First-Time Sex: What’s He Hoping You’ll Do?

Sex may be something which is natural to you, but when you’re having sex with a new partner it can be difficult to know what to do and how to act – are they hoping you’ll be really confident in bed or would acting in such a way between the sheets scare them off? Sometimes it helps to know how to strike a balance and please your partner, even when you’re still getting to know their likes and dislikes in the bedroom. If you’re embarking on a new romance, these tips will help you to make a great first impression.

Firstly, oral sex is almost always a great way to start sex – men and women love it and it shows you’re interested in giving as well as receiving, so this is a fantastic start to what one hopes will be a fun and passionate evening. You should also be active – that doesn’t mean leaping all over the bed like a child, but also don’t lie there waiting for him to make all the moves. Men love a woman who makes an effort, so play your part in the same way you hope he will – it will be more fun for both of you. You also shouldn’t spend the whole time worrying about your body. Hiding under the covers is both unnecessary and unsexy, so don’t insist that the lights go out the moment anything begins to happen. Be confident and remember that you’re having sex with him! If he didn’t find you attractive, neither one of you would be in this situation, so stop worrying and just enjoy yourself. By the same token, don’t stress about his performance – first-time sex can be intense and erotic, but it can also be charged with high expectations that don’t always get met. Don’t assume that you’re both rubbish in bed together just because it didn’t match what you imagined; nerves are often to blame.

Two things are possibly to blame if your man isn’t performing in the right way – a lack of erection or premature ejaculation. Don’t make a big deal of either one if they occur, as your man is already likely to be embarrassed and stressed out about the situation. Make light of it and let him know that it’s normal and that you’re not worried by it. Setting the tone for honest and communicative sex is important for developing a close bond and a great sex life for the future. If you don’t, you’ll make him even more apprehensive the next time you have sex together. Furthermore, let him know that you’re enjoying having sex with him.

Don’t patronise him by pretending that you like everything he does in bed though, unless of course that you do! If he’s doing something particularly well, let him know, but don’t overdo it and make it clear you’re lying – he’ll see right through it and it will cause tension between you. Lastly, save the post-sex emotional fallout for a catch up session with your friends – if he doesn’t want to know you once you’ve done the deed, then trying to ascertain if you’re an item will only be more humiliating. If he really likes you, he’ll be in contact and you’ll arrange meeting up. The important thing is to be relaxed about the whole thing – keep it casual and try not to dwell on the finer details. Have fun with it and you’ll both have a better time.

Categories: blame, didn, Relationships, Sex, situation, technique, time, time sex, worrying

How to Best Deal With a Crisis and the Aftermath

When a crisis occurs, how prepared are you? Are you someone who can leap to attention easily and take charge, or do you panic and struggle to forge a coherent plan? Crisis’ can occur at any time, so knowing what you’re doing in that situation could be the difference between life and death. Stress can affect you deeply in a situation such as someone you care for having a heart attack, or someone choking, which can impact your efficiency in that scenario. The better prepared you are, the better you’ll be able to cope and help those in need. You may be the only person around to help, which means that you need to be completely in control. In particular, if your parents are elderly and you’re the only person available to look after them, they may need you to be quick to act in a stressful situation. Then there is what needs to be done after a situation has arisen – to what extent are you prepared for the aftermath of a crisis?

 

If someone you care for is taken to hospital, there are numerous things you’ll need to think about. For starters, there is the issue of managing work around visiting schedules – if you can’t get child care, you may need to take a few days leave from work. If your job allows it, you may be able to work from your laptop within the hospital if the staff there give you permission. Be sure to engage your entire family though, as this will help you build a support network and will take some of the stress off you. Your partner can take turns with you at the hospital or look after the children so that you can arrange more visits. Make sure that you check what the hospital is serving at meal times, so that you can monitor if there are any mistakes with dietary requirements, if need be.

At home, the care-taking duties will need to be split equally – an ill elderly person will require full-time care. The best way to ensure this is done fairly is to sit down as a family and draw up a schedule which fairly shares out the duties so that no one person is left doing all of the work, but the elderly person in question doesn’t lack attentive care. If this isn’t an option, you can hire a full or part time nurse to help you if you’re at work throughout the day. Medicines are also probably going to be an issue, as elderly people who can no longer look after themselves will struggle to remember to take any required pills. If they take care of their own medication, be sure to keep a glass of water and the tablets by their bedside so that they are to hand. If not, then you may wish to use a beeper system to remind you when each tablet needs to be taken. If the person in question struggles with incontinence, try to set them up in a room with a toilet attached or close to the toilet where possible. This will make it easier for them when they need to use the bathroom. Lastly, ensure that they have plenty of emotional support – this is a stressful time for both of you so you need to be there for each other. Take time to talk to one another, not just about the struggles of the day but just about your lives in general to take some of the stress out of the situation.

Categories: care, Crisis, elderly person, Family Wellness, person, situation, Stress, time, work

What Would You Do if Your Child Was Being Bullied at School?

Bullying in a corporate environment is one thing, when everyone is a grownup who can deal with things for themselves, but what do you do when bullying is affecting the wellness and wellbeing of your own child?

 

Many parents think that when their child is being bullied, they are really powerless and there is nothing they can do to improve the situation, but this is simply not the case.

 

The first and most important thing to do is to talk to your child about the bullying situation. This will teach them about what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, and this will enable them to learn both what is happening when they are being bullied, and also what behaviour they might exhibit which can be classified as bullying.

 

If your child is being bullied you can have a sit down with your child and brainstorm ways to help the bully stop picking on them. First of all, it is worth trying to stand up to the bully (not physically) and tell the bully to stop in a clear and calm way. Bullies don’t expect people to stand up to them and this show of confidence may be enough for them to leave your child alone. Your child could also try using humour to diffuse the situation (but not at the expense of themselves or the bully). They can also always try walking away from a difficult situation, and can try staying near adults in the playground, or staying with their friends. Children should also be taught that they should always report bullying to a trusted adult such as their parent or a school teacher, as too many children suffer in silence.

 

There are also situations when adult intervention is entirely appropriate, such as when bullying is prolonged, vicious, physical or is distressing to a child.

Categories: bullied, bully, bullying, Child, nbsp, situation

Essays, Housemates and Late Nights: Dealing with Uni Stress

September is the time of year for a lot of young adults to raid IKEA, pack up their parents’ cleaning supplies and head off to uni. However, while you may think your wellbeing will only benefit from striking out on your own for what is, essentially, three years of drinking interspersed with the occasional lecture, there’s a lot more stress involved in uni life than you might be prepared for. The classes are harder, the essays are longer, the housemates have sex louder and no one does the washing up; in short, your emotional health takes a beating from uni life, so here’s how to stay calm, cool and collected.

 

1. Breathe better: Taking slow deep breaths does wonders for your emotional and physical wellness, helping to lower your blood pressure, focus your thoughts and clear your mind. Plus, you can do it whenever and wherever the stress hits.

 

2. Take a step back: When you feel overwhelmed, stop and re-examine the situation. Talk to a friend or family member to see if you can get a little perspective, and stop things appearing a bigger deal than they actually are.

 

3. Find your happy place: On your laptop and phone, keep photos of great memories that you can look at when things are going haywire. This releases your brain’s mood-boosting hormone dopamine, which helps you to relax.

 

4. Write all about it: If your friends or family members are too busy to talk it out, writing down your emotions and the situation can help you to put things in perspective, clarify your thoughts and feelings and help you solve your problem more effectively.

 

5. Stop, meditate and listen: Meditation is great to use in conjunction with breathing exercises, whether you centre on a positive mantra or simply focus on clearing your mind as you breathe.

 

6. Get active: Regular exercise isn’t just helpful for combating those late-night kebabs, it also relieves mental issues such as stress. Go for a walk around campus or a nearby park for an instant mood lifting, stress-busting effect.

 

7. Thank you for the music: According to various studies, music helps hospital patients heal more quickly and motivates them to perform better in physical therapy. Find some solid tunes that lift your mood or relax your mind, and put them in a playlist for those much-needed musical moments.

 

8. Don’t get stuck in the middle: Whether your housemates are arguing over who’s turn it is to take out the bins, or your course friends fall out over a reluctance to share notes, other people’s drama is just that; other people’s. There’s no way to be involved in drama without being personally affected, so when the bickering and bitching starts to bubble, take a step back – literally. Make your excuses, like needing the loo or fake answering your phone, and leave the room until you have the right perspective on the situation.

 

9. Sleep: This may seem like a foreign concept for a uni student, at least during regular night time hours, but sleep is vital to keep your mind and body in balance. Too little sleep has been linked to everything from heart trouble to depression so, if you can, try to get seven to nine hours on a regular basis.

 

10. You are what you eat: You may be feeling lethargic, fat and stressed because you’re eating too much fast food and sugary stuff. Fresh fruit and veggies are essential for your body and mind, so try to eat five of these bad boys every day.

Categories: Drama, meditation, mind, nbsp, perspective, situation, Stress, uni life, university

Why Your Self-Esteem Affects All Areas of Your Wellbeing

Low self-esteem is more than just a problem of emotional health; it influences all areas of your wellbeing. From your relationship wellness and family interactions to your job performance and physical health, low self-esteem can infiltrate your life and make it impossible to be the best version of yourself, so it’s vital that you build your self-esteem up so that you’re in a healthy place.

 

1. Identify conditions or situations that you find troubling.

Everyone has certain things they go through that give their confidence a knock, so take a look at those situations or conditions that seem to deflate your self-esteem. You might not cope well with business presentations, a crisis at work or in your home life, when you’re challenged by the people you love and/or work with, or when there’s a big change in your life, like losing your job or your child leaving home. Before you can overcome these obstacles, you first have to know what you’re up against.

 

2. Identify your patterns of thoughts and beliefs.

Working out the situations that trouble you is great, but you’ve still got a little more poking and prodding to do in your life yet – you also need to think about how you, well, think. What do you tell yourself when these situations arise? What do you interpret these situations to mean? You may have positive, negative or neutral thoughts about the situation, and they could be rational and fact-based or irrational thoughts steeped in a warped sense of reality.

 

3. Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking.

Once you’ve identified the common thought’s you have, you then need to challenge your negative thinking. Though your initial thoughts are personal to you, they might not be the only possible way to view the situation. Test the accuracy of your thoughts by asking yourself if these perceptions are indeed consistent with logic or facts, or whether they might be a more plausible explanation for the situation. Sometimes it’s hard to recognise inaccuracies in your thinking, especially if your though pattern has been ingrained for a long time. This is why it’s helpful to pay close attention to the ways of thinking that tend to erode self-esteem:

 

• All-or-nothing thinking – You think everything is good OR bad, with no grey area. For example, you see yourself as a failure if you don’t succeed in every minor task.


• Mental filtering – You don’t see the positive aspects, you only see and dwell on the negatives, which distorts your view of a person or situation.


• Conversion – You change positive things into negatives by insisting your achievements don’t count because they were too easy to achieve, anyone could have done the same etc.


• Jumping to negative conclusions – With very little evidence, you go from “My friend didn’t text me back” to “she must hate me.”


• Self put-downs – You put yourself down or use self-deprecating humour.

 

4. Adjust your thoughts and beliefs.

Now it’s time to eliminate inaccurate thoughts and replace them with accurate, constructive thoughts. You can do this using certain strategies:

 

• Use hopeful statements –  Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy so try telling yourself things such as, “Even though it’s tough, I can handle this situation.”


• Forgive yourself – When things go wrong, as they inevitably will (it is life, after all) make statements that assert your mistakes aren’t a permanent reflection on you as a person. Say, “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me a bad person.”


• Avoid ‘should’ and ‘must’ statements – You might be putting unreasonable demands on yourself.


• Encourage yourself – Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, “My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged.”

Categories: esteem, life, Low Self-Esteem, nbsp, situation, stressful events, Thinking, Thought Patterns

How to Fire Your Employees with Compassion

Getting fired isn’t fun for anyone, but sometimes it’s a necessary act. There are ways to make the situation worse or better though, and for the sake of both the employer and the employee, the latter is preferred. It helps take a difficult situation and make it amiable and sympathetic, even if it isn’t what either party wants to say or hear. The first thing any person planning on firing someone should do is give the individual as much notice or warning as possible – no-one wants to find out they’ve lost their job and then have no time to plan around the news. The second is to give them as much understanding as you can – this helps the individual to know what to say when looking for a new position, and also helps them to understand why they’ve lost their job and others in the company have not.

 

Experts agree that you shouldn’t ever fire someone on a Friday. While it may seem like a less awkward way of doing things, it actually gives the fired employee the entire weekend to feel miserable during a period of time where no businesses will be working, so they can’t even feel productive in looking for a new position. Firing someone during the week at least gives them chance to seek out resources and find help where they need it.  Monday or Tuesdays are the best days to do the deed, as it gives them a launchpad from which to make plans and act on them. Don’t schedule a meeting with remaining staff to inform them about what has happened, as this will only lead to unwanted questions and also promotes a slightly morbid atmosphere. You don’t want to make the loss of someone’s job gossip worthy, so if you need to inform colleagues then do so individually and quietly. Don’t broadcast the information to people who don’t really need to know, though. Depending on the office culture, keep it to office managers, direct supervisors, human resources and IT, if necessary.

One of the most important things to remember is that the situation should be thought through and planned – don’t try and wing it, in the hope that it will work out when the time comes. This situation is difficult enough and must follow a legally sound practice in order to give the individual everything they need, resource-wise. Some companies or occupations have disclosure requirements which determine what is necessary to reveal to the employee, and ad-libbing could put you at risk of a lawsuit if they haven’t received the information they really need. On a less serious note, it could simply open you both up to miscommunication, which isn’t fair on either side. The chances are they will only hear that they’ve been fired and very little else, but it pays to be concise and fair them regardless. On that note, put everything that you’ve said in writing – this is important for both parties. No doubt the fired employee will have many questions later when the news has had chance to sink in, and having the information to hand can come in handy when this happens. It will also help if there are any discrepancies later on, as you can confirm what information was actually provided.  Lastly, offer help to them should they require it – this may be in the form of a reference when they get a new job, resources to help them look for a new job, or help with their CV if they need it. The most vital thing to remember is to be professional throughout – though it is difficult, there is no reason that professionalism needs to go out of the window.

Categories: employee, employees, fired, fired employee, firing, Information, situation, time, ve lost, work

How to Fire Your Employees with Compassion

Getting fired isn’t fun for anyone, but sometimes it’s a necessary act. There are ways to make the situation worse or better though, and for the sake of both the employer and the employee, the latter is preferred. It helps take a difficult situation and make it amiable and sympathetic, even if it isn’t what either party wants to say or hear. The first thing any person planning on firing someone should do is give the individual as much notice or warning as possible – no-one wants to find out they’ve lost their job and then have no time to plan around the news. The second is to give them as much understanding as you can – this helps the individual to know what to say when looking for a new position, and also helps them to understand why they’ve lost their job and others in the company have not.

 

Experts agree that you shouldn’t ever fire someone on a Friday. While it may seem like a less awkward way of doing things, it actually gives the fired employee the entire weekend to feel miserable during a period of time where no businesses will be working, so they can’t even feel productive in looking for a new position. Firing someone during the week at least gives them chance to seek out resources and find help where they need it.  Monday or Tuesdays are the best days to do the deed, as it gives them a launchpad from which to make plans and act on them. Don’t schedule a meeting with remaining staff to inform them about what has happened, as this will only lead to unwanted questions and also promotes a slightly morbid atmosphere. You don’t want to make the loss of someone’s job gossip worthy, so if you need to inform colleagues then do so individually and quietly. Don’t broadcast the information to people who don’t really need to know, though. Depending on the office culture, keep it to office managers, direct supervisors, human resources and IT, if necessary.

One of the most important things to remember is that the situation should be thought through and planned – don’t try and wing it, in the hope that it will work out when the time comes. This situation is difficult enough and must follow a legally sound practice in order to give the individual everything they need, resource-wise. Some companies or occupations have disclosure requirements which determine what is necessary to reveal to the employee, and ad-libbing could put you at risk of a lawsuit if they haven’t received the information they really need. On a less serious note, it could simply open you both up to miscommunication, which isn’t fair on either side. The chances are they will only hear that they’ve been fired and very little else, but it pays to be concise and fair them regardless. On that note, put everything that you’ve said in writing – this is important for both parties. No doubt the fired employee will have many questions later when the news has had chance to sink in, and having the information to hand can come in handy when this happens. It will also help if there are any discrepancies later on, as you can confirm what information was actually provided.  Lastly, offer help to them should they require it – this may be in the form of a reference when they get a new job, resources to help them look for a new job, or help with their CV if they need it. The most vital thing to remember is to be professional throughout – though it is difficult, there is no reason that professionalism needs to go out of the window.

Categories: employee, employees, fired, fired employee, firing, Information, situation, time, ve lost, work

How to Stop Striving for Happiness and Just Be Happy

Let me tell you the truth: you cannot buy happiness. You won’t find it in a ring, your wardrobe, moving ahead at work, or losing a dress size. Happiness is not circumstantial; it doesn’t arrive when everything in your life is “perfect”. Happiness is, as you learnt in school, a feeling – not a permanent goal to achieve. Instead of searching for happiness in all the wrong places, here’s how to look within and cultivate that feeling more often.

 

1. Re-connect with a voice worth listening to.

Aren’t you sick of listening to everyone else’ loud, critical opinions instead of your own? Connecting with your own intuition isn’t something that happens when you wake up in a blind panic at 3am, you have to slow down and be still so that it comes to you. Meditation can help with this, or you can even just use daily mundane activities — such as brushing your teeth — as a time for quiet reflection. Take these moments to ask for guidance and listen for some clear answers.

 

2. Make happiness an intentional part of your life.

Happiness doesn’t just happen to people; it’s a choice. When you realise this, you give yourself the power to deal with any situation, whether it’s in your workplace, relationship or even a negative pattern of thought. No one naturally has a loving approach to themselves, their circumstances or the people around them, they have to choose it and, by doing so, they open themselves up to limitless possibilities where there once was seemingly no solution. This isn’t an easy task, and will take a lifetime to master, but you can start it off every morning by waking up and saying “I choose happiness today”.

 

3. Accept the things you cannot change.

When you’re anxious about a situation, your natural response is to attempt to gain some control over it. However, sometimes the best option is to surrender, and choose to place a higher level of trust and faith in the process of life. There are things in this life that are bigger than you and what you can achieve, and while that can be an overwhelming thought at first, when you mull it over it’s actually very freeing: there’s nothing you personally can do to improve the situation, so you have no responsibility over it. If Spiderman’s great power comes with great responsibility, then your lack of power to change the unchangeable means it’s up to something bigger than yourself to take care of it. All you can do is let go, and say yes when there’s an opportunity for joy to enter your life.

Categories: Happiness, Intentional, life, nbsp, power, situation, Surrender

Keep Your Emotions in Check if You Want to be a Professional

Author, founder of life-choice psychology and life coach, Ken Lindner, once famously said, ‘Successful individuals control their emotions; they don’t let their emotions control and sabotage them’.

The problem is, whilst this is a very easy thing to say, it is far from an easy thing to do. It is not impossible, however, and many argue that in order to look after your own wellbeing as well as to keep your corporate wellness in good shape, you must learn this skill.

Ken’s career as a life coach has enhanced the lives of everyone that he has worked with, including high profile clients Matt Lauer and Mario Lopez, and he is also author of a new book called Your Killer Emotions which details why letting your emotions run away with you is such a bad thing for your wellness, and how you can keep it together.

Ken recommends being strategic, especially in your corporate life, and keeping a clear and organised vision for your career path. If you are clear about what you believe, where you are going and what you would like to achieve, it makes it harder to make poor decisions along the way, when your emotions try to take over.

Harmful emotions in a corporate situation can include jealousy, resentment and anger, and these can lead to you making damaging life choices, because you are acting on your emotions, not on your knowledge.

Animosity can also be a huge deciding factor in your workplace emotions, as many people find it hard to get on with their boss or with difficult coworkers. This can lead them, for example, to leave a job that is actually good for their career, because it is the easier option, but this can close many doors.

It’s always best to avoid the ‘quick fix’ of reacting to a situation, but instead try to distance yourself from the problem and instead of thinking about how it makes you feel, think about where you would like to be and how your current situation can help you achieve that, and it will make difficult emotions more bearable.

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Keep Your Emotions in Check if You Want to be a Professional

Categories: Career, Corporate, emotions, life, life coach, situation