Should We Stay Together for the Sake of the Children?

 

Written by Jenny Catton

 

It’s natural for most marriages to experience difficult patches from time to time. But when issues within a marriage become too big to resolve, many couples choose to separate or divorce. However, when children are involved, the decision is not always straightforward and some couples may decide to stay together to protect their children. But is staying together for the sake of the children really the best decision?

 

Yes – Daniel
Growing up can be a difficult time and children need stability. Events such as divorce can rock them much harder than you may anticipate and may cause children to suffer from anxiety, depression and behavioural problems. And whilst divorce may signal the end of difficult times for adults, it can be just the start for children. They may experience the stress of moving house, changing schools or even having to adapt to life with step brothers and sisters. These kinds of life changes are a lot to cope with at a young age. So before rushing into divorce, parents should always consider all of the alternatives first and if at all possible stay together to give their children a secure home environment.

Following divorce, it’s usual for one parent to become the main carer. This can lead the child to feel rejected by the other parent and relationships within the family can become permanently damaged. However, if you share childcare, this can be equally upsetting for children, leading them to feel very unsettled as they are constantly switching from one household to another.

All marriages need work to stay strong and people are often too quick to rush into divorce at the first sign of problems. Agreeing to stay together until the children have grown up may give you the time you need to work through your issues.

 

 

No – Louise
If you are considering divorce, chances are your marriage has hit rock bottom and you’ve tried everything you can to keep your family together. Children are very perceptive and even if you think you’ve successfully hidden your problems from them, they have probably picked up on your unhappiness. Living within a strained household is very stressful for children and if you are constantly unhappy, angry, or tearful, they may blame themselves.

It’s not fair to create an unhappy environment for children to grow up in and so if your marriage isn’t working, it’s better to explain the situation to them and help them adjust to a happier future.

Your children will adapt quickly to new living arrangements and may even enjoy certain aspects. After all, having two happy households is better than one unhappy one. And because so many couples separate these days, most children will have friends at school who have been through the same thing.

You owe it to yourself to be happy too. If you’re feeling trapped within an unhappy marriage, it will be difficult to be a good parent and role model to your children.

 

Categories: Children, difficult, divorce, Marriage, stay

Should We Stay Together for the Sake of the Children?

 

Written by Jenny Catton

 

It’s natural for most marriages to experience difficult patches from time to time. But when issues within a marriage become too big to resolve, many couples choose to separate or divorce. However, when children are involved, the decision is not always straightforward and some couples may decide to stay together to protect their children. But is staying together for the sake of the children really the best decision?

 

Yes – Daniel
Growing up can be a difficult time and children need stability. Events such as divorce can rock them much harder than you may anticipate and may cause children to suffer from anxiety, depression and behavioural problems. And whilst divorce may signal the end of difficult times for adults, it can be just the start for children. They may experience the stress of moving house, changing schools or even having to adapt to life with step brothers and sisters. These kinds of life changes are a lot to cope with at a young age. So before rushing into divorce, parents should always consider all of the alternatives first and if at all possible stay together to give their children a secure home environment.

Following divorce, it’s usual for one parent to become the main carer. This can lead the child to feel rejected by the other parent and relationships within the family can become permanently damaged. However, if you share childcare, this can be equally upsetting for children, leading them to feel very unsettled as they are constantly switching from one household to another.

All marriages need work to stay strong and people are often too quick to rush into divorce at the first sign of problems. Agreeing to stay together until the children have grown up may give you the time you need to work through your issues.

 

 

No – Louise
If you are considering divorce, chances are your marriage has hit rock bottom and you’ve tried everything you can to keep your family together. Children are very perceptive and even if you think you’ve successfully hidden your problems from them, they have probably picked up on your unhappiness. Living within a strained household is very stressful for children and if you are constantly unhappy, angry, or tearful, they may blame themselves.

It’s not fair to create an unhappy environment for children to grow up in and so if your marriage isn’t working, it’s better to explain the situation to them and help them adjust to a happier future.

Your children will adapt quickly to new living arrangements and may even enjoy certain aspects. After all, having two happy households is better than one unhappy one. And because so many couples separate these days, most children will have friends at school who have been through the same thing.

You owe it to yourself to be happy too. If you’re feeling trapped within an unhappy marriage, it will be difficult to be a good parent and role model to your children.

 

Categories: Children, difficult, divorce, Marriage, stay

Who Keeps the Kids? Quick Guide to Custody Laws

 

Couples will often have quite a few questions during separation, including who will end up with custody of the children. This is one of the most complex areas of the legal system as parents can take full or partial custody for a wide variety of reasons. Here is a quick and easy guide to some of the steps the court will take to determine who receives custody.

 

The Basics of Custody

While a custody battle can play out in several different ways, parents should remember that the mother gets exclusive custody in almost 80 percent of all cases. While this may seem hopeless, any parent who feels as if they are not receiving their fair share of custody or that the finances are not being handled properly should seek out immediate legal help. A lawyer who has experience with custody cases can ensure that this process is as stress-free, affordable, and fair as possible.

 

Types of Custody

Having custody means that the parent will be responsible for decisions concerning that child’s well-being, education, religion, and health. There are four types of custody in Canada including sole, joint, shared, and split. Sole custody means that one parent is completely responsible for the health and well-being of the child, while shared custody means each parent is at least 40 percent involved. With joint custody, parents have some say with their child and split custody means that one parent has full custody over some children while the other parent has custody over the other children.

 

Residence, Access, and Visitation

Unlike custody, access and visitation means that a parent is allowed to inquire about their child’s development and health as well as spend time with them. Visitation rights are almost always given to a parent unless there are signs of abuse or neglect. The primary residence is where the child legally lives and spends most of their time. This address is often used to determine choices such as where that child will go to school or engage in after-school activities. If your soon-to-be-ex spouse is threatening to prevent you from seeing your children, consult a divorce attorney from companies like Valerie M. Little Law Corp so you can fight for your visitation rights.

 

Other Important Factors

While all of these laws will help to determine where a child is and who is caring for them, the judge is always going to be looking for the best possible environment for the child. Until that child comes of age, parents do have the option for changing custody if they feel their child is not being raised in the best manner possible.

 

Parents should never attempt to navigate a separation on their own, especially if children are involved. An experienced attorney can help parents receive the proper custody and create the best environment possible for the child.

 

Categories: arbitration, custody, divorce, divorce lawyer, exclusive custody, shared custody, split custody, visitation

Divorce Made Easy: Top Secrets to Ending Your Marriage Amicably

 

While the National Vital Statistics System shows a reduction in the number of divorces since 2000, it still occurs at a rate of 6.8 people per thousand. However, not every divorce needs to culminate in a petty, acrimonious court battle. If you want to end your marriage and preserve your friendship with your spouse, there are several actions you can take to ensure your divorce is as friendly as possible.

 

Hide Nothing from Your Spouse

Not only is hiding assets grounds for continued civil court action, it can easily erode your partner’s trust in you. If hidden assets are discovered, they may begin to wonder what else you are hiding and distrust your word. Whether it’s a huge retirement fund or a piddling savings account of only a few hundred dollars, never try to hide money in a divorce. The same can also be said about goods of value such as antiques, firearms, coin collections and jewels. Talk out a fair division of property instead of attempting to conceal something.

 

Set Aside Anger and Blame

It doesn’t matter if your spouse cheated or broke promises. What matters is getting the divorce handled fairly so both of you can move on with your lives. Get a firm grip on your emotions and try not to descend into screaming battles or cutting remarks. If you are both committed to an amiable resolution, such emotional outbursts will only serve to undermine your goal.

 

Get a Good Attorney

For a friendly divorce, it may not be necessary for each spouse to hire a lawyer. If you’d like to use one attorney from Rutter and Sleeth Law Offices or another specialty firm to help you file the paperwork, plenty of states allow one lawyer to represent both people. Find an attorney experienced in divorces to ensure he or she will be familiar with the process and able to answer any questions you may have.

 

Remember That Children are Not Property

For some couples, the urge to try to ‘split’ the children between them causes a huge rift. While it is certainly possible for two adults to share children and not share a household together, this will require negotiation and fairness. Think about what will be best for the kids and what you can do to make the transition easier. Some couples decide to stay in the same school district so the kids can go back and forth between their parents as they choose. Others may decide on a fair schedule that allows plenty of time with the non-custodial parent on weekends, over the summer and for half the holidays.

 

An amiable divorce is possible, if you and your spouse are willing to be mature and honest. These tips will help you navigate through your legal separation and emerge with your friendship intact.

 

Categories: civil court, custody, division of property, divorce, divorce lawyer

What Are The Consequences Of An Uncontested Divorce?

An uncontested divorce is where both spouses agree to a divorce, and as such have no disagreements concerning usual divorce issues such as the division of property or maintenance. There’s usually no major court hearings with an uncontested divorce and the result of this is less paperwork and other procedures. A contested divorce, in contrast, is one where one or both parties can’t reach an agreement on the major divorce issues, and this can become a complex process which can take months to resolve. There will be much back-and-forth communication with a contested divorce and it can take a long time for both parties to agree on the terms of their divorce. Naturally, however, it’s common for one spouse to initiate the divorce proceedings, no matter how mutual it is afterwards.

Uncontested divorces generally are only available for couples who mutually agree on the decision to divorce from one another. In addition to this, the spouses need to reach a basic understanding regarding the major issues, such as child custody, property division and spousal support. Usually, it’s common for one spouse in particular to initiate the paperwork for an uncontested divorce, and if the other spouse agrees then a judge will grant the divorce using streamlined court procedures. depending on the factors of the situation, it may be the case that the couple is eligible for other types of divorce mechanisms such as a summary dissolution. However, if one spouse doesn’t agree to a divorce, then the divorce is no longer considered uncontested and in these situations, the couple will need to embark on the usual court proceedings in order to come to an agreement which both parties are happy with.

So what are the pros and cons? An uncontested divorce has many advantages over usual proceedings, such as streamlined paperwork for a start. As both parties are agreeing to all of the terms of a divorce, the proceedings take far less time and, thus, less paperwork. Instead of taking months to complete, an uncontested divorce can be over in as little as one month – sometimes, a court hearing isn’t even necessary. As a result, the cost of the divorce can also be a lot less. Less information can also be made public, as with all divorce proceedings, the results are eventually made accessible to the public in county records. But because there is less paperwork, there is less information to be published on the background and history of the individual parties.

 

There’s also less potential for error. Unless new issues arise in the middle of the process, there is less chance that the parties will make errors because there are fewer documents and forms to fill out. There will also be less back-and-forth correspondences between each party, which can be helpful in sensitive situations. This type of divorce isn’t always suitable though, and there are things to consider. For example, there may be limited availability – uncontested divorce isn’t available in all jurisdictions, and a couple must meet certain requirements in order to be eligible. You will need to check your local divorce laws in order to see if uncontested divorce is indeed allowed. If your divorce is more complex, also, then the uncontested route may not be suitable – this can be surrounding anything from criminal matters to property disputes. Such issues will need to be addressed by other divorce hearings.It’s still recommended, regardless of what type of divorce you have, that you seek legal advice from your lawyer.

Categories: contested divorce, divorce, divorce isn, divorce issues, divorce proceedings, legal, parties, proceedings, Relationships, uncontested, uncontested divorce

How Can You Help Your Children Cope With A Divorce?

Separation or divorce may be difficult enough for a couple, but for children it can be incredibly troubling. Almost all children whose parents are separating experience feelings of anxiety, fear, loss, anger and confusion. However, children are stronger than people think and they can and do recover from this. In fact, children of separated parents virtually always grow up relatively healthy and well-adjusted. Parents can play an important role in helping their children through the crisis and challenge of separation, with understanding and guidance. With this help, children can begin to learn how to deal with the emotional trauma of divorce.

During their elementary school years, in particular, children typically experience feelings of sadness and loss in relation to their parents’ separation. Grief, sorrow and feeling as though they have a lack of security are all common. Some children even feel embarrassed or ashamed of their familial situation. Whereas some kids will display their emotions outwardly, with crying and such emotional output, others will struggle to keep their emotions inside. In this situation, parents can help their children to express their feelings verbally and non-verbally, such as through art or writing. They can also acknowledge their children’s feelings and help them to understand why they are feeling the way that they do. Age-appropriate explanations for why you are divorcing can help to do this, so that they know it isn’t their fault that you are separating. It may be useful to let your kids meet other children whose parents have split up, so that they know they aren’t alone – there are separation and divorce groups which you can enroll in for this.

Fear and anxiety are also common reactions to divorce. The security and safety they feel in their family unit is suddenly being uprooted and that can be difficult for children to cope with. It may leave your children feeling insecure or scared, so you need to avoid conflict in front of your children to try and limit this. You should aim to minimise the disruptions in your family routines and try to work together on issues, as you would have before, in order to stop your children feeling as though they’re part of a broken family unit. You should also tell your children what changes they can come to expect in their lives, such as if they will be moving, who will look after them and so on. This will help them to understand how life will be and minimise their feelings of insecurity and fear. It’s important during a divorce that you reiterate to your children how much you love them and that you’ll continue to take care of them – some children worry than because you’re leaving your partner, that you’ll leave them as well.

 

Allow older children to have some input into custody and visitation plans, although naturally you should maintain the ultimate responsibility for decision making. The most crucial thing to remember is that you should continue to provide predictable and steady parenting so as not to leave your children feeling in disarray. If your children are angry as a result of your divorce, let them know that it’s ok to be mad, but teach them healthy ways to channel this anger such as through talking or art. If your child’s behaviour becomes inappropriate or extreme, it’s important to remain firm with them and help them to navigate their feelings in a healthier way. In doing this, they can learn to understand that these emotions are normal but simply need to be managed in a better way.

Categories: Children, children feeling, divorce, experience feelings, Family, family unit, feeling, feelings, Parents

The Days After Divorce: Five Ways to Re-unify Your Family

After you and your spouse have decided to divorce, it can be a challenge to keep your family on the same page when it comes to holiday visits, money matters and generally keeping the peace. You’ll likely need some outside assistance to keep your family as intact as possible. Maintaining and establishing unity in the family will also be a matter of making certain personal choices that will better the family overall. Here are a few tips to keep in mind that can make divorce a little easier to deal with.

 

Consider Divorce Mediation

One of the best ways to settle important issues during a divorce is to attend mediation. This is likely offered by the attorney or law firm that is handling your divorce. Your lawyer will explain how divorce mediation works and will likely give you and your ex-spouse forms to fill out so you can answer questions pertaining to custody and asset management. During mediation sessions, you and your spouse will sit down with your legal representation to determine who is entitled to property like houses and automobiles, and who the children will live with full-time. When you settle these issues with the help of an attorney, it’s more likely that you’ll be able to control your temper and resolve issues quicker.

 

Have Conversations At the Appropriate Times

When you’re spending time as a family unit during the holidays or a child’s birthday, don’t have discussions about child support and alimony. Make family time special and anxiety-free for yourself and your children by reserving adult conversations for a later time, especially if you know the discussion could get heated.

 

Plan Family Outings

Try to be as civil as possible with your ex so that the two of you can go on family outings with your children. This sends the message to your kids that being a great parent is a priority to you, despite the divorce. In addition to holidays and special occasions, your kids need to spend quality family time with both parents, and both you and your ex should be committed to accomplishing this.

 

Don’t Criticize

No matter what, don’t speak negatively about your ex in front of your children. This taints their view of their other parent, and can make them feel as though they have to choose sides. WebMD also warns against passing messages to your ex through your children. Kids don’t need to take on the adult issues that likely led to your divorce; the messages you send my cause your child to see you or your ex in a negative or confusing light. Divorce is already difficult for children, so don’t make it worse by criticizing your ex-spouse–even if you feel justified.

 

Think About Family Counseling

Going to therapy as a family can also help to unify your loved ones. Counseling can also make it easier for everyone to talk about their feelings or bring up family issues. Divorce can be somewhat of a grieving process for everyone in the family, so counseling sessions can assist all family members in coming to terms with this new way of life.

 

The more work you do to keep the family together, the better off your children will be. Learning to get along with your ex-spouse can also contribute greatly to your peace of mind and give you the courage to embark upon new experiences in life.

 

About the author: A recent college graduate from University of San Francisco, Anica loves dogs, the ocean, and anything outdoor-related. She was raised in a big family, so she’s used to putting things to a vote. Also, cartwheels are her specialty. You can connect with Anica here. For more information on how divorce mediation works, Anica suggests you check out the professional services of www.cadivorcemediation.com.

Categories: Children, divorce, divorce mediation, Family, family outings, family time, life nbsp, mediation works, nbsp, re-unify

5 Ideas For Keeping Kids Comforted During Divorce Proceedings

Going through a divorce can upend your world. If children are in the picture, then there is even more potential stress and emotional upheaval added to the situation. The most important thing you can do is let the children know they are loved and will be taken care. Here are five ideas for keeping kids comforted during divorce proceedings.

 

1. Work Out Your Schedules

The younger they are, the more full of questions they’ll be about what is going on. Usually, these questions will deal with practical matters to them such as who will be picking them up for school and when they will be able to see the other parent. It might help to resolve these issues with the counsel of experienced child custody lawyers in Greensboro NC. If you have these matters worked out between you and your spouse, then you’ll be able to provide the much-needed answers for your kids. That will alleviate a lot of their fears.

 

 

2. Give Your Child The Chance To Talk

If your child isn’t asking about the divorce, that doesn’t mean it isn’t on their mind. This is very complex issue for them to process and it will take time to work through all the issues. Every day could present a new thought for them to wrestle with. Make sure you check in with your kids and give them the opportunities to express what they are thinking.

 

 

3. Ask Them What They Need

In some cases, it could be a simple fix like additional visitation or attention. You might not always be able to provide what your child needs during the divorce, but at least you’ll know what they are thinking.

 

 

4. Be A Positive Role Model

You’ll want to inform your child’s teachers or daycare providers about the situation. Whenever possible, do this in front of the child. This will show them that there is nothing to be ashamed of about the divorce. This can also help them open up more.

 

 

5. Don’t Add To The Pressure

No child should be asked which parent they want to live with. That is too much pressure. This is an adult decision that you should make with your partner.

 

 

Through this entire process, you need to constantly remind your child that you’re all still a family. Just because the living situations have changed doesn’t mean there isn’t love to go around. There is still plenty they can depend on and to look forward to.

 

Categories: Child, comforted, divorce, divorce proceedings, Ideas, keeping kids, Kids, kids comforted, nbsp, nbsp nbsp, thinking nbsp

4 Health Benefits of an Uncontested Divorce

Deciding to dissolve your marriage is never an easy choice, even when it’s uncontested. There can be emotional ramifications for you, your spouse and your family, as well as financial implications. On top of that, it’s a major life change. If you’re heading down the road of divorce, it’s easy to stop taking care of yourself and your emotional health. However, there are things you can do to alleviate the turmoil you may be feeling. Remember, even in the most “friendly” of divorces, feelings can run high. Getting the right legal advice and making sure you have your support systems in place can make a huge difference on how you come out of it.

 

Less Battles, Better Health?

According to LegalMatch.com, an uncontested divorce is one where both parties have basically agreed on the division of property, child custody issues and can essentially file for a divorce without diving into messy court cases. This can generally result in less stress and paperwork for everyone involved. If you and your spouse are able to talk through what you need to do to walk away from your marriage, it can actually be healthier for you both emotionally and physically. Stress can take a serious toll on anyone, and the more you can do to alleviate the stress of a divorce, the better. However, it’s important to realize that in any divorce proceeding it’s important to get legal representation and advice to ensure you don’t miss any issues you need to cover.

 

1. The Stress can Take its Toll

Stress is your body’s natural response to changes that require some sort of response. Though not all stress is bad, regular and repeated stressors can negatively affect your health. Divorce is one of the most stressful situations a person can go through, and can bring on problems such as sleeplessness, anxiety and even chest pain. Recent research has even suggested that it can worsen certain medical symptoms you might have already been experiencing. When you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse can talk and come to agreements on your futures, this takes away a lot of the stress that contested divorce case participants can feel. 

 

2. Uncontested is Easier on the Family

There’s nothing worse for your children and family to have to watch you and your spouse duke it out with lawyers and court cases. When your children see that mom and dad are putting their needs first and staying civil with each other, it can help them make the transition to a one parent household easier. If you and your spouse are able to, take the time to sit down as a family and explain what’s going on to your children and to your families together. While it may be met with shock at first, keeping things on an even level can take away a lot of the anxiety your family may feel at your split.

 

3. The Streamline Process is Cost Effective

Financial worries are one of the top things that the soon-to-be-divorced worry about. Even if you have a great job with a good income, dissolving your marriage can be expensive and impact your financial future. By going with an uncontested divorce, that money becomes available to help you and your family deal with the changes that they’ll soon be going through. For example, you may want to seek counseling for either you or your children to aid with the transition, or find an apartment that’s closer to the family so you can maintain constant interaction with them.

 

4. Less Stress Equals Better Coping

It’s quite common for those getting divorced to dive into comfort eating, stop going to the gym or even engage in less-than-healthy activities such as drinking. An uncontested divorce means a lot less stress on both you and your family, giving you the ability to better cope with the changes laid out in front of you. When you’re going through a divorce, try to take care of yourself. Eat right and get regular exercise, as keeping your body in peak condition will also help your mind.

 

Divorce in any form is never easy, but an uncontested divorce can mean you’re a lot less stressed and better able to care for both yourself and your family. Remember, even in the most amicable of divorces it’s important to get legal representation, as you want to insure you cover everything. In the long run, an uncontested divorce brings a lot more health benefits to you during a stressful time than dragging a case through the court system.

 

Lisa Coleman shares the positive impact that an uncontested divorce can have on an individual’s health. She recently read at http://www.800prodivorce.com/ how a divorce lawyer can assist and counsel for this type of divorce.

 

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/88691054@N00/4369724386/

Categories: affects of divorce, childness wellness, court cases, divorce, divorce attorney, Emotional Wellness, Family, finances of divorce, Health Benefits, legal representation, nbsp, Stress

Divorce Health: 5 Tips to Stress Management

 

Going through a divorce can bring about a host of changes that can affect how you perceive life. Developing tips to help manage the levels of your stress can ease the difficult process and alleviate the pain and sorrow that you may be going through. By implementing the following tips, you’ll be able to come through the changes unscathed and allow your body to slowly get used to the pain of moving on as one.

 

1. Diet and Exercise

The stress of a divorce can be debilitating for some, and you may find it extremely difficult to follow a normal routine. However, regular exercise is a great stress reducer and can channel the negative energy into a positive outlet. Finding something that you enjoy doing will help you stick with the routine. It may also be helpful to find a friend, family member or co-worker to exercise with.

 

Divorce can also cause your immune system to suffer. In addition to exercise, you’ll need to maintain healthy eating habits. Eating a diet rich in whole-foods, fruits, vegetables and drinking water can keep a body strong and healthy during times of stress.

 

 

2. Hire an Attorney

A knowledgeable and experienced divorce attorney can aid you in the process and provide you with realistic expectations. While many divorced couples want it over in a matter of weeks, you’ll find that to be an unrealistic prospect. An experienced attorney can also provide you with the necessary information related to the state where you reside.

 

One firm of divorce lawyers in Tucson states “The feeling of loneliness that the couple experience may not be helped by your Tucson divorce lawyer, but you should be certain that they have your best interest at heart.” This will help you to get the best end result and provide you with the financial stability needed to help you move on with your life. Since they will be your primary advocate by fighting for your rights, their moral support and guidance can be beneficial to alleviating your levels of stress.

 

 

3. Get Plenty of Rest

A difficult divorce can keep you up late at night, especially if you’ve been running the problems over and over in your mind. While thoughts of revenge and anguish may be running rampant, you need a good night’s rest to keep stress at bay. To encourage a restful night, you can incorporate yoga and other methods of mediation. This will channel your mind to relieve stress, let go of any anger and channel it toward something positive.

 

 

4. Ditch the Bad Habits

Unfortunately, divorce can be one of the most stressful events an individual can experience in their lifetime and many people often pick up bad habits. However, you don’t want to give in to temptation by smoking, drinking or doing drugs.

 

 

5. Change Your Routine

A new life can begin with a divorce, and you are now free to change your direction. This can include deviating from your ordinary routine. You are also free to change your home environment. A change in wall colors or moving the furniture around can be empowering and reduce your stress levels immensely.

 

Emotions are usually at heightened levels during a divorce and this can make it especially challenging to move forward. However, finding other outlets to combat your stress levels can prove beneficial in maintaining a happy mental and physical outlook for your new life ahead.

 

Lisa Coleman shares some tips for stress management during the process of a divorce. It can devastate a person’s health if not managed well. She recently viewed online how a group of divorce lawyers in Tucson can help with the legalities of such a case for a client in TX.

 

 

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kennyuhh/2917293212/

Categories: divorce, divorce and stress, divorce lawyers, handling stress, levels, nbsp, nbsp nbsp, Stress, Stress Levels, stress management, stress nbsp

Divorce Do"s and Don’ts: How to Take Care of Your Wellbeing

From psychological stress to the development of physically-harmful habits, divorce can wreak havoc on you health. However, an unhealthy marriage is equally damaging, so if you and your spouse do decide to separate, you need to make sure you do it right, and take care of your wellbeing in the process.

 

1. See change as an opportunity: It may be hard to see the bright side to divorce, but one silver lining is that it can be a great opportunity to begin new routines. You now have more time for you, your kids, your friends and your hobbies, as well as the ability to begin a new wellness programme. You could take up running, try yoga in the mornings, eat more healthy foods or even begin praying or meditating. This is a tricky time period, so choose pursuits that can help keep your mind and body healthy through it.

 

2. Tell your loved ones how you feel: You might not want to keep banging on about your problems, but you need to let it all out if you’re ever going to rebuild your emotional health. You don’t have to talk about your feelings with every family member or acquaintance to feel better (after all, some things are too private to post on Facebook). Still, you need to seek out close friends and family members whom you love and trust.

 

3. Seek out community support: While it is important to have the love and support of your family and friends, advice and consolation can be hard to take from people who haven’t been through it themselves. A lot of divorcees appreciate community groups made up of similar individuals, as it gives you a common purpose and reminds you that you’re not alone. Plus, it gives you a safe environment to let off steam to people who don’t know you or your ex. You might like to find a secular support network, but many religious groups also offer meetings for divorcees, so there’s something to suit everyone.

 

4. Be honest with your kids: You’re probably all too aware of how this change will affect your children’s wellbeing; divorce is hard on kids in terms of both short- and long-term wellness. This is why it’s absolutely crucial that you are 100% honest with them during this time, as well as after the transition. The circumstances of your divorce may determine how discrete you should be with regards to explaining the exact reasons you and your former spouse decided to separate. However, although it sounds like a cliche it’s important that you tell your children that the divorce has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with Mum and Dad. You should never neglect to tell your kids that they’re dearly loved and always will be, but this is especially important during this time. Finally, remember to keep your problems between you and your ex, and don’t try to get your kids to take side. Pitting your children against your ex will just damage their relationship with a parent, and cause them to lose respect for you over time.

 

5. Get your finances sorted: Spouses tend to divvy up the responsibilities, especially when it comes to financial wellness. If you don’t personally have a head for money and numbers, it’s time to educate yourself about the basics by looking online and talking to friends who know the score. Then, get your financial life sorted. You may have previously shared expenses with your spouse, and now that is obviously not an option. Taking the time to understand the financial implications of your divorce can be difficult, but it’s always worth the effort.

Categories: Child Wellness, divorce, Finances, Friends, Kids, nbsp, time

What Do You Do When Your Partner Wants a Divorce?

When your spouse tells you they want a divorce, can anything more damaging to your emotional health? Not only do you have to cope with the fact that the person you thought you’d spend your life with no longer feels the same; you also have a long stretch of difficult situations ahead of you. Therefore, it’s vital that you start actively protecting your wellbeing from the very beginning.

 

If you didn’t expect your partner to want a divorce, processing the information can put a strain on your wellness, especially as life doesn’t stop for you. You still have a job to go to every day as well as kids to look after. Plus, if your spouse is yet to move out you have to negotiate living with this person who you’re married to, but not married to for much longer. You must also realise that your spouse hasn’t just done this on a whim; he or she has been thinking about divorce for a while, and so has probably thought about what happens next. This means you have to get proactive:

 

1. Gather your support: Choose someone who will be able to go with you to the lawyer’s office, at least in the beginning. This friend or loved one can act as the sensible side of you until you attain better mental and emotional control. This person needs to act in your best interests, both from a place of love and logic. Normally this is a friend, rather than a family member, as they care about you but aren’t as emotionally tied as a parent or sibling. Next, pick out your secondary support system. This will most likely be immediate family, and closest friends.

 

2. Get the right mentality: If you ended things on good terms, then you need an amicable attitude, and most likely have one already. However, if your split was unexpected or there was abuse or infidelity involved, chances are you’ll have a battle on your hands, and you need to take on the mentality of a fighter. The way you handle things can have a big affect on the quality of your life afterwards.

 

3. Choose a lawyer: Again, if this is an amicable divorce with no children involved, you may be able to just use a mediator. If not, you need a good lawyer – and not your spouses’. Though your ex might tell you that using the same lawyer will save money, things will be easier, etc. your spouses’ lawyer most definitely will not be looking out for your best interests. You need a lawyer with whom you are comfortable. It might be helpful to take your main support person with you when you meet your lawyer, as this will help you determine if it’s a good fit. Also, your lawyer is not there to provide emotional support and will charge you for their time, so go in with a list of precise questions and leave the hand-holding to your support friend.

 

4. Sort out your finances: It’s very easy to make financial mistakes at this time, especially if you shared bank accounts or never had to worry about money before. Often in marriages one partner makes more money or takes care of accounts, budgeting etc. and if that partner wasn’t you then you have a lot to catch up on. Again, your initial support person can help you here, as they can prevent you making emotional purchases you cannot afford, as well as helping you wade through financial jargon, taxes, budgets and bills.

Categories: divorce, lawyer, Lawyers, nbsp, person, social support, Support, support person

How to Have an Amazing Family Summer In Spite of Divorce

Summer is an amazing time for your children’s wellbeing, but what if your family wellness has recently been impacted by a divorce? ‘If you’re going through a divorce, it has nothing to do with your kids enjoying their summer. As parents, you both have to rise above your differences when it comes to the children,’ says Lois Tarter, author of new book The Divorce Ritual, ‘The divorce is tough on kids, but making them live it every day emotionally with you is not fair.’ So how can you ensure that your children still have a brilliant summer, regardless of what has happened between you and your partner?

 

1. Talk about money. The best way to ensure that you and your ex are not arguing all summer long is to discuss everything upfront, especially with regards to the summer budget. Talk about the activities your children might like to do over the summer, including day camps, and work out the costs beforehand so there are no surprises.

 

2. Set up a schedule. If you do plan to send your kids to day camps or activity days, plan a schedule in which one of you drops them off and one of you picks them up. This means that your kids will feel you are both involved in their lives.

 

3. Blog about your summer. Set up a summer blog for 2013 so that you and your kids can post pictures and stories about the fun things you can do together. Then, your kids and your ex can blog too, and everyone will feel involved in the family blog subject. As an added bonus, blogging helps to develop your children’s writing skills.

 

4. Get them reading. Visit your local library for a summer reading list, as these are always full of enjoyable recommendations. Getting your kids involved in a popular book series will help take their minds off of the divorce and onto something that’s creative. Plus, a good book can help to get your children outside reading, instead of cooped up in front of the TV.

 

5. Make meals together: Whether you work on a family baking recipe, or do some summer barbecuing together, cooking with your children is a real sign of independence for them, as it shows you trust them. Why not let them pick what you’re going to have once a week, and then prepare their favourite meal together.

Categories: blog, divorce, Summer

Why Young Kids Suffer Most When Parents Get Divorced

Relationship troubles can have a big impact on family wellness. If you have children, you have another person’s wellbeing to consider when considering if you’re going to stick it out or separate and different situations have different optimal outcomes. While the best thing for your family might be for you and your partner to get a divorce, another couple might be better off staying together. However, according to a new study, your choice to separate might depend on how old your kids are.

 

According to the study, which was published online June 28^th, and will appear in the September 2013 issue of the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, children whose parents divorce when they are very young have a more difficult time establishing close relationships with their parents later in life. The researchers discovered that if children were under the age of five when their parents divorced, they had a greater level of insecurity in their parental relationships than children whose parents divorced when they were older.

 

Chris Fraley, associate professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and co-author of the study, commented, ‘A person who has a secure relationship with a parent is more likely than someone who is insecure to feel that they can trust the parent. Such a person is more comfortable depending on the parent and is confident that the parent will be psychologically available when needed.’ Alongside graduate student Marie Heffernan, Fraley completed two studies analysing this effect of divorce on the parent-child relationship.

 

For the research, Fraley and Heffernan took a survey of 7,735 people, asking them about their personalities and close relationships. More than one-third of those surveyed came from homes of divorce, and Fraley explained that this is an important factor in determining how people form close relationships after witnessing the end of their parents’ marriage. He noted, ‘People’s relationships with their parents and romantic partners play important roles in their lives. This research brings us one step closer to understanding why it is that some people have relatively secure relationships with close others whereas others have more difficulty opening up to and depending on important people in their lives.’

Categories: divorce, Research, young children

Does Divorce Teach You How to Have a Good Marriage?

According to George Bernard Shaw, ‘A thousand divorces may mean two thousand marriages; for the couples may marry again. Divorce only re-assorts the couples: a very desirable thing when they are ill-assorted.’ He may have written it in 1908, but Shaw’s words may ring truer than ever today, as new research from the Marriage Foundation shows that, contrary to popular belief, second marriages have a better chance of success. The researchers found that only 31% of second marriages end in divorce, while 45% of first marriages do.

Divorce is a traumatic ordeal that affects the wellbeing of any family, and so it stands to reason that divorcees ensure a second relationship will stand the test of time before they tie the legal knot. Author Kate Figes interviewed one such person for her upcoming book, Couples. Sue and her second husband were both married to other people when they were younger, but as Sue had two children, she said she had ‘wanted to make sure it was absolutely the right thing to do, that I wasn’t messing up the children any more. I didn’t want lots of men coming in and out of their lives so I was very cagey. It feels like a much bigger commitment second time around. You’re doing it with the experience of, well, having failed.’

But divorce doesn’t only make second-timers more cautious about taking the plunge, it also enables greater self-awareness. Clover Stroud recently wrote about her experiences in The Telegraph, noting ‘A decade has passed between my two marriages, a decade to take a hard look at my behaviour and acknowledge the role I played. I understand that making this marriage work isn’t down to luck, having made the “right” decision this time as opposed to the “wrong” decision last time, but is destined by choice and me choosing to make the marriage work.’

When you’re young, you have highly romanticised notions of marriage, and lack knowledge of how relationships and people change through adversity, over the natural course of time. However, knowing what doesn’t work in a marriage can teach you what does the second time around. The need for mutual respect, consideration and support, as well as honesty, friendship, communication and a healthy sex life, are the building blocks for family wellness and a healthy marriage, whether you learn that the first time around, or if the second time’s a charm.

Does Divorce Teach You How to Have a Good Marriage?

Categories: divorce, Experience, Second Marriage

How to Help Your Children Cope With Divorce

Whether you’ve experienced divorce yourself or have watched a loved one deal with it, you’ll know that divorce is an emotional time which can be difficult to cope with. More often than not, it hits children the hardest, as they’re watching the two people they love the most become angry and upset. Emotions run high during this time, with grief, sadness and the upheaval of your family life, so it can be difficult to know where to begin when it comes to making it easier on the younger members of the family. Here are some ways in which you can help to reduce the stress and help them, and yourself, through the emotional rollercoaster.

Firstly, it’s important not to play the blame game - no one person is to blame more than the other. If you’re going through a divorce, the blame is irrelevant, so placing it on one person will simply add to the anger and stress. It’s easy to lose perspective during this time, as your emotions are heightened and you’re trying to navigate this new stage of your life – but bear in mind that your children are also struggling with this.

When it comes to the custody battle, your children’s welfare is paramount – so, when you’re trying to work around schedules, remember that this comes first. Ask yourself whether or not you’re getting angry at your ex over the situation itself, or are you angry that the arrangement isn’t best for your child? The latter should always be your first port of call. As before, try not to put your ex down in front of your children, as this only adds to their discomfort and leads to them feeling unable to discuss their emotions in front of either parent.

It may sound obvious, but co-parenting is very different when you both live in different households. Suddenly, you’re battling with your ex over what your child is eating or watching when they’re in their care. Unless it puts them in danger, you need to accept that you can’t control how they decide to raise them when they have care of them. Lastly, remember to keep an open mind when it comes to new relationships. Most divorced parents will embark on a new relationship at some point, which can be difficult for children to deal with. Be respectful to your ex by letting them know if you’re re-entering the dating game, as chances are they will want to meet this new person in their child’s life, and vice versa.

How to Help Your Children Cope With Divorce

Categories: Children, children's wellness, difficult, divorce, Emotional Wellness, emotions, person

Could Erectile Dysfunction be a Major Cause of Divorce?

Erectile dysfunction isn’t just a blow to your sexual health, but also the wellbeing of your marriage. This is according to a new study which has dubbed impotence to be an emerging major cause of divorce in India. Researchers from the Alpha One Andrology Group, an association of doctors dealing in sex-related problems in men, noted that 20-30% of Indian marriages are breaking up for want of satisfaction in sexual life.

The study discovered that erectile dysfunction affects 50% of men over the age of 40 and 10% percent of men below 40. According to the studies findings, this is the most poorly understood and mismanaged of all medical disorders and results in marriages breaking up. Anup Dhir, a reconstruction surgeon and andrologist, reported, ‘The analysis revealed that of the 2,500 men suffering from erectile dysfunction, one in five were divorced while the marriages of one in 10 were on the verge of breaking over their physical health.’

He continued, ‘Maintaining a healthy marriage requires time, effort and compromise from both spouses. When one or both spouses find a marriage to be unsatisfactory, it is likely because of problems that arise due to issues with communication, expectations or sexual dissatisfaction.’ On average, married couples have sex 58 times a year, or slightly more than once a week the study found. Dhir explained, ‘If the number lacks, it means there is a problem with a partner. Sexual impotence is becoming a common problem among couples in major cities due to sedentary lifestyles, hypertension and busy schedules.’

However, sexual dysfunction could be a sign that there’s a problem with other aspects of your wellness. The study found that diabetes was the leading cause of erectile dysfunction followed by hypertension. The study highlighted, ‘As many as 48% of patients above the age of 40 were diabetic while 45% with hypertension have severe erectile dysfunction. Men who have diabetes are found to develop erectile dysfunction nearly 10 to 15 years earlier than men who do not suffer from the disease.’

C.M. Batra, an endocrinologist with Apollo Hospital, noted that diabetes medications may be to blame. ‘These drugs not only affect and at times suppress the central nervous system but can also cause serious damage to the blood vessels, resulting in permanent erectile dysfunction,’ Batra said.  Dhir added that seeking medical help for erectile dysfunction remains a stigma among Indian men, which is why many marriages break up. ‘Men have an ego problem in accepting the fact and most of them remain secretive about their sexual health, which leads to delayed treatment,’ he said.

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Could Erectile Dysfunction be a Major Cause of Divorce?

Categories: divorce, Impotence, Research

How Divorce Affected Chris Huhne And Vicky Pryce

There has been a news story all over the media recently involving former Liberal Democrat MP Chris Huhne and his estranged ex-wife Vicky Pryce. The former minister was accused and convicted of lying about speeding points – his wife had taken the blame for him to stop him losing his driving licence (which would have been a blow, at the time, to his rising political career). Both Huhne and Pryce were given eight-month jail sentences for attempting to circumvent the legal system.

One of the more bizarre things about the case was that it wouldn’t have even come to attention if it hadn’t been for Pryce herself, who revealed her involvement in the cover-up in the hope of bringing down her ex-husband. The pair were made an example of for a relatively minor offence – but rightly so.

However, one of the biggest messages coming from the story is that you shouldn’t let divorce ruin your life. Pryce, who attempted to spite her ex-husband to see him punished, ended up being locked up as well for her involvement in the crime. It could be argued that she would have been better showing forgiveness rather than bitterness to Huhne. It shows that she was not considering her children and how the whole case might affect them.

During the long legal battle both sides aired each other’s’ dirty laundry in an attempt to show up exactly who had done wrong and escape jail time. This culminated in texts from the couple’s children being read out as evidence, showing a fury towards Huhne, who was blamed for the situation. This will have had a devastating effect on both the child and parent.

It only highlights, however, that Huhne and Pryce were not putting their children first with them being embroiled in this battle. If they had been more willing to forgive and set a good example for their children the whole situation could have been resolved in a much nicer way.

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How Divorce Affected Chris Huhne And Vicky Pryce

Categories: Children, divorce, Family

Divorce Disasters: The Five Main Mistakes People Make

Divorce can take its toll on family wellness, as well as your personal wellbeing. It is a time of stress and hurt that means you aren’t thinking with your brain, but your heart and this can cause some dangerous complications.

The first mistake that people tend to make is refusing to throw in the towel. Yes, you should make every attempt to save your marriage, whether that involves couples’ counselling or trying to re-engage in romance. However, it takes two to make a marriage work and if your partner insists on the divorce, and refuses to try and make things work, then its better for everyone’s psychological and emotional wellness to let go – you just can’t do it alone.

After spending so many years with another person in your life, it can be hard not to give in to withdrawal pains. It’s hard to move on, and start a new life without the person that’s always been there, and so a mistake people make is sending constant e-mails, texts, or make repeated phone calls to their ex. While you don’t intend to harass your former spouse, they, and the courts, may see it that way.

Next, a lot of people medicate during the divorce process, not with alcohol or drugs, but with dating and sex. Whether divorce makes you feel lonely or liberated, dating too early is a bad idea as you are experiencing too many emotions, and that new person will most likely be collateral damage. Making decisions while you are in a state of emotional imbalance may even put your emotional wellbeing in even more peril.

Putting the kids in the middle is, perhaps most unfortunately of all, another common mistake that gets made. It’s natural to want someone on your side, but when you bad mouth the other parent or make it difficult for them to see the children, you’re dragging your kids into the middle of the divorce conflict and no one wins. Your kids, more than your ex, are the ones who suffer, experiencing everything from parental alienation to depression and anger.

Neglecting to get help is the last mistake on this list. Divorce doesn’t have to be a dirty word, and the reason it’s so difficult is that you are unprepared for the tsunami of stress and emotion that comes along with it. Though not paying attention to how your kids are feeling is a mistake, putting too much premium on their or other people’s feelings, and not enough on your own, is another one. To avoid or reduce the emotional anguish of divorce, you need to ensure that you consult a professional, or even open up to a close friend.

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Divorce Disasters: The Five Main Mistakes People Make

Categories: Advice, divorce, Mistakes