How to Actually Talk to Your Partner About Your Sex Lives

According to psychotherapist Joyce Marter, ‘A client once said to me, “I’m nervous to talk with my wife about my sexual needs, because you are the only person who knows that part of my life.” This statement struck me as wildly paradoxical. How could I, a person with whom my client has a strictly professional relationship, know more about his sexual life than the woman with whom he has sex?’ Most of us are embarrassed to talk to our partners about sex. You might divulge a few tid bits to your friends, or speak to a professional, but to actually discuss sexual health with the person you’re having sex with? No thank you! However, talking about sex won’t only improve your sexual wellbeing; it may also save your relationship wellness.

 

Marter explains, ‘After nearly 20 years of counselling individuals and couples, it is clear that there is also a “chicken and egg” relationship between sex and relationship problems. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which came first. Some couples are sexually disconnected because of a relationship issues and others have interpersonal conflict that stems from sexual problems. Perhaps it doesn’t really matter which is addressed first, as long as there is a shared, open and courageous attempt to resolve their issues.’ But how do you actually do that? Luckily, Marter has shared her top tips for improving your sex life:

 

1. Stop, Meditate and Listen: Marter recommends, ‘Quiet your mind via meditation and ask the deeper self within what you desire sexually. Notice any negative thoughts or beliefs that induce fear, guilt or shame – breathe them out and let them go. Replace them with a mantra such as, “I am a sexual being and deserve a gratifying sexual life.”’

 

2. Write it Down: ‘Write down the issues that are preventing you from having the sexual life you want,’ Marter instructs. ‘Create a plan for how to address and resolve those issues. (For example, talk with your doctor about your medication side effects, hit the gym to feel sexier, get in couples therapy about your relationship issues, seek individual therapy about your addiction to porn, carve out time for coupling, etc.)’

 

3. Connect Your Mind and Body: Marter advises, ‘Because many people are overly focused on their minds, connect with your body through exercise, stretching, progressive muscle relaxation and mindfulness techniques to increase body awareness and subsequently improve your sexual experiences. Take care of yourself so you feel desirable and confident.’

 

4. Accentuate Your Relationship: ‘Detach from the imperfections we all have physically and focus on your sense of aliveness within’ says Marter. ‘And the passionate energy exchange between you and your partner. Avoid magazines and media with harmful messages about body image.’

 

5. COMMUNICATE: ‘Find your voice and dig up the courage to talk with you partner(s) about your sexual feelings, needs and desires,’ Marter encourages. ‘Be open and honest. Ask your partner what he or she wants (detach from judgment and defensiveness). Be open in your communication and aim to be a good lover (like karma, this will come back at you). Use “I” statements, rather than “you” statements to decrease defensiveness (e.g., “I desire more oral sex” vs. “You never go down on me.”) Similar to parenting and management, sexual communication requires that you give three positive statements for every piece of negative feedback (“I love when you do this, this and this, but am not really loving that…”).’

 

6. Experiment Together: Marter suggests, ‘Connect with your partner through music, art, dance, poetry, nature, food, and other shared sensual experiences that will set the tone for intimacy and connection. Be open to new experiences and talk openly without judgment.’

Categories: Communication, experimentation, life nbsp, marter, meditation, nbsp, relationship, relationship issues, sexual, sexual life, talk

How Meditation Can Help You to Cut Your Age in Half

While you can’t technically die of “old age;” there’s a clear link between anti-ageing wellness an your overall wellbeing. In fact, the American Academy of Anti-Ageing Medicine states that 90% of all adult illness is due to the degenerative processes of ageing. But what exactly is anti-ageing medicine, and how does it work to help you prevent potentially life-threatening diseases? According to Angela Eksteins, a qualified expert in organics, alternative healing techniques and philosophies, ‘Anti-ageing medicine, aiming for longevity and optimal health, is most certainly the “specialty” of the future and is based on the early detection, prevention and reversal of age-related disease. While science continues to search for answers, research has already revealed that meditation is a potent anti-ageing practice that can take years off your physiological age.’

 

But how can meditating help you to stay young? Eksteins explains, ‘Ageing is most certainly a complex issue with many factors coming into play, but one thing that researchers do agree on is that stress (mental, emotional, and physical) causes us to age… In a recent interview with CNN, Dan Buettner, author of The Blue Zones and researcher into longevity hotspots around the world, suggests small lifestyle changes can add up to 10 years to most people’s lives. He says ageing is 10% genetic and 90% lifestyle. Buettner stated that having mechanisms to shed stress, like prayer and meditation, was of high importance in the longevity hotspots he studied and a major factor in long-term health and ageing.’

 

Eva Selhub, MD, Medical Director of the Mind/Body Medical Institute notes, ‘If we can affect the stress response, we can affect the ageing process. There’s a reason why experienced meditators live so long and look so young.’ Dr. Robert Keith Wallace has actually looked into this reason; publishing research based on the practice of Transcendental Meditation in the International Journal of Neuroscience. He found that participants with an average age of 50 – chronologically speaking – who who had been practicing Transcendental Meditation for over five years had a biological age 12 years younger than their chronological age. This means that meditating long-term can give you the physiology of a 43-year-old when you’re 55. In fact, several of the subjects in the study were found to have a biological age 27 years younger than their chronological age, meaning that 55-year-olds could half their physiological age!

 

Eksteins points out, ‘History reveals many examples of seemingly “ageless” saints, dedicated to the practice of meditation, whose lives have demonstrated the enormous capacity of the human body to live much longer than today’s average life span. Yes, these ageless saints and yogis practically dedicated their whole lives to meditation but even we, as average householders, can potentially live much longer, healthier lives. Meditation has revealed itself to be one of the most beneficial practices to relieve some of the stress related to ageing.’

 

In his book Love, Medicine and Miracles, Bernard Siegel, MD, Professor at Yale University School of Medicine, wrote, ‘Other doctors’ scientific research and my own day-to-day clinical experience have convinced me that the state of the mind changes the state of the body by working through the central nervous system, the endocrine system, and the immune system. Peace of mind sends the body a “live” message, while depression, fear and unresolved conflict give it a “die” message.’ He adds, ‘The physical benefits of meditation have recently been well documented by Western medical researchers. Meditation also raises the pain threshold and reduces one`s biological age… In short, it reduces wear and tear on both body and mind, helping people live longer and better.’

Categories: age nbsp, ageing medicine, ageing nbsp, ageless saints, anti ageing, biological age, chronological age, longevity hotspots, meditation, physiological age, Research

Fitness Tips: Expert Advice To Help You Reach Your Potential

The best way to achieve your fitness and wellness goals is to arm yourself with the best information you can find. After all, this is your body we’re talking about, and the wrong advice could seriously put your wellbeing at risk. Therefore, we’ve asked some of the top health and fitness pros around to share their best tips, mantras, and motivation secrets to help you reach your fitness potential.

 

1. Start Your Day Right: ‘Has your busy schedule taken over your workout routine? Fit in fitness first thing,’ says Elizabeth Burwell Hendrix, co-owner of High Performance NYC training facility in Manhattan. ‘Research shows that people who work out first thing in the morning work out more often. Why? Because you’re less likely to make excuses when you get it done before something else can get in your way.’

 

2. Meditate: Jennifer Galardi, owner of LivWhole in New York City, recommends, ‘Learn how to incorporate meditation into your daily routine, no matter how brief. So much of our suffering, pain, insecurities, and struggles are caused by a disconnection with ourselves and our source. Meditation costs nothing, requires nothing, and can be done anywhere. In order to change your body, you need to change your mind and the way it is hardwired.’

 

3. Forget about Fat Burning: ‘Stop worrying about the exact percentage of fat you burn during exercise (i.e. staying in the “fat burning” zone),’ instructs JC Santana, owner of the Institute of Human Performance (IHP) in Boca Raton. ‘Instead, focus on the total calories burned from fat (which include the calories you burn after an intense strength session). To burn more fat over a 24-hour period (and not to mention, get in great shape), go as hard as you can, as long as you can.’

 

4. Find that Fitness Feeling: Michele Olson, PhD, professor of exercise science at Auburn University Montgomery and creator of the Perfect Legs, Glutes & Abs DVD, advises, ‘Instead of only looking to the scale and the mirror for feedback, focus first and foremost on how exercise makes you feel—more energetic, healthier, and less stressed. Cosmetic changes will naturally occur if you seek out and adopt a fitness plan that you enjoy and take to heart.’

 

5. Love What You Do: According to Liz Neporent, a spokesperson for the American Council on Exercise and author of the fourth edition of Fitness for Dummies, you need to keep trying new things until you reach the fitness routine of your dreams. ‘If you try something and it doesn’t work, try something else,’ she says. ‘If you’re injured, switch gears and focus on another aspect of your fitness until you heal. Never stop searching for the right workout and schedule until you create exactly what works for you. When you find it, don’t be swayed by fads, the opinion of others or even the experts. Doing what you love is the surest way to ensure you will be fit for life.’

 

6. Practise Parkinson’s Law: ‘Parkinson’s Law states that the perceived complexity of a task expands to fill the time you allot it,’ explains John Romaniello, a New York City based coach, writer, and owner of Roman Fitness System. ‘So if you don’t set hard deadlines and timelines, you’re not going to be as focused or productive as you could be. Instead of wasting time at the gym, create hard deadlines for your workouts: estimate how long your session should take and enforce that you finish in that amount of time or less. Create a negative consequence for not sticking to it. Once you begin to create and enforce deadlines, the BS gets toned down and the results increase dramatically.’

Categories: burn, exercise, fitness, hard deadlines, meditation, morning exercise, nbsp, owner, Parkinson's Law, york city

Can Alternative Therapies Help You to Quit Smoking?

If you’ve quit smoking successfully, the chances are you’ve used complementary wellness methods to help you do it. Many a successful quitter has gotten through the pangs of cigarette withdrawal using techniques such as hypnosis, acupuncture, or meditation, as these therapies address all the areas in which smoking affects your wellbeing and develop a healthy balance between your physical and mental wellness. There are many doctors who recommend alternative approaches, but they do also encourage patients to try them in conjunction with other quitting methods such as the patch or nicotine gum.

 

Amit Sood, MD, director of research for the Mayo Clinics complementary and integrative medicine programme, asserts, ‘People shouldn’t think that alternative modalities will help alone; they should be combined with other treatment. Smoking is a serious problem and should be treated like a real chronic disease.’ While it’s difficult to measure the success of alternative approaches to quitting smoking in a clinical setting, you cannot doubt the popularity of alternative medicine overall, with regards to smoking cessation or not. In the US, a 2002 government survey estimated that 36% of Americans had used some form of complementary or alternative therapy within the previous 12 months – clearly, something was working for them! Let’s take a look at some of the alternative therapies that may help you to quit smoking, once and for all:

 

1. Hypnosis: This therapy can relax your mind so that you identify the things that subconsciously trigger you to smoke. Alan B. Densky, a certified hypnotherapist who specializes in smoking cessation, explains, ‘Hypnosis is nothing more than the alpha state—a state of mind that we pass through as we fall asleep at night, go deep into a memory, or as we watch television.’ A hypnotherapist will take your case history of past attempts at quitting, and then induce you into a state of relaxation—often through the methods of guided meditation or visualization. Your hypnotherapist will then ask begin a conversation to explore what might motivate the patient to quit. According to the preliminary results from a small 2007 study of smokers hospitalized with cardiopulmonary diseases, hypnotherapy increases your chances of quitting in six months than if you choose nicotine-replacement therapy (NRT) alone.

 

2. Acupuncture: A technique derived from traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture uses tiny needles to stimulate certain points on your body. When it comes to smoking, acupuncturists generally insert the needles on and around your ears, feet and top of the head in order to reduce your cravings and ease the withdrawal symptoms throughout the body. However, it’s important note that the needle placement varies depending on who you are, and the acupuncturist will evaluate you to determine your physical weaknesses. Through a reading of your pulse and the colour of your tongue, your acupuncturist can work out which needle points to address. While acupuncture is the most extensively studied among the alternative therapies used to quit smoking, you need to bear in mind that the research is mixed here too and the best results come from a combination of acupuncture and education.

 

3. Meditation:  Not only does meditation soothe your wellbeing and refocus your thoughts, but a 2002 study showed that it releases dopamine in your brain, which is a similar process to how nicotine triggers that relaxing feeling. ‘There is an element of neurobiology behind it,’ says Dr. Sood, adding that meditation can also be a way to replace the stress-relieving qualities of cigarettes. Try breathing in and out slowly through your nose while sitting in a comfortable seat. Do this for five minutes, simply refocusing your thoughts back to your breathing whenever your mind wanders. Gradually work up to 20 minutes of mindful breathing a day.

Categories: acupuncture, Alternative, alternative therapies, hypnosis, meditation, quit, quit smoking, quitting smoking, Smoking, smoking cessation

Essays, Housemates and Late Nights: Dealing with Uni Stress

September is the time of year for a lot of young adults to raid IKEA, pack up their parents’ cleaning supplies and head off to uni. However, while you may think your wellbeing will only benefit from striking out on your own for what is, essentially, three years of drinking interspersed with the occasional lecture, there’s a lot more stress involved in uni life than you might be prepared for. The classes are harder, the essays are longer, the housemates have sex louder and no one does the washing up; in short, your emotional health takes a beating from uni life, so here’s how to stay calm, cool and collected.

 

1. Breathe better: Taking slow deep breaths does wonders for your emotional and physical wellness, helping to lower your blood pressure, focus your thoughts and clear your mind. Plus, you can do it whenever and wherever the stress hits.

 

2. Take a step back: When you feel overwhelmed, stop and re-examine the situation. Talk to a friend or family member to see if you can get a little perspective, and stop things appearing a bigger deal than they actually are.

 

3. Find your happy place: On your laptop and phone, keep photos of great memories that you can look at when things are going haywire. This releases your brain’s mood-boosting hormone dopamine, which helps you to relax.

 

4. Write all about it: If your friends or family members are too busy to talk it out, writing down your emotions and the situation can help you to put things in perspective, clarify your thoughts and feelings and help you solve your problem more effectively.

 

5. Stop, meditate and listen: Meditation is great to use in conjunction with breathing exercises, whether you centre on a positive mantra or simply focus on clearing your mind as you breathe.

 

6. Get active: Regular exercise isn’t just helpful for combating those late-night kebabs, it also relieves mental issues such as stress. Go for a walk around campus or a nearby park for an instant mood lifting, stress-busting effect.

 

7. Thank you for the music: According to various studies, music helps hospital patients heal more quickly and motivates them to perform better in physical therapy. Find some solid tunes that lift your mood or relax your mind, and put them in a playlist for those much-needed musical moments.

 

8. Don’t get stuck in the middle: Whether your housemates are arguing over who’s turn it is to take out the bins, or your course friends fall out over a reluctance to share notes, other people’s drama is just that; other people’s. There’s no way to be involved in drama without being personally affected, so when the bickering and bitching starts to bubble, take a step back – literally. Make your excuses, like needing the loo or fake answering your phone, and leave the room until you have the right perspective on the situation.

 

9. Sleep: This may seem like a foreign concept for a uni student, at least during regular night time hours, but sleep is vital to keep your mind and body in balance. Too little sleep has been linked to everything from heart trouble to depression so, if you can, try to get seven to nine hours on a regular basis.

 

10. You are what you eat: You may be feeling lethargic, fat and stressed because you’re eating too much fast food and sugary stuff. Fresh fruit and veggies are essential for your body and mind, so try to eat five of these bad boys every day.

Categories: Drama, meditation, mind, nbsp, perspective, situation, Stress, uni life, university

How to Use the Wisdom of Ancient Therapies for Modern Issues

You may think that ancient complementary wellness practises are all in the past, but actually there are several alternative therapies still in use today. In fact, these methods have a great deal of prestige in many cultures, and are used to prevent various ailments and enhance overall wellbeing, without the side effects of pharmaceuticals. Let’s take a closer look at five of the most popular wellness therapies, and what they might be able to do for your wellness:

 

1. Hydrotherapy: Water is a natural part of your body, making up 69% of your chemical makeup. This is the thinking behind applying water as a therapeutic form of treatment to relieve stress, toxins, ailments and other diseases from your body. Known as hydrotherapy, the healing effect of water is used through the medium of hip baths, spinal baths, Jacuzzis, steam baths, saunas and sheet packs. Whether the water is cold or hot, it can invigorate your cells and help you to find relief from a number of health concerns, including bloating, gas, constipation, arthritis, asthma, high blood pressure, stress and migraines.

 

2. EFT Tapping: This is a form of physical therapy based on the fundamental principles of acupressure. A practitioner will apply pressure to the points along the Meridian System of your body, which is an energy channel “map” that connects all of your organ. The aim behind this is to positively influence the activity of the corresponding organs, and deal with negative feelings. EFT stands for emotional freedom techniques, which is the name given to the motion the practitioner uses. It basically involves rapidly tapping key body points with their finger tips to “alert” certain good energy flows. This therapy is perfect if you suffer from panic disorders, phobias, sadness, anger and frustration, but aren’t too keen on the idea of the needles used in acupuncture.

 

3. Yoga Therapy: This form of treatment is used to help cure mental and physical ailments while incorporating balance and tranquility throughout your entire body. Scientific procedures in carbon dating and astronomy verify that yoga therapy is between five and six thousand years old, meaning it contains ancient wisdom designed to help you relax and manage your daily stress. Yoga is also a great workout to include in your exercise regime, as it helps to enhance your fitness, flexibility and strength. In fact, many people have used yoga to deal with major health issues, including anxiety, depression, weight problems high blood pressure and even cancer.

 

4. Mud Therapy: This treatment dates back centuries as mud has long been associated with health and wellness. Mud is an integral part of the five elements known to aid the human body as it contains a variety of minerals that help to treat numerous diseases and skin conditions. Your nutrient-packed mud pack contains sulphur, bromide, magnesium and zinc to name just a few, all of which, when applied to your skin, strengthen your immune system, unclog your pores, eliminate toxins from your body, improve your blood circulation and repair your skin.

 

5. Meditation: If you suffer from heart disease, high blood pressure, extreme levels of pain, anxiety, depression or stress, meditation can help you to reduce your symptoms by more than 40%. This interesting form of healing therapy connects you to your inner self, helping you to focus on a particular object and learn to breathe in a healing way through the various techniques. According to recent studies, meditation has a vastly positive effect on ADD and ADHD, as the thinking process actually shows calming levels deep inside the brain tissue.

Categories: anxiety depression, Blood, blood pressure, body, high blood, meditation, Mud Therapy, nbsp, therapy, Wellness, yoga, yoga therapy

Earthing: Could You Benefit from the Earth’s Healing Energy?

Have you ever felt that amazing sensation of falling asleep on the sand or under the stars? What about those lazy afternoons when you just lay on the earth and looked up at the clouds? Sure, taking time out just to lie still can do wonders for your wellness, but according to Martin Zucker, it’s the ground itself that’s truly enhancing your wellbeing.

In his new book Earthing, Zucker, explains that walking barefoot or lying on the grass enables the flow of the earth’s electric energy to connect to your physical body. Grounding has been scientifically proven to promote healing, and instil a deep sense of peace and wellbeing. Plus, this complementary wellness therapy is free and simple to do; just touch the earth with your bare feet and enjoy the organic healing benefits. Zucker claims that the benefits you obtain from grounding may be just as beneficial as the vitamin D you get from sunlight on your skin, but modern lifestyle has separated humans from connecting to the subtle but ever-present energy that is on the earth’s surface.

So how do you implement you own personal earthing meditation?

1. Before you start, pay attention to how you feel. You might want to jot down any physical, emotional or mental feelings, so you can chart your healing progress over time.

2. Stand, sit or lie down. This can be on grass, sand, gravel or unpainted concrete.

3. With your eyes closed, release the pain or stress you feel into the earth.

4. Then, look up and spend half an hour allowing your imagination to play with the passing cloud formations. Just be present with what is, and let your mind be still.

5. Once you’ve been there for 30 minutes (or even longer if you feel like it) return to the present and pay attention to how your body feels. Has anything changed since you started? Again, keeping a journal may be helpful here, as it allows you to focus on the three areas of mental, physical and emotional wellness, and compare the difference.

6. Even if you don’t have a regular 30-minute block to lie down and be, try to wander outside barefoot every day, and connect to the earth as much as possible.

Categories: barefoot, grounding, meditation

Could Meditation Be The Key to Learning Compassion?

Recently the journal Psychological Science published a study by PhD student Helen Weng, which suggested that adults can learn how to be more compassionate by listening to meditation CDs, or repeating positive phrases such as ‘may you have joy and happiness’. This research focuses on how people can encourage and maintain positive thinking, and is the principle area of study for the Centre for Investigating Healthy Minds. This began after the 14th Dalai Lama had challenged a professor of meditation to study positive feelings, attitudes and behaviours in humans. Weng herself was able to present her research to the Dalai Lama.

 

The study was developed after the researchers had observed Buddhist monks practicing compassion meditation, and found that their brain patterns differed significantly from normal people. It was then suggested that if a regular person could feel the benefits of compassion meditation within a short period of time, this could provide a useful form of therapy and behavioural change, as well as improving general mental wellness.

 

The meditation works by attempting to evoke compassion. Usually, the meditation is done with someone who you love and care about. You imagine a time where they might be suffering or in pain, and then you repeat compassionate phrases wishing them to be free of suffering. This is then done to the self, imagining a time when you were or might be in pain, and repeating the phrases to yourself. Weng stated that a lot of people can be harsh on themselves, and then self-compassion is a useful and important way to boost self-esteem and confidence. This is done a third time to a real or imagined stranger, and lastly is done to a person you dislike, which can be hardest of all.

 

In the study participants used meditation CDs online, and practiced compassionate meditation for two weeks, and found that those who practiced the meditation were far more compassionate, kind and forgiving than those who had not. Often positive emotions are ignored by modern research, but as such an important aspect of wellness, studies and investigations into feelings of compassion, forgiveness and generosity are becoming more and more popular.

Categories: compassion, meditation, positive thinking

PTSD: Is it Possible to Cure it with Stretches and Meditation?

Nurses deal with highly stressful and traumatic experiences every day, which puts them at a higher risk of post-traumatic stress disorder – also known as PTSD. This anxiety disorder is diagnosed in over seven million adults in the US alone, but there could be a simple and easy solution that could help you to treat this problem. Researchers have found that two hours of stretching and meditation each week could cure nurses and other sufferers of this issue. The hormone responsible for stress control is cortisol, and the levels of this hormone decreases when people experience PTSD. In a similar way that Tai Chi or Yoga works, meditating and stretching can help to calm the mind and relax the body, helping to reduce the impact that stress has on the body. A recent study showed that those suffering with PTSD noticed a 41 percent decrease in their symptoms after eight weeks of the twice-weekly classes. This led to a 67 percent increase in cortisol levels in the blood.

 

Researchers were surprised by the results, expecting initially to only see around a 20 percent decrease in the PTSD symptoms. The method is so simple, but it can have a dramatic effect on the stress-induced post-traumatic stress disorder. The nurses in the study noted that they also showed reduced experiences of flashbacks or emotional detachment, which is common in PTSD. They noted that they could sleep more soundly and get less angry through their work. People often dismiss meditating and breathing exercises as merely holistic methods without much evidence to support them, but this study suggests that you can make a significant impact on PTSD with this easy and quick method. It is a cheap and easy form of reducing stress in everyday life, as well as for more serious conditions.

Categories: meditation, ptsd, Stress

How Can Meditation Improve Your Lifestyle?

Meditation is a practice which people have enjoyed for centuries, thanks to the many benefits it can offer you. A new study suggests that, alongside the health benefits it offers you such as reduced stress, it can also help people to become more compassionate. This type of research which focuses on the positive thinking of individuals has been the prime area of investigation for the Centre for Investigating Healthy Minds. The research, carried out by Helen Weng, looks at how meditation impacts the positive qualities in people, such as kindness, forgiveness and compassion. She states how her research was inspired by looking at how monks practice meditation and the different brain patterns of activity they have compared to people who don’t meditate.

 

Compassion meditation, an activity in itself, was practiced for thirty minutes every day for two weeks – this was in a variety of ways, from a guided CD or online. In order to measure the emotional changes, the participants underwent a brain scan before and after the two-week period. The practice helps people to increase their feelings of caring for people – initially you practice with someone you really love and care about, so that you can gauge how your mind reacts to these feelings. You then imagine a time when you were in pain or were suffering about something, so that you can practice feeling compassion for yourself. Over time, you learn to be less hard on yourself.

 

This study showed that people did result in being more compassionate when tested, showing that meditation can have a huge impact on your lifestyle and attitude. This practice is also great for calming your mind and alleviating stress. Often, people use meditation alongside yoga as a way of combining exercise with the calming effects it has on the mind – the deep breathing exercises can be performed at any time though, which make ideal exercises to rely on if you’re in a stressful situation.

Categories: compassion, meditation, Stress

Meditation, Intuitive Guidance & Counselling to Overcome Abuse

It is shocking how commonplace abuse is and once it has stopped or been stopped, how do we get over it and rebuild ourselves and our lives?

 

Abuse comes in many forms and at many different times in life. It can be so mild and so well disguised that you hardly register it as abuse or so full on that there is no mistaking it; but in all cases the receiver of the abuse always feels powerless to do anything about it.

 

We can be sexually abused, physically abused and verbally abused, the latter often coming in the form of bullying or of undermining confidence. The common factor in all these different types of abuse is that they all undermine our understanding of our self-worth at a deeply subconscious level. All forms of abuse creates victims.

 

There is a misconception that to be a victim you have to be someone who has a weak character. This is so very clearly not the case, either when the abuse is carried out on a child or on an adult. It is easier for us to understand why a child would succumb to abuse, especially by an adult and someone they know and trust, as is sadly often the case, but how can this happen to an adult? Why don’t they stand up for themselves and fight back?

 

An abuser works in an insidious way, feeding data into the person’s mind until they lose sight of who they are, who they always knew they were! Value systems, trust and self-confidence erode, giving the perpetrator of the abuse the way to continue.

 

The majority of abused adults I meet are anything but weak characters. They are often feisty, strong people who no-one would ever call a wimp! In fact it is precisely because they are strong, capable people who have control of most aspects of their lives that the abuser is able to, and again I use the word, insidiously work on them.

 

The victim (child or adult) usually blames themselves and feels immense shame. In the case of sexually abused children perhaps the abuser persuades the child that what is happening is a good thing and the right thing even their ‘special secret’.  With physical and violent abuse and bullying, the child or adult will be terrified that they will make things worse for themselves by creating a fuss though sadly, by keeping quiet they of course enable and prolong the abuse.

 

What happens to abused children when they become adults if they have not been rescued, if their voices have not been heard? Can we even imagine the frustration caused by the impotence of just being a child? Everything is completely out of their control. Can we begin to imagine the despair of the child; the anger, shame and humiliation, lack of self-esteem of the adult they become?

 

Frequently as adults they themselves become self-abusers, continuing this negativity in their lives, being ‘seduced’ by the familiar pattern, or sometimes even by becoming an abuser of others, perpetuating a learned pattern of behaviour. When these children have grown into adults, (and remember this adult has no idea of their self-worth), they experience anger and shame at the injustice of what has happened to them. This may be aimed at their abuser, perhaps adults within their immediate circle whose help they may have (often fruitlessly) tried to enlist. Mainly the anger and shame they feel is of themselves, believing they are to blame and have somehow brought this abuse upon themselves. As a direct result self-abuse may begin. For example self-harming, excessive promiscuity, addiction to alcohol or drugs; the need to continue the familiarity of abuse is extremely powerful.

 

One thing common to all though, is the absolute certainty that they cannot trust anyone and that they will be betrayed at some point. As a result and as a self-fulfilling prophesy, they subconsciously destroy one way or another, any chance of close relationships.

 

Abuse is yet another reason why I am such a strong advocate of children learning to meditate as early as possible, and it is possible for children to learn from the age of 5. Through the quietening and strengthening process of meditation, our children have the possibility of achieving a stronger sense of themselves, their identity and self-worth.

 

The quietening process of Meditation also helps us become receptive to Intuitive Counselling and combined with Meditation the abused person will be gently guided to look at it, acknowledge it and accept it and themselves, enabling them to move forward towards discovering or rediscovering themselves, their strength and their self-worth.

 

All of us hold conversations in our minds which can be very negative and damaging and unnecessarily self-critical; but for an abused person, those mind conversations are extreme. Meditation can completely transform those conversations from negative to positive ones and, at the same time, quieten the incessant chattering and nagging of the monkey mind. With this new positivity and strength we are able to accept and take on board ways to change our situation(s), putting past experiences well and truly behind us and embracing the present and future with less fear and with self-assurance.

 

Difficult life experiences are part of life. None of us is completely exempt. These experiences may always, in some way, be a part of us but they need not be obstacles in our lives by preventing us from having healthy relationships and living our lives to the full. Learning to quieten at soul level through Peace of Mind Silent Meditation will ensure that we do.

Contact Sonia Wynn-Jones MBRCP at:

Sonia@peaceofmind-online.com  or call 07968 078 455

Categories: abuse, bullying, meditation

Mind and Spirit: The Erotically-Charged Journey of the Body

The carnal aspects of life are as natural to us as food and breathing, but few realise that our emotions and even our spirits are reliant on our sensuality. For this reason, a set of daily meditations can be beneficial for you and your partner to set you on a path to spiritual and sexual enlightenment whilst forming a psychological pattern that you can sink comfortably into.

Sensations

You are born with 5 senses – in sex, the most prominent one will be touch; but where do the rest fit in? If you have ever sat back and enjoyed an erotic novel, then the senses of touch, taste, smell, hearing and sight all seem to be embraced by the main character. There is more truth in those trashy tales than you may think and it can help to boost your sex life to new, daring extremes. The more that you practice, the less fearful you will feel:

• Familiarise yourself and your partner with your erogenous zones.

• Use all five senses during sex.

• Pick one of your senses to focus on during sex – introduce a new fragrance or discover your lover’s scents.

Security

We have all heard the tragic tales of the people that seem to have everything going for them, only for them to casually throw it away. Whether we feel anger, disgust, jealousy or insecurity, feeling self-confident is one of the greatest feats that you can accomplish. We feel the discomforts that we may be forgotten, abandoned or treated indifferently before, during or after your relationship, but this never has to be the case. During sex, feeling safe within yourself and in the course of your relationship is important.

• Are you the damsel in distress or the one in control? Do others give you security? In what form? Does this devalue either of you?

• Release yourself from the bondage of using others to feel safe. Write an inventory of all the ways you seek out security, and how each has worked out for you.

• What makes you face each day? What are your strengths? Use them to find your way towards inner-peace. Self-reflection is an excellent motivator in sex, relationships and spiritual life.

Health

It’s not uncommon that any sexual health issue is treated singularly, rather than across any other bodily category, but the truth is that any health problem can impact on your sex life. Those that have health issues should not restricted sexually, regardless if it’s psychological, genetic or otherwise – everyone deserves a deep, sexual connection with those that they care about.

• We can express deep sexual energy with a partner without getting physical. If your partner has health issues or is ill, you can still radiate erotic energy toward their inner being. Affirm sexual health regardless of the external circumstances.

• Restoring your sexual health might include examining your sexual history, as you would review your medical history for a physician. Twelve-step programs often require a sexual inventory as part of the healing process. An online search will guide you to complete your own version of a sexual inventory.

• For medical problems, you find the right specialist. What sexual issues recur in your life today, and where would it be most sensible to go for help?

Mind and Spirit: The Erotically-Charged Journey of the Body

Categories: healthy sex life, holistic, meditation, sex life, spiritual

How to Use Meditation to Improve Your Heart Health

When you think about meditation, you undoubtedly think about peace, tranquility, calm and a sense of wellbeing. It is something that people most frequently associate with mental wellness and serenity, rather than considering it to have any kind of physical benefit.

Recent research, however, has shown that meditation can be extremely beneficial for cardio/heart health. Getting into a state of relaxed meditation can be good for you as it helps to calm you down and this, in turn, lowers your blood pressure.

Carried out at the Centre for Natural Medicine and Prevention, based in Fairfield, Iowa, the study involved 200 patients. Researchers were amazed to note that patients who were at high risk of heart attacks, death and strokes actually cut their risk as much as 50 percent purely by meditating.

This is the first time that a clinical study has proved that meditation, when practised long term, actually has beneficial effects as part of a stress reduction programme, and can indeed reduce the risk of falling victim to one of these devastating diseases that are linked to high blood pressure.

During the study, 100 of the patients took up meditation and only 20 of them suffered from heart attacks, strokes or died as the result of high blood pressure. This was opposed to the control group, where out of 100 patients, 32 of them fell victim to these same fates.

Another similar study was carried out using college students, and in this case it was found that students who meditated suffered lower levels of stress and were at a decreased risk of having high blood pressure.

How to Use Meditation to Improve Your Heart Health

Categories: health, heart, meditation

Meditation, Exercise, Massage: Relieving Workplace Stress

Workplace stress is something that we all come into contact with. Whether it’s a demanding boss or an irritating colleague, stressors at work can take their toll on your corporate wellness, as well as your personal sense of health and wellbeing. In order to improve your wellness both in and outside of work, you need to learn how to deal with workplace stress, and leave it where it belongs; at the office.

Firstly, not only can you relieve stress with mediation, this stress reliever could be one of your best tools in the fight against age- and stress-related issues such as obesity, and other chronic illnesses. Moreover, meditation helps you to maintain a peaceful, relaxed state of mind, so that you’re better prepared the next time stress comes along. Meditation comes in many forms, so there’s bound to be something to suit you, and help you overcome the tension, anxiety and worry attached to today’s high-stress world.

Next, make sure that you’re staying active. Exercise releases endorphins, which boosts your mood and helps you to unwind. Plus, running off that anxiety or taking it out on a punching bag can certainly help to get out that pent up frustration. Exercise can also be beneficial in fighting the health problems brought on by stress, such as high blood pressure, obesity and cardiovascular disease. If that office stress rears its ugly head early in the day, why not take 15 minutes of your lunch break to exercise it away? Even if you just take a walk around the block, you can get out of the office, get those juices flowing and clear your mind.

Nothing merits a massage quite like work stress. Not only do massages help you to relax, but they can work out some of the aches and pains in your muscles, feet, and head that stress can bring. Massages also help you to sleep more soundly, and a good night’s sleep is paramount to fighting stress throughout the day. However, as a professional and expensive daily massage is hardly conducive to reducing your money stresses, there are many areas of the body which you can massage for yourself, such as your face, calves, thighs, feet and scalp.

Meditation, Exercise, Massage: Relieving Workplace Stress

Categories: exercise, massage, meditation

Meditation Could Help You Become More Compassionate

Meditation has been used for centuries as a way of relaxing the body and mind, and relieving stress. It’s often associated with yoga, due to the peaceful effects on the body and the importance placed on unifying the mind with the physical relaxation of stretches and yoga poses. Recently, it’s been discovered that meditating every day can actually do wonders for other aspects of your mind, such as helping you to become more compassionate. Meditating can help with anxiety, pain and depression, as well as physical ailments, too. Studies have found that meditation can help to improve your emotional wellbeing, as well as your cognitive health, attention and cognitive control.

The study involved 39 participants who were analysed for an eight week period, during which they were randomly assigned meditation classes. Some of those groups were taught mindfulness meditation, whilst others were taught compassion meditation. Although meditation is used as an umbrella term, there are various techniques one can learn. After the study was complete, the participants were asked to complete a compassion test, which was a role play scenario in which the participant was unaware of. Researchers looked at how likely it was for the test subject to help the third person playing the ‘sufferer’, depending on whether they underwent taught meditation. They found that meditators were five times as likely to give up their seat for those they believed to be in need, compared to just 15 percent of those who didn’t engage in meditation.

Due to meditative techniques helping you to clear your mind, it makes sense that compassion will follow – when you are relaxed and stress-free, you’re more able to empathise with people and help others in need. Meditation can help you lead a calmer and more peaceful life, as well as aiding other elements of your lifestyle, such as helping to deal with anxiety, stress and physical complaints.

Meditation Could Help You Become More Compassionate

Categories: compassion, Helping, meditation, mind, physical, Stress

How Can Meditation Help You Reach Emotional Wellness?

In today’s busy world, we’re beginning to lose touch with the important things in life and two wellness experts have argued that meditation can help us to reconnect. According to Erica Richardson, resident teacher at the Kalpa Bhadra Kadampa Buddhist Center in Harrisburg, ‘Our external life is so very busy and our internal life is just as busy. We put so much time, so much effort into arranging our lives, arranging our world and arranging other people, trying to make it all go our way that we’ve neglected our mind. We’ve forgotten — or never knew — where real happiness comes from.’

Richardson explained, ‘The goal is to find happiness from a different source, instead of trying to manipulate our world to our definition of what we want, we are going to go inside our minds and cultivate inner peace. Meditation is being able to familiarise my mind with a positive state of being.’ She added that the more familiar you become with emotional wellbeing, the easier it is to remain in your calm state of mind, even when you’re not meditating.

Dr Charles Palmer, neonatologist and chief of the division of newborn medicine at Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Centre, noted, ‘It’s not just thoughts it’s the state behind thoughts. The quietness, or stillness, between thoughts is what you get to experience in meditation and that’s a new experience for some people.’ He continued, ‘People are not only interested in getting better from a disease, but they are interested in maximizing wellness and health. And that includes diet, exercise, correct nutrition, sleep, and various techniques from positive psychology and also meditation.’

Palmer is a long-time student of meditation who teaches a free monthly meditation class to 30 staff members at Hershey Medical Centre. He commented, ‘It’s like in an orchestra, a violinist needs a tune up before they start playing. When you’ve been practicing meditation at the beginning of the day, it’s like tuning up for the day.’ So how exactly does meditation tune your body for the day?

‘The mind-body connection is well-established now. What you think is as important to your body chemistry as what you eat. Because your thoughts will generate emotions and your emotions will generate chemistry,’ Palmer said. ‘When you practice breathing regularly like this it has an effect on the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve, when stimulated, actually lowers inflammation and inflammation is at the root of many of the diseases that we see today. I think [meditation] is a form of immune regulation.’

How Can Meditation Help You Reach Emotional Wellness?

Categories: hershey medical, life, Life's Important Things, medical centre, meditation, mind, Mind-Body Connection, palmer, state, vagus nerve

How to Reduce Your Arthritis with Mindfulness Meditation

If you have rheumatoid arthritis, or other wellness concerns caused by chronic inflammation such as asthma, mindfulness meditation can help to reduce your symptoms. This is according to a new study from researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, which found that mindfulness meditation can help people with conditions in which psychological stress is known to contribute to pain.

Melissa Rosenkran, lead author of the study published in the journal Brain, Behaviour and Immunity, noted the convenience and benefits of practicing mindfulness meditation to combat arthritis. ‘The mindfulness-based approach to stress reduction may offer a lower-cost alternative or complement to standard treatment, and it can be practiced easily by patients in their own homes, whenever they need,’ she said.

In conjunction with the Centre for Investigating Healthy Minds in the Waisman Centre, neuroscientists from the University of Wisconsin-Madison tested exactly how effective mindfulness meditation can be in reducing pain. This study was the first of its kind, as, unlike any other pain study before, the researchers established controls for other therapeutic mechanisms that may influence the pain intensity, such as social interaction, instruction, or learning new skills.

By way of comparison, the investigators looked at two different approaches to reducing stress. The first was a programme designed to enhance health in ways that weren’t associated with mindfulness meditation and the second was, obviously, mindfulness meditation. Using capsaicin cream, the researchers induced inflammation in volunteers and then measured their immune and endocrine levels. These levels were measured again after the participants were trained in either of the stress reducing techniques. The researchers also induced psychological stress using a tool called Trier Social Stress Test.

The results of the study demonstrated that behavioural changes were still effective in reducing emotional stress, but the mindfulness meditation-based approaches helped these people deal with pain associated with inflammation better. However, Rosenkranz warned that this doesn’t mean mindfulness meditation is a magic pill to reduce pain. ‘This is not a cure-all, but our study does show that there are specific ways that mindfulness can be beneficial, and that there are specific people who may be more likely to benefit from this approach than other interventions,’ she said.

How to Reduce Your Arthritis with Mindfulness Meditation

Categories: meditation, mindfulness, Mindfulness Meditation, Pain, psychological stress, Research, rheumatoid arthritis (RA), Stress, study, wisconsin madison

What is Qi Gong meditation and what are the health benefits?

Qi Gong or Chi Kung means energy work and originated in ancient China some 3,000 years ago. The first known recordings of Qi Gong practice were found in caves depicting people round a fire dancing to specific postures and movements. Qi Gong is the art of moving meditation for health, longevity and self-defense. It is better known Tai Chi, which also a part of Chi Gong, but is more known for self defense than just healing.

Qi Gong is scientifically proven to reduce stress, improve your immunity, flexibility, blood and Chi (your life force energy) flow, and is also a great means of gentle physical exercise. There are many different forms of Qi Gong; sequences of postures and movements made especially to activate organs of the body and develop an instinctive means of self-defense. Essentially, this art co-ordinates your breath, energy flow and physical movement into sequences of movement which become an every-day practice as the movements slip into your sub-conscious mind to enable easy and effortless exercise with outstanding benefits for your all round wellbeing.

A session will start with light loosening movements to open, stretch and relax your body and also to get that vital life force flowing more easily. Then you will go more into a specific “form” or style of Qi Gong – the sequence of flowing gentle rhythmic movements. There are literally hundreds of different forms that have evolved over thousands of years; some new kinds are being developed even today by advanced practitioners who seek a specific style appropriate to their needs. Such new kinds are motivated by their personal needs, the needs of their students and sometimes for specific reasons like improving kidney health, vitality or relaxation.

Qi Gong is one of the most effective complementary practices for an all-round sense of wellbeing. It is easy to do for people of all ages and what’s more it has actually been proven to work. It is therefore fair to say that starting a Qi Gong practice is a good way to improve your wellness. This could become a real source of peace, health and confidence allowing you to walk in the world without fear or disease.

Categories: complementary, meditation, qi gong

The West have now embraced complementary therapies and understands meditation to be a useful practice of relaxation and concentration. This is not wrong, but we should remember that these stages are just preliminary to the real core of meditation. In most ancient schools of thought, meditation is more than just a wellness practice; it is actually a means to get in touch with the presence of your soul. According to ancient Indian scripture, the soul was originally pure and one with God. The soul wished to experience things and so willed the body and mind into existence. The body and mind are not therefore barriers to the soul, but the means through which the soul can experience life. For us, the challenge is to condition our body and mind in order to get into line with the reality of soul within. This is the very essence behind the word ‘Yoga’ – meaning ‘to yoke’, or ‘bring into union’. This gem of ancient philosophy has complete relevance for us today and should be thought of as a guide to ultimate wellbeing. In life, we must avoid conflict within ourselves and seek the way of flow. This means being kind to yourself and approaching life gently and with awareness. Consider how much negativity you allow in your life and plan ways to gradually exclude all of it. There will always be people around who want to gossip and slate others, there will always be temptations to smoke and drink alcohol, and there will always be desires to pursue. But these things are the temptations of the body and mind, not the soul. The soul’s nature is peace, and that means that everybody’s real nature is peace, too. The presence of soul is available to those who meditate, or so the ancient systems have it. It is up to us how much we embrace these theories, and you could argue that it doesn’t really matter what philosophy is behind the attempt to create peace and wellbeing, simply because – the benefits are obvious! Nobody would ever choose to feel in conflict or stress. Meditation is a simple method to help you align all parts of yourself, let go of conflict, heal trauma and manifest what you truly desire in life. The practice adds to a sense of vision that will enable you to clearly decide what you want in life, and give you the focus to achieve it. Embracing the history and real meaning of meditation

The West have now embraced complementary therapies and understands meditation to be a useful practice of relaxation and concentration. This is not wrong, but we should remember that these stages are just preliminary to the real core of meditation. In most ancient schools of thought, meditation is more than just a wellness practice; it is actually a means to get in touch with the presence of your soul.

 

According to ancient Indian scripture, the soul was originally pure and one with God. The soul wished to experience things and so willed the body and mind into existence. The body and mind are not therefore barriers to the soul, but the means through which the soul can experience life. For us, the challenge is to condition our body and mind in order to get into line with the reality of soul within. This is the very essence behind the word ‘Yoga’ – meaning ‘to yoke’, or ‘bring into union’.

 

This gem of ancient philosophy has complete relevance for us today and should be thought of as a guide to ultimate wellbeing. In life, we must avoid conflict within ourselves and seek the way of flow. This means being kind to yourself and approaching life gently and with awareness. Consider how much negativity you allow in your life and plan ways to gradually exclude all of it. There will always be people around who want to gossip and slate others, there will always be temptations to smoke and drink alcohol, and there will always be desires to pursue. But these things are the temptations of the body and mind, not the soul. The soul’s nature is peace, and that means that everybody’s real nature is peace, too.

 

The presence of soul is available to those who meditate, or so the ancient systems have it. It is up to us how much we embrace these theories, and you could argue that it doesn’t really matter what philosophy is behind the attempt to create peace and wellbeing, simply because – the benefits are obvious! Nobody would ever choose to feel in conflict or stress. Meditation is a simple method to help you align all parts of yourself, let go of conflict, heal trauma and manifest what you truly desire in life. The practice adds to a sense of vision that will enable you to clearly decide what you want in life, and give you the focus to achieve it.

Embracing the history and real meaning of meditation

Categories: complementary, meditation, soul