How to Fix Your Relationship Issues When One of You Has ADD

ADD/ADHD isn’t just a health concern; it interferes with relationship wellness. If one or both of you have ADD/ADHD, misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments can impact your wellbeing as individuals and as a team, especially if you’ve never received a proper diagnosis or treatment for the condition. Hope is on the horizon, however, as you can turn these problems around and build a healthier, happier partnership. All you need to do is learn about the role ADHD plays in your relationship and how both of you can respond to challenges and communicate with each other in more positive and productive ways.

 

If you’re the one who has ADD/ADHD, it can feel like, no matter what you do, nothing seems to please your partner. You don’t feel respected as an adult, and you’re constantly being criticized, nagged, and micromanaged, which can make you avoid your partner altogether or just say whatever they need to hear in order to get them off your back. When your partner can’t seem to relax or stop trying to control every aspect of your life, you can even wonder what happened to the person you fell in love with.

 

On the other side of the coin, if your partner is the one with ADD/ADHD, it’s all too common to feel lonely, unappreciated and ignored. You feel like the only responsible party in the relationship, and you’re sick and tired of having to shoulder the burden alone. You don’t think you can rely on your partner, as he or she always seems to flake out on promises and forget things. Therefore, you have to take care of everything on your own, or else constantly issue reminders and demands. Sometimes it feels as if your significant other just doesn’t care – about you or the relationship.

 

When you put these points of view together, it’s easy to see how ADD/ADHD – and how each of you responds to it – can contribute to a destructive cycle in the relationship. The more the ADHD partner feels judged and misunderstood, the more they will get defensive and pull away. This causes the non-ADHD partner to feel more alone in their responsibility, and so he or she complains, nags, and becomes increasingly resentful. This makes the person with ADD/ADHD even more withdrawn and, in the end, nobody is happy. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.

 

Walking a mile in your partner’s shoes is the best thing you can do to turn your relationship around. If you’ve been together for a long time, you may think you know your partner pretty well already, and understand where he or she is coming from, but the reason you’re having the same fights again and again is that it’s all too easy to misinterpret your partner actions and intentions. Even if you’ve heard it all before, this doesn’t mean that you’ve actually taken in what your partner is saying – especially in the heat of an argument when it’s hard to maintain objectivity and perspective.

 

When you’re not already in the throws of an argument, and you’re not already upset, find a time to sit down and talk with your partner. Ask your partner to describe how he or she feels and simply listen. Don’t try to interrupt, or explain or defend yourself while your partner is still speaking – let them get it all out. Then, repeat back the points you’ve gleaned from what your partner has said and ask if you’ve understood it all correctly. It may help to write these down. After this, it’s time for your partner to listen to you with fresh ears and an open mind.

Categories: ADD, add adhd, ADHD, adhd partner, feel, nbsp, partner, relationship, Relationship Problems

ADD All Grown Up: The Six Common Symptoms Adults Face

In adults, attention deficit disorder (ADD) often looks quite different than it does in children—and its symptoms are unique for each individual. This can make ADD and ADHD quite difficult to diagnose, so it can be years before your realise your wellness – or that of a loved one – is even affected by the health concerns. Identifying areas in which you experience difficulty can help you start to work on strategies for dealing with them. So which common ADD/ADHD symptoms should you look out for?

 

1. Trouble concentrating and staying focused: If your wellbeing is impacted by ADD or ADHD, you may find you have problems with staying focused and attending to daily, mundane tasks, albeit, to a certain degree, don’t we all? Those with ADD/ADHD are often easily distracted by irrelevant sights and sounds, quickly bounce from one activity to another, or become bored quickly. You can overlook these kinds of symptoms because they’re not that disruptive to daily life, but they can be every bit as troublesome.

 

2. Hyper-focus  This may seem a little bit strange considering the symptom we’ve just covered, but, on the other side of the coin, people with ADD/ADHD a tendency to become absorbed in tasks that are stimulating and rewarding. This paradoxical symptom is called hyper-focus and is actually a coping mechanism for distraction—a way of tuning out the chaos. You might get so engrossed in a book or TV programme, for example, that you completely lose track of time and what you’re supposed to be doing. When channelled into productive activities, hyper-focus can be a real asset, but it can also lead to work and relationship problems.

 

3. Dis-organisation and forgetfulness: Life seems chaotic and out of control to most people, but this is especially the case in ADD/ADHD. The challenge lies in staying organised, sorting out the relevant information for the task at hand, prioritising, keeping track of tasks and responsibilities, and managing your time. Common symptoms include chronic lateness, procrastination, trouble starting and finishing projects, losing or misplacing things often and frequent forgetting of appointments, commitments, and deadlines.

 

4. Impulsivity: The symptoms involved in this category boil down to the face that you struggle in inhibiting your behaviours, comments, and responses. You might blurt out comments or interrupt people often, rush through tasks without reading the instructions, say rude or inappropriate things, get addicted to things quite easily, struggle to sit still during a long meeting, and just generally have poor self-control. For better or for worse, you go headlong into situations and find yourself in potentially risky circumstances.

 

5. Emotional problems: When you have ADD/ADHD, managing your feelings – especially emotions like anger or frustration – can be difficult. It’s likely that you have a sense of underachievement, don’t deal well with frustration, are easily flustered and stressed out, exhibit irritability or mood swings, have trouble staying motivated, are hypersensitive to criticism, demonstrate a short, often explosive, temper and/or experience low self-esteem and sense of insecurity.

 

6. Hyperactivity or restlessness: This is the most well-known symptom of ADD/ADHD in kids and hyperactivity in adults with ADD/ADHD can often look the same. People might say you’re perpetually “on the go” as if driven by a motor, due to your high levels of energy. However, for most adults with ADD/ADHD, the symptoms of hyperactivity present themselves in more subtle and internal ways as they grow older. Still, you may have this problem if you show symptoms like feelings of inner restlessness and agitation, a tendency to take risks, getting bored easily, racing thoughts, trouble sitting still, constant fidgeting, a craving for excitement, excessive talking and doing a million things at once.

Categories: add adhd, ADHD, adults, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), common symptoms, easily, hyper focus, nbsp, staying, staying focused, Symptoms