Quit Smart: How to Start an Alcoholism Abuse Recovery Plan

 

 

If you’ve been battling alcoholism, you have probably come to realize that it’s often easier to get sober than it is to stay sober. Alcoholism is typically classed as an addiction that causes you to crave alcohol and lose control of your drinking once you start. There is hope to recover from this seemingly hopeless situation, but it does take some diligence. Millions of people around the world were once in your same position, but they have learned a better way of living that doesn’t involve alcohol.

 

Think the Drink Through

Before you pick up that first drink, play the tape in your head. Alcoholics typically forget the turmoil that their drinking causes, so it’s important to keep those memories in the forefront of your mind. Whether your drinking has harmed your personal relationships, business relationships or legal situation, you must remember those potential consequences before you begin drinking. Ask yourself if those consequences are worth it, and you’ll most likely realize that they aren’t.

 

Simplify Your Sobriety

When you tell an alcoholic that they can’t drink for the rest of their lives, it sounds like a goal that’s unobtainable. The best way to stay sober is to do it one day at a time. Don’t worry about how you’re going to stay sober next week, next month or the next day, just worry about staying sober that day. Some days are more difficult than others, but remember that your cravings will eventually pass. The longer you’re able to do this, the less power your cravings will have.

 

Don’t Try to Quit on Your Own

It’s common for alcoholics to want to quit “cold turkey” because they believe they can do it on their own. The reality is that the withdrawal symptoms of alcoholism can be painful, uncomfortable and potentially dangerous. Many alcoholics justify their drinking because they don’t want to go through the withdrawals as well. Seek the help of a professional detox center, so you can safely detox and clear your head to begin a life of recovery. Others try to quit by reducing their alcohol consumption gradually. If you attempt this, be aware that even a single drink can lead to a relapse or binge when you’re trying to quit. According to a specialist who analyzes Ohio DUI tests, estimating your blood alcohol content can be difficult, so it’s best to completely abstain from alcohol consumption if you’re trying to quit.

 

Find a Support Group

You need to surround yourself with people who care about you. Sometimes this means you have to stop hanging around people you considered friends. If they don’t realize that your sobriety must come first, then they could threaten your new way of living. You can easily find a support group by simply attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and introducing yourself to people. The people in the rooms of AA understand how important a support group is and will be there whenever you’re having a rough day.

 

By acknowledging that you have a problem and that you need help, you have made a great step in the right direction. There’s no cure for alcoholism, but it can be treated when you learn how to replace your hold habits with new healthy ones. Each day your mind will begin to heal and you’ll see that you’re able to live a life far beyond what you ever expected when you were still drinking.

 

Categories: abuse, alcoholism, quit, recovery

Dangerous Drink: Four Greatest Perils of Alcohol Abuse

Enjoying a glass of wine, a beer or a cocktail is a common practice in today’s society. However, some people who are susceptible to binge drinking and alcoholism are unable to stop at just one or two drinks. They continue drinking until they have reached a dangerous level of drunkenness. This type of drinking behavior affects the well being of both the alcoholic and society. Here are four of the most dangerous side effects of consistent heavy drinking.

 

Obesity

The obesity epidemic is often thought of as a food problem. However, it is also an alcohol problem. Heavy drinkers, who consistently drink more than four alcoholic beverages a day, are 46% more likely to obese than non-drinkers. When inebriated, individuals are unable to control impulses, such as the urge to overeat. Also, they often feel hungrier because alcohol hinders the ability to process the signals that tell the brain know the body is full.

Domestic Abuse

Alcoholics are three times more likely to abuse their spouses and domestic partners. This means seventy-five percent of reported cases of spouse or domestic partner abuse involve alcohol. Also, children whose parents abuse alcohol are three times more likely to suffer abuse than children from families without an alcoholic. Since many cases of domestic assault go unreported, these numbers cannot accurately reflect the abuse suffered at the hands of alcoholics, though they do provide a close approximation. Alcoholics with violent tendencies should strongly consider professional rehabilitation. Rehab centers like Ascend Recovery and a multitude of others can help reshape the behaviors of those afflicted with alcoholism and correspondingly reduce violent episodes.

 

Crime

One-fourth of all violent crimes, in the U.S., are committed by individuals who were abusing alcohol prior to the crime. Since overconsumption of alcohol often leads to aggressive behavior, this statistic isn’t surprising. What is surprising, however, is how much higher the chances of an alcoholic committing a violent crime is than non-alcoholics. There were roughly 1.2 million violent crimes committed in the U.S last year, and approximately 17.6 million adults out of a population of 313 million individuals suffer from alcoholic tendencies. This means, alcoholics have a 5.5 times greater chance of committing a violent crime.

 

Disease

While it’s common knowledge alcoholism can lead to heart and liver diseases, it’s less commonly known that alcohol abuse can lead to diabetes and other diseases, as well. Alcohol abuse causes type 2 diabetes, first, because it interferes with the body’s glucose levels and the hormones that control blood glucose levels. Second, drinking heavily causes pancreatitis, and type 2 diabetes is a side effect of pancreatitis. Next, heavy consumption of alcohol suppresses the immune system, making it easier for over-drinkers to contract infectious diseases such as tuberculosis, HIV, and pneumonia. Alcoholism isn’t just responsible for physical ailment, but also causes several mental health issues. It is known for damaging memory, causing anxiety and depression, and it is suspected in certain cases of psychosis.

 

Light to moderate drinking, or one to two alcoholic beverages a night, is quite healthy and unlikely to lead to any long-tem social or physical problems. However, unchecked alcoholism and constant overconsumption of alcoholic beverages lead to many issues, damaging both the individual and society. These include a higher chance of being a violent crime offender, assaulting family members and loved ones, contracting serious diseases and developing obesity.

Categories: abuse, Alcohol, alcohol abuse, alcoholic, alcoholic beverages, Dangerous, drink, glucose levels, perils, violent, violent crime, violent crimes

How Can You Spot the Signs of an Abusive Relationship?

It’s been proven that women who endure or witness an abusive relationship as they grow up are more likely to become victims of abuse as an adult. However, they aren’t the only ones. Any woman can fall in love with someone who disguises their abusive side, only to reveal it later on into a relationship. Every woman should be aware of the red flags of abuse so that they can maintain a healthy relationship, and get out quickly if the relationship begins to turn sour. Abusers notoriously hide their true nature in the early stages of a relationship – if they acted the way they do towards the end, no victim of abuse would stick around. However, in most cases, abusers are manipulative and hone their skills to entrap people into believing that the abuse is something that’s deserved. Both good and bad relationships begin with a honeymoon period, where everything is new and exciting. There’s no much to learn about your new partner that you feel excited about spending all of your time with them. He is attentive and crazy about her – he begins to talk marriage and kids, which makes you feel uneasy and rushed. However, because he seems so perfect and everything you’ve ever dreamed of finding in a man, you convince yourself that he is right for you.

 

In a healthy relationship, a woman feels safe to express her opinions and concerns when she feels them. Her partner would respect her thoughts and listen to her views. However, communication is very one sided in an abusive relationship and a woman may feel threatened or ignored by her partner. He may pressure her sexually and force her into things that she wouldn’t normally do. The tension may begin to increase in the relationship, and he may begin to use phrases such as ‘Don’t you love me?’ or ‘If you loved me you would do this – while it may sound like he is craving her love on the surface, the reality is that he is using her love against her as blackmail. As the relationship progresses, he may begin to stop her going out or deciding who she spends her time with. Violence may quickly follow, where your partner feels as though he has created a period of tension that has lasted long enough where he is justified in verbally or physically abusing you. Afterwards, he will apologise and beg for forgiveness, promising that it will never happen again. This cycle will inevitably begin again and again, until you find yourself in a relationship that it wholly predictable but that you’ll struggle to get out of.

When you begin to see these warning signs, you need to walk away from the relationship. The man that you thought you were in love with is merely a facade, and the man in your relationship will continue to abuse and emotionally scar you. The only way to end the hurt from an abusive relationship is to leave it – while this may seem difficult and upsetting, it is nothing in comparison to the hurt and emotional heartache you’ll suffer if you stay. Abusers are very skilled at tricking their partners into believing that they are telling the truth but this is only acting at its best. If you are worried that you’re in a relationship that may be becoming abusive, you may find it useful to speak to someone about your problems so that they can advise you how to deal with them – a counsellor or your GP may be helpful with these matters.

Categories: abuse, abusive, abusive relationship, abusive relationships, healthy relationship, partner, relationship, romantic relationships, woman

Is a Child That You Know Being Abused or Neglected?

There can be no doubt that child abuse and neglect are truly terrible things. It is difficult to think of things that are more appalling to us than the abuse of a child – after all, children have no power do to anything about the abuse that they experience and should be looking to adults for love and care rather than anything else. We think of child neglect in very bad terms, and all right-thinking people consider it to be truly heinous and unforgivable. But sometimes we are guilty of thinking of child abuse in only the most egregious examples which can lead us to only think of abuse in black and white terms.

 

This is apparent that many of us, when considering child abuse, only think about the cliché of the child ‘walking into a door’ or the evil step-father hitting the child when the mother is absent. While these are obviously very serious issues they put us in danger of missing some other important, but perhaps less visually obvious child neglect issues. Indeed other forms of abuse such as serious neglect or emotional abuse can leave deep problems for the child that is just as problematic as physical attacks.

 

It’s true that abuse of a child is a very horrible thing, and while we can work hard to eradicate child abuse as much as we can, there will always be those who will slip through the net and we will see instances of child abuse. This will happen no matter how hard we try to prevent the situation from occurring. So the important thing to think about is how we can stop it occurring once it has started. This can obviously be a very difficult thing to do – but the sooner that we notice abuse happening and the sooner that we put a stop to it, the more benefit will be seen for the child, and surely at the end of the day that is the most important thing.

 

Unfortunately, there are a number of myths flying around that can make it more difficult for us to recognise that child abuse is happening. That’s because these myths make it seem that child abuse can’t possibly happen or would be very unlikely in the situations that we live. One myth is that it only counts as abuse if it’s violent. This clearly is not the case as we have already pointed out – abuse can be anything from name calling, sexual humiliation or almost anything mentally damages the child.

 

Another common myth is that only bad people abuse their children. Remember that with issues like bringing up children, it can be true that some parents don’t know any different and might believe that their behaviour is acceptable when it is not. It’s also thought that child abuse only occurs at the hands of strangers, when clearly much child abuse happens within the home and at the hands of otherwise loving parents.

 

Some people would also contend that abused children will always grow up to be abusers. It is important to note that this is not true either. It has been well documented that if a child is abused and they never receive any treatment or counselling for it, they may be more likely to abuse their children when they have them, but this is not always the case. Indeed, many abused children feel far more protective of their own children because they know how awful it was to experience it when they were young. It is time that we face up to these myths and expose them.

Categories: abuse, abused, abused children, Child, child abuse, child neglect, Children, nbsp, neglect, Violence

Why Abuse-Resistant Versions of Addictive Drugs Don’t Work

Addiction can have a strong grip on your mental health and wellbeing, which is why manufacturers of addictive prescription painkillers work hard to find an alternative medication that won’t get users so hooked. This was the case in August 2010, when makers of the prescription painkiller OxyContin released a abuse-resistant form of the drug that deterred drug addicts from crushing the substance and inhaling or injecting it. According to a letter published this month in the New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM), it worked; OxyContin went from being the primary drug of abuse for 36% of prescription-drug misusers to just 13% about 21 months later. Unfortunately, however, this isn’t the end of the story.

 

Instead of drug users quitting when they stopped getting high on OxyContin, they simply switched drugs. Other opioids moved in to fill the gap left by OxyContin, with drug users choice of high-potency fentanyl and hydromorphone rising from 20% to 32%, the NEJM survey showed. Even though, when drug users were asked about the substances they used to “get high in the past 30 days at least once,” OxyContin fell from 47% of respondents to 30%, the use of heroin nearly doubled. The survey authors quoted one respondent who said, “Most people that I know don’t use OxyContin to get high anymore. They have moved on to heroin [because] it is easier to use, much cheaper and easily available.”

 

For the study, the scientists researched almost 2,600 people who had been involved in treatment programmes throughout the US for prescription opioid addiction between July 2009 and March 2012. When they gathered their data, the authors were forced to conclude, “[A]n abuse-deterrent formulation successfully reduced abuse of a specific drug but also generated an unanticipated outcome: replacement of the abuse-deterrent formulation with alternative opioid medications and heroin, a drug that may pose a much greater overall risk to public health than OxyContin. Thus, abuse-deterrent formulations may not be the ‘magic bullets’ that many hoped they would be in solving the growing problem of opioid abuse.”

 

If you know anything about how addiction affects your wellness, you won’t be too surprised by the findings. There’s something to be said for how reducing the supply of particular drugs can help to prevent some new cases of addiction, but the strategy doesn’t do anything for existing addicts, and just replaces one object of addiction with another, potentially more harmful, one. This is due to the fact that addiction doesn’t lie in the drug itself, but rather in a dysfunctional coping strategy for the widespread human desire to manage emotions. On a more superficial level, it’s like taking cupcakes away from someone who’s trying to lose weight, but has a problem with emotional eating. That person wasn’t addicted to the cupcakes, they were relying on the dysfunctional coping strategy – the emotional eating – and so will simply switch to chocolate or ice-cream.

 

Therefore, doctors who simply cut off addicted patients’ supply of prescription drugs, or pharmaceutical companies who introduce abuse-deterrent formulas, do not address the underlying need that drives the addiction. In fact, it just pushes these people into the market for street drugs, which makes the situation so much worse. They lose contact with the medical system, purchase drugs that are more likely to be adulterated or even poisonous, and don’t know the exact dose they’re getting, which increases overdose risk. Though it may seem counterintuitive, we should be bringing as many opioid addicts as possible into the medical system and using opioids themselves in treatment when necessary, instead of driving them out and into the hands of the illegal heroin market.

Categories: abuse, abuse deterrent, abuse resistant, Abuse-Resistant Drugs, coping strategy, deterrent formulation, Drug, drug addiction, drug users, dysfunctional coping, emotional eating

Unseen Damage: The Silent Scars of Emotional Abuse

One in every four women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime, which impacts your emotional health long after the threat to your physical wellbeing has gone. The more concerning stats show that most women are afraid to report abuse, with only 25% of physical assaults and just 20% of rapes being reported to the police. However, according to Gunta Krumins, BA, PMP, author of The Detrimental Effects of Emotional Abuse, psychological or emotional abuse is even more underreported and harder to prove, which mean many women’s emotional wellness is at risk to this silent epidemic.

 

Krumins argues, ‘Emotional abuse is the silent monster in our midst, occurring in neighbours’ and loved ones’ homes more than we realise. It is a tragic situation that’s a daily reality for millions. A widespread illegal activity is being ignored when people are victimised in their own homes. What emotional abusers are doing to their victims is criminal and has to be stopped.’ While you may think of an emotional abuser as an obvious, out-and-out bully, often they are “silent monsters” that know precisely how to manipulate situations, and control, hurt and humiliate their victims, all the while appearing to be affectionate.

 

Krumins notes, ‘Emotional abuse is about someone manipulating your emotions on a psychological level, and it goes beyond simple verbal bullying.’ The abusive behaviour is readily explained away or excused by the abuser, but, make no mistake, they know exactly what they’re doing, says Krumins. ‘They’ve been perfecting what they do to people ever since they were little – and they chose to be this way,’ she adds. ‘They don’t want to change and they don’t care who they hurt as long as no one suspects them, and the situation works for them.’

 

The problem with emotional abuse is that it can be hard to spot, as it doesn’t leave any discernible scars. However, there are signs of emotional abuse – albeit subtle ones – and the best way to tackle the epidemic is by raising awareness. People who report suspected abuse often say that nothing seems obviously wrong, but they just had a sense that something seemed off. Your best friend’s new boyfriend seems too good to be true, for example, and you just don’t believe he has genuine affection for her. Krumins explains, ‘You may see or feel things that are off and start second-guessing yourself or making excuses for oddities. Trust your instincts. They’re usually right. And if you know what you’re looking for, you’ll be able to help your best friend.’

 

When you’re the one being emotionally abused, it’s hard to admit to other people that the supposed love of your life is hurting you. However, embarrassment is never a good enough reason to stay in a harmful relationship. When you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you can suffer feelings of conflict, grief, insecurity, feeling overwhelmingly stifled and that nothing you do or say is right or good enough. No matter what you try, be it standing up for yourself or telling the abuser exactly what he wants to hear, the abuse doesn’t readily ease up. Krumins comments, ‘This negative pressure will come at you in various forms, such as threatening, blaming, accusing, yelling, teasing and even laughing, and is applied 24/7 in extreme cases.’

 

Krumins urges, ‘As a victim, no matter what you are being told, you must know that it is not your fault and know that the abuser has no intention of changing. The only thing you can do is leave. Get someone to help you pack your bags and stay away from this person. Never go back. He means you harm.’ She adds, ‘As a community, we have to change our attitude toward emotional abuse. If we continue to ignore it or walk away from those who need our help, we just become enablers ourselves. We have to openly start challenging abusers and holding them accountable for their actions. Exposing the perpetrators of emotional abuse is the very least we can all do to help the victims.’

Categories: abuse, emotional, emotional abuse, krumins, nbsp, nbsp krumins, people, Silent Epidemic, Underreported

How to Talk to Your Teenager about the Dangers of Abuse

This weekend, a 16-year-old girl from Mumbai has claimed that she was raped at a party in Kandivali after her drink was spiked. This the second such incident in a fortnight that has involved a minor and sexual abuse occurring in the midst of friends, which makes it a family wellness wake-up call to parents and young people alike. This is according to child wellness experts, who have commented on the incidents and advised parents and teenagers that it is better to be safe than sorry.

According to Pooja Taparia, founder and CEO of NGO Arpan, which works towards freedom from child sexual abuse, ‘We encourage parents to talk about personal safety. Instead of focusing on dos and don’ts, create an environment where you have an open communication channel with your children.’ Taparia advises that you need to talk very openly with your children and discuss the risks that such incidents involve. It is also recommended that, for the sake of your teenager’s wellbeing, you know about their friends. However, avoid becoming too intrusive or judgmental because your teen will only want to rebel.

Psychiatrist Hemangi Dhavale commented, ‘It might seem old-fashioned, but it isn’t advisable to let young girls stay over with unknown friends,’ and so you need to take some responsibility and ensure your young children are supervised. She added that you should also be aware of any new friends your children might make, as well as the kind of entertainment they indulge in. ‘Parents could keep a set of number of friends so that if their child doesn’t return home they at least have a contact point,’ Dhavale said.

However, a worrying fact of abuse is that a lot of it occurs within your circle of loved ones and neighbours. Sandeep Shinde, of voluntary organisation Childline, noted, ‘Even when children report such abuse to adults, parents often try to suppress such complaints or fail to acknowledge them. It is essential that they take cognizance of such complaints and act on them.’ Counsellors encourage children to speak up against abuse, even if it is initiated by a loved one, and to confide in someone they trust.

How to Talk to Your Teenager about the Dangers of Abuse

Categories: abuse, Children, Dialogue, Friends, Parents, Sexual Abuse, Teenagers, young

Teen Relationships: Are You Aware What’s Going On?

Teen romances aren’t always light hearted and filled with love – some are subject to violence, so you should be aware of the signs so as to be able to help your teen through this time. Abuse in relationships can happen to both men and women, but it is more likely to happen to women and girls. It also happens in same sex relationships. Both physical and emotional abuse can leave a damaging scar on a person’s confidence and mental health, as well as leading to depression, drug and alcohol problems, and eating disorders in some cases.

 

Sexual abuse can also result in pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. There are many facets of physical abuse, from hitting and kicking to pressuring someone into something they don’t want to do, such as sexual activity. Emotional abuse can involve saying things to make your partner feel stupid or small, pressuring them into doing things they don’t want to, checking up on them all the time to find out what they’re doing, and threatening them. Mobile phones and the internet have made abusive partners worse in many ways, making it easier to control people and find out where they are all the time. If you suspect that your child is being abused in their relationship, you should speak to them about it and express your concerns. It’s important that they realise that such behaviour isn’t ok, and that they don’t need to put up with it. Some teens feel that such acts are just part of being in a relationship or that their partner is just messing around. It’s your role as their parent to advise them of the truth and to make them understand that they don’t need to be controlled, whether it is violently or through words.

 

There are signs that you can keep an eye out for, so as to spot the signals of an abusive relationship early on. These include your child’s boyfriend or girlfriend getting extremely jealous when they do anything or go out without them; they may monitor their calls or texts, or check their social network accounts for messages. If they have trouble controlling their emotions, particularly anger, then you may want to be watchful that they aren’t taking this anger out on your teen. Many abusers are verbally abusive and use force when arguing as well. They may also stop their boyfriend or girlfriend from seeing their friends or family as much. Some girls put up with this as they feel that it is a sign their partner loves them and is simply jealous, but this is not true. This form of control is about being manipulative, it is not about love or romance.

 

If you suspect that your child is being abused, you should express that you are there for them and that they can always come to you no matter what. Victims of abuse often feel ashamed so you need to tell them that it isn’t their fault. Finding the words can be difficult, as you will no doubt be worried and concerned, but try to be as emphatic as you can that you are there for them no matter what happens. If you or your teenager are unsure what to do, or how to react to the situation, you may benefit from speaking to a counsellor who can help you navigate the situation safely and effectively. Your GP may be able to help you seek out such services in your local area.

Categories: abuse, emotional abuse, feel, relationship, relationship wellness, teen, Teenagers, time

Does Childhood Neglect Cause A Big Problem?

What do you think of when someone talks about childhood neglect? For some people the idea of neglect is certainly a bad thing and something that would seem to shame parents and anyone who is involved. But do we really consider that childhood neglect is such a bad thing. Clearly no-one is saying it’s a good thing or that people should be lauded by neglecting children. However, we might not think that it is appalling as certain other crimes against children such as physical abuse or sexual abuse. It’s only now that attitudes are beginning to change as we are starting to see the real problems that abuse can cause, not just emotionally but physically as well.

 

Science is now showing people the truth about the neglect of children, and it’s not painting a pretty picture at all. In fact, science is now showing that neglect is very dangerous for the health of a child, both in the sense that it can cause problems for their ability to interact socially, but also because neglect during childhood appears to affect a change in the brain that children will never be able to recover from.

 

So, is it possible then that childhood neglect might actually be more damaging that physical abuse or sexual abuse. One team of scientists decided to have a look into this and see if they could ascertain how much of an effect that neglect has on children. To do so, they looked at mice, which might seem like a strange thing to do, but mice have complex social structures much like humans do. Placing young mice in isolation, to simulate the realities of neglect among very young children, the researchers were able to study how the mice reacted on their return to normal society.

 

The team were able to notice that the mice who were put in isolation didn’t act normally on their return to living with other mice. They were seen to be anti-social in a way that mice that have grown up normally do not seem to be. In effect they were able to integrate back into their society after they had suffer the isolated conditions that would be the same as childhood neglect for children. This shows that children who are neglected will find it difficult to act normally when they grow up, and obviously shows on one level how bad that neglect is for children.

 

However, the researchers were able to look a little deeper into what might be causing these children to have trouble integrating into society after neglect. Perhaps you’d imagine that simply the emotional trauma is what would cause the problems, but apparently this is just the problem on the surface; the real issue is physical rather than emotional.

 

The researchers were able to learn that while the mice were in isolation their brains began to change. Certain cells that are important in terms of forming emotions and bonds were shown to be very thin in these mice. This shows that it is actually a physical change that happens and is the likely cause of the issues with the mice returning to their society.

 

With children who suffer neglect, it may be that they have the same problems and that their inability to function normally is caused by this. This worrying analysis suggests that we must treat the neglect of children very seriously, because it is likely to be damaging them for life, in ways that cannot be easily or ever fixed. Just like physical or sexual abuse, neglect has the power to ruin lives.

Categories: abuse, childhood, childhood neglect, Children, Mice, neglect, physical abuse, Sexual Abuse, society nbsp

How to Ensure Your Child Avoids Online Predators

Although we read about it a lot in the papers and on the TV, the chances of your child being harmed by an adult are very small. However, no parent wants their child to be at risk, so you will no doubt be looking for ways to ensure their safety when they’re online. People who abuse children come from all classes, professions and can be any age or gender. It’s common for victims of abuse to know their abuser – it may be a family friend or a family member. Once they have been abused, they will often be threatened and blackmailed in order to keep their silence. It’s vital that you take action if you think your child or another child is being abused. The NSPCC helpline offers advice for people who are concerned about a child’s welfare, or you can speak to your local police for advice. Abusers often groom the children they abuse, which means getting to know the child and gaining their trust before abusing them – this doesn’t just happen online, but can happen in person as well. Abusers usually put themselves in places or positions where they can be close to children, such as playgrounds or parks where young children play and hang out with friends. This is something to be aware of if your child plays in local areas with their friends.

 

The best thing you can do for your child, first and foremost, is to make them feel loved and valued. Give them the confidence to believe in themselves and their judgement, and educate them on safety and how to act with people they don’t know or may not trust. Be cautious when an adult becomes extremely interested in your child, such as if they’re very keen to babysit them all the time or to take them out on their own. You should also  ensure that your child knows that they can talk openly with you, and that you’ll believe whatever they tell you – children very rarely lie about abuse, so if they flag an issue up to you, you should take it seriously. Give your child a curfew, so that you can know where they are and what time they will be out until. Make sure that your child doesn’t go out alone, and that you pick them up after they’ve been out to meet their friends so that you know that they’ve got home safely. It’s also important that you teach your child that it’s safer to hang out in a large group rather than on their own or with just a couple of people. If they walk or get the bus to school without you,  encourage them to stay in public areas where others can see them, or to walk with friends.

Children use the internet regularly now, but you don’t need to panic and ban your kids from using it out of fear that they’ll talk to strangers. The best way to ensure their safety is to educate them about how to use the internet properly. This means teaching them about the dangers of online grooming, about avoiding social networks and chat rooms where predators groom children, and to monitor the sites that they use. You can use a programme to stop your children accessing porn or chat room sites, to keep them as safe as possible. Discourage your children from posting pictures of themselves online, and if they make a friend online who they later want to meet up with don’t ever let them do so without an adult chaperone.

Categories: abuse, Child, Children, Online, Online privacy, people, Safety

The Scars of Abuse: Study Shows Impact on Brain Patterns

There’s no denying that childhood sexual and emotional abuse leave their scars on your wellbeing, but a new study has shown that it leaves a distinct pattern on your brain, which feeds into other areas of emotional health. The research, published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, finds that emotional abuse affects the regions of your brain involved in self-awareness, while sexual abuse affecting areas involved in genital sensation.

 

The study, which connects specific types of abuse to symptoms experienced by many survivors later in life, is based on brain imaging from 51 women in Atlanta, aged 18 to 45 who took part in a larger project on the impact that early trauma has on your wellness. Of these participants, 23 experienced either no maltreatment or next to nothing, while the other 28 had been seriously maltreated as children, suffering from various combinations of neglect and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. The women were given a standard questionnaire on childhood trauma to assess their early-childhood experiences, and then the researchers scanned their brains to measure the thickness of various regions of the cortex.

 

There’s a correlation between healthy brain development and thicker cortical regions. Much in the same way that using your muscles enables them to grow and develop, “exercising” regions in the brain means that they will tend to be bigger. However, abuse can get in the way of these regions being used, as your brain can alter patterns of signalling from the pathways involved in order cope with the overwhelming experiences of distress. This reduced input eventually means that those regions will be underdeveloped.

 

Jens Pruessner, associate professor of psychiatry at McGill University in Montreal, explains, ‘If abuse was of a sexual type, we saw changes in the somatosensory cortex, the area that processes input from the body to create sensations and perceptions.’ In this area, a map of your body is created on your brain, each region of which processes sensation from specific body parts. According to Pruessner, compared to women who had not been sexually abused, ‘women who were sexually abused had thinning in the area where the genitalia were located.’

 

This seems to tie in with anecdotal evidence that many sexual-abuse survivors give, albeit varying depending on the severity and the amount of abuse. Still, sexual-abuse survivors generally report sexual problems in adulthood, such as reductions in desire and sensation and even chronic genital pain. Pruessner notes, ‘There are some studies suggesting that thinning of the cortex [in these regions] would be associated with a lowered pain threshold, so you would more easily perceive pain instead of touch from that area.’

 

Emotional abuse left a different type of scar. ‘We [saw thinning] in areas that have to do with self-awareness and emotional regulation, areas in the prefrontal cortex and medial temporal lobe, which typically show activation when people are asked to think about themselves or reflect on their emotions,’ says Pruessner. Depending on who you are and the particular circumstances of the abuse, such experiences can leave you prone to depression, moodiness and extreme or dulled emotional responsiveness. ‘As adults,’ Pruessner adds. ‘[Victims have difficulty] reflecting on themselves and finding the right way to deal with emotions.’

 

In an editorial accompanying the study, Dr. Maria Oquendo, a professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, and her colleagues wrote, ‘If replicated, these data provide compelling evidence about the enduring structural effects on the brain as a function of early life experience.’ Current research is increasingly suggesting that the brain can change dramatically when provided with the right type of support and emotional nourishment, and so this study can shed light on goes wrong during and after abuse, which will help them figure out how to make it right. ‘That is our long-term hope,’ Pruessner says.

Categories: abuse, abuse survivors, Brain, Cortex, emotional, emotional abuse, regions, Research, sexual, Sexual Abuse, sexually abused

Has Sex With Children Ever Been OK?

We have a tendency to act in the extreme when there is any suggestion of an adult having sex with or performing sexual acts upon a child. It is something that is undoubtedly abhorrent to us, and rightly so – the grotesque acts of an adult taking advantage of a child are some of the most predatory and worrying things that we can imagine. Sexual abuse against children is very wrong by our modern standards, but it seems that this was something that was far more lax in the past.

 

Indeed, when you think about all of the cases of sexual abuse by children’s TV presenters and radio DJs from the 1960s apparently or allegedly attacking children sexually and using their influence to force sex upon them, one thing that is apparent is that obviously the culture was different. In today’s society, if someone saw somebody abusing a child they would be appalled and feel compelled to act, while it seems that in the past this was considered not really to be so much of a problem. It’s true that these sexual predators were able to get away with their crimes mainly because of the inaction of others.

 

In an interview with TIME magazine, the celebrated biologist Richard Dawkins was able to speak candidly about the fact that he was molested when he was a child. But interestingly, rather than condemning it as an evil act of which the perpetrator should be severely punished, Dawkins was actually more able to be forgiving and lenient. In fact, what he effectively suggested was that we should not judge the molesters of the past by the standards of today, because clearly attitudes have changed towards the subject and people were not considered to be monsters back in the day, and clearly they are now.

 

In his descriptions of his attack, Dawkins describes the act as being unpleasant and embarrassing, but stops short of claiming that it had made a huge impression on him or done anything to ruin his life. Indeed, perhaps it was because his attack was a relatively minor affair compared to some sexual abuses stories (although we must be careful not to take any sexual abuse lightly) nevertheless, Dawkins does not seem to feel too much ill will towards his abuser, who was his master at school, and was revealed to have abused many of the children.

 

However, this feels like a very soft way to deal with someone who is effectively a paedophile. It is perhaps a little worrying that Dawkins is suggesting that such forgiveness should be granted simply based on the time that the attack took place. Indeed, it is clear that survivors of sexual abuse take many different views of what should be done to deal with people who are doing such things. Some take a very relaxed approach, like Dawkins, while others who perhaps suffered more greatly will rightly feel a true sense of injustice when we think about how much of a breach of trust that happens when an adult assaults a child.

 

Of course it was never OK to have sex with or perform sexual acts upon children. Children, by their very nature, can’t ever be seen to have the true understanding of reality to be able to make a decision on their own. Some, like Dawkins, will be able to forgive their attackers, while others may well be more traumatised by the event and feel the need to see a degree of justice against them. This is a tricky moral area, and one that must be approached sensitively.

Categories: abuse, Children, Dawkins, sexual, Sexual Abuse, sexual acts

What Everyone Ought To Know About Twitter Bullies

Women everywhere are reporting that they are suffering from online bullying, particularly on sites such as Twitter. This kind of oppression can lead to problems with mental wellness and wellbeing, and yet is generally accepted in society.

 

Caroline Criado-Perez was recently part of a campaign to allow women to be featured on British bank notes, and was successful, with the recent announcement that author Jane Austen will soon feature on a British banknote. Following the high-profile campaign, however, Craido-Perez was subjected to intimidation and threats of sexual violence on Twitter.

 

In May, Facebook was forced to change the way that it deals with any material which portrays violence towards women in a positive way after thousands of users complained about vile and hateful groups set up on Facebook which showed horrendous images of abused women. One such image showed a woman lying at the bottom of the stairs and had the caption, ‘Next time, don’t get pregnant’.

 

An Everyday Sexism project has been set up by a woman named Laura Bates, to highlight the problem that casual sexism is in today’s society. She accused Facebook of ‘hiding behind’ the idea of free speech, and they have recently agreed to change their policies.

 

Lucy-Ann Holmes, who is currently campaigning against topless women appearing in family newspapers has also reported receiving death threats on social media.

 

In fact, many women report that they are subjected to sexually explicit messages on the internet from a young age. People who carry out this kind of abuse online are often known as ‘trolls’ and it is not just women who have reported being targeted by online abuse from anonymous people.

 

Twitter is now under pressure to introduce a ‘report’ button to help people report when they have received an abusive or threatening tweet, so that they will be forced to investigate and take action against people who behave in this way online.

Categories: abuse, nbsp, Online, people, twitter, Women

New Child Abuse Law Exempt from Statute of Limitations

A new law-related game changer could be on the cards in Minnesota where lawsuits are being brought forward by those who were sexually abused as children due to a recent exemption to the statute of limitations. Attorney Jeff Anderson is currently battling for a family to have a trial, due to an issue involving the Boy Scouts of America. Anderson is currently in talks with a judge to convince them to hold the Boy Scouts civilly liable for Peter Stibal, who is currently serving 14 years in prison for molesting young boys. It’s believed that Stibal had previously been known as an offender before he abused the child of the family Anderson is working with, so why were these red flags not highlighted earlier?

 

While the case against the Boy Scouts is not affected by the new law, which states that such child abuse cases can be brought forward at any time rather than being erased after a set time frame, Anderson has been key in getting the so-called perversion files released. He is now working to develop something similar from the Catholic archdiocese, which is the name of 47 priests thought to be involved in sexual misconduct. In light of the new law surrounding children, he believes that he could have another chance at making those names public knowledge. The new law in Minnesota allows a three-year retroactive exemption for victims of child sex abuse from the statute of limitations. In the future there will be no limitations at all for cases of child sex abuse.

 

The Archdiocese of Saint Paul and Minneapolis is committed to making sure that children and young people are as safe as possible. Since 2002 the archdiocese has implemented the requirements from the Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People, which was adopted by the US Conference of Catholic Bishops to ensure that extraordinary measurements were taken to protect children in school, parishes and religious education classes.

Categories: abuse, Children, law

Meditation, Intuitive Guidance & Counselling to Overcome Abuse

It is shocking how commonplace abuse is and once it has stopped or been stopped, how do we get over it and rebuild ourselves and our lives?

 

Abuse comes in many forms and at many different times in life. It can be so mild and so well disguised that you hardly register it as abuse or so full on that there is no mistaking it; but in all cases the receiver of the abuse always feels powerless to do anything about it.

 

We can be sexually abused, physically abused and verbally abused, the latter often coming in the form of bullying or of undermining confidence. The common factor in all these different types of abuse is that they all undermine our understanding of our self-worth at a deeply subconscious level. All forms of abuse creates victims.

 

There is a misconception that to be a victim you have to be someone who has a weak character. This is so very clearly not the case, either when the abuse is carried out on a child or on an adult. It is easier for us to understand why a child would succumb to abuse, especially by an adult and someone they know and trust, as is sadly often the case, but how can this happen to an adult? Why don’t they stand up for themselves and fight back?

 

An abuser works in an insidious way, feeding data into the person’s mind until they lose sight of who they are, who they always knew they were! Value systems, trust and self-confidence erode, giving the perpetrator of the abuse the way to continue.

 

The majority of abused adults I meet are anything but weak characters. They are often feisty, strong people who no-one would ever call a wimp! In fact it is precisely because they are strong, capable people who have control of most aspects of their lives that the abuser is able to, and again I use the word, insidiously work on them.

 

The victim (child or adult) usually blames themselves and feels immense shame. In the case of sexually abused children perhaps the abuser persuades the child that what is happening is a good thing and the right thing even their ‘special secret’.  With physical and violent abuse and bullying, the child or adult will be terrified that they will make things worse for themselves by creating a fuss though sadly, by keeping quiet they of course enable and prolong the abuse.

 

What happens to abused children when they become adults if they have not been rescued, if their voices have not been heard? Can we even imagine the frustration caused by the impotence of just being a child? Everything is completely out of their control. Can we begin to imagine the despair of the child; the anger, shame and humiliation, lack of self-esteem of the adult they become?

 

Frequently as adults they themselves become self-abusers, continuing this negativity in their lives, being ‘seduced’ by the familiar pattern, or sometimes even by becoming an abuser of others, perpetuating a learned pattern of behaviour. When these children have grown into adults, (and remember this adult has no idea of their self-worth), they experience anger and shame at the injustice of what has happened to them. This may be aimed at their abuser, perhaps adults within their immediate circle whose help they may have (often fruitlessly) tried to enlist. Mainly the anger and shame they feel is of themselves, believing they are to blame and have somehow brought this abuse upon themselves. As a direct result self-abuse may begin. For example self-harming, excessive promiscuity, addiction to alcohol or drugs; the need to continue the familiarity of abuse is extremely powerful.

 

One thing common to all though, is the absolute certainty that they cannot trust anyone and that they will be betrayed at some point. As a result and as a self-fulfilling prophesy, they subconsciously destroy one way or another, any chance of close relationships.

 

Abuse is yet another reason why I am such a strong advocate of children learning to meditate as early as possible, and it is possible for children to learn from the age of 5. Through the quietening and strengthening process of meditation, our children have the possibility of achieving a stronger sense of themselves, their identity and self-worth.

 

The quietening process of Meditation also helps us become receptive to Intuitive Counselling and combined with Meditation the abused person will be gently guided to look at it, acknowledge it and accept it and themselves, enabling them to move forward towards discovering or rediscovering themselves, their strength and their self-worth.

 

All of us hold conversations in our minds which can be very negative and damaging and unnecessarily self-critical; but for an abused person, those mind conversations are extreme. Meditation can completely transform those conversations from negative to positive ones and, at the same time, quieten the incessant chattering and nagging of the monkey mind. With this new positivity and strength we are able to accept and take on board ways to change our situation(s), putting past experiences well and truly behind us and embracing the present and future with less fear and with self-assurance.

 

Difficult life experiences are part of life. None of us is completely exempt. These experiences may always, in some way, be a part of us but they need not be obstacles in our lives by preventing us from having healthy relationships and living our lives to the full. Learning to quieten at soul level through Peace of Mind Silent Meditation will ensure that we do.

Contact Sonia Wynn-Jones MBRCP at:

Sonia@peaceofmind-online.com  or call 07968 078 455

Categories: abuse, bullying, meditation