Should We Stay Together for the Sake of the Children?

 

Written by Jenny Catton

 

It’s natural for most marriages to experience difficult patches from time to time. But when issues within a marriage become too big to resolve, many couples choose to separate or divorce. However, when children are involved, the decision is not always straightforward and some couples may decide to stay together to protect their children. But is staying together for the sake of the children really the best decision?

 

Yes – Daniel
Growing up can be a difficult time and children need stability. Events such as divorce can rock them much harder than you may anticipate and may cause children to suffer from anxiety, depression and behavioural problems. And whilst divorce may signal the end of difficult times for adults, it can be just the start for children. They may experience the stress of moving house, changing schools or even having to adapt to life with step brothers and sisters. These kinds of life changes are a lot to cope with at a young age. So before rushing into divorce, parents should always consider all of the alternatives first and if at all possible stay together to give their children a secure home environment.

Following divorce, it’s usual for one parent to become the main carer. This can lead the child to feel rejected by the other parent and relationships within the family can become permanently damaged. However, if you share childcare, this can be equally upsetting for children, leading them to feel very unsettled as they are constantly switching from one household to another.

All marriages need work to stay strong and people are often too quick to rush into divorce at the first sign of problems. Agreeing to stay together until the children have grown up may give you the time you need to work through your issues.

 

 

No – Louise
If you are considering divorce, chances are your marriage has hit rock bottom and you’ve tried everything you can to keep your family together. Children are very perceptive and even if you think you’ve successfully hidden your problems from them, they have probably picked up on your unhappiness. Living within a strained household is very stressful for children and if you are constantly unhappy, angry, or tearful, they may blame themselves.

It’s not fair to create an unhappy environment for children to grow up in and so if your marriage isn’t working, it’s better to explain the situation to them and help them adjust to a happier future.

Your children will adapt quickly to new living arrangements and may even enjoy certain aspects. After all, having two happy households is better than one unhappy one. And because so many couples separate these days, most children will have friends at school who have been through the same thing.

You owe it to yourself to be happy too. If you’re feeling trapped within an unhappy marriage, it will be difficult to be a good parent and role model to your children.

 

Categories: Children, difficult, divorce, Marriage, stay

Should We Stay Together for the Sake of the Children?

 

Written by Jenny Catton

 

It’s natural for most marriages to experience difficult patches from time to time. But when issues within a marriage become too big to resolve, many couples choose to separate or divorce. However, when children are involved, the decision is not always straightforward and some couples may decide to stay together to protect their children. But is staying together for the sake of the children really the best decision?

 

Yes – Daniel
Growing up can be a difficult time and children need stability. Events such as divorce can rock them much harder than you may anticipate and may cause children to suffer from anxiety, depression and behavioural problems. And whilst divorce may signal the end of difficult times for adults, it can be just the start for children. They may experience the stress of moving house, changing schools or even having to adapt to life with step brothers and sisters. These kinds of life changes are a lot to cope with at a young age. So before rushing into divorce, parents should always consider all of the alternatives first and if at all possible stay together to give their children a secure home environment.

Following divorce, it’s usual for one parent to become the main carer. This can lead the child to feel rejected by the other parent and relationships within the family can become permanently damaged. However, if you share childcare, this can be equally upsetting for children, leading them to feel very unsettled as they are constantly switching from one household to another.

All marriages need work to stay strong and people are often too quick to rush into divorce at the first sign of problems. Agreeing to stay together until the children have grown up may give you the time you need to work through your issues.

 

 

No – Louise
If you are considering divorce, chances are your marriage has hit rock bottom and you’ve tried everything you can to keep your family together. Children are very perceptive and even if you think you’ve successfully hidden your problems from them, they have probably picked up on your unhappiness. Living within a strained household is very stressful for children and if you are constantly unhappy, angry, or tearful, they may blame themselves.

It’s not fair to create an unhappy environment for children to grow up in and so if your marriage isn’t working, it’s better to explain the situation to them and help them adjust to a happier future.

Your children will adapt quickly to new living arrangements and may even enjoy certain aspects. After all, having two happy households is better than one unhappy one. And because so many couples separate these days, most children will have friends at school who have been through the same thing.

You owe it to yourself to be happy too. If you’re feeling trapped within an unhappy marriage, it will be difficult to be a good parent and role model to your children.

 

Categories: Children, difficult, divorce, Marriage, stay

How to Help Your Children Cope With Divorce

Whether you’ve experienced divorce yourself or have watched a loved one deal with it, you’ll know that divorce is an emotional time which can be difficult to cope with. More often than not, it hits children the hardest, as they’re watching the two people they love the most become angry and upset. Emotions run high during this time, with grief, sadness and the upheaval of your family life, so it can be difficult to know where to begin when it comes to making it easier on the younger members of the family. Here are some ways in which you can help to reduce the stress and help them, and yourself, through the emotional rollercoaster.

Firstly, it’s important not to play the blame game - no one person is to blame more than the other. If you’re going through a divorce, the blame is irrelevant, so placing it on one person will simply add to the anger and stress. It’s easy to lose perspective during this time, as your emotions are heightened and you’re trying to navigate this new stage of your life – but bear in mind that your children are also struggling with this.

When it comes to the custody battle, your children’s welfare is paramount – so, when you’re trying to work around schedules, remember that this comes first. Ask yourself whether or not you’re getting angry at your ex over the situation itself, or are you angry that the arrangement isn’t best for your child? The latter should always be your first port of call. As before, try not to put your ex down in front of your children, as this only adds to their discomfort and leads to them feeling unable to discuss their emotions in front of either parent.

It may sound obvious, but co-parenting is very different when you both live in different households. Suddenly, you’re battling with your ex over what your child is eating or watching when they’re in their care. Unless it puts them in danger, you need to accept that you can’t control how they decide to raise them when they have care of them. Lastly, remember to keep an open mind when it comes to new relationships. Most divorced parents will embark on a new relationship at some point, which can be difficult for children to deal with. Be respectful to your ex by letting them know if you’re re-entering the dating game, as chances are they will want to meet this new person in their child’s life, and vice versa.

How to Help Your Children Cope With Divorce

Categories: Children, children's wellness, difficult, divorce, Emotional Wellness, emotions, person