When tending to your wellbeing, your sexuality might not be the first thing you think of. However, there’s more to health than exercise or nutritional wellness; your sexual health is a great natural source of energy, and prevents many seemingly unrelated health problems. According to Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle and author of The Lifetime Love & Sex Quiz Book, ‘Sex doesn’t always have to be an act of love — it can be a kind of play, a celebration.’ A healthy sex life makes you feel resilient, vibrant and ready for the rush of life – no matter your age or lifestyle. So how can you have a healthier attitude towards sex?
1. Think Like a Man Every Now and Then: Online wellness coach Liz Brody advises, ‘Every time you see a half-decent guy on the street, in an elevator, in a Gap ad, mentally undress him and imagine how great he looks naked.’ Just think of it as sexy window shopping!
2. But Don’t Assume You Always Know What He’s Thinking: ‘Assume for a day — radical as this thought might be — that your partner is not as critical of your body as you are,’ Brody instructs. Mehmet Oz, MD, director of the Cardiovascular Institute at Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Centre and host of The Dr. Oz Show, explains, ‘For men there’s one goal besides eating: sex. We’re very focused. Whether or not you have an extra pound or two, whether or not a nose is crooked, these issues are not first on our minds.’
3. Unplug the TV for a Week: That way, instead of flopping on the sofa for the evening, you and your partner will have to think of something else to pass the time.
4. Split the Chores: Brody advises, ‘Try this on your partner: Tell him it’s really hard to work all day, cook, do homework with the children, straighten up, and then feel like having sex. Suggest that if he’d take the kids out for dinner or ice cream one night, you’d probably be more in the mood.’ That said, Brody also comments, ‘Pick a day of the week for you and your partner to come home from work early, and don’t use the time to do chores.’
5. Treat Yourself: ‘For Valentine’s Day, buy yourself a new vibrator,’ Brody recommends. Not only does this mean you can have fun during your alone time; you can pass on your self-loving techniques to your partner so that he can do things just how you like them. Alice Domar, PhD, director of the Mind/Body Centre for Women’s Health at Boston IVF and assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, adds, ‘Have a glass of wine if you need help getting in the mood.’
6. Get Wet: ‘Take a shower or bath with your partner,’ Brody suggests. ‘See where it leads.’
7. Reminisce: Brody directs, ‘Think back to your courting days. Did you neck during concerts? Talk forever in coffeehouses? Go Rollerblading? Do one of those things again together.
8. Prepare Your Mind: If you decide sex is on the menu in the evening, call your partner at least once during the same day and flirt. This means both of you will be raring to go once you get home.
9. Get Away: Brody notes, ‘Go away one weekend without the kids. If you can’t afford a hotel and a babysitter, switch houses with another couple and take turns caring for each other’s children.’
10. Mix Things Up: ‘Try a little change of pace, something sensual,’ says Brody. ‘Wear a different colour than you normally do, put on cashmere instead of flannel, listen to music instead of the news, burn a scented candle, get a luscious massage.’
