you’re a guy or a girl, but that’s no reason to rush into what is one of the most important decision you’ll ever make. So, the question is, then, how do you know if it’s the right time for you to have sex?
When deciding whether or not to have sex, you need to use your own judgement and decide if it’s the right time, and the right person. Only you can make that decision, which means there are some very important factors you need to consider. You need to think about the physical concerns involved in sex, such as the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). There are also emotional factors to consider, because even though your body may be ready for sex, losing your virginity also has very serious emotional consequences. Then, you have moral factors involved in having sex. Whether your religious beliefs, family values or personal attitude has impacted your opinion about sex, you may have an inner voice guiding you about getting sexually involved at the right time for you.
One key concern that revolves around sex is peer pressure. No one wants to be the odd one out, but that doesn’t mean you should lose your virginity just to keep up with your friends or be accepted. You may have friends who have already had sex, and play it down like it’s not a big deal – but sex is a big deal, both physically and emotionally. Everyone is different, which means you can’t rely on how your friends feel about sex as a means of testing if you’re ready. Sex might mean something different to you on an emotional level and you, your friends, and your potential partners, need to understand that. If they’re really you’re friends, they won’t care if you’re a virgin or not, and having sex to impress someone or to make your friends happy or feel like you have something in common with them won’t make you feel very good about yourself in the long run.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend is pressuring you to have sex, you’re not alone. Although some teens that are going out don’t pressure each other about sex, the truth is that in many relationships, one person wants to have sex although the other one doesn’t. Again, every couple is different, and so your partner may be putting pressure on you for different reasons. It may just be that he or she is more curious about sex, and has stronger sexual feelings than you. Or he or she might have differing religious beliefs, meaning that your attitudes to sex might be different.
Whatever the situation might be, when one of you wants to have sex and the other one doesn’t, this can put stress and strain on your relationship. In this circumstance, you have to do what is right for you and, if your partner is worth holding on to, they will respect your decision and not put pressure on you. Don’t give in to the pressure of “If you love me, you’ll do it,” as any person who says that clearly doesn’t love you, and is only looking to satisfy their own sexual urges. Sex should be an expression of love — not something that you feel like you must do.
This weekend, a 16-year-old girl from Mumbai has claimed that she was raped at a party in Kandivali after her drink was spiked. This the second such incident in a fortnight that has involved a minor and sexual abuse occurring in the midst of friends, which makes it a family wellness wake-up call to parents and young people alike. This is according to child wellness experts, who have commented on the incidents and advised parents and teenagers that it is better to be safe than sorry.
According to Pooja Taparia, founder and CEO of NGO Arpan, which works towards freedom from child sexual abuse, ‘We encourage parents to talk about personal safety. Instead of focusing on dos and don’ts, create an environment where you have an open communication channel with your children.’ Taparia advises that you need to talk very openly with your children and discuss the risks that such incidents involve. It is also recommended that, for the sake of your teenager’s wellbeing, you know about their friends. However, avoid becoming too intrusive or judgmental because your teen will only want to rebel.
Psychiatrist Hemangi Dhavale commented, ‘It might seem old-fashioned, but it isn’t advisable to let young girls stay over with unknown friends,’ and so you need to take some responsibility and ensure your young children are supervised. She added that you should also be aware of any new friends your children might make, as well as the kind of entertainment they indulge in. ‘Parents could keep a set of number of friends so that if their child doesn’t return home they at least have a contact point,’ Dhavale said.
However, a worrying fact of abuse is that a lot of it occurs within your circle of loved ones and neighbours. Sandeep Shinde, of voluntary organisation Childline, noted, ‘Even when children report such abuse to adults, parents often try to suppress such complaints or fail to acknowledge them. It is essential that they take cognizance of such complaints and act on them.’ Counsellors encourage children to speak up against abuse, even if it is initiated by a loved one, and to confide in someone they trust.
How to Talk to Your Teenager about the Dangers of Abuse
There are lots of things to think about before embarking on a purely sexual relationship with someone. If not carefully considered, this type of ‘friends with benefits’ situation can lead to great damage to your emotional wellness and wellbeing.
Often the situation arises because a man and a woman are friends and then one of them proposes taking the relationship to another level – a sexual level. By this, they mean that they want to remain friends and have no relationship ties (and be able to see other people) but they want to indulge in casual sex from time to time. This agreement has to take place between two people who like, trust (and, presumably, fancy) one another. Some also think that it actually puts you in a good place to find a relationship as you are not desperate and are having your needs met in the meantime.
There is a lot of debate about whether ‘friends with benefits’ is a healthy thing, and whether it is right or wrong, but it really all boils down to personal values, and whether you feel that it is right for you or not.
It is becoming a far more common occurrence, too, with a recent study from Deakin University showing that both women and men enjoy the arrangement, and that it is popular with both young people and older people who have recently left marriages or long-term relationships.
The ‘benefits’ are not entirely sexual, either, as the study found that people can gain physical and emotional intimacy from it on a level that they are comfortable with, before they are ready to move on to a full-blown relationship.
There are some pitfalls to consider, however, for example you need to consider whether you will tell any new romantic attachment about your ‘friend with benefits’. You also need to consider whether you will be able to stay friends with your sex buddy once you move on and meet someone else. The biggest danger, too, is getting romantically attached to your ‘friend with benefits’ (especially as it is likely that they will not feel the same way).
Everyone can remember having at least one best friend in the course of their childhood, but the question of whether or not the nature of having a best friend is a fundamentally sound one has struck the minds of pupil’s teachers across the UK.
It is a natural process for many youngsters, seeking for companionship whilst undergoing their early steps into education; but there are growing concerns that by having one best friend, it ostracises other children from interacting with them. As such, there are a number of schools that are encouraging their pupils to have many “good friends” instead.
It hasn’t been the first time that schools have given children the “no best friend rule” – in modern teaching, it has become widely acknowledged for tutors to encourage group-playing, rather than tightly-knit bonds.
For many however, the concept of forming special relationships is a fundamentally human process.
Relationships Expert Judi James explained thus: “Children have usually had extensive bonding with at least one parent, so when they first go to school, they are used to being part of a double act, so it’s only natural that they want to seek out a best friend.
“It’s probably a bit of fear and a survival instinct. It makes them feel more secure, it’s easier to face the world when there are two of you and it validates your behaviour, and who you are,” she says.
There are growing concerns for critics and philosophers that the concept of banning best friends will stunt children emotionally, which will consequently mean that they will have little to no understanding of how to cope with future complications. The mistake, they suggest, lies in the fact that an adult’s emotions will differ significantly from that of a child’s.
So is there a science behind childhood bonds?
“If we buy our child a pet, there’s a likelihood it will die, but we want them to be able to form a bond with an animal. We get married knowing it could end in divorce.” James explained, “Yes, a child might fall out with their best friend, they might get jilted, their best friend might move away – but that’s not a reason to keep relationships at arms length. Children have to learn to survive socially.”
From psychological stress to the development of physically-harmful habits, divorce can wreak havoc on you health. However, an unhealthy marriage is equally damaging, so if you and your spouse do decide to separate, you need to make sure you do it right, and take care of your wellbeing in the process.
1. See change as an opportunity: It may be hard to see the bright side to divorce, but one silver lining is that it can be a great opportunity to begin new routines. You now have more time for you, your kids, your friends and your hobbies, as well as the ability to begin a new wellness programme. You could take up running, try yoga in the mornings, eat more healthy foods or even begin praying or meditating. This is a tricky time period, so choose pursuits that can help keep your mind and body healthy through it.
2. Tell your loved ones how you feel: You might not want to keep banging on about your problems, but you need to let it all out if you’re ever going to rebuild your emotional health. You don’t have to talk about your feelings with every family member or acquaintance to feel better (after all, some things are too private to post on Facebook). Still, you need to seek out close friends and family members whom you love and trust.
3. Seek out community support: While it is important to have the love and support of your family and friends, advice and consolation can be hard to take from people who haven’t been through it themselves. A lot of divorcees appreciate community groups made up of similar individuals, as it gives you a common purpose and reminds you that you’re not alone. Plus, it gives you a safe environment to let off steam to people who don’t know you or your ex. You might like to find a secular support network, but many religious groups also offer meetings for divorcees, so there’s something to suit everyone.
4. Be honest with your kids: You’re probably all too aware of how this change will affect your children’s wellbeing; divorce is hard on kids in terms of both short- and long-term wellness. This is why it’s absolutely crucial that you are 100% honest with them during this time, as well as after the transition. The circumstances of your divorce may determine how discrete you should be with regards to explaining the exact reasons you and your former spouse decided to separate. However, although it sounds like a cliche it’s important that you tell your children that the divorce has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with Mum and Dad. You should never neglect to tell your kids that they’re dearly loved and always will be, but this is especially important during this time. Finally, remember to keep your problems between you and your ex, and don’t try to get your kids to take side. Pitting your children against your ex will just damage their relationship with a parent, and cause them to lose respect for you over time.
5. Get your finances sorted: Spouses tend to divvy up the responsibilities, especially when it comes to financial wellness. If you don’t personally have a head for money and numbers, it’s time to educate yourself about the basics by looking online and talking to friends who know the score. Then, get your financial life sorted. You may have previously shared expenses with your spouse, and now that is obviously not an option. Taking the time to understand the financial implications of your divorce can be difficult, but it’s always worth the effort.
Staying fit through the holidays can be tough, especially if you attend lots of parties where tempting foods are sold. It’s okay to slack a little on your diet and exercise plan to allow for holiday fun, but remember that it will take you longer to meet your goals if you allow yourself too many treats.
Wake up and Exercise
Even if you only have 15 or 20 minutes to exercise when you wake up in the morning, make an effort to start your day with cardio. It will help your body wake up and get your heart rate up. Exercising first thing in the morning will also help you feel healthier and burn more calories throughout the day. Treadmills are a great tool for people who want to exercise in the morning without making much noise or going outside in the cold.
Park in an Inconvenient Location
Running errands during the holiday season can help you ramp up your exercise routine. Just pick a parking spot that is near several of the stores you need to shop at. Carrying your shopping bags and walking from one store to another will help you stay fit, especially if the stores you need to visit are at least a block apart.
Change up Your Routine
Exercise can get boring, especially if you do the same routine over and over. If your body is used to lifting weights, try running or taking an aerobics class. The change in routine will jump start your metabolism and challenge your body in new ways. Ellipticals are a great choice for people who are used to lifting weights at home and want to change their routine without having to go to the gym.
Exercise with Friends
You may find yourself so busy during the holiday season that you have to say no to friends who want to have lunch or visit. Combining exercise with spending time with friends helps you maximize the free time you have during this busy season. Try taking a walk to look at Christmas lights or asking your friends to go shopping with you for presents. Having plans with your friends will help you stick to working out daily even when you don’t feel motivated on your own.
Start a New Hobby
Spending time in the kitchen is popular in the winter, but your free time may be better spent taking dance classes or trying out a new sport. You could even buy classes for you and a friend to try together as a present.
You love your friends and care about their wellbeing, but what about their weight? Does a little part of you hope to be the skinniest one – just by a pound or two? This was the case for Austria-born Stephanie Garber, who was confident about her body until her friends started to lose weight.
According to Stephanie, who now works as a writer in Melbourne, Australia, ‘For years, my friends and I were a Lego set of different shapes and sizes. It was a point of pride. Other girls went out in peroxide-blonde size-2 packs but we all had our individual looks. I was the confident one. I wore a bikini no matter what state my stomach was in. I never stressed about what boys would say if they saw me naked…No one but the shallowest of frat boys would have called me fat. But neither would anyone describe me as thin or skinny or any of the things girls are meant to be.’
However, seemingly out of nowhere Stephanie’s friends lost weight. ‘All my friends were now thin and I was not,’ she realised. ‘I was the biggest girl in the group.’ Stephanie explained, ‘There was something so insidious, so darkly threatening about those words: “the biggest.” I was already the shortest in the group and the loudest and least employed. Now I also had another label and I couldn’t get comfortable with it.’
‘I had always firmly believed that weight loss was a false ideal,’ Stephanie commented. ‘This idea of “skinny = happy” was a conspiracy by the patriarchy to make women doubt themselves. Tet my friends seemed happy. Maybe losing weight could make me happier too? Plus what were they thinking as they watched me tuck into a bowl of chips? Did that seem disgusting? Did my confidence seem like a joke? Were they judging me? Were they judging my body?’
Stephanie knew deep-down that her friends weren’t judging here, so what was the problem? ‘“My friends are all thinner than me” really meant “I feel bad about myself”,’ she noted. ‘And as soon as I realised that, I realised changing my weight would not fix any of the issues in my life. For some people, their weight is holding them back from some great life goal. Achieving that goal genuinely gives them personal satisfaction. But for many of us, focusing on weight lets us avoid all the other issues in our lives…I may still be the biggest girl in the group, but it matters less when no one’s keeping score. I’m once again at peace with my body.’
After high school, education becomes a melting pot of good times and hard work. Money, whilst an issue, is not such a terrible burden as of yet and the libertarian lifestyle of being young, troubled and free is something of a blessing.
As is the drinking.
It seems almost obligatory that when the education begins, so does the crazy lifestyle of clubs, parties and drinking. It’s a great life – but of course, there are risks, particularly in the avenue of sex.
At the risk of sounding like an unpopular lecturer, the lessons of sexually transmitted disease are often not heeded – you hear the stories, but doubt that you will ever become a part of them. It’s hoped that you never do.
Nobody wants to wake up with a hangover and regrets. It tends to be general consensus that a rush hook-up – or even a rendezvous with your loved one – can sometimes lead to undesirable effects if you don’t take up the right methods to protect yourself. Drinking, as you know, leads to impulsive, bad judgement – and, if you’re too drunk to care, a lack of precaution from STDs.
If you are concerned, get your friend to keep an eye on you – and you on them, whether they’re having too many drinks, no precautions or being too pants-on-head silly. Friends don’t let friends do dangerous things.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t go out, have a few drinks and discover that everything is comfortable to lie on. We learn from the good things as we do the bad things.
University and college breaks are possibly the best pauses in student life, with less sober moments than others – but that doesn’t mean that you should ruin the good things by being irresponsible. After all, the good times are the ones that you remember.
Student Life – How to Avoid the Dreaded STDs
Stress seems to be an unavoidable part of modern life, and there are many wellness lifestyle changes you can make to fight it. With plenty of exercise and a balanced diet, you can really guard your mental wellness against stress and anxiety. However, sometimes, you just need something to help you snap out of it, and achieve instant calm, and a few tricks can help you do this.
Firstly, when you get the urge to mentally replay what went wrong over and over in your mind, Henry Emmons, MD, author of The Chemistry of Calm, says shift your focus to your body instead. Sit down in a quiet place and concentrate on feeling the seat beneath you, taking long, deep breaths from your diaphragm. If you inhale through your nose for a count of four, hold for two, and exhale through your mouth for seven, you can deepen your breathing, which helps calm your nervous system. ‘You can even practice your breathing when you’re not stressed, so you know exactly what deep-breathing counts soothe you,’ says Dr Emmons.
When you do this, don’t sit at your desk but, if you can, get outside. Staying in the office can keep your mind in ‘overwhelmed’ mode, but getting outside and breathing the fresh air can be exactly what you need. Let the moment you take outside clear your head of any thoughts about work or what’s bothering you, and you can tackle it again once you go back inside. If there are flowers about, even better! Studies have shown that inhaling scents, such as lavender, reset a stressed immune system to normal levels.
Yet eliminating stress doesn’t have to be something you do alone. When you spend time with your friends, it helps your body to pump out oxytocin – the feel-good hormone – so when you are having a crazily busy day, call a friend to have a chat during your lunch break or arrange to meet up in the evening. Regularly hanging out will give your wellbeing a continuous boost, but as Dr Emmons says, don’t turn your talks into bitch-fests as ranting will get you worked up again.
Finally, take care of your nights as well as your days. Often you can settle in for a good night’s sleep, and all your worries come rushing back and make it impossible. In turn, sleeplessness makes you more anxious, and thus begins a vicious cycle of stress. Instead, Sue Patton Thoele, author of The Mindful Woman, recommends grabbing a pen and paper (you might like to keep them near your bed) and jotting down your negative thoughts or to-dos. Though it seems counterintuitive, by getting your thoughts on paper, you can get them out of your head and put them aside to deal with later.
Google+
Phone a Friend: Simple Tricks to Help You Find Instant Calm
The days of having one job or working for one company for our whole lives are long gone. We’re all likely to work for several different companies in a wide variety of roles, diversity is the wave of the future. Of course this can be hard for some people. Getting used to continually different work environments can be anxiety-inducing to say the least. It takes time build up a trust and rapport with people and this is harder for some than others. You might be great with other people in which case settling into a new office could be an exhilarating challenge. Alternately you might find the thought of being new and not knowing anyone at all terrifying.
Here are a few top tips on building up trust with new colleagues and turning them into new friends:
- Teamwork is the key to making new friends at work. If you show that you’re willing to help others on tricky projects without request then those same people are more likely to help you in turn. This can build strong bonds and allow people to get to know you as a person.
- Communication is a key factor in building new bonds anywhere but it’s especially important in a working environment. You’ll need to voice your thoughts and opinions at the right moments and avoid any misunderstandings by being clear and open with your views.
- Try and build up bonds with colleagues, sometimes we end up spending more time with them than with our own families so amiable relationships here are important. This might involve planning a lunch outing or some after-work activity.
- Avoid getting involved in gossip or even seeming like you are. Don’t talk in hushed tones in the corridor and if anyone tries to involve you, explain in polite terms that you’re not interested.
How To Build New Bridges In The Work Place
Having a strong sense of mental wellness doesn’t only guard you against mental health problems, but it determines the healthy function of your whole body. Studies have shown that stress, grief and depression can even lower your life expectancy, so how can you live a long life of mental wellness?
Start by making sure you get at least eight hours of sleep a day. Not only will a good night’s rest make you more alert, energised and less prone to stress, but, as an added bonus, it can also improve your memory. When you wake up, make sure you start the day right with a nutritious breakfast, preferably of wholegrain cereals and fruits, and have balanced meals throughout the day. Good nutrition safeguards your wellbeing against stress, and foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids, such as salmon, tuna and mackerel, cut the risk of dementia and mental decline
Next, aim to get at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times a week, to reduce or prevent stress and keep you physically strong. Whether you go for a walk or take up yoga, moderate, regular exercise is much better than occasional, heavy workouts. With the rest of your free time, find a new hobby, skill or activity you’d like to try to keep your brain active and healthy. Have you ever wanted to learn the guitar, sew your own clothes or bake the perfect sponge? Now’s your chance to try!
However, this doesn’t mean you should lock yourself in a little bubble of chord progressions and baking. Mental wellness depends on human interaction, and talking to someone for 10 minutes every day can help you improve your memory and making your brain work faster. Also, helping someone else, whether it’s a friend or family member, a charity, or a stranger on the street, can shift your focus away from yourself and make you feel more positive and purposeful.
Finally, play group mind games, such as scrabble or backgammon, to boost your interaction, and keep your brain actively involved in memory, decision-making and strategizing. Speaking of strategy, making a list of your goals and ticking them off can help you to reduce stress and get a handle on your situation, whereas turning to alcohol, cigarettes and drugs will only temporary relief from stress and unhappiness. Remember; if all else fails, laughter is the best medicine for activating your brain’s reward and pleasure centres, generating emotions and relaxing the mind.
Google+
The 10 Simple, Sure-Fire Steps towards Mental Wellness
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
