How to Talk to Your Child about Sex in a Positive Way

 

The sex talk can really affect family wellness, so how do you do it in a healthy and positive way? We spoke to sexual health and wellness expert Debra W Haffner, author of Beyond the Big Talk: Every Parent’s Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Teens From Middle School to High School and Beyond, for her tips on talking with your children about sexuality.

 

1. Reward Your Child’s Questions: According to Haffner, ‘It can sometimes be a little surprising when your child asks you a question about sexuality. But instead of asking, “Why are you asking?” or brushing off the subject by saying, “We’ll talk about this when you’re older”, try saying, “I’m so glad you asked me that”. Be happy that your child feels comfortable enough to talk to you about sexuality issues.’

 

2. Introduce the Topic: ‘Don’t wait for your child to start the conversation,’ Haffner warns. ‘Many parents put off talking to their children about sexuality, assuming that a child will ask when he wants to know something. But some children are reluctant to begin these talks, and others simply aren’t the type who ask a lot of questions. Do you wait for your child to ask about your religious faith, personal safety and other important topics before discussing them? The answer, more than likely, is no – and sexuality should be no different. It’s a parent’s responsibility to introduce the topic, little by little. Your child might never ask, but he still needs to know.’

 

3. Be Honest: Haffner asserts, ‘It’s OK if you don’t have an answer to your child’s question. If you don’t know the answer, say so and explain that you’ll find out and get back to her. If your child is school-age or older, you can look it up together. If you find you’ve given your child misinformation, don’t hesitate to go back and tell her you’d like to try to give her a better answer now you’ve had time to think over your discussion.’

 

4. Talk about Your Feelings: ‘It’s OK to feel uncomfortable,’ says Haffner. ‘Many parents feel awkward talking to their children about sexuality because their parents didn’t talk to them about these issues. There’s no reason why you can’t – or shouldn’t – explain this to your child. You can say, “I’m not used to talking about sex because Grandma didn’t talk to me about it, but I think it’s important and want us to. It will get easier as we go along”.’

 

5. Look for Teaching Opportunities: Haffner points out, ‘Teaching opportunities arise naturally and provide a good venue to talk about some aspects of sexuality or other important topics. They might be a scene in a TV show or movie, the actions of a character in a book you’ve both read, or your teenager getting ready for a school dance. Teaching opportunities like these give you the opportunity to provide little bits of information, and to share your own family values without having to sit your child down for an uncomfortable series of formal talks.’

 

6. Listen to Your Child: ‘Try hard to really hear your child’s concerns,’ Haffner advises. ‘Find out what he already knows about the topic you’re discussing. Although your fifth-grade son’s crush might seem silly to you, it’s very important to him. Your willingness to listen during the primary school years sets the stage for when your child is an adolescent and has to make decisions about dating and sexual relationships. You can read more about sexuality and wellbeing in adolescence.’

 

7. Explain Your Family Values: Haffner comments, ‘Facts aren’t enough. Yes, your child needs to be educated about reproduction and puberty, but she also needs to hear your family values. She can learn facts from school and books, but only you can teach her your values. Think through the messages you want to convey to your child about sexuality.’

 

Categories: family values, Sex, the talk

Can Your Daughter Talk to You About STIs and Protection?

As a mother, nothing can be more daunting than approaching the topic of your daughter’s sexual health. You want to assure your little girl that she can always talk to you, without letting on that it’s a little bit heartbreaking every time she mentions having sex. However, it’s important to look out for her wellbeing, as many teenagers today are uninformed about sexual issues, so what do you need to talk about?

 

Let’s start with contraception. Obviously, the condom is the best protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) as well as pregnancies, but your daughter may not be aware that things don’t always go to plan in the moment. Paul Fine, MD, associate professor of gynaecology at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, notes, ‘A couple may not put on a condom until the last minute, and in the heat of passion, he might not have the control he usually has, so that’s never foolproof.’

 

Therefore, you need to educate your daughter about other contraceptive methods that are less dependent on calm, clear thinking in the midst of a passionate clinch. The Pill is a classic choice for most women and your daughter may not be aware that it does so much more than prevent pregnancies. Depending on the type of Pill she chooses, the Pill can help to clear up her acne, lessen her risk of uterine infection and ovarian cancer, and reduce period problems such as heavy bleeding, pain and PMS mood swings.

 

Still, the Pill alone won’t protect your daughter from STIs, and she’s in a very high-risk group for them. Even though 15-24 year olds only represent 25% of the sexually active population, they are the victims of 50% of new STD cases. Jeanne Marrazzo, MD, an STD specialist at the University of Washington medical school, advises annual chlamydia screenings for younger women, while Hunter Handsfield, MD, a clinical professor of medicine at the University of Washington, says, ‘Young people ought to get tested once a year for HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhoea.’ This is because the symptoms of STDs aren’t always apparent. You can have gonorrhoea, chlamydia, hepatitis, HIV, and syphilis without having any obvious symptoms, but these diseases can be very destructive to your wellness over a long period of time. Dr Handsfield adds that women under 26 should consider getting the HPV vaccination.

Categories: Chlamydia, daughter, nbsp, Pill, Protection, STIs, talk, the talk

Why Should You Talk Openly About Sex with Your Teenager?

Believe it or not, there was a time – only a decade ago – when Facebook and Twitter did not exist and mobile phones were owned primarily by adults. Today’s teenagers are now being called the “mobile generation,” with 75% owning a mobile phone – 84% of whom sleep with it turned on by their bed. But what’s that got to do with sexual health?

With all this new technology has come a constant barrage of sexual imagery. Your teenager’s sexual wellness, and overall wellbeing, is being shaped by advertising, prime time television and all forms of popular media, creating new obstacles to “the talk” that weren’t there just a decade ago. As a result, parents, teachers and members of the community need to come together to work with today’s young people and understand the world our teens are facing. Research shows that teens who report having open conversations with their parents about sex are more likely to delay sex, have fewer partners and use condoms and other birth control methods when they do have sex.

Because of this, Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains’ Responsible Sex Education Institute, in partnership with the Healthy Colorado Youth Alliance, hosted a panel discussion entitled Sexual Health in the Digital Age at the Denver School of Science and Technology last year. Perhaps it wasn’t the pithiest of titles, but, in 2011 alone, the Responsible Sex Education Institute presented over 1,000 educational presentations to almost 18,000 participants – they must be doing something right!

Made up of experts from throughout the community, the panel met to speak to the obstacles and opportunities presented by technology, and how that technology can be used to advance sexual health, address teen pregnancy rates and in turn address high school graduation rates in US communities. With an estimated 750,000 American teens (15-19) becoming pregnant each year, the United States has the highest rates of teen pregnancy among comparable countries, and the statistics pertaining to STDs are just as alarming. One in two sexually active young people contract an STD before the age of 25, but as we’re hardly producing monks and nuns back in Blighty, is there something we can learn from Colorado’s initiative?

Why Should You Talk Openly About Sex with Your Teenager?

Categories: education institute, responsible sex, sex education, sexual, sexual health, technology, Teen pregnancy, teens, the talk, young people