Be More in the Mood for Sex with These Lifestyle Changes

 

When your wellbeing is affected by a low libido, you can feel like you’re the only one, or that something is wrong with you. However, according to sexual health and wellness expert Celia Shatzman, ‘If you’ve lost that frisky feeling, you’re not alone. Research shows that nearly a third of women and 15% of men lack the desire to have sex regularly. But there are things you can do to put the sizzle back into your sex life.’ So, which lifestyle changes can give your sex drive a boost?

 

1. Plan More Date Nights: ‘If a fun Saturday night with your hubby means watching Showtime in sweatpants, it could be killing your sex drive,’ warns Shatzman. ‘Rekindle your romance by getting out of the house for an old-fashioned date. Your dates don’t need to be grand romantic evenings; just going to the movies or out to dinner can reignite the spark you felt when you first met.’ Leah Millheiser, MD, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Programme at Stanford Hospital & Clinics, suggests, ‘If it’s too expensive to hire a nanny, ask your friends with kids to watch yours for the night and offer to return the favour.’

 

2. Choose a Different Birth Control Pill: ‘Hormonal changes take a big toll on your sex drive,’ Shatzman notes. ‘Birth control pills can be one of the biggest perpetrators: they can reduce your body’s production of testosterone, and in turn, your desire to get down. Certain varieties may even cause pain during sex. And even if you’re not on birth control, being aware of your hormonal status can help you dial in your libido. Prolactin, the nursing hormone, decreases estrogen and testosterone in breastfeeding women, which can wreak hormonal havoc. Additionally…menopause can bring a decrease in testosterone and estradiol, a type of oestrogen.’

 

3. Check Your Other Meds, Too: Shatzman instructs, ‘Take a look at your medicine cabinet—your prescriptions could be behind your lower libido. Aside from birth control pills, common offenders include drugs for high blood pressure, gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), anxiety, and depression.’ Dr. Millheiser advises, ‘If a medication is the most likely culprit, discuss your concern with the prescribing doctor. It’s possible that another treatment may be used with fewer side effects.’

 

4. Divide Household Chores Equally: Dr. Millheiser points out, ‘After the kids go to bed, there’s often cleanup followed by work that you’ve brought home. As a result, intimacy gets pushed to the background.’ Shatzman comments, ‘If you and your partner are both working full-time, keeping the division of household labour equal and ensuring one partner doesn’t shoulder the whole burden will make both of you happier in the bedroom and out.’

 

5. Set Your Room Up for Romance: ‘It’s easy to get in the habit of letting your kids crawl into bed with you after they’ve had a bad dream, or sharing cuddle time with your cat or dog,’ allows Shatzman. ‘These are major mood killers. [Keep] the kiddos and pets out by simply locking the bedroom door at night. It may take some time to break these habits, but making the bed sexy again will make you more relaxed and ready for romance.’

 

6. Add Sex to Your To-Do List: Shatzman asks, ‘We schedule doctor’s appointments, work meetings, and drinks with friends—so why not sex? It’s not the most romantic approach, but setting aside a specific time with your significant other means you’re making a commitment to having an active sex life. This way, you’ll feel compelled to keep the appointment and be less likely to make excuses.’

Categories: birth, Birth Control, birth control pill, chores, control pills, dr millheiser, low libido, nbsp, Sex Drive, sex life, shatzman, time

Sexual Slump? How to Avoid These Boring Scenarios

 

A little slump in the bedroom department is perfectly normal, but seeing as sex is good for your wellbeing, why should you settle? You can bounce back from your sex life with these tips from wellness experts.

 

1. Waning Attraction: According to sexual health expert Nicole Yorio Jurick, ‘You’ve seen your husband on the toilet, wearing boxers and socks, and picking his nose too many times to count. That sort of routine stuff is enough to make you forget what about him so turned you on in the early days, so remind yourself—and him. Nothing brings back feelings of desire more than talking about what attracted you to your partner in the first place…Next time it’s just the two of you, reminisce about how you first met and what you think made you fall in love.’

 

2. Too Much Going On: Yorio Jurick notes, ‘Between work, kids, and your mile-long to-do list, sex is the last thing on your mind. While it may sound counterintuitive, you could find your libido spiked just by eyeing and fantasizing about a handsome stranger. Notice the barista’s cute smile or the biceps on the guy next to you at the gym.’ Barbara Keesling, PhD, the author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex, adds, ‘Checking out other men puts sex on the brain and gets you thinking about the next time you’ll get hot and heavy with your guy.’

 

3. Never in the Mood: ‘Sometimes we just have to do it to make ourselves ask, “Why haven’t I been having sex more often?”’ says clinical sexologist Sonia Borg, PhD, the author of Marathon Sex. ‘Think about it; have you ever regretted having an orgasm?’

 

4. Roommate Mode: ‘Conversations about kids, chores, and finances have made you feel more like housemates than lovers,’ Yorio Jurick explains. ‘One thing you likely didn’t do with your roommates? Make out—so lock lips to remind yourself of the basis of your relationship. The amount that couples passionately kiss often decreases as they settle in to long-term relationships…To regain those early relationship butterflies, kiss your guy for a full 10 seconds every time you walk in or out the door. His saliva transfers testosterone, which fuels your desire, and all that lip service releases oxytocin, which makes you feel more connected to each other.’

 

5. Bedroom Boredom: Yorio Jurick details, ‘After all these years, you can practically do a play-by-play of his moves before he makes them. To change things up, play a little game. Here’s how it works: Each of you is allowed three sex wishes that the other person must make come true…Tell your partner that over the next three months, each of you gets one wish per month that the other needs to grant (within limits, of course). Not only does this setup give you permission to try new and exciting things in the bedroom, it also gives you the opportunity to think about what would really turn you on.’

 

6. Opposing Schedules: Terri Orbuch, PhD, the author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great, warns, ‘Many couples think that they have to wait until their schedules naturally align, but that could mean waiting forever.’ Instead, Yorio Jurick recommends that you both ‘put sex on your calendar. It may sound unromantic, but scheduling a romantic rendezvous can build anticipation and make the main event hotter…Even scheduling a weekly sex session can give your love life a major boost—the more of it you have, the more you’ll want.’

 

Categories: Attraction, bedroom, hectic schedule, jurick, low libido, nbsp, time, yorio, yorio jurick

How to Improve Your Partner’s Performance in the Bedroom

When your man underperforms in the bedroom, you can be left wondering what to do. According to sexual health and wellness writer Holly C. Corbett, Talking about his bedroom problems can be incredibly awkward, but for the sake of your relationship—and for maximum personal pleasure—it’s worth it…Working through these situations will help you turn a mortifying moment into a mind-blowing sex life.’ So which of his little issues are impacting your sexual wellbeing, and how do you fix them?

 

1. He Comes Too Soon: Sex therapist Bill Bercaw, co-author of the upcoming From the Living Room to the Bedroom: The Modern Couple’s Guide to Sexual Abundance and Lasting Intimacy, explains, ‘His fear of coming too soon causes him to clench his pelvic muscles, which accelerates him toward the point of no return. The key to getting more in sync is to help him learn how to relax…Try experimenting with different positions to find the ones that make him last longer. Female on top is great for women because there’s direct clitoral stimulation, which most women need to orgasm, and you get to control the thrusting.’ Corbett adds, ‘Press pause on the thrusting action when he’s nearing his peak to give him a break as he keeps stimulating you with his fingers or tongue. Then start up again and keep pausing intercourse until you both are ready to finish. Not only will this help sex last longer, it will also help him develop more control over his ejaculatory response.’

 

2. His Size Kind of Does Matter: Corbett points out, ‘The average erect penis is between 5.1 and 5.8 inches long. If your guy comes up a little short, try doing it doggie style: It will make you feel fuller because his penis will be hitting your G-spot, and he can also stimulate your clitoris with his hand to help you get there.’ Ginger Bercaw, wife of Bill and the other co-author of From the Living Room to the Bedroom, suggests, ‘On your end, the vagina is a muscle that can be tightened to help increase your arousal, so try strengthening your pelvic floor by doing kegels.’

 

3. He Can’t Get (or Keep) It Up: ‘Many women feel inadequate or rejected when their man can’t get it up, but his erection or lack thereof is not about you,’ says Bill. ‘Tell him what you want him to do with you that does not require an erection. This demonstrates that having a satisfying sex life is not solely dependent on his erection, which could help shift his focus away from what his penis is doing.’

 

4. He Suffers Low Libido: Ginger asserts, ‘The best kept sex secret in America is male low desire. Women are ashamed to talk about it because they feel inadequate, and men also feel ashamed out of fear that they’re not keeping up with their lover’s expectations. Many of us think we shouldn’t have to talk about sex because we want it to work naturally, but talking about it is the only way to improve your sex life. Tell him you love making love to him and want to find a number or a range that you both can agree upon. Flexibility is key, so say you’re shooting for two to three times a week, with the lower number being the minimum of what you’re okay with and the max number being an excellent week.’

 

5. You’re Uncomfortable with His Sex Fantasy: Corbett comments, ‘Few things are more awkward than when your guy makes like Adam from HBO’s Girls and asks you to do kinky things, like pretending to be an underage girl. If he springs an idea that feels degrading or makes you uncomfortable, wait a second…Talking about fantasies before playing them out is key. Because it’s a risk to share what’s going on inside your head, that shared vulnerability can bring you closer. Of course talking doesn’t mean you have to play out the fantasy, but you may consider meeting in the middle.’

Categories: bedroom, corbett, Fantasies, feel inadequate, living room, low libido, nbsp, sex life, sexual performance, talking, Women

Ways to Cure your Low Libido and Enjoy Sex Again

While a lack of sex drive is a common thing for women, men don’t often suffer from it. The American Medical Association suggests that several million women suffer from what is known as the female sexual arousal disorder, or FSAD. In fact, there is a current belief that has led doctors to label 43 percent of the population with this condition, claiming that they have low libidos. In the UK, there is a number of family planning clinics and relationship clinics which see a large proportion of women claiming to have a low sex drive – studies suggest that at any one time, several hundred thousand women in Britain are burdened with a lack of sex drive. However, the majority of these women don’t have a problem achieving orgasm – it’s simply that their mind-set is not right for lovemaking, so they don’t get aroused as easily. The good thing is that the lack of sex drive is temporary and is easily overcome with various treatments, be it medical or psychosexual advice. There are a number of causes for a low libido, including anaemia, alcoholism, drug abuse, diabetes, post-baby ‘coolness’ which occurs after childbirth, and hormonal problems. People believe that the menopause causes a lack of sex drive, but this is just a myth – it’s actually a stage in a woman’s life that can make her feel more sexy and enables her to have more orgasms.

 

There are various causes for a low libido, many of which are emotionally fuelled. For example, depression, stress, anxiety, hang-ups from childhood, past sexual experiences and relationship problems are all things which can affect your sex drive. Some people find that their living conditions can affect their desire to have sex too, such as if you’re living with friends or in-laws. If you’re suffering with this problem, you should start by speaking to your GP – they can talk through the problem with you and run any necessary tests. The alternative is visiting your local family planning clinic where they can offer you advice on how to deal with the problem. There have been many attempts to create a female equivalent of Viagra, but no such product has been created yet – most experts agree that combating the emotional problems and being with a loving partner can help you defeat the problem. Hormones are usually suggested to treat FSAD, in particular testosterone which is the male sex hormone. You can be prescribed a patch which is only currently licensed to women who have had surgically induced menopause, and who are already receiving oestrogen therapy – this is a small group of people though. Sex aids and vibrators can help women with a low libido, as they can encourage them to enjoy sex again and learn about the rhythms of their body, and what they enjoy in bed.

 

A low libido isn’t an untreatable problem – it’s simply a case of working out what the problem actually is. For example, if it is a bad sexual experience from your past, speaking to a counselor may be useful in order for you to talk to someone outside of your friends or family who can offer impartial advice. If it is stress or an emotional problem, therapy can be a way of overcoming the problem and will allow you to enjoy sex once again. Many women find that once they’ve overcome the stress or emotional barriers to sex, their libido returns to normal on its own. Furthermore, if it is a physical problem then your GP can offer you treatment options, so that your sex drive can return to normal as a result.

Categories: low libido, Sex Drive, Women

Three Women’s Health Questions You’ve Always Wanted to Ask

You may have reservations about discussing your health and wellness concerns with others, but you should never hold back with your doctor. Not only is it your GP’s job to monitor your health – and so telling the truth is kind of necessary – if you don’t ask questions because you’re somehow embarrassed by them, your wellbeing could be at risk. The chances are, it isn’t even an embarrassing or gross question – your doctor has probably heard it a thousand times already, and heard questions that are a thousand times worse!

According to Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, an OB-GYN with Yale University’s School of Medicine, ‘You want to be with a health care provider you feel comfortable with, someone who is going to spend time with you and who you’re not embarrassed to ask questions. I’m your doctor. That’s what I’m here for – to talk about your ovaries, about fertility and sex. That’s my job.’ So what are some of the common questions that doctors get that patients find hard to bring up?

1. Is it OK that I hardly ever have sex?

A low sex drive is the most common issue that Dr. Susan Blum, founder of the Blum Centre for Health in New York, and the author of The Immune System Recovery Plan, hears about. ‘Most of the time, what female patients struggle with is low sex drive,’ she says. ‘It comes up when we talk about their family … or when we talk about their hormones.’ Dr. Shieva Ghofrany, an OBGYN with Stamford Hospital, adds that her patients are ‘incredibly relieved and, oddly to me, surprised to hear that it’s very common.’

2. What’s that smell?

Ghofrany notes that patients ‘often say, “Um, I have an odour,” and I say, “A fishy odour” And they say, “Yes! How did you know?” They think it’s unique to them.’ However, a fishy odour is a symptom of bacterial vaginosis, which the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), lists as the most common vaginal infection among young women in the US. Treatment, which is especially important for pregnant women, usually means just a course of antibiotics, so don’t be afraid to ask!

3. When am I at my most fertile?

Dr. Minkin says you might be embarrassed to ask this question, because you think it’s a basic thing you should already understand. Dr. Minkin explains that even though her patients ‘are, in general, pretty darn educated,’ they cop to not knowing much about their menstrual cycle or when they’re ovulating. Having a good time and not stressing about timing is what Minkin often recommends to patients, but doctors can absolutely help you figure out when you’re ovulating and how to synch up your efforts, so ask away!

Categories: Fertility, fishy smell, low libido