As a nation, we may be more comfortable with seeing sex displayed in the media, but we still don’t like to talk about it. Communication is intrinsic to your sexual wellbeing, not to mention your relationship wellness! Not only is it important to cover sexual health issues like using contraception, you also need to talk to your partner about what you like and don’t like in the bedroom department. If you don’t discuss your turn-ons and turn-offs, things are never going to improve. Plus, believe it or not, talking about sex can, itself, be very sexy, and even enhance your relationship.
Talking about your turn-ons is a great way to get the sex conversation rolling. It can be tough to open up about the things you don’t like, or more boring-but-essential topics like protection and testing, so sharing sexy chat helps to get things started – and it could improve your experience of sex together. Many people seem to have the notion that everyone is the same when it comes to sex, but this simply isn’t true. Every individual has their own likes and dislikes in the bedroom, and it can take a long time – and a few mistakes – to figure out what works for you and your partner. If you’re committed to one another, no one is going to walk out when the other makes mistakes, and exploring and learning about each other is part of the fun. However, the problem comes when your partner continues to do something you don’t like, and you suffer in silence.
Your partner is not a mind-reader, and so may be going along for years thinking he’s getting you hot-and-heavy, when really you’re counting down the minutes until it’s over. In a similar vein, there may be something you’re dying to try, but your partner isn’t going to magically guess the things you want and start doing them. You can save a lot of time by just telling your partner what you want, and asking them if there’s anything they might like you to do. The best way to approach the conversation is to ask them about their turn-ons first, and then tell them something you’d be interested in trying. Just stick to one or two things during each conversation, as otherwise it could all get a bit much.
The good thing about opening up about your turn-ons in a conversation outside of the bedroom – rather than trying to get things going during sex – is that you can cover any worries you or your partner might have about the thing in question. Trying new things, although exciting, may be daunting, so talking about things beforehand will reassure you both about what will happen during sex and it’ll stay exciting. This may sound like a bit of a mood killer, but it’s actually quite the opposite! Instead of killing the romance of spontaneity, talking about sex can be quite a turn-on itself and a good way to get in the mood.
As well as talking about turn-ons outside of the bedroom, it’s better to talk about turn-offs before you start having sex than having to deal with them during sex. After all, would you like your partner to start criticising when you’re naked and vulnerable? Again, you may think this kills the romance, but even talking about your turn-offs can be quite saucy and a good laugh. Make sure you approach this subject from a place of love, non-judgement and good humour. Listing the things you both dislike may be hard to hear at first, but it will ultimately help you grow closer together – both in and out of the bedroom.
