Are Your Bedroom Insecurities Damaging Your Wellness?

Often, your state of mental wellbeing is the biggest culprit for interfering with your sexual health. Whether you’re stressed, worried or feeling insecure, your brain can put a damper on sex – but how do you let go and relax?

 

According to award-winning wellness writer Hope Gillette, ‘It is possible to overcome insecurities, and the first step along that road is realising we all have them. Everyone is insecure about something; some of us just hide it better than others…You need to get a grip on your lack of confidence, however, because being insecure can do a number on your sex life…Being preoccupied and insecure with how you look can affect how much you enjoy sex. People who are insecure about their bodies, appearance, or abilities can have intense feelings of shame or shyness–emotions which are not conducive to the freedom of intimacy.’

 

Ann Kearney-Cooke, PhD, director of the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute, comments, ‘Women with poor body image don’t initiate sex as often, and they’re more self-conscious. Sexual intimacy involves the sharing of your innermost essence with another person, and being able to pay attention to yourself as well as to your partner.’ Insecurities can also lead to a number of health issues, as well as damaging your relationship. The stress and anxiety associated with insecurities can cause:

 

• Erectile dysfunction


• Inability to orgasm


• Vaginal dryness


• Loss of libido


• Substance abuse


• Depressed fertility

 

So how do you overcome your insecurities, and have a better sense of overall wellbeing as a result?

 

1. You’re Not Alone: Gillette advises, ‘Don’t forget: everyone has something they are insecure about.’ While this doesn’t mean it will be any easier for you to get over your insecurities, it is nice to know that you’re not in this alone. It may be helpful to talk to your partner about his or her insecurities, so you know you’re not the only one who’s worried. Gillette points out this can help you ‘overcome insecurities in bed by building real intimacy.’

 

2. Get Naked: While it may be the last thing you want to do, Gillette recommends walking around the house naked, as this can help you ‘to be comfortable in your own skin.’

 

3. Get the Right Mindset: Gillette notes, ‘Remember that people like different things; not everyone is attracted to rail-thin models or voluptuous women or muscular guys…Also remember, appearance is not as important when it comes to sexuality and pleasure. Don’t buy into this myth.’ She adds, ‘Don’t worry about the orgasm. Too much pressure is on climax; sex is about enjoyment and intimacy, and it is possible to enjoy another person without having an orgasm.’

 

4. Play Up Your Good Points: ‘Have great feet?’ asks Gillette. ‘Pamper them and buy some great nail polish. What matters is how good you feel with yourself – as you are.’

 

5. Masturbate: ‘Don’t be afraid to masturbate,’ Gillette asserts. ‘This will reassure you about feeling pleasure and can help you instruct a partner about the things that work for you.’

 

6. Ask Your Doctor: Gillette warns, ‘Don’t assume painful sex is normal. If pain is causing your insecurities you need to seek medical advice.’

 

7. Communicate: ‘Accept what you need to enjoy sex,’ says Gillette. ‘This means if you need dirty talk to enjoy yourself, ask your partner how they feel about it. Don’t wait for in-the-moment. Talking about sex as adults in a neutral atmosphere can be much less stressful than springing something on a partner during the act.’

 

8. Choose the Right Partner: Gillette recommends, ‘Wait until you trust someone fully before you have sex. This may sound like a no-brainer, but many people feel pressured to be intimate early in the relationship and don’t wait to feel comfortable with their partner. When you trust someone, you overcome insecurities easily.’

Categories: Communication, gillette, gillette recommends, insecure, insecurities, intimacy nbsp, masturbation, nbsp, overcome insecurities, partner, sexual insecurities

The Naked Truth: How to Feel Comfortable in Your Own Skin

There aren’t many things that affect your mental wellness more than being naked in front of someone else. You’ve got no clever clothes to distract or hide the bits you don’t like, which means another person is going to see everything. Not only does this have an impact on your emotional wellbeing, but also your sexual health. After all, how often are you going to want to get intimate with your partner if you know they’re going to see you completely naked? If you’re insecure about how you look naked, even the smallest comment can result in a psychological detonation and a devastated evening (not to mention a lot of confusion), so how do you get comfortable in (nothing but) your own skin?

 

1. Walk around naked: Before you can feel comfortable with yourself, you need to feel comfortable with yourself. Although this is easier said than done, making yourself get naked more often can help to get you started. Whenever you have the house to yourself, strip off and walk around naked. Try looking at yourself in the mirror as though you’re not looking at yourself, but someone else for the first time. If this image of nakedness was presented before you in the bedroom, would you turn it down? Of course not. When there’s a naked person willing to have sex with you, who cares if they have a bit of cellulite, one breast or testicle that’s lower than the other, or a bit of hair in an odd place? You don’t need to be Ryan Gosling or Scarlett Johansson to be sexually desirable – in real life, even they don’t look like Ryan Gosling or Scarlett Johansson! The fact is that someone wants to have sex with you, just as you are, so take pride in that and leave the lights on; confidence is sexy.

 

2. Get to know yourself better: It’s perfectly normal to masturbate, whether you’re male or female, and it also has the added bonus of teaching you what makes you feel good. Knowing thyself in the carnal sense helps you to can better guide someone who wants to please you, so get exploring!

 

3. Talk to your doctor: Sexual insecurities can sometimes stem from a medical problem, so talking to a medical health professional about it might help. If sex is painful for you, for example, someone can talk you through it, give you advice and might be able to fix it. Don’t keep schtum just because your problem is a bit weird; any health care professional has pretty much heard it all. Other problems that you should talk to your doctor about include unusual discharge or smell, or if you’re having trouble getting erect, having an orgasm or staying lubricated.

 

4. Sort out your priorities: Let’s just sort this out now; it’s a myth that all men want sex all the time, and that what all women truly desire is someone who lasts for hours. It’s common to worry about your sexual performance, whether you’re a woman who worries she takes too long to orgasm – or that you won’t be able to – or you’re a man who’s concerned that he’ll ejaculate too quickly or not get hard enough. No one’s denying that orgasms are great, but making that the only focus of a sexual experience means that you are missing out on a lot of other things, and shredding your nerves from all that pressure. Sexual mishaps happen, whether you can’t get it up, can’t orgasm or you do it all far too quickly. Maybe you’re not comfortable with the person, maybe you have other stuff going on in your mind, or maybe you’re both drunk. Regardless, there’s more to sex than those few seconds, so focus on each other.

Categories: comfortable, feel, feel comfortable, masturbation, naked, nbsp, ryan gosling, scarlett johansson, sexual, sexual insecurities