How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex

 

 

As women, it can sometimes be difficult to take the lead in the bedroom. Many women feel as though it would be unfeminine to be assertive and initiate sex, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. There are a number of ways to make yourself heard in the bedroom and make your sex life more compatible with your needs – here are some of the ways to be a little more forthright with your partner and get the kind of sex life you’re looking for.

 

Be more creative with your ideas

Men are known for being more imaginative when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that it is a true representation of what women are like in the bedroom. If your sex life has become a little routine, it’s easy to jazz it up a bit. It’s all about confidence. You need to tell your partner exactly what you want from sex, what you think is missing, and what you want to do about it. Expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, it simply means you know what you want from your sex life and you’re making changes to ensure that you get it. Men often find it a turn on to find that their partner is being bolder and more assertive – it puts you both on more of an equal playing field where sex is concerned.

Be expressive

The best way to communicate effectively is to have a good understanding beforehand of what it is you want to say or do. Spend some time beforehand thinking about what you want from your sex life, such as more intimacy or passion, then what it is you’d want from your partner in order to achieve that. You need to be at ease with what you’re asking for before you speak to your partner about it. Being expressive isn’t limited to just your likes though – if there is an aspect of your sex life you aren’t happy with, or something your partner does which you don’t enjoy, tell them. Speaking about these issues is the only way to change them.

Give feedback

On that note, giving feedback is a great way of airing any issues between you both which have arisen in the bedroom. Men, in particular, are renowned for not being great at taking hints, so if you’re trying to be subtle its most likely failing. You don’t need to be rude or derogatory about their sexual style – a simple talk about what you both want more or less of is often quite effective. You can also use your body language to show them what you enjoy and don’t, so that they have a better understanding of how to please you.

Share your fantasies

Everyone has sexual fantasies, yet we very rarely share them with our partners. This can be a great bonding session to increase the intimacy between you both, as well as being a fantastic way of spicing up your relationship. Set the mood, perhaps by having a romantic evening together, then you’ll both feel relaxed to share your innermost sexual desires. You may even be inclined to act on some of them, helping to increase the bond between you and improve your sex life. This is a simple way to be more assertive and tell your partner exactly what you want from them out of your sex life, without feeling as though you have to do it on your own. By sharing together, you’re both as vulnerable as each other so the trust is equal.

 

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Categories: assertive, bedroom, life, nbsp, partner, sex life

How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex

 

 

As women, it can sometimes be difficult to take the lead in the bedroom. Many women feel as though it would be unfeminine to be assertive and initiate sex, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. There are a number of ways to make yourself heard in the bedroom and make your sex life more compatible with your needs – here are some of the ways to be a little more forthright with your partner and get the kind of sex life you’re looking for.

 

Be more creative with your ideas

Men are known for being more imaginative when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that it is a true representation of what women are like in the bedroom. If your sex life has become a little routine, it’s easy to jazz it up a bit. It’s all about confidence. You need to tell your partner exactly what you want from sex, what you think is missing, and what you want to do about it. Expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, it simply means you know what you want from your sex life and you’re making changes to ensure that you get it. Men often find it a turn on to find that their partner is being bolder and more assertive – it puts you both on more of an equal playing field where sex is concerned.

Be expressive

The best way to communicate effectively is to have a good understanding beforehand of what it is you want to say or do. Spend some time beforehand thinking about what you want from your sex life, such as more intimacy or passion, then what it is you’d want from your partner in order to achieve that. You need to be at ease with what you’re asking for before you speak to your partner about it. Being expressive isn’t limited to just your likes though – if there is an aspect of your sex life you aren’t happy with, or something your partner does which you don’t enjoy, tell them. Speaking about these issues is the only way to change them.

Give feedback

On that note, giving feedback is a great way of airing any issues between you both which have arisen in the bedroom. Men, in particular, are renowned for not being great at taking hints, so if you’re trying to be subtle its most likely failing. You don’t need to be rude or derogatory about their sexual style – a simple talk about what you both want more or less of is often quite effective. You can also use your body language to show them what you enjoy and don’t, so that they have a better understanding of how to please you.

Share your fantasies

Everyone has sexual fantasies, yet we very rarely share them with our partners. This can be a great bonding session to increase the intimacy between you both, as well as being a fantastic way of spicing up your relationship. Set the mood, perhaps by having a romantic evening together, then you’ll both feel relaxed to share your innermost sexual desires. You may even be inclined to act on some of them, helping to increase the bond between you and improve your sex life. This is a simple way to be more assertive and tell your partner exactly what you want from them out of your sex life, without feeling as though you have to do it on your own. By sharing together, you’re both as vulnerable as each other so the trust is equal.

 

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Categories: assertive, bedroom, life, nbsp, partner, sex life

How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex

 

 

As women, it can sometimes be difficult to take the lead in the bedroom. Many women feel as though it would be unfeminine to be assertive and initiate sex, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. There are a number of ways to make yourself heard in the bedroom and make your sex life more compatible with your needs – here are some of the ways to be a little more forthright with your partner and get the kind of sex life you’re looking for.

 

Be more creative with your ideas

Men are known for being more imaginative when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that it is a true representation of what women are like in the bedroom. If your sex life has become a little routine, it’s easy to jazz it up a bit. It’s all about confidence. You need to tell your partner exactly what you want from sex, what you think is missing, and what you want to do about it. Expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, it simply means you know what you want from your sex life and you’re making changes to ensure that you get it. Men often find it a turn on to find that their partner is being bolder and more assertive – it puts you both on more of an equal playing field where sex is concerned.

Be expressive

The best way to communicate effectively is to have a good understanding beforehand of what it is you want to say or do. Spend some time beforehand thinking about what you want from your sex life, such as more intimacy or passion, then what it is you’d want from your partner in order to achieve that. You need to be at ease with what you’re asking for before you speak to your partner about it. Being expressive isn’t limited to just your likes though – if there is an aspect of your sex life you aren’t happy with, or something your partner does which you don’t enjoy, tell them. Speaking about these issues is the only way to change them.

Give feedback

On that note, giving feedback is a great way of airing any issues between you both which have arisen in the bedroom. Men, in particular, are renowned for not being great at taking hints, so if you’re trying to be subtle its most likely failing. You don’t need to be rude or derogatory about their sexual style – a simple talk about what you both want more or less of is often quite effective. You can also use your body language to show them what you enjoy and don’t, so that they have a better understanding of how to please you.

Share your fantasies

Everyone has sexual fantasies, yet we very rarely share them with our partners. This can be a great bonding session to increase the intimacy between you both, as well as being a fantastic way of spicing up your relationship. Set the mood, perhaps by having a romantic evening together, then you’ll both feel relaxed to share your innermost sexual desires. You may even be inclined to act on some of them, helping to increase the bond between you and improve your sex life. This is a simple way to be more assertive and tell your partner exactly what you want from them out of your sex life, without feeling as though you have to do it on your own. By sharing together, you’re both as vulnerable as each other so the trust is equal.

 

The post How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex appeared first on .

Categories: assertive, bedroom, life, nbsp, partner, sex life

How to Take the Lead and Be More Assertive With Sex

 

 

As women, it can sometimes be difficult to take the lead in the bedroom. Many women feel as though it would be unfeminine to be assertive and initiate sex, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. There are a number of ways to make yourself heard in the bedroom and make your sex life more compatible with your needs – here are some of the ways to be a little more forthright with your partner and get the kind of sex life you’re looking for.

 

Be more creative with your ideas

Men are known for being more imaginative when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that it is a true representation of what women are like in the bedroom. If your sex life has become a little routine, it’s easy to jazz it up a bit. It’s all about confidence. You need to tell your partner exactly what you want from sex, what you think is missing, and what you want to do about it. Expressing your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, it simply means you know what you want from your sex life and you’re making changes to ensure that you get it. Men often find it a turn on to find that their partner is being bolder and more assertive – it puts you both on more of an equal playing field where sex is concerned.

Be expressive

The best way to communicate effectively is to have a good understanding beforehand of what it is you want to say or do. Spend some time beforehand thinking about what you want from your sex life, such as more intimacy or passion, then what it is you’d want from your partner in order to achieve that. You need to be at ease with what you’re asking for before you speak to your partner about it. Being expressive isn’t limited to just your likes though – if there is an aspect of your sex life you aren’t happy with, or something your partner does which you don’t enjoy, tell them. Speaking about these issues is the only way to change them.

Give feedback

On that note, giving feedback is a great way of airing any issues between you both which have arisen in the bedroom. Men, in particular, are renowned for not being great at taking hints, so if you’re trying to be subtle its most likely failing. You don’t need to be rude or derogatory about their sexual style – a simple talk about what you both want more or less of is often quite effective. You can also use your body language to show them what you enjoy and don’t, so that they have a better understanding of how to please you.

Share your fantasies

Everyone has sexual fantasies, yet we very rarely share them with our partners. This can be a great bonding session to increase the intimacy between you both, as well as being a fantastic way of spicing up your relationship. Set the mood, perhaps by having a romantic evening together, then you’ll both feel relaxed to share your innermost sexual desires. You may even be inclined to act on some of them, helping to increase the bond between you and improve your sex life. This is a simple way to be more assertive and tell your partner exactly what you want from them out of your sex life, without feeling as though you have to do it on your own. By sharing together, you’re both as vulnerable as each other so the trust is equal.

 

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Categories: assertive, bedroom, life, nbsp, partner, sex life

How to Improve Disappointing Sex With Your Partner

 

 

There are many happily married couples out there, but how many of them are enjoying equally happy sex lives? Marriage is about far more than just sex, but there’s no denying that it does play an important role. If your sex life leaves a lot to be desired, it could end up putting a strain on other areas of your relationship – it’s the kind of thing that affairs are made of. There are several ways to improve your sex life though, without you needing to stray from the bonds of your marriage. The first one is simple – be honest.

If you aren’t enjoying the bedroom antics with your partner, you need to tell them and explain what it is that is not doing it for you. Nobody wants to hear that they are a lousy lover, and the number of people wanting to tell someone that kind of news is equally low. However, no-one can improve if they don’t know what they’re doing wrong. Lying to your partner about your sex life is only making the issue worse. Be open with them and explain that while you aren’t enjoying the sex at the moment, you are willing to work at it to improve and better your relationship. While they may be sad to hear it initially, the silver lining is that you’ve communicated it honestly and are willing to try and work things out. Try to soften the news with compliments and praise outside of the bedroom, so that they know you aren’t disappointed in every aspect of your marriage.

Be honest about what turns you on and explain this to them – perhaps you may want to share some fantasies together to get each other in the mood and broach the subject in a flirty way. If the way they kiss you doesn’t do it for you, tell them. Be honest if you’ve never been able to orgasm with them, or if something they do during sex really turns you off. It’s embarrassing, but no more so than lying to your partner about something as vital to a relationship as sex. Educate each other about how to turn each other on, so that you can both do a better job of making each other sexually satisfied. Criticism is only constructive when you offer advice and alternatives, so don’t tell your partner they’re a bad lover without offering ways they can improve.

You need to verbalise and show them exactly how to touch you and the ways that you want them to turn you on. Most importantly, during this early stage in the game, be supportive. It’s never easy to hear that something you’ve been doing for so long isn’t actually working. It’s vital that you express pleasure when they do something even slightly close to what you want, so that they know when they’re getting it right. It’s likely that at this stage they are dealing with a new set of insecurities on top of any they already have, so don’t make it worse by leaving them in the dark about what they’re doing. Maintain the intimacy between you and be sure to spend time together, romantically, outside of the bedroom too. Your relationship is about more than just what goes on in the bedroom, so don’t forget that. If all else fails, and you’ve given it time to try and work things out, there’s also professional help. There are many couples therapists available to help you work through any rough patches, so don’t be worried about speaking to someone if you’re finding things difficult.

 

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Categories: bedroom, disappointing sex, improve, improve disappointing, partner, relationship, sex life, work

Climax Clues: How to Tell If Your Partner is Faking It

 

If you’ve ever seen When Harry Met Sally, you’ll know how easy it is for a woman to fake an orgasm – but did you know that it’s a tactic women take on a regular basis? In fact, 64% of women have pretended their sexual wellness was better than it was, and actually faked an orgasm. When you rock your partner’s world, it can be a major boost to your sense of sexual health and wellbeing, but, statistically speaking, it’s likely that you’re not rocking it as hard as you think you are. All the screaming, thrashing and “Oh, gods” could have all been an attempt just to get it over with quickly, so how do you know if you’ve ever even given her an orgasm?

 

There are actual signs of an orgasm that your partner simply cannot fake, all you need to be able to do is spot them. A real man can tell if a woman is faking it, and he won’t be satisfied until his partner is too. Therefore, it’s well worth knowing the biological signs of the female orgasms. However, before we continue, it’s worth noting that if you’re not seeing these telltale signs, it’s likely that you’ve got as much explaining to do as she does. Chances are that your partner is faking it so that she doesn’t hurt your feelings, so if the signs below aren’t live and kicking in the bedroom, it might be time for a frank discussion about how you can really please her for a change.

 

1. Her Walls Contract: Just as your little friend gets stiff when he’s aroused, the walls of your partner’s vagina will begin to tighten when she’s really feeling it. You’ll be able to tell if your finger or something else is in there. If the walls noticeably contract for a few seconds before relaxing again, it means the moment is right for you to really bring her all the way.

 

2. Her Eyes Change: While the missionary position may seem a little tired, it does have one unique advantage; eye contact. When you’re right up in each other’s faces being all romantic, you can take a look at her eyes as she experiences the fiery peak of the heat of the moment. While it’s possible that you might not have the presence of mind to focus on this detail, you can tell if she’s having a real orgasm because her eyes will become unfocused momentarily.

 

3. Her Skin Changes: After an orgasm, most women experience a “sex flush” on their skin. No, that’s not some term used in strip poker; it means that your partner’s skin reddens slightly due to her amped-up blood flow. After you collapse onto the bed next to her, take a look at her skin. If it’s still as exquisitely pale as ever, the odds are that you weren’t doing it for her the way she was doing it for you.

 

4. Her Breathing Changes: Slow and steady may be the way to beat a hare, but a steady breathing rate is a sure-fire sign that she’s not winning that race any time soon. If you’re really pleasing your partner, her breathing will become spastic and short in the last few moments of lead-up. Otherwise, she might be having a pleasant time – but that’s it.

 

5. Her Body Gets Tense: You may be thinking that sex is meant to relax you all over, rather than tense you up, but this is actually a very good thing. Temporarily, your partner’s body will get tense and, rest assured, this tension is no bad thing. If your partner is having an orgasm, her muscles will be contracting, which means her body will temporarily turn rigid as the pleasure courses through her.

Categories: eye changes, faking orgasm, nbsp, orgasm, partner, signs, skin, skin changes

Should I Tell My Partner about My Affair?

 

 

Many extra-marital affairs come to light when a husband or wife finds out about their partner’s infidelity. But if you’ve had an affair and it’s ended naturally without your partner finding out, should you be honest and admit the truth?

 

Yes – Joy

If you’ve had an affair but still love your husband or wife, you owe it to them to be honest. Marriages are about trust and truthfulness and if you keep this to yourself, it will eventually destroy your marriage. Even if you think you can keep your indiscretion a secret indefinitely, you will still know the truth and it will inevitably change your attitude and behaviour towards your partner.

You can’t be sure that your partner won’t one day find out about the affair. What if a friend or the person you had an affair with contacts them some time in the future to tell them what went on? It would be much fairer for them to hear the truth from you now, rather than find out at a later date. And people don’t have affairs for no reason. If you had an affair it probably means that there is a problem in your marriage that needs addressing. This is another reason to talk honestly with your partner. Admit to the affair and try exploring the reasons why you were unfaithful. You may even want to seek relationship counselling from a third-party.

Ultimately, although it is difficult in the short-term, admitting to having had an affair will lead to a more honest and positive relationship between you and your partner. With hard work and trust, telling the truth about an affair doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship.

 

 

No – Thomas

Many people have affairs for lots of different reasons. It doesn’t always have to be a big deal – it could just be a short fling, or an office romance that doesn’t really mean anything. If you’ve been lucky enough to end the affair without being found out then the best thing to do is keep quiet and get on with the rest of your life.

Quite often, people admit to having had an affair, not out of any sense of duty to their partner but simply because they don’t like living with guilt. This isn’t fair on your partner – why should you burden them with your mistakes just because you are feeling uncomfortable? Instead you need to come to terms with what you did, resolve not to do it again and then move on.

If you do choose to tell your partner about your affair, you can never backtrack and get your marriage back to how it was before. Once an affair is known about, your marriage will change for ever. You may even find yourself facing separation or divorce. Even if in your eyes the affair was nothing serious; it’s unlikely that your partner will see it that way. It’s better just to keep quiet and learn from your mistake.

 

Categories: affair, Marriage, nbsp, nbsp nbsp, partner, truth

People Who Really Know Sex: Tips from the Sexiest Sexperts

 

There are certain expert moves you can pull to make your man want you more, but they aren’t always from the sexual health experts you’d expect. We’ve spoken to sculptors, stylists and marriage coaches for their top sex moves.

 

1. The Sculptor: According to artist and sculptor Pablo Solomon, there’s a reason why so many world-famous portraits focus on a nude woman’s back. ‘A slight curve of the spine is visually mind-blowing,’ he says. ‘The more you’re aware of your movements, the more present you are in your body.’ To make the most of your sculpture-worthy curves, sexual wellness expert Anna Davies suggests, ‘Allow your guy to put on your necklace as you bend forward slightly, exaggerate your movements as you pick your purse up off of the floor, and shrug off your jacket so he can see your bare shoulder…Give him a bit of a show — and know he’ll be dying for more once you head home.’

 

2. The Marriage Coach: Marriage and family coach John Wilder details, ‘I always tell my patients to eliminate the word “no” from their vocabulary with each other, unless their partner is requesting something demeaning, abusive, or illegal. The word “no” conveys the idea that your partner’s attitudes and desires aren’t important to you. When you say “yes,” you set up an open environment where your partner will respond in kind to your requests.’

 

3. The Wardrobe Stylist: On date night, keep it simple with nude heels to elongate your legs, a v-neck top because the v lengthens your neck, and anything that accentuates your curves, says Chicago-based wardrobe stylist Hannah Asbaugh. ‘Men want to see the shape of your body, confidence, and natural beauty,’ she explains. ‘I always recommend clients belt the smallest part of the waist to automatically achieve a flattering hourglass shape.’

 

4. The Gym Rat: Fitness enthusiast Shari Alexander, a communication specialist from Los Angeles, claims that a buff stranger always compliments her when she hits the weights. She asserts, ‘Every time I do chin-ups at the gym, a ripped guy always ends up stopping by my spot and telling me how badass it is that a girl is doing that.’ Davies advises, ‘Make it work with your guy by letting him sneak a peek at your arm-toning routine — or tell him you’ll take the grocery bags from the car to the house this time.’

 

5. The Former Playboy Model: Stephanie Adams, a former Playboy model and Miss November 1992, recalls, ‘I had a hard time after I had a baby, because I couldn’t lose the weight easily. But then I realised: I suddenly had full breasts and a curvier bottom. I decided to make the most of them, dressing in clothes that were flattering and comfortable, and walking proudly, instead of trying to hide.’ After all, it’s a lot easier to enjoy your curves than work tirelessly to change them.

 

6. The Boudoir Photographer: You might feel like it’s overdoing it to stick on the false eyelashes, sky-high heels and red lipstick – but, for Natalie Kita, a photographer and makeup artist at boudoir photography studio Get Shot Naked, that’s the whole point. ‘We get so stuck in a routine and in seeing ourselves in the same way that it can feel disconcerting or out of character to dress up,’ she admits. ‘But remember that what looks over-the-top in the bathroom mirror will be jaw-dropping when you’re meeting your husband at a candlelit lounge for a drink.’

 

7. The Erotica Author: If you’re not so good at dirty talk, let him fill in the blanks. Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples, suggests, ‘Start a sentence — or a text — with “remember the time when we…”. His mind will fill in the rest.

 

Categories: curves, Marriage, marriage coach, nbsp, partner, playboy model, sculptor, sexpert, time, wardrobe stylist

Mutual Orgasms: Do You Climax at the Same Time?

Having an orgasm at the same time as your partner can be an amazing experience, but some women feel bad that they can’t achieve it every time. Is mutual climaxing key to sexual wellness? Or is there more to sex than that? We spoke to sexual health columnist Candy Kane for her answers on the elusive dual orgasm. The key things to remember are lubrication, focus, foreplay, communication and taking note of any health problems you might have. If you sort out these things, you’ll be having more mutual satisfaction in no time. It’s not going to be perfect every time, but you can take these steps to try to make it so.

 

1. What Gets in the Way of Mutual Climaxing? ‘A number of factors can affect how sex goes,’ says Kane. ‘Maybe you or your partner are too stressed because of a busy schedule. The brain plays a role during sex, as well as the genitals. It registers the sensations and interprets them for you. If you’re lying there thinking about a homework assignment, you will lose the mood and you might not get it back until you let go and ignore it. You have time to do your homework later. During sex, think about sex. Focus on your body, your partner’s body, the way he or she feels. Change positions if you need to. It can bring you back to thinking about the act, and some positions are better for stimulation, anyway.’

 

2. What Role Does Foreplay Play in Mutual Climaxing? According to Kane, ‘If you are a female and you wonder why you don’t orgasm all the time, perhaps it’s because you’re not being properly primed during foreplay. An article on Cosmopolitan.com quoted a sexologist who stated, “Most women need about 20 minutes of arousal time to reach the ‘orgasmic platform.’” Ask your partner if he or she will spend 20 minutes on just you. They’re most likely going to enjoy themselves, as well, if they can have their way with you (with consent, of course!). My boyfriend certainly enjoys getting to tease me.’

 

3. What Do You Do When Your Lack of Orgasm Gets Frustrating (In More Ways than One)? ‘Always be aware of the other factors like stress, proper lubrication and the position before you get frustrated and place blame,’ Kane advises. ‘But remember, it’s nobody’s fault if one or both of you can’t orgasm. Be sensitive to the man in the partnership, as well. Men might be subconsciously worrying about their performance. Tell them when they’re doing something for you. Communication is key during sex. It’s not a silent act where one position always makes something happen. This is real life, not the movies. Everybody is different. You have to experiment and find out what works for you, and it could be different in every relationship you have. Just don’t worry about being perfect the first time or every time. Everyone should be comfortable telling their partner what’s going on for them and you can work out how to help it from there. Don’t get mad at your partner or yourself. Try again.’

 

4. Could a Health Problem Be at Play? ‘Some other things that could be affecting your performance are health problems,’ says Kane. ‘If you have a cold, if you have an orgasmic disorder or if you take birth control pills or other medicine that affects sexual stimulation, see a doctor or do some research. There are some reliable sources online that can give you a general idea of your problem so you know what to ask your doctor about.’

Categories: Foreplay, health conditions, health problems, kane, mutual, mutual climaxing, mutual orgasm, orgasm, partner, time

How to Give Your Partner the Best Blow Job He’s Ever Had

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Categories: blow, blow job, Ejaculation, ice cream, mouth, nbsp, oral sex, partner, penis

Six Simple Yet Spicy Sex Tips To Give Your Love Life a Boost

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Categories: merrill nach, missionary position, nach md, nbsp, partner, reach, sex outdoors, sex tips, spicy sex, suzanne merrill, underwear, vacation sex

Does Your Sex Life Need to Change as an Older Adult?

Whether you’re 18 or you’re 80, everyone likes sex and deserves to enjoy it. So how do you keep the good loving going once you’re past your physical prime?

1. Let’s Get Physical: Not only is exercise good for your overall wellbeing; it also works wonders for your sexual health. Exercise helps with physical wellness issues, such as energy and stamina, as well as improving your sense of body image. If you find sex not-so enjoyable, Kegel exercises can help both men and women get more out sex, improving the functioning of your sexual organs and improving your bladder control at the same time. Just make sure you speak to your physician before engaging in a rigorous exercise programme, especially if you have an existing condition or you’re taking certain medications. This leads us nicely onto…

2. Doctor, Doctor: If you suffer from physical limitations or the effects of certain illnesses or medications, you may need to make a few accommodations in order to enjoy sex. Talk with your doctor about any changes that concern you, and he or she can help you make the necessary changes. You can still can enjoy full, satisfying sex lives if you have a heart condition, although most doctors recommend that you abstain from sex for a brief time following a heart attack. If you have angina, ask your doctor about taking nitroglycerin before you have sex, but refrain from taking erectile dysfunction medication if you are using nitroglycerin.

3. Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby: Communication is key when changes occur to your body. As people age, you lose oestrogen while your partner loses testosterone. These hormonal changes may lead to changes in libido, but your partner won’t know what’s going on in your body until you tell him. Not only can openly discussing your concerns and what you’re experiencing emotionally and physically help you both to find a solution; the sheer act of open, vulnerable communication can bring you closer and help you both enjoy sex and intimacy all the more.

4. Take Me Out: Sex and sexuality communicate a great deal: affection, love, esteem, warmth, sharing and bonding. These gifts are as much the right of older adults as they are of those who are younger, so why not take a leaf out of young peoples’ book? Go out on a date to the movies or to dinner, or just suggest you go for a walk. Quality time helps you to focus on intimacy and physical touch, so hark back to your younger selves and hold hands, hug and show affection.

5. Afternoon Delight: If you find that you’re too tired to have sex at night anymore, try trying it on with your partner in the morning or the afternoon when you have more energy. A low libido can make you want to get things over with quickly, but taking your time and spending longer on foreplay can increase vaginal lubrication and boost your level of desire. If uncomfortable sex is putting you off, try using a lubricant. There are loads of sexual factors to play with, such as mood, lighting and sensual exercises – so try something new to get in the mood.

6. Safety Dance: Research shows that rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis have doubled for people in their 50s, 60s and 70s in the past decade, due to the lack of fear of pregnancy. However, condoms are vital for protecting you against STDs, so it’s important to practice safe sex with every new partner.

Categories: doctor, exercise, nbsp, older adults, partner, physical, safe sex, time

How to Enjoy an Amazing Sex Life No Matter Your Age

As you reach your 50s and beyond, you may notice a few changes to your physical wellbeing. Sure there are a few creaky joints and wrinkles that weren’t there before, but that doesn’t mean your physical needs have changed – not to mention your emotional needs. The need for intimacy is ageless, and sexual health has actually been linked to good wellness overall and a longer lifespan!

 

According to Arthur Hayward, MD, a geriatrician and the clinical lead physician for elder care with Kaiser Permanente’s Care Management Institute, Many women are surprised by the impact menopause has on their sex life. Some women enjoy sex more after menopause while others feel a drop in interest. Men may feel a decline in their sex drive and may want to learn about treatment for erectile dysfunction. Whatever the situation, be honest and open with your doctor about your concerns, so you can get the help you need to improve your sexual health.’ So how can you continue to enjoy a physically and emotionally fulfilling sex life as you age?

 

1. Communicate: This is a top tip regardless of age, but communication is key when changes occur to your body. As people age, you lose oestrogen while your partner loses testosterone. These hormonal changes may lead to changes in libido, but your partner won’t know what’s going on in your body until you tell him. Not only can openly discussing your concerns and what you’re experiencing emotionally and physically help you both to find a solution; the sheer act of open, vulnerable communication can bring you closer and help you both enjoy sex and intimacy all the more.

 

2. Spend Time Together: Sex and sexuality communicate a great deal: affection, love, esteem, warmth, sharing and bonding. These gifts are as much the right of older adults as they are of those who are younger, so why not take a leaf out of young peoples’ book? Go out on a date to the movies or to dinner, or just suggest you go for a walk. Quality time helps you to focus on intimacy and physical touch, so hark back to your younger selves and hold hands, hug and show affection.

 

3. Experiment: If you find that you’re too tired to have sex at night anymore, try trying it on with your partner in the morning or the afternoon when you have more energy. A low libido can make you want to get things over with quickly, but taking your time and spending longer on foreplay can increase vaginal lubrication and boost your level of desire. If uncomfortable sex is putting you off, try using a lubricant. There are loads of sexual factors to play with, such as mood, lighting and sensual exercises – so try something new to get in the mood.

 

4. Practice Safe Sex: Research shows that rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis have doubled for people in their 50s, 60s and 70s in the past decade, due to the lack of fear of pregnancy. However, condoms are vital for protecting you against STDs, so it’s important to practice safe sex with every new partner.

 

5. Know When to Seek Help: If you suffer from physical limitations or the effects of certain illnesses or medications, you may need to make a few accommodations. Talk with your doctor about any changes that concern you, and he or she can help you make the necessary changes. Some health niggles can be the first sign of a medical problem, so it’s always worth bringing them up.

Categories: Communication, healthy sex life, life, nbsp, older adults, partner, physical, practice safe, safe sex, sex life, sexual, sexual health

Performance Anxiety: Four Things to Remember in the Bedroom

If you think your “below-the-belt” area is the most important part while performing a sexual activity, think again; the most important organ that determines your performance in bed is your brain! Performance anxiety can damage the sexual health and wellness of any man, rendering him incapable of fully enjoying his sex life for fear of messing things up. So how can you protect your wellbeing against the fear of performing?

 

1. Don’t Be Too Body-Conscious: You are exposed to so many different types of media these days that it’s impossible not to view images of good-looking people with perfect bodies. As a regular, human man, this can make you feel under pressure to meet these unfeasible standards and, as a result, you can lose your sense of self-esteem and even stumble into depression. When you’re having sex, your body is indeed on display, which can make you worry about the odd skinny or wobbly bit and not enjoy sex fully. However, it’s important to note that no woman expects absolute perfection – if you were a complete 10, you’d make your partner feel insecure about how she looks. Try to focus on the parts of your body that you like and, if you really do want to look better, hit the gym.

 

2. Don’t Expect Real-Life Sex to Be Like Porn: As a teenager, it’s easy to get your hands on a lot of porn, which means most men have a slightly warped view of what sex is like. This internet-given sex education can make you feel like you have to last for more than 30 minutes, for example, which is completely unrealistic. Again, not meeting up to these expectations can knock your confidence, but it’s important to note that these things aren’t real; just like images of perfect bodies are the result of clever camerawork, pornographic acts are often performed with several cuts. In fact, research shows the standard time that a man should take to ejaculate after penetration is three to five minutes, so you’re doing fine.

 

3. Don’t Obsess About Size: A lot of men worry about the size of their penis but, again, this can be warped by the viewing of pornography. Let me speak on behalf of women everywhere; it’s not the size – it’s what you do with it. If you can learn about things like female erogenous zones and kegel exercises to enhance your sex life, your partner won’t be thinking about how big it is. If you’re really concerned about how you measure up, the average penis size for adults is about 14-16cm (5.5-6.3 inches) when erect, and the average girth for an erect penis is 12-13cm (4.7-5.1 inches), so you’re probably way bigger than you realise.

 

4. Forget Your Past Negative Experiences: If you’ve ever had a partner ridicule you, or even make some sort of off-hand comment about your performance, you can carry that with you for years. If you’ve had such an experience, this has probably knocked your confidence and, as such, led to performance anxiety. The weird thing is that even if you’re amazing at sex, worrying that you’re not can actually make your performance worse, as you’re worrying rather than focusing on the experience. Remember that every person is different, which means that your current partner might love the things that your negative partner didn’t. Moreover, part of intimacy is working out what each other likes, and improving together. She’s not expecting you to be a rock star on your first try, and women quite like tailoring a man’s skills to their personal needs.

Categories: Body image, life, nbsp, partner, Penis Size, perfect bodies, performance, performance anxiety, sex life, size

When Was the Last Time Your Partner Saw You Naked?

When women are seeing a new partner, they often have a lack of sexual confidence. They would rather dive hurriedly under the covers than let their partner see them naked. Most women assume that when they are married, their emotional wellness and wellbeing will allow them to feel more confident in front of their partner. A new survey from an online pharmacy has revealed that this often is not the case.

 

One in six married women in the UK has not let their partner see them fully naked for over a year. This body insecurity and lack of libido mean that women hide their bodies from their partner, and the survey seems to indicate that women’s confidence is at an all-time low. Around 21 percent of women surveyed said that they never look at themselves naked, so it’s no wonder that many do not show their naked bodies to their partners.

 

The study was carried out as a poll of around 1,902 women aged over 18, who were all in varying relationship statuses. Around 16 percent of the women in the study said that their partner had not seen them naked for at least 12 months – and sometimes it was significantly more. Around 45 percent of those surveyed said that their hiding their bodies was down to a lack of body confidence whilst around 30 percent said they had a low libido, and so did not want their partner to see them naked as there was either no need, or they did not want to initiate anything.

 

About 40 percent of those who hide their bodies from their partner felt that their relationship had suffered as a result, and around 36 percent of women said that it had even caused arguments with their partner.

Categories: bodies, body, naked, partner, percent, Women

What You Learn As a Sexual Health Advice Columnist

Have you ever written into a newspaper or magazine with a relationship or sexual health problem? Not only do you learn a lot from writing in or reading other people’s wellness dilemmas; you learn from answering them! We’ve spoken to three agony aunts and uncles, who shared what they have learnt from giving out advice.

 

1. Rupert Smith: According to the author of several books, including Man’s World, Grim and The Hardest Thing, ‘I’ve always assumed people writing in to a newspaper want advice, not sympathy. They don’t write unless they’re really stuck and, to an outsider, the reasons are blindingly obvious. If I’m having trouble, I don’t want someone saying: “There there, dear.” I want help. As a middle-aged gay man who reached adulthood at a time when my sexuality and aspirations were illegal or stigmatised, I’ve had to stand up for what I wanted and wait for the rest of the world to catch up. One of the common problems we get concerns people who are afraid of what their family will think of their relationships for religious or cultural reasons. I always say one of the hallmarks of becoming an adult is telling your parents you’re going to make your own decisions; if you spend your life soliciting their approval, you’re still a child. So what if your beloved is from the wrong faith group, class or ethnicity? You don’t get many shots at happiness, so don’t let prejudice screw it up.’

 

Smith adds, ‘The other big worry is a lack of sex: one partner wants it, the other doesn’t. One ends up feeling frustrated and bitter, the other threatened and harassed. Should the frustrated one play away and jeopardise the relationship? Should the other lie there and take it, hating every minute? It’s easy to say: “Talk to each other. Reach a compromise.” But in practice, this is hard. I totally understand people who look elsewhere for sex: it’s horrible if you’re being ignored and shut out. Most problems can be dealt with via a bit of advice from someone who’s been round the block. But sometimes we get letters from people with serious mental problems. I want to march round to their houses and rush them to the nearest A&E and stay with them until they’ve got the help they need. It’s inappropriate to be glib or funny in these cases and I worry about the ones that might fall through the net.’

 

2. Dr Cecilia d’Felice: ‘What I have learned about human behaviour is that it’s enacted so unconsciously, we often don’t even notice what is really happening in our lives until after it has been staring us in the face,’ says the author of 21 Days To A New You. ‘The stories are always of the same epic motifs: love that’s found, lost, stolen, abandoned, unfulfilled and misunderstood. All these issues reflect hidden feelings that come down to the fact many of us believe we are not truly and unconditionally lovable…None of us set out to generate conflict but until we understand the true nature of love – which can only ever be real love if it is unconditional – and until we understand why the ego is afraid to give that love unconditionally, then conflict we shall have.’

 

3. James McConnachie: ‘I’ll never forget Ms Pony Play,’ the author of Sex recalls. ‘I know a few things about human sexuality, thanks to my books, but I had to look up that fetish. She wanted to groom and ride her boyfriend. Maybe use a bridle. He wasn’t keen…Often, it’s women writing in. Many tell us “my partner does this…” and then ask “…and is that OK?” My answer, typically, is “no!” It comes better from a man, I think. Porn is often the problem. Many women are deeply upset by their partner’s use of it – and by his refusal to see why it’s a problem. My thoughts on porn have provoked some cross comments. I’ve said porn often objectifies, degrades and mistreats women, and I’ve warned it’s addictive. A man who eats free-range eggs and watches pornography, I’ve gently suggested, is a hypocrite. I’ve even argued a man who secretly uses porn is cheating on his partner.’

Categories: Advice, agony aunt, love, nbsp, partner, people, Porn, sexual health

Marriage: How to Strengthen and Deepen Your Bond

As the saying goes, families begin because two people fall in love. Therefore, family wellness first begins with a healthy and happy relationship, but how do you give your marriage a spring clean? While some couples believe they need to go on a romantic getaway to rekindle that flame, there are actually small, simple secrets to helping you bond with your partner, and boosting your wellbeing in the process.

 

1. Send him love texts: Wellness writer Holly Corbett, co-creator of LostGirlsWorld.com, notes, ‘When we focus on something, we tend to see it show up more often. So try sending him a text every day this month that acknowledges something you appreciate about him, such as “I love that you get me peanut M&Ms when I have PMS.”’ This certainly worked for Orna Walters, who co-founded Creating Love on Purpose, a relationship coaching service, with her husband, Matthew. ‘My husband did a text appreciation month for me after he forgot to get me a Valentine’s Day card one year, and I was surprised that he found something new to write every single day,’ Walters recalls. ‘It made me feel so cherished.’

 

2. Hang Up Old Pictures: According to Corbett, ‘Research confirms that experiences rather than things increase your happiness levels, and recounting shared moments in your relationship can also boost marital satisfaction. Gather pictures of your favourite times together — such as the camping trip you took sans kids or his surprise 35th birthday party — and place your new collection somewhere he will see it as a happy reminder.’

 

3. Look at the Glass as Half-Full: It’s more fun to be around positive people, especially if you’re married to that person. Brian G. Ogolsky, PhD, assistant professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, recently co-authored a study in which, of the most important strategies for overall relationship satisfaction, positivity landed at the top of the list. ‘Our research shows that there are concrete, small moves you can do in your daily life to make your partner like being around you more, and feel more committed to the relationship,’ he says. ‘In terms of relationships, positivity really means those little fun, romantic gestures.’

 

4. Open Up More: You have to create space for openness if you want your relationship to deepen and thrive. Dr. Ogolsky points out, ‘We give as much as we get in terms of disclosure. The more open you are, the more likely your partner is to open up. It leads to deeper conversations and connection.’ After work, carve out time to greet your partner with a glass of wine and see what you end up chatting about.

 

5. Do Chores as a Team: While the most efficient way to clean up the house may be to divide and conquer, doing household chores together can provide a huge boost to your relationship. This is because you’re spending more time together, and can see each other working on this home that you both care about. In fact, Dr. Ogolsky’s research found that taking part in shared tasks was another top-five relationship booster. He explains, ‘It doesn’t mean that you have to vacuum the floor together, but simultaneously doing the chores that keep your household functioning, such as washing the dishes while he fixes the stove, reminds you both that you are working together as a team.’

 

6. Create a Relationship Bucket List: Dreaming and making plans together strengthens your bond, as it reinforces the idea that you’ll be together forever. Dr. Ogolsky comments, ‘You’re effectively boosting commitment by creating a shared future with your partner.’ So whether you want to travel around South America or own your own business one day, start dreaming!

Categories: dr ogolsky, making plans, nbsp, ogolsky, openness, partner, relationship, Research, strong marriage

10 Ways to Create a Healthier Attitude Towards Sex

When tending to your wellbeing, your sexuality might not be the first thing you think of. However, there’s more to health than exercise or nutritional wellness; your sexual health is a great natural source of energy, and prevents many seemingly unrelated health problems. According to Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle and author of The Lifetime Love & Sex Quiz Book, ‘Sex doesn’t always have to be an act of love — it can be a kind of play, a celebration.’ A healthy sex life makes you feel resilient, vibrant and ready for the rush of life – no matter your age or lifestyle. So how can you have a healthier attitude towards sex?

 

1. Think Like a Man Every Now and Then: Online wellness coach Liz Brody advises, ‘Every time you see a half-decent guy on the street, in an elevator, in a Gap ad, mentally undress him and imagine how great he looks naked.’ Just think of it as sexy window shopping!

 

2. But Don’t Assume You Always Know What He’s Thinking: ‘Assume for a day — radical as this thought might be — that your partner is not as critical of your body as you are,’ Brody instructs. Mehmet Oz, MD, director of the Cardiovascular Institute at Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Centre and host of The Dr. Oz Show, explains, ‘For men there’s one goal besides eating: sex. We’re very focused. Whether or not you have an extra pound or two, whether or not a nose is crooked, these issues are not first on our minds.’

 

3. Unplug the TV for a Week: That way, instead of flopping on the sofa for the evening, you and your partner will have to think of something else to pass the time.

 

4. Split the Chores: Brody advises, ‘Try this on your partner: Tell him it’s really hard to work all day, cook, do homework with the children, straighten up, and then feel like having sex. Suggest that if he’d take the kids out for dinner or ice cream one night, you’d probably be more in the mood.’ That said, Brody also comments, ‘Pick a day of the week for you and your partner to come home from work early, and don’t use the time to do chores.’

 

5. Treat Yourself: ‘For Valentine’s Day, buy yourself a new vibrator,’ Brody recommends. Not only does this mean you can have fun during your alone time; you can pass on your self-loving techniques to your partner so that he can do things just how you like them. Alice Domar, PhD, director of the Mind/Body Centre for Women’s Health at Boston IVF and assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, adds, ‘Have a glass of wine if you need help getting in the mood.’

 

6. Get Wet: ‘Take a shower or bath with your partner,’ Brody suggests. ‘See where it leads.’

 

7. Reminisce: Brody directs, ‘Think back to your courting days. Did you neck during concerts? Talk forever in coffeehouses? Go Rollerblading? Do one of those things again together.

 

8. Prepare Your Mind: If you decide sex is on the menu in the evening, call your partner at least once during the same day and flirt. This means both of you will be raring to go once you get home.

 

9. Get Away: Brody notes, ‘Go away one weekend without the kids. If you can’t afford a hotel and a babysitter, switch houses with another couple and take turns caring for each other’s children.’

 

10. Mix Things Up: ‘Try a little change of pace, something sensual,’ says Brody. ‘Wear a different colour than you normally do, put on cashmere instead of flannel, listen to music instead of the news, burn a scented candle, get a luscious massage.’

Categories: brody, brody advises, chores, Flirting, health, healthier attitude, masturbation, nbsp, partner, time

Six Little Things That Could Make or Break Your Relationship

When you first fall in love, relationship wellness is a breeze; all you have to worry about is your next big date or the best cutsie nicknames to choose. However, once you get married or live together, even the smallest things can get in the way of family wellness. I bet you never thought your wellbeing would be so tested by a pile of washing up in the kitchen! Let’s take a look at six little everyday things that can actually make or break your relationship.

 

1. Household chores: If you’re always battling it out over who’s turn it is to take out the bins or empty the dishwasher, you may be clashing due to your different personality types. According to Dr. Karyn Gordon, a relationship, marriage, and family expert, there are 16 personality types, only half of which are focused on organisation, structure, and cleanliness. The problem is that opposites often attract, so you may be a neat freak living with an absolute slob! If that sounds all-too familiar, Dr. Gordon advises, ‘Explain that cleanliness is important to you, and you understand that it may not be that important to them.’ It may be second nature to you, but your partner needs to know why neatness is something you prioritise.

 

2. Always Choosing the Restaurant: Dr. Gordon admits, ‘Some people are much better at picking movies and restaurants than other people, so it might be that one person just has a better skill set.’ However, wellness writer Lauren Le Vine warns that if one partner does always seem to be dominating the decisions, ‘it could be more of a red flag that reveals certain control issues. You’ll never know until you say something, though. It could just be a blind spot for the person who likes to choose where to go.’

 

3. Always Doing What You/He Wants: Making individual plans all the time can leave the other person in the relationship feeling insignificant and slighted. Le Vine notes, ‘It’s important to be direct with one another and explain why you feel slighted by the other person’s choices. Otherwise, it can lead to passive-aggressive behaviour and resentment.’ Dr. Gordon explains, ‘Partners need to feel significant. When they’re feeling threatened and insignificant, people get very clingy and desperate.’

 

4. Forgetting Important Dates: Often, it’s not a case of your partner forgetting the occasion; it’s more likely that you were raised differently, and so have different expectations of how much of an effort to make. That said, this doesn’t mean that your partner can get away with making less of an important occasion. Dr. Gordon asserts that remembering and celebrating important dates is ‘a skill you can learn with practice and by communicating your expectations.’ Le Vine adds, ‘It also helps to have a shared calendar where you can notify each other of important events in advance.’

 

5. Not Saying Hello or Goodbye: Le Vine argues that many couples ‘manage to lose the greeting and hug/kiss habit over time if they’re distracted by things like checking their email on their phone when they come home from work.’ It may also be a case of you copying how your parents did things, but you need to reprogramme yourselves. Dr. Gordon urges, ‘When you walk in the door, you’ve gotta shift gears to home. These attentive, affectionate qualities are important for both you and your kids.’

 

6. Not Showing Enough Affection: Le Vine recommends, ‘If you want more affection from your partner, start encouraging him or her in little ways. Hold hands while you watch TV or when you’re walking somewhere. If you’re also feeling disconnected in other ways; however, a lack of affection could be a sign of something deeper, and that should be addressed.’

Categories: chores, dr gordon, gordon, greetings, important dates, le vine, nbsp, partner, personality types, relationship, vine

Sext Your Way to a More Exciting Love Life

Sexting is the sexual discovery of the digital age. If you and your partner aren’t doing a bit of naughty texting, you are missing out. Keeping this kind of connection between you and your partner is fantastic for your relationship wellness as well as your emotional wellbeing, and can improve your sex life in just a few minutes every day.

 

Sexting is defined as sending a sexually explicit text message from your phone, and it can come in the form of a textual description or an image. A study looked at the sexting habits of a group of 3,447 women and men aged between 18 and 24 and found that it was not only practised by this age group, but also very common. Around 28.2 percent of the men and women in the group both sent and received sexual texts.

 

Whilst the practice can be associated with horror stories such as leaked nude photos and extramarital affairs, it is mostly just enjoyed as part of a healthy, loving relationship. There are some tricks to sexting however, and things that you should bear in mind.

 

Sexting should be a digital way to have a little prelude to sex. Don’t reveal everything in the text message, as otherwise there is nothing left to look forward to. Before you are due to spend time together, send a simple text saying something like you are looking forward to touching him, which will get him turned on before you even meet up. You can also send him a slightly flirty photo.

 

The sexiest thing about sexting is that you can make your partner wait, and boost the anticipation. Take a bit longer to reply to messages than he does, making him hold on for the next one. Don’t tell him what you are wearing as soon as he asks – give him time to fantasise about what it might be, and tease him a little.

 

Categories: group, nbsp, nbsp sexting, partner, Sex, sexting, sexual, text, text message