After you and your spouse have decided to divorce, it can be a challenge to keep your family on the same page when it comes to holiday visits, money matters and generally keeping the peace. You’ll likely need some outside assistance to keep your family as intact as possible. Maintaining and establishing unity in the family will also be a matter of making certain personal choices that will better the family overall. Here are a few tips to keep in mind that can make divorce a little easier to deal with.
Consider Divorce Mediation
One of the best ways to settle important issues during a divorce is to attend mediation. This is likely offered by the attorney or law firm that is handling your divorce. Your lawyer will explain how divorce mediation works and will likely give you and your ex-spouse forms to fill out so you can answer questions pertaining to custody and asset management. During mediation sessions, you and your spouse will sit down with your legal representation to determine who is entitled to property like houses and automobiles, and who the children will live with full-time. When you settle these issues with the help of an attorney, it’s more likely that you’ll be able to control your temper and resolve issues quicker.
Have Conversations At the Appropriate Times
When you’re spending time as a family unit during the holidays or a child’s birthday, don’t have discussions about child support and alimony. Make family time special and anxiety-free for yourself and your children by reserving adult conversations for a later time, especially if you know the discussion could get heated.
Plan Family Outings
Try to be as civil as possible with your ex so that the two of you can go on family outings with your children. This sends the message to your kids that being a great parent is a priority to you, despite the divorce. In addition to holidays and special occasions, your kids need to spend quality family time with both parents, and both you and your ex should be committed to accomplishing this.
Don’t Criticize
No matter what, don’t speak negatively about your ex in front of your children. This taints their view of their other parent, and can make them feel as though they have to choose sides. WebMD also warns against passing messages to your ex through your children. Kids don’t need to take on the adult issues that likely led to your divorce; the messages you send my cause your child to see you or your ex in a negative or confusing light. Divorce is already difficult for children, so don’t make it worse by criticizing your ex-spouse–even if you feel justified.
Think About Family Counseling
Going to therapy as a family can also help to unify your loved ones. Counseling can also make it easier for everyone to talk about their feelings or bring up family issues. Divorce can be somewhat of a grieving process for everyone in the family, so counseling sessions can assist all family members in coming to terms with this new way of life.
The more work you do to keep the family together, the better off your children will be. Learning to get along with your ex-spouse can also contribute greatly to your peace of mind and give you the courage to embark upon new experiences in life.
About the author: A recent college graduate from University of San Francisco, Anica loves dogs, the ocean, and anything outdoor-related. She was raised in a big family, so she’s used to putting things to a vote. Also, cartwheels are her specialty. You can connect with Anica here. For more information on how divorce mediation works, Anica suggests you check out the professional services of www.cadivorcemediation.com.
