When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, the sex can suffer. Not only does life get in the way of your libido, but a lack of intimacy can cause problems with your emotional health and wellbeing. However, a new study, appearing in the book Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships, has found that a double date could be the life-jacket you need if your relationship is on the rocks.
Group outings are generally believed to be less intimate than one-on-one dates, so why are double dates so beneficial to your relationship wellness? According to researchers from the University of Maryland School of Social Work, double dates act like an aphrodisiac by increasing your desire for your own partner. Researchers Kathleen Holtz Deal and Geoffrey L. Greif found that couples who plan romantic dates and are friends with other couples experience an intimacy boost in their own relationship, as this makes these couples more attracted to each other, and strengthens their relationships.
When you’re in a long-term relationship – the researchers explained – you tend to stop ‘keeping up appearances’ because they don’t see why it’s necessary to bring your ‘A game’. After all, you’ve both parties decided to love each other for better or for worse. However, having an attitude of bringing less than your best means that you may grow indifferent to one another, or you may feel irritated or upset by your partner for not making the effort. Yet, according to Pamela Madsen, a sex and intimacy coach and founder of the Back to the Body sensuous retreat for women, ‘On double dates, our energy’s higher, because we’re performing for the group.’
You try harder to be at your best in front of other couples because you have more people to appreciate your efforts – and not people who have to love you no matter what. Plus, double dates give you the opportunity to have a close look at another couple’s relationship, and to appreciate your relationship more. You can see how your friends do it, and learn the behaviours and communication strategies that work and don’t work. Madsen added, ‘Our partner sees our desirability through the eyes of other people [and vice versa]. It makes us more wanted, more exciting and more desirable to him or her.’
