Sex Ed for 20-Somethings: What Men Learn with Age

Your experience of sex changes as you get older; hopefully for the better. Sure, you may not be as energetic or eager as you once were, but you learn more as you go along, and all that experience works wonders for your sexual wellbeing. So, as a warning for you younger men, or as a lovely trip down memory lane for you silver foxes, let’s take a look at the sex lessons you learn when you’re in your 20s.

 

1. Girls Can Be Bad at Sex: According to Sexual Health and Wellness Writer Mike Sheppard, ‘This is shocking for most guys. At first, the simple fact that you were both naked was all it took. Then there is that one girl who seems to be dangling from the headboard and shrieking profanities for no reason at all. It’s not you. It’s her. This is a very subtle shift that happens at this stage of our lives when we begin to allow ourselves to have likes and dislikes in bed, and not just gratitude. Well, we should still be grateful. But the bottom line is that she can be equally responsible if a hot date ends up turning into a sexual misfire.’

 

2. You Can Talk About What You Like: ‘You can talk to her during sex?,’ asks Sheppard. ‘Yes. Yes, you can. You can even look her in the eye. Go one step further and you guys can talk about what each of you would enjoy or would rather the other never did again. How else is she supposed to know if she should speed up or slow down? Neither of you are mind readers. And once you open that line of communication in those first years of sexual dalliances, your sex life will get infinitely better. The 20s are about learning what you really like, and this ain’t happening without some talk. Just don’t be a chatterbox.’

 

3. Fantasies Aren’t Always Fantastic: Sheppard notes, ‘Our teen years are spent imagining all the things we would love to do to women and what we would love to have them do to us. Our 20s can be a sobering reminder that these fantasies can actually be painfully awkward – and just plain painful. You have to try things to learn what works, but this is a great example of something that you will start to get a feel for during those formative years. And the only one that will leave you with emotional and physical scarring.’

 

4. Drunk Sex Can Suck: It ‘seems impossible to imagine even being sober when you’re having sex in your 20s,’ Sheppard points out. ‘How am I even supposed to relax? But something changes along the way, and you start to notice that too much booze can make a great encounter quickly turn into an awkward and sleepy event. Many guys learn this after they pass out in the middle of sex and wake up to discover they’re now alone in the bed.’

 

5. You Should Never Sleep With Your Friend’s Ex: Sheppard argues, ‘In our teens, life is like summer camp. People are swapping makeout partners like the cast of Gossip Girl in the span of a single season. But as we enter our 20s, when relationships start to mean a little more, it’s no longer cool to start hooking up with your boy’s ex at the bar two weeks after she dumped him. This is part of growing up.’

 

6. Your Partner Doesn’t Want a Picture of Your Package: ‘To be honest, some guys never learn this – and some women probably know it all too well,’ Sheppard comments. ‘But for the most part, many men have learned the hard way that this can be a huge mistake (or small mistake, depending on the angle). Bottom line here: You will try it and you will learn what works for you.’

 

Categories: 20-Somethings, guys, learn, men, nbsp, sexual, sexual experience, sheppard

Four Fetishes that Aren’t as Weird as You Might Think

At first glance, sexual fetishes may seem like a taboo but, really, do we see them that way? As long as it doesn’t threaten your overall wellbeing in any way, a little fetishism here and there can be perfectly normal for your sexual health and wellness. In fact, under the right circumstances, we’re perfectly happy to dish the dirt on what turns us on – are these fetishes? Technically speaking, turn-ons that seem “normal” are, in fact, fetishes. The definition of a fetish is an intense focus on an something that’s essential to your arousal but does not have any inherent sensuality in and of itself. In the more common use of the term, a fetish simply plays a supporting role, not the lead, in your sexual experience. So, do you have a sexual fetish? Let’s look at a few of the more common ones to find out:

 

1. Body Piercing: If you’re over 40, this one may not be so appealing, but tongue, lip, nipple and genital piercings have particularly high fetish value as they can aid in sex acts almost directly. For piercing fetishists, the arousal also comes from the piercing itself; the thought of the piercing act, the feel of the cold metal, the contrast of hard-on-soft and even the perceived deviance. In a similar way, young people commonly have a thing for tattoos, while ear discs and surgical implants (which can make a human look, say, alien or demonic) have deep sex appeal for a select group.

 

2. Hair: Hair can be a very sensual thing; as any tousled, wind-blown Victoria’s Secret ad will attest. However, a hair fetish goes beyond the obvious. Primarily, it’s men who like to involve women’s hair in the sexual experience in some way, and it can be highly specific. While some men will only go for women with long blond hair, others are only interested in curly brown hair or very short hair. For women, a hair fetish will often lie in the facial realm, with a nice beard making all the difference to a sexual experience. Moreover, there is a smaller group that appreciates a lack of hair, with men finding bald women to have an irresistible appeal.

 

3. Leather: You probably could have guessed that leather would appear on this list, as there are even entire clubs dedicated to it. Leather – and black leather in particular (apparently tan just won’t do it) – is almost inextricably associated with sex. This is certainly the case when a woman wears it, but there’s little denying the appeal of a bad boy in a leather biker jacket. However, when the appeal of leather becomes a fetish, it’s more often associated with sadomasochistic sex play. The outfits can range from leather boots, gloves and trousers to full-body costumes, masks and corsets. The fetish may derive from the animalistic origins of leather; the way it can act as a shield for tender, human skin, or because it looks kind of tough and scary and for some, there’s nothing hotter than fear.

 

4. Shoes: In the realm of inanimate objects, shoe fetishes are the most prevalent of them all. Mostly, this applies to men who find high heels very appealing, particularly when a woman wearing them (and possibly nothing else) during sex. Some say it’s the proximity to the leg, which inevitably leads to the genital region, that makes shoes so very titillating to so many, however, it all comes down to the appearance of the shoe; how high the heel is, the pointiness of the toe, the shaft length of a boot, etc.

Categories: fetish, Fetishes, hair, hair fetish, leather, piercings, sexual, sexual experience

How to Use Erotica to Help Spice Up Your Sex Life?

Erotica is sexual literature, designed to arouse your interest. It can be used as part of a healthy sex life and can even have a beneficial effect on your wellness and wellbeing, if used well. Sometimes erotica enhances a sexual experience, and it can be used alone or in couples.

 

Erotica generally refers to a loving interaction rather than a purely sexual one. It is generally the term that is used to refer to written materials that are sexually explicit in nature, or to visual images such as films, drawing or photographs based around a sexual subject. Sometimes sex toys (devices used during intercourse to enhance the sexual experience) can be considered erotica, too.

 

Erotica – especially the sexually explicit visual and written form – dates back to ancient times and exists across a number of different cultures. With the modern legal system arriving, some sexually explicit material can now be classed as obscene, depending on just how explicit it is and how the interpreter can view it.

 

There are standards for legal obscenity that have been set with the US Supreme Court, but they can be very difficult to apply on a case-by-case basis. There is no specific formula that can be used to decide whether something is erotica or obscenity and so these things are often decided by individuals or communities.

 

Viewing or reading erotica can help to provide the person in question with a sound knowledge or understanding of sexual anatomy and behaviour. Sometimes, erotic materials can be used to help spark sexual arousal as quickly as possible. Some people use these types of materials to help accompany masturbation.

 

Erotica triggers the imagination and allows people to give in to forbidden or difficult areas of their sexuality within a controlled and safe environment.

Categories: erotica, explicit, materials, nbsp, nbsp erotica, sex life, sexual, sexual experience, sexually explicit, visual, written

Impotence Investigation: Do Herbal Sex Supplements Work?

Both men and women experience sexual health problems, which can have a knock-on effect on the rest of your wellness. Your sex life plays an important role in your relationship, not to mention your overall sense of wellbeing, which is why many people turn to all kinds of methods to get their arousal and performance back on track. Herbal supplements are a prime favourite with those wanting to boost their sexual experience without going the medical Viagra route, but do they actually work, and are they safe?

 

According to Marc Bonnard, MD, a psychiatrist specializing in sex therapy and the author of The Viagra Alternative, certain herbs may actually have an advantage over pharmaceutical alternatives. He writes, ‘Herbs work in a more leisurely fashion,’ replacing the balance between your mind and body that is ‘so important for a positive sexual experience.’ Certain physiological functions – such as hormonal imbalances and poor circulation – contribute to sexual dysfunction, and alternative treatments aim to fix these faulty functions. However, even though this supplements are marketed as “all-natural” and you don’t need a prescription, Bonnard, like other experts, warns that these products are potentially potent and can have toxic side effects. That said, let’s take a closer look at some of the herbal ingredients you’ll find in popular sexual supplements:

 

1. Damiana: The leaves and stems of the damiana plant are used as an aphrodisiac in Mexico, but here in the UK you can get the sex-boosting plant in tablet form. You can also prepare the dry leaves in a tea, but the Mayo Clinic does warn that the product has not been tested in humans – so tread with caution.

 

2. DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone): Your adrenal glands produce this hormone naturally, which aids in the production of sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. In men with low testosterone levels, some small studies have shown promise in helping these participants improve their sexual function. However, you can only blame a small number of impotence problems on low testosterone.

 

3. Ginkgo: Bonnard points out that ginkgo seeds and leaves can help men with erectile dysfunction by getting ‘the blood flowing to the right spots.’ Yet the Mayo Clinic counters that there is not solid evidence to show that ginkgo works effectively against impotence. Moreover, both Bonnard and the Mayo Clinic agree that the plant can be dangerous, especially if you are on prescription blood-thinning medication. This is because gingko can affect the clotting of your blood.

 

4. Ginseng: Used as an aphrodisiac in Asia, this aromatic root is used as and has been shown to have some energy-boosting properties, albeit without any evidence to prove that ginseng has a direct impact on impotence. However, we could all use a little more energy in the bedroom, so use this dried root in powder or liquid form, or prepared as a tea to be sipped slowly.

 

5. Kava: While Bonnard admits that kava probably won’t do the trick for cases of ‘true ED,’ the root has a positive effect on your mood, which may help to resolve your sexual troubles – such as low libido – that are affected by stress and your emotions.

 

6. L-Arginine: This is an amino acid found naturally in fish, peanuts and beans. L-arginine works to increase the amounts of nitric oxide in your bloodstream, which, in turn, increases your blood flow. While little scientific research into this amino acid has been undertaken, L-arginine should work against impotence, theoretically speaking, as an erection requires blood flow to the penis.

 

7. Maca Root. This Peruvian herb has been shown to improve the penis functon in male lab rats, and anecdotal reports from men assert that it can jump-start your sexual systems. However, it is yet to be tested in humans.

Categories: amino acid, Blood, blood flow, bonnard, herbal sex supplements, Impotence, mayo clinic, nbsp, sexual, sexual experience, sexual function

Dyspareunia: Why Do You Find Sex Really Painful?

Sex isn’t always smooth-sailing, but when it’s downright painful your wellbeing may be at risk of dyspareunia. This is the clinical term for painful sex, which can cause a burning, sharp, searing or cramping pain in your abdomen, pelvic region or vagina. The pain can also affect you externally, but why does dyspareunia have such an impact on your wellness?

 

The exact number of women whose sexual health is affected by dyspareunia is unknown, but, back in 1986, Masters, Johnson, and Kolodny discovered that roughly 15% of adult women have painful intercourse on at least a few occasions in a given year, but 1-2% suffer more often than that. Then, in 1990, Spector and Carey reviewed the literature on dyspareunia and reported incidence ranging between 8% and 23% percent across studies. The cause of each case may be due to any number of given factors, or the precise cause may not be identifiable at all. As with most cases of sexual dysfunction, the causes of dyspareunia can be classified as either organic (physical or medical factors such as illness, injury or drug effects) or psychosocial (including psychological, interpersonal, environmental and cultural factors).

 

As a woman, your dyspareunia may be caused by dozens of underlying physical conditions – basically anything that leads to poor vaginal lubrication. Commonly, drugs that have a drying effect – such as antihistamines, certain tranquilizers, marijuana – and disorders such as diabetes, vaginal infections, and oestrogen deficiencies can cause discomfort during intercourse. Still, the buck doesn’t stop there. Other causes of dyspareunia include:

 

• Blisters, rashes and inflammation around your vaginal opening or vulva


• Clitoral irritation or infection


• Disorders of the vaginal opening, such as scarring from an episiotomy, intact hymen or remnants of the hymen that are stretched during intercourse, or infection of the Bartholin’s glands


• Disorders of the urethra or anus


• Disorders of the vagina, such as surgical scarring, thinning of vaginal walls (be it due to ageing or oestrogen deficiency), and irritation due to chemicals found in contraceptive materials or douches


• Pelvic disorders such as infection, tumours, abnormalities of the cervix or uterus, and torn ligaments around your uterus

 

There are also psychosocial causes of dyspareunia. These may be as frequent and varied as organic ones, but it’s harder to see the clear link between such factors and the condition itself. According to many authorities, developmental factors – such as a troubled parent-child relationship, a negative family attitude towards sex, a traumatic childhood, a traumatic adolescent sexual experience and a gender identity conflict – may all predispose you towards developing a sexual dysfunction. When it comes to dyspareunia, if you’ve been brought up to believe that sex is wrong or will cause you pain, you’re more likely to feel pain with intercourse as an adult. Similarly, a one-off painful sexual experience may make you expect painful intercourse in the future.

 

Then you have personal factors at play in dyspareunia, such as anxiety or fears or pregnancy, intimacy and rejection. These feelings, and others, may block your brains’ pathways of sexual response, and instead cause you to feel pain. Dyspareunia can also result as a consequence of relationship problems or interpersonal conflicts, including power struggles, hostility towards your partner, preference for another partner, distrust, poor communication and lack of attraction to your partner. Other personal factors involved in painful sex include feelings of guilt, depression and poor self-esteem. That said, it is not always clear which came first, the feelings or the dysfunction. If you suffer from dyspareunia, this can cause you to feel depressed or unconfident, and so identifying a problematic feeling does not always mean it caused the dysfunction.

Categories: Causes, Dyspareunia, feel pain, Pain During Sex, painful, painful intercourse, painful sex, personal factors, sexual dysfunction, sexual experience, vaginal opening

Vitamins And Herbs That Can Help You Sexually

If you are like most people then it is likely true that your sex life is very important to you – after all, sex is one of the most pleasurable experiences that we can have as humans, so it not a big surprise that we are such big fans. And the chances are that if you’re reading this article you’re looking for one of two things. Either you want to make the good sex you are having even better, or alternatively you may be struggling with your love life and want some help in making it better. So here are the top eight vitamins and herbs to help you with your sex life.

 

One – Ginseng

Ginseng is a great herb to improve your sexual experience. Ginseng is well known for its ability to improve blood flow and the fact is that improved blood flow. Blood flowing to the genitals is one of the key aspects of having sex for both men and women, so ginseng can be a real difference-maker in the bedroom.

 

Two – Maca

While it is more well-known as ‘Peruvian Ginseng’, we felt that maca still deserved a place on this list. That’s because is known to have effects that can be similar to Viagra and being able to improve levels of lust and strength of orgasm. It was also known to be used by Peruvians in battle as it was supposed to improve their strength and endurance – good qualities for sex too, we think.

 

Three – Horny Goat Weed

Now here’s something that does what it says on the tin, so to speak. Horny goat weed has long been thought to be a plant that can boost the libido. Interestingly it is also though that it may have some ability to counteract erectile dysfunction. Clearly it has its sexual uses.

 

Four – Kava

One of the most common causes for problems such as erectile dysfunction and lack of sexual satisfaction is stress and anxiety. Kava has been shown to dramatically reduce levels of stress and anxiety and that can make it much easier to get in the mood for love. While it is illegal in Canada and France, most other countries have not banned it.

 

Five – L-Arginine

This is an amino acid that is considered by some to be a kind of Viagra substitute. It increases blood flow to the sexual organs, and as we have learned from ginseng, this is a very good thing for you sexually. It is great for women as well as men, so it’s well worth using if you need a little help in the bedroom.

 

Six – Vitamin E

Get more vitamin E in your life you are looking to make more of your sexual experience. It is known as the ‘sex vitamin’ as it vital for the production of sexual hormones in the body.

 

Seven – Ginger

Ginger plays a similar role to ginseng and can produce the same results. You can use it in the foods that you eat regularly and it will do a great job. Try introducing more ginger into your diet and see if you get the right results.

 

Eight – DHEA

While DHEA (Dehydroepiandrosterone) is a hormone that is produced by the adrenal glands, it is actually a natural herb or vitamin, but we still think that it deserves a place on this list thanks to all the good it can do for women sexually. Remember that you should talk to your doctor before you consider using but it could still be something that can be very useful in improving your sex life.

Categories: bedroom nbsp, blood flow, erectile dysfunction, genitals, ginseng, goat weed, horny goat, nbsp, sex life, sexual experience, vitamins

Great Ways to Keep the Sexual Chemistry Alive

If you want to take your sex life to the next level for a closer and more intimate relationship, foreplay is the best way to do it. But finding the time between busy work schedules, dropping the kids off at school and trying to maintain a social life can be difficult. The passion that you crave can be easily be reignited through making more an effort with your sex life, and this comes down to foreplay – there are many ways that you can make foreplay a more integral part of your sex life, rather than a prequel to the upcoming events.  Here are some ways you can integrate foreplay into your relationship for spark that passion and excitement you’re looking for.

Many men enjoy anal play, so your partner may have already tried massaging his own prostate when he’s been masturbating. It can be a fun addition to your sex life though, so why not give it a go? You can try doing a manual massage by lubricating your fingers and inserting them into his anus as he breathes and pushes out. Curve your finger towards his belly button until you feel a ridge, which you can stroke. If you’d rather, you can also use a sex toy designed for anal play. There are many on the market now and they can make your sex life all the more exciting. Remember those exciting first months of your relationship, when you were still getting to know each other? Re-visit those days by picking each other up at a bar and flirting with each other as though you are strangers. Act like you don’t know each other and begin flirting with each other – it can be a great turn on and a thrilling way to start the foreplay before you’ve even got home.

Blindfold add to the thrill of sex with your partner and add another dimension of electricity. The anticipation and imagination of a touch you can’t see is incredibly exciting, and you may be surprised by how much you both enjoy it. Use a blindfold and begin with like strokes and touches, building up the frequency and pressure so you can build up to a strong climax. You can even use rose petals or feathers on your partner, rather than just your hands, so as to keep them guessing. Make sure that it’s done in a safe and trusting environment, and that you’ve set out the rules of the game before you begin so you both feel secure.

Why not practice saying no, instead of yes, to really spice things up? Trick your partner into thinking sex is off limits, and then tease them – do a strip tease, wear some sexy lingerie and show them what they’re missing, without letting them actually touch you. It will drive them crazy and really build the tension between you. Learn something new together to build the romance and intimacy between you both. It can be anything from a dance class to cooking, just spending some time together can be great for your sex life. And if your new skill lends itself well to your sex life, then so much the better! Why don’t you rekindle the romance by writing your partner a love letter? Be bold about how you feel about them, what you love about your relationship and the things you’d like to do to them. It can be as creative as you want – this is your time to say the things you may not feel confident saying in person.

Categories: anal play, feel, Foreplay, life, partner, relationship, romantic relationships, sex life, sexual experience

Top Tips For Lasting Longer in Bed

It is a well-known fact that during sexual intercourse, women tend to take longer to achieve orgasm than men. It is unsurprising, then, that the top of the wish list for many women’s sexual desires is that their partner would be able to last longer in bed. Of course it’s also worth noting that this wouldn’t just be a boon for the woman involved. Lasting longer in bed is a much richer sexual experience for men.

 

With that in mind we have prepared a list of top tips for lasting longer in bed. It will make for a much better sexual experience for the man and it will also make it a lot more pleasurable and increase the likelihood of orgasm for the woman.

Use seduction techniques

As people’s schedules get busier it often makes sense to begin planning when you are going to have sex. This is a common strategy to ensure that you’ve got the time free to enjoy it and to make sure that you don’t stop having sex altogether just because you’re very busy. If this is something you do then it is well worth planning out ways to seduce your partner immediately prior to the event. When you know you’re going to have sex at a certain it can take away the intimacy, so make sure that you seduce and tease your partner beforehand, so that when you do get the chance to have sex, you can’t wait for it.

Kiss more

Kissing might seem to be the tamest of the areas of foreplay, but actually it can be a very important and sensual part of the love making experience.  Think back to when you were younger and the thrill of kissing your crush meant that you were happy to sit there for hours just enjoying the kiss. This needs to be brought back into your life. You can kiss in many different ways and you should try them out – this can be a great form of seduction and teasing, building up the lust within your body and getting you really excited for sex.

Enjoy undressing

Undressing and seeing more of your partner’s body is a great way to build seduction during foreplay. It doesn’t need to be an elaborate striptease with music and rhythmic dancing – indeed often it’s very sexy to see your partner take off their clothes. Slow things down and remove items of clothing very slowly, exposing skin and building up your partner’s arousal. Let them do the same for you, so that you gradually strip down. Seeing your partner naked is a big turn on, but building up the tension before and removing clothes in stages heightens that experience.

Take it in turn

We might often think that having sex means that both partners need to be constantly stimulated and that you should both feel pleasure at the same time. But a great way to prolong your sexual experience is to take it in turns to be the partner who gives or receives pleasure. When you are the giver, you must take care to do everything your partner wants and really let them enjoy themselves sexually – don’t worry, your turn is coming soon. When you are receiving, you don’t need to worry at all about stimulating your partner, you must just enjoy everything you’re getting and make the most of the sex.

Don’t be afraid to ask

If your partner has really enjoyed the sex, but you still feel like you need a little more – don’t be afraid to ask, just remember to return the favour if your partner wants it again at another time. Your partner will often be very willing to help you get off if you feel like you need a little extra.

Categories: Experience, last longer, lasting, lasting longer, longer, partner, Seduction, Sex, sexual, sexual experience

Let’s Lie About Sex, Baby: Men and Women Fib About Partners

When it comes to your sexual health and wellness, you want to appear normal, and will even lie to make sure you do. This is according to new research appearing in a recent issue of the journal Sex Roles, which found that both men and women fib about their sexual behaviour to match cultural expectations.

According to Terri Fisher, author of the study and professor of psychology at Ohio State University, ‘There is something unique about sexuality that led people to care more about matching the stereotypes for their gender.’ Men wanted to be known for having many sexual partners and a lot of experience, while women lied about having less sexual experience than they actually had, to match cultural stereotypes. However, this was the only area in which gender stereotypes reigned supreme.

For the study, the researchers identified typically male and female behaviours, such as wearing dirty clothes, telling obscene jokes and singing in the shower (male) and writing poetry, lying about your weight (female). Then they asked 293 college students between the ages of 18 and 25 how often they engaged in 124 different behaviours (from never to a few times a day). Some of the participants were hooked up to a “lie detector”, which wasn’t switched on, and were asked the questions again.

Fisher noted, ‘Sexuality seemed to be the one area where people felt some concern if they didn’t meet the stereotypes of a typical man or a typical woman,’ as men were willing to admit that they sometimes engaged in behaviours seen as more appropriate for women, such as writing poetry, and women didn’t hide the fact that they told obscene jokes, or sometimes participated in other ‘male-type’ activities.

Generally, men reported more typical-male behaviours and women reported more typical-female behaviours, regardless of whether they were attached to the lie detector or not. However, for non-sexual behaviours, the participants didn’t seem to feel any added pressure to respond in stereotypical ways for their gender. ‘Men and women didn’t feel compelled to report what they did in ways that matched the stereotypes for their gender for the non-sexual behaviours,’ Fisher explained. ‘Men and women had different answers about their sexual behaviour when they thought they had to be truthful.’

Categories: Gender, Research, sexual experience