It’s a common myth that men never turn down sexual advances from women, but there are cases where the opposite is true. In fact, some men are so desperate to turn down these advances that they become incredibly angry at the thought of having sex with their partner. So why are magazines and TV programmes promoting the concept that men are always the ones eager for a sexual relationship when the opposite is sometimes true? Male passivity towards physical intimacy is a real problem in 20 to 30 per cent or more of couples, according to researchers. For many couples, the woman is the person initiating sex and trying to get her partner aroused, and the male partner is the one ignoring those advances. It’s a common problem that sex counsellors are greeted with on a regular basis – women feel as though the roles have been reversed in the relationship, and that they always feel the need to initiate intimacy and sex, a role traditionally taken on by the man.
If you’ve been rejecting your wife’s advances, it’s easy to feel guilty about your reasons but have you really considered why you’re doing it? And also, the effect it has on your wife? When a man feels a lack of interest in sex with his wife, she will feel several emotions. In the first instance, she will feel undesirable and wonder if she’s still attractive, both to you and in general. She will wonder if you still love her, and she will feel profoundly rejected. According to the Bible, God’s design is for a man to be ‘united to his wife, and they will become one flesh’ – sex in marriage is meant to be shared, not withheld. And when that romance and intimacy is not shared, it creates a void in the relationship that can become difficult to repair.
Physical intimacy is not optional in marriage, and when you ignore the needs of your wife to cultivate that intimacy and passion, you’re opening up the relationship to a big void. Romance and sex, just as it does for anyone, affirms a woman and helps her to feel confident and loved. Imagine how you would feel if your advances were repeatedly rejected – it would hurt and after a while you would begin to wonder what value you have within the relationship if you’re no longer desired by your partner. Sex and intimacy holds enormous power within a couple’s private life, and has the power to strengthen or destroy the relationship. So it’s important that you find out why you’re feeling this way. Has your wife made you angry or do you resent her for something? Perhaps this is something a counsellor could help you work through as a couple, so that you can get back to building a strong union. Perhaps you have lost the desire to have sex entirely, not just with your wife, and this may be based on a hormonal issue that your GP could help with. Or maybe you need to make an effort to rekindle the romance and spark between you and your wife – maybe you’ve got so used to the habit of rejecting her advances that you worry you won’t be able to go back to how your relationship used to be. It’s important to be honest with your wife though and communicate why you’re feeling the way you do, so that you can both begin to resolve the issue rather than ignoring it and letting it perpetuate.
