A little slump in the bedroom department is perfectly normal, but seeing as sex is good for your wellbeing, why should you settle? You can bounce back from your sex life with these tips from wellness experts.
1. Waning Attraction: According to sexual health expert Nicole Yorio Jurick, ‘You’ve seen your husband on the toilet, wearing boxers and socks, and picking his nose too many times to count. That sort of routine stuff is enough to make you forget what about him so turned you on in the early days, so remind yourself—and him. Nothing brings back feelings of desire more than talking about what attracted you to your partner in the first place…Next time it’s just the two of you, reminisce about how you first met and what you think made you fall in love.’
2. Too Much Going On: Yorio Jurick notes, ‘Between work, kids, and your mile-long to-do list, sex is the last thing on your mind. While it may sound counterintuitive, you could find your libido spiked just by eyeing and fantasizing about a handsome stranger. Notice the barista’s cute smile or the biceps on the guy next to you at the gym.’ Barbara Keesling, PhD, the author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex, adds, ‘Checking out other men puts sex on the brain and gets you thinking about the next time you’ll get hot and heavy with your guy.’
3. Never in the Mood: ‘Sometimes we just have to do it to make ourselves ask, “Why haven’t I been having sex more often?”’ says clinical sexologist Sonia Borg, PhD, the author of Marathon Sex. ‘Think about it; have you ever regretted having an orgasm?’
4. Roommate Mode: ‘Conversations about kids, chores, and finances have made you feel more like housemates than lovers,’ Yorio Jurick explains. ‘One thing you likely didn’t do with your roommates? Make out—so lock lips to remind yourself of the basis of your relationship. The amount that couples passionately kiss often decreases as they settle in to long-term relationships…To regain those early relationship butterflies, kiss your guy for a full 10 seconds every time you walk in or out the door. His saliva transfers testosterone, which fuels your desire, and all that lip service releases oxytocin, which makes you feel more connected to each other.’
5. Bedroom Boredom: Yorio Jurick details, ‘After all these years, you can practically do a play-by-play of his moves before he makes them. To change things up, play a little game. Here’s how it works: Each of you is allowed three sex wishes that the other person must make come true…Tell your partner that over the next three months, each of you gets one wish per month that the other needs to grant (within limits, of course). Not only does this setup give you permission to try new and exciting things in the bedroom, it also gives you the opportunity to think about what would really turn you on.’
6. Opposing Schedules: Terri Orbuch, PhD, the author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great, warns, ‘Many couples think that they have to wait until their schedules naturally align, but that could mean waiting forever.’ Instead, Yorio Jurick recommends that you both ‘put sex on your calendar. It may sound unromantic, but scheduling a romantic rendezvous can build anticipation and make the main event hotter…Even scheduling a weekly sex session can give your love life a major boost—the more of it you have, the more you’ll want.’
