How Can You Help Your Children Cope With A Divorce?

Separation or divorce may be difficult enough for a couple, but for children it can be incredibly troubling. Almost all children whose parents are separating experience feelings of anxiety, fear, loss, anger and confusion. However, children are stronger than people think and they can and do recover from this. In fact, children of separated parents virtually always grow up relatively healthy and well-adjusted. Parents can play an important role in helping their children through the crisis and challenge of separation, with understanding and guidance. With this help, children can begin to learn how to deal with the emotional trauma of divorce.

During their elementary school years, in particular, children typically experience feelings of sadness and loss in relation to their parents’ separation. Grief, sorrow and feeling as though they have a lack of security are all common. Some children even feel embarrassed or ashamed of their familial situation. Whereas some kids will display their emotions outwardly, with crying and such emotional output, others will struggle to keep their emotions inside. In this situation, parents can help their children to express their feelings verbally and non-verbally, such as through art or writing. They can also acknowledge their children’s feelings and help them to understand why they are feeling the way that they do. Age-appropriate explanations for why you are divorcing can help to do this, so that they know it isn’t their fault that you are separating. It may be useful to let your kids meet other children whose parents have split up, so that they know they aren’t alone – there are separation and divorce groups which you can enroll in for this.

Fear and anxiety are also common reactions to divorce. The security and safety they feel in their family unit is suddenly being uprooted and that can be difficult for children to cope with. It may leave your children feeling insecure or scared, so you need to avoid conflict in front of your children to try and limit this. You should aim to minimise the disruptions in your family routines and try to work together on issues, as you would have before, in order to stop your children feeling as though they’re part of a broken family unit. You should also tell your children what changes they can come to expect in their lives, such as if they will be moving, who will look after them and so on. This will help them to understand how life will be and minimise their feelings of insecurity and fear. It’s important during a divorce that you reiterate to your children how much you love them and that you’ll continue to take care of them – some children worry than because you’re leaving your partner, that you’ll leave them as well.

 

Allow older children to have some input into custody and visitation plans, although naturally you should maintain the ultimate responsibility for decision making. The most crucial thing to remember is that you should continue to provide predictable and steady parenting so as not to leave your children feeling in disarray. If your children are angry as a result of your divorce, let them know that it’s ok to be mad, but teach them healthy ways to channel this anger such as through talking or art. If your child’s behaviour becomes inappropriate or extreme, it’s important to remain firm with them and help them to navigate their feelings in a healthier way. In doing this, they can learn to understand that these emotions are normal but simply need to be managed in a better way.

Categories: Children, children feeling, divorce, experience feelings, Family, family unit, feeling, feelings, Parents

Is Anxiety Normal and What Can You Do About It?

Anxiety over that looming interview or a stressful situation is normal, but when you suffer with anxiety for no reason and regularly it can be very debilitating. If you find that your anxiety interferes with your everyday life, you could well be suffering with an anxiety disorder. There are a number of different types of anxiety disorder, as well as a number of treatments and self-help strategies. The first step to combating your problem is to identify the type of anxiety disorder you have, then you can find the right kind of treatment for you. You don’t need to fear that having an anxiety disorder is something you’ll need to cope with for the rest of your life – there are ways to overcome them so that you can lead a normal happy life.

Anxiety is a natural response to fear or danger, which automatically occurs in the body when you’re stressed or worried. It isn’t always a bad thing but it can begin to overtake your life if you’re not aware of it – when this happens, a disorder can develop. If you’re constantly worried or tense; if you find that your anxiety interferes with your work, school or social life; if you’re plagued by irrational fears that you can’t stop worrying about; if you avoid everyday situations because of your anxiety or if you believe that things need to be done in a certain way to avoid bad things happening, you could be suffering with an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders vary from person to person, so it can be difficult to attribute symptoms to each person. Some people suffer attacks of anxiety suddenly and without warning, whilst others get panicky with certain situations and events. Some have constant feelings or worry or tension, whilst others worry at certain times of the day, such as on the way to work or when they’re driving. The most common feelings surrounding anxiety include feelings of apprehension, irritability, feelings of restlessness, trouble concentrating, watching for signs of danger all the time, feeling tense or anticipating the worst. There are also physical signs, such as muscle tension, pounding heart, sweating, fatigue, stomach upset or dizziness, headaches and tremors.

Panic or anxiety attacks usually peak within ten minutes and it’s very rare for them to last longer than thirty minutes. You will feel very frightened, as it feels as though you’re going to lose control completely, but anxiety attacks aren’t usually physically harmful or damaging. When an attack is over, you may worry that you’ll have another one straight away – especially if you’re in a place where you can’t easily escape or find help. There are six types of anxiety disorder, which each have their own profiles and list of attributing symptoms. These are generalised anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorders and social anxiety disorders. If you’re concerned that you’re suffering with anxiety, you should speak to your GP as soon as possible.

 

There are a number of ways to treat anxiety, from stress relief to therapy, and your GP will be able to help you find the right treatment for your specific disorder. In order to help yourself, you can also get plenty of rest, avoid smoking and alcohol as these increase anxiety rather than soothe it, get plenty of exercise as this has a calming effect on the mind and body, and try relaxation techniques which can help to calm you down – yoga and meditation, and deep breathing exercises can be useful.

Categories: anxiety, anxiety attacks, anxiety disorder, Anxiety Disorders, anxiety interferes, Disorder, disorders, feelings, life, Mental Health, Symptoms

How to Take Care of Yourself During the Grieving Process

While your wellbeing might be the furthest thing from your mind when you’re grieving, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself during this time. Not only does bereavement do a number on your emotional health, but it can present you with physical problems, such as the physical implications of stress and a lack of energy. This is why looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time, so how can you help yourself through it?

 

1. Don’t hide or suppress your feelings: Grief is a powerful experience; so powerful, in fact, that you can be terrified of letting it out, in case it overwhelms you. You can try to suppress your grief but, unfortunately, you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal and move forward with your life, you have to face your feelings and acknowledge the pain. By trying to avoid the feelings of sadness and loss, you are really only prolonging the grieving process. Plus, if you let that grief go unresolved, you could be putting your wellness at risk of major complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.

 

2. Get creative and practical with your feelings: One way to prevent the suppression of your grief – but not let the emotions overpower you – is to express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Some people find it helpful to write about their loss in a journal, as this enables you to clarify and get a grip on that myriad of feelings. If you’ve lost someone you love, you might feel the benefit of writing a letter to that person, so you can say the things you never got to say. You might like to make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life or get involved in a cause or organisation that was important to them so you can carry on their legacy.

 

3. Take care of your physical wellbeing: There is a strong connection between the body and the mind, and so feeling good on a physical level will help you to feel better emotionally too. Using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief and artificially lift your mood will only serve to make things worse. Instead, attaining enough sleep, eating a healthful diet and getting plenty of exercise will help you to combat stress and fatigue.

 

4. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel – including yourself: Grief is not a cookie-cutter emotion that’s the same for everyone; your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it” – the same goes for what you tell yourself. You need to come to terms with things in your own way, whether that involves being angry, yelling at the heavens, crying, not crying, laughing or whatever else you need to do. Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment and remember it’s ok to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling, and it’s ok to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.

 

5. Be prepared for your grief “triggers”: Lots of events in life can reawaken memories and feelings about your loss. When you have an anniversary, milestone or holiday season coming up, get ready for that inevitable emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If other relatives or friends will be around during that holiday or lifecycle event, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on ways in which you can honour the person you loved.

Categories: Creativity, feel, feelings, grief, Grieving Process, nbsp, physical, Triggers

How Can You Spot the Signs of Potential Teen Suicide?

Research has shown that one in twenty teenagers is affected by depression, which involves symptoms such as irritability, tearfulness, moodiness and overwhelming negative feelings. Someone who is depressed may also lose interest in the basic aspects of their life, such as friendship groups, hygiene and their appearance – they may seem tired all the time or have a poor appetite, which can lead to weight loss. In children, it’s also important to watch out for feelings of isolation, fear of talking to friends or family members about how they feel, and situations in which the child may act out as a way of expressing their emotions rather than verbalising them.

There are various events which can trigger depression, such as the death of a family member or a friend, drug abuse or money problems. Depression can develop into the individual becoming a suicide risk, as they feel as though they have no way out of their emotional hole. In children under the age of 14, suicide is rare as they lack the understanding and ability to act on their thoughts. However, in older children, the number of suicide cases is rising. Young women are more likely to resort to self harm and attempted suicide, rather than suicide itself.

If you think your child or a friend may be at risk of suicidal attempts, there are ways you can help them. Often, speaking to someone outside of your family or friends can help, so perhaps guide them in the direction of a trusted teacher, their doctor or a counselor who can offer impartial advice. Helplines such as Childline are also useful as the individual can talk openly about their fears and feelings without the worry of being judged. If the person is suffering with severe depression, there are medication options which can help alleviate the symptoms, so they should speak to their GP if this is the case who can then prescribe the correct dose.

How Can You Spot the Signs of Potential Teen Suicide?

Categories: Child Wellness, Children, depression, Family, feelings, Mental Health, suicide