First-Time Sex: What’s He Hoping You’ll Do?

Sex may be something which is natural to you, but when you’re having sex with a new partner it can be difficult to know what to do and how to act – are they hoping you’ll be really confident in bed or would acting in such a way between the sheets scare them off? Sometimes it helps to know how to strike a balance and please your partner, even when you’re still getting to know their likes and dislikes in the bedroom. If you’re embarking on a new romance, these tips will help you to make a great first impression.

Firstly, oral sex is almost always a great way to start sex – men and women love it and it shows you’re interested in giving as well as receiving, so this is a fantastic start to what one hopes will be a fun and passionate evening. You should also be active – that doesn’t mean leaping all over the bed like a child, but also don’t lie there waiting for him to make all the moves. Men love a woman who makes an effort, so play your part in the same way you hope he will – it will be more fun for both of you. You also shouldn’t spend the whole time worrying about your body. Hiding under the covers is both unnecessary and unsexy, so don’t insist that the lights go out the moment anything begins to happen. Be confident and remember that you’re having sex with him! If he didn’t find you attractive, neither one of you would be in this situation, so stop worrying and just enjoy yourself. By the same token, don’t stress about his performance – first-time sex can be intense and erotic, but it can also be charged with high expectations that don’t always get met. Don’t assume that you’re both rubbish in bed together just because it didn’t match what you imagined; nerves are often to blame.

Two things are possibly to blame if your man isn’t performing in the right way – a lack of erection or premature ejaculation. Don’t make a big deal of either one if they occur, as your man is already likely to be embarrassed and stressed out about the situation. Make light of it and let him know that it’s normal and that you’re not worried by it. Setting the tone for honest and communicative sex is important for developing a close bond and a great sex life for the future. If you don’t, you’ll make him even more apprehensive the next time you have sex together. Furthermore, let him know that you’re enjoying having sex with him.

Don’t patronise him by pretending that you like everything he does in bed though, unless of course that you do! If he’s doing something particularly well, let him know, but don’t overdo it and make it clear you’re lying – he’ll see right through it and it will cause tension between you. Lastly, save the post-sex emotional fallout for a catch up session with your friends – if he doesn’t want to know you once you’ve done the deed, then trying to ascertain if you’re an item will only be more humiliating. If he really likes you, he’ll be in contact and you’ll arrange meeting up. The important thing is to be relaxed about the whole thing – keep it casual and try not to dwell on the finer details. Have fun with it and you’ll both have a better time.

Categories: blame, didn, Relationships, Sex, situation, technique, time, time sex, worrying

CPR for Your Sex Life: How to Get Out of that Rut

When you’ve been together for a long time, your sexual health and wellness can get a little stale. Sure, you love each other and get more and more comfortable with each other every day – which is great – but the problem with knowing when your partner likes can mean that you never feel the need to try anything new or exciting in the bedroom (after all, if it ain’t broke…) However, not only does this put a bit of a dampener on your sex life, but it can have a negative impact on your sexual wellbeing, with both of you wanting something with a little more oomph, but neither of you saying anything. Here’s how to avoid getting in a rut with your partner:

 

1. Initiate sex more often: Even in this day and age, we can fall into the trap of thinking that good girls don’t initiate sex, and it’s really the man’s job – just like putting up shelves and taking the bins out. What a load of crap! You may not want to come across as too pushy or unladylike, or perhaps you worry about getting turned down, but women avoid initiating sex far too much. Men like to be pursued just as much as women do, so he’ll appreciate that you’re interested and your advances will make him feel desirable – and getting him into the sack (even if you’ve been happily married for years) will make you feel like a sexual goddess.

 

2. Stop worrying about what you look like: To paraphrase Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love, have you ever undressed in front of a gentleman and he’s left? No – because he doesn’t care! He’s with a naked woman; he’s just won the lottery! Sure, your body might not be how it was when you met your partner, but neither is his and that doesn’t stop you. Worrying about how you look naked feeds into that vanilla, light’s off, under the covers sex that you’re getting so tired of so stop worrying about it because, trust me, he’s not. Even if complete, out-in-the-open nakedness feels like too much at first, try to relax about the bits your partner will see. If nothing else, men are notoriously unobservant. If he didn’t notice your new haircut, he’s not going to notice that your skin is not quite as tight as it was ten years ago.

 

3. Don’t think he’s always in the mood: Ok, this may sound a counterintuitive considering the first two tips, but bear with. Much like the daily pressures of every day life make you want to curl up in front of the TV and nothing more, the same goes for your partner. He’s not a teenager anymore, and sometimes will just want to go to bed without any monkey business. The important thing to remember is that his lack of desire isn’t a personal rejection, but rather just a normal fluctuation of libido. Snuggle up, go to sleep, and try again another night.

 

4. Give him guidance: You might not like to talk directly about sex, but unless your partner is a mind reader you’re never going to have a satisfying sexual relationship unless you communicate clearly. Take responsibility for your own pleasure and tell him what you do and don’t like – men like to please and may even interpret it as dirty talk, which is always a bonus. Just make sure you communicate in a way that doesn’t hurt his feelings, as “that thing” he does that you don’t like may be what he thinks is his “best move”.

Categories: better sex, Communication, doesn, initiate sex, Initiating Sex, nbsp, partner, sex life, sexual, worrying