The Four Female Orgasms: Which One Will You Try Having Next?

You know that women can have orgasms, but did you know that you can have different ones? According to a recent study published in the journal NeuroQuantology, there are four distinct types of female orgasm; clitoral, vaginal, blended, or multiple – so which one will you try having tonight?

 

1. Clitoral Orgasm: Sari Cooper, a certified sex therapist in New York City and a columnist for Psychology Today, points out that if your partner touches, caresses, or massages other parts of your genitals before heading for the clitoris, you’ll have a more pleasurable orgasm than if he homes straight in on that hot spot. Copper advises, ‘Have him make big circles with his fingers that include the shaft, labia, and upper part of the clitoral hood.’ To increase your chances of having a clitoral orgasm, sexual health and wellness expert Faye Brennan recommends, ‘Try having him use a fingertip vibrator like the Hello Touch Wearable Fingertip Vibrator ($65, jimmyjane.com). The more vocal you are about the speed, intensity, and pressure you prefer, the better the end result will be.’

 

2. Vaginal Orgasm: Brennan notes, ‘Though there is still some debate as to whether the G-spot exists, 30% of women claim they can have a big O from having the famous erogenous zone stimulated through penetration alone. First, locate the hot zone. On a solo night, explore the front wall of your vagina with your finger until you feel an area that’s rippled and spongy in texture. Touching it directly should feel pretty darn good. Then, during intercourse, have your man target his thrusting there. Try lying on your sides while facing each other, with your legs intertwined comfortably—think of two pairs of crisscrossed scissors. Keep your parts aligned and make sure his rubs against the front wall of your vagina.’ Michael Alvear, author of Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat, adds that changing positions after 15 minutes or so ‘reduces the chance of your man “closing the deal” too soon and helps your body experience new and fresh sensations.’

 

3. Blended Orgasm: By combining the clitoral and vaginal orgasm, ‘You’re getting the best of both worlds,’ says Cynthia Lief Ruberg, a certified sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio. ‘A blended orgasm is easier if the woman becomes very aroused before she has intercourse.’ So make sure you go full-throttle with the foreplay. When it comes to intercourse, Brennan comments, ‘The girl-on-top position is popular for a reason—it’s perfect for the double-whammy finish. But you can also try sitting on your partner’s lap facing away from him (he can stimulate your clitoris while you control the thrusting). Or, for a twist on missionary, have your guy inch his body up so your hips are aligned, and tilt your pelvis upward so that the base of his penis is on your clitoris but the rest of him is inside you.’

 

4. Multiple Orgasms: ‘Multiple orgasms happen one right after the next, not at different times in one session (although those are great too),’ Brennan explains. ‘Starting in foreplay, have your guy get you to your first clitoral climax using his hands or mouth (or a vibrator). Immediately afterward, he should continue to stimulate your C-spot in a slower manner for about 30 seconds, and then resume a normal pace to get you to a repeat performance.’ Amy Levine, a sex coach in New York City and founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com, notes, ‘He’s playing with your level of arousal from a heightened orgasmic state by giving your erogenous area a rest, as it may be overly sensitive to stimulation, and then increasing arousal again.’

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Why Should You and Your Partner Consider Sex Therapy?

Sex therapists may fall into the bracket of “complementary wellness” but they can prove essential for your wellbeing, both individually and as a couple. But what exactly does a sex therapist do, and how might speaking to one benefit your overall wellness?

 

1. More confidence (in and out of the bedroom): According to Marne Wine, a licensed professional counsellor and AASECT-certified sex therapist, ‘What people don’t expect from sex therapy is how strong, confident and assertive they become in every area of their lives. Sex therapy is just life playing itself out in the bedroom. Are you willing to be OK with yourself because you don’t know everything or have all the answers? Are you willing to put yourself out there and risk ridicule and failure? Once you learn to do that in the bedroom—naked—you can do it anywhere.’

 

2. Solving a range of sexual problems: Lynne Kolton Schneider, MA, PhD, a board-certified sex counsellor in private practice, believes that sex therapy can help with everything under the sun. She details, ‘I see people who have difficulties with libido associated with cancer treatments; people who have sexual difficulties and dysfunctions associated with surgical procedures; people who have difficulties with sexual positioning due to physical disabilities; and people who have problems being intimate because they have been sexually abused or raped. I work with couples who haven’t had sex in months, or years, virgins who want their first experiences to be positive and women who have never had an orgasm.’

 

3. Improving your communication skills: ‘Sex therapy is not always about sexual functioning,’ says Dr. Schneider. ‘It’s probably equally as often about poor communication skills. Much of what I spend my time on concerns teaching patients how to communicate with each other—including how to fight fairly and when to choose to lose a “battle” to win a “war.”

 

4. Enhancing your (already great) sex life: Even if the sex between the two of you is phenomenal, Isadora Alman, a marriage and family therapist and a board-certified sexologist, argues that sex therapy can still be beneficial. ‘Most people believe that something has to be broken, or that they do, in order to seek sex therapy,’ she says. ‘What I do is more about sexual and emotional enhancement, making things better, than it is about Slot A and Prong B. The most frequent therapeutic outcome of any sex therapy is the relief that comes with being able to talk about sexual feelings, thoughts and fantasies, just putting them out there to be examined.’

 

5. Saving your marriage: Sybil Keane, a psychologist and mental health expert for JustAnswer.com, comments, ‘When a couple is having troubles with their sex life, a regular marriage counsellor might say, “Well, make time for you two to connect” when it’s way more than just connecting for sex. It won’t help if the desire isn’t there or it just feels like a fake attempt to revive the same old, same old.’ Instead, Keane recommends asking a sex therapist, who ‘can talk way beyond what a regular marriage counsellor can. I believe that most people think that a sex therapist is a last-ditch solution to a marital sexual problem. If more people went to sex therapy before a problem arose, they might not have to seek divorce advice down the road. Although we all like to believe that sex is something that comes naturally, it isn’t.’

 

6. Learning about your body: Dr. Schneider notes, ‘Sex therapy can involve teaching people about their own body, and about the body of their partner. I have taken out books to show men what the vagina looks like so they know where to insert their penis for vaginal intercourse. Women in particular often don’t know where on their body they feel pleasure, what kind of touch they like, and where and how they like to be touched.’

Categories: better sex, board certified, certified sex, communication skills, confidence, dr schneider, marriage counsellor, regular marriage, sex life, sex therapist, sex therapy