A good sex life is important for your emotional health, as well as all areas of your wellbeing, but as we’re British, it can be difficult to talk about sex, or get the help we need to make it better. There’s no shame in trying to better understand your needs or those of your partner, and there are plenty of simple solutions to physically and emotionally enhancing your sexual wellness.
1. Understand your sexual needs, and communicate them to your partner.
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you’ll have realised just how vital communication is. This is no less true when it comes to sex, but it can be embarrassing to talk about what you want, or you may be worried about your partner’s feelings. You might assume your partner knows what you like in the bedroom, or you might not want to mention it if something doesn’t feel as good. This means you’ll have the same dreary sex life for years to come – unless you talk about it. Be honest about what works for you and what doesn’t, but do it in a way that will make you feel comfortable. This often involves using humour to ease the tension, as well as being honest and open to new ideas.
2. Try kegel exercises.
The pubococcygeus (PC), which controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm in both men and women, is a muscle that works like any other; strengthening exercises will improve its function. There is a link between having a toned PC muscle and more intense orgasms, and performing kegel exercises can get you there. To find this magical muscle, see if you can start and stop the flow of your urine next time you’re on the loo (the PC muscle is the one that stops the flow). Then, try to tighten and hold this muscle for a slow count of three, or mix it up and try quick kegels by tightening and relaxing the muscle as rapidly as you can. This will gradually help you to gain more control and, as a result, better orgasms.
3. Masturbate.
Masturbating will help you to understand your body, which is information you can pass on to your partner. Plus, as a woman, you’re more likely to have an orgasm from self-pleasuring than intercourse. Start by masturbating until you feel your breathing increase, want to go very fast and want to thrust your pelvis. At this point, don’t aim for an orgasm but instead, stop and experience things for one or two minutes. After this, use light stroking and the kegels you have learned to stimulate yourself again, and then let yourself do whatever you wish!
4. Let your imagination run wild.
You may not think you have any sexual fantasies but everyone is capable of them, and they are the most common form of sexual expression. According to their wealth of research, psychologists Harold Leitenberg and Kris Henning have noted the most popular sexual fantasies around, so why not consider these sexy scenarios?
- Your current partner: It sounds weird but this is the most common fantasy! Just thinking about sex and feeling aroused is a fantasy, so why wouldn’t you imagine what you’d get up to with your current partner – you might be able to bring that fantasy into reality!
- A stranger or imaginary lover: This involves a sexual partner who will do wonderful things to you without being asked and with no strings attached.
- Romance novel sex: A lot of women fantasise about being taken against their will – in a way of being “won over” by a strong, passionate man rather than violent abuse. The force used is just enough to get a high level of excitement.
- Different locations: A new place, be it in the great outdoors or at the office, gives you the excitement of being naughty.
