After more than 20 years, Stanford professor and economist Paul Oyer found himself back on the dating scene and turned to dating sites, finding that searching for a romantic partner online was remarkably similar to something he’d been studying all his life: economics. But how are financial wellness and sexual health linked? Oyer, who is now happily in a relationship with a woman he met on JDate, has written a whole book on the subject, entitled Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Economics I Learned From Online Dating, and sat down with wellness writer Christina Chaey to discuss economics-related dating tips.
1. Know What You Want: Chaey notes, ‘People end up on online dating sites for a variety of reasons — some are looking for casual hook-ups with multiple people, while others are seeking monogamous, long-term love. Knowing what you’re looking for will help inform the way you describe yourself to others.’ Oyer advises, ‘If you want to show that you’re serious and you’re ready to settle down, you should consider having one or two pictures that show that.’
2. Be Wary of Those Who Have Been on the Site for a While: According to Oyer, ‘If someone’s on a dating site for a long time, that’s a problem.’ If you discovered a house had been for sale for a long time in a pretty active housing market, wouldn’t that raise a red flag in your mind? After all, what’s wrong with this house that no one wants it?! Oyer explains, ‘By the same token, if a person’s been on a dating site for a long time, or has never had a serious relationship, there’s some hidden information that you want to be wary of.’
3. Online Dating Should be the Same as Job Hunting: Chaey points out, ‘Finding the right partners, of course, is nothing like buying a house — the house you like doesn’t have to like you back in order for things to work out…Looking for a partner online is a lot like shopping around for a new job, in that you’ll always be wondering if you could do a little better. But whether it’s a new job or a partner, you can’t keep searching forever, otherwise you’d be unemployed or lonely forever.’
4. Keep an Open Mind: Oyer’s now-girlfriend is the proud owner of two pugs, and Oyer admits, ‘I hate little dogs, and I had this association that anyone who would like little dogs is not the type of person I would want.’ However, if he had written her off just for that, he wouldn’t now be dating her, so don’t let the little things get in your way.
5. But Know Your Deal-Breakers: ‘The children and the dog were parts of my life I wasn’t willing to give up, and a relationship that didn’t work those in was going to be a problem,’ Oyer recalls. Chaey adds, ‘It’s best to know what you’re definitely not going to change about yourself, like your political beliefs, to be with someone else.’
6. Offer Up More Information: Chaey details, ‘There are two major problems with presenting information about yourself on online dating sites. The first is that people lie about themselves all the time — an infamous OkCupid blog post outlines the big ways people fudge their personal details, including how guys often say they’re two inches taller than they are in real life. The second, related problem is that people tend to make negative assumptions if you don’t explicitly offer up a certain piece of information about yourself in your profile, like your body type, or your income.’
