How to Enjoy an Amazing Sex Life No Matter Your Age

As you reach your 50s and beyond, you may notice a few changes to your physical wellbeing. Sure there are a few creaky joints and wrinkles that weren’t there before, but that doesn’t mean your physical needs have changed – not to mention your emotional needs. The need for intimacy is ageless, and sexual health has actually been linked to good wellness overall and a longer lifespan!

 

According to Arthur Hayward, MD, a geriatrician and the clinical lead physician for elder care with Kaiser Permanente’s Care Management Institute, Many women are surprised by the impact menopause has on their sex life. Some women enjoy sex more after menopause while others feel a drop in interest. Men may feel a decline in their sex drive and may want to learn about treatment for erectile dysfunction. Whatever the situation, be honest and open with your doctor about your concerns, so you can get the help you need to improve your sexual health.’ So how can you continue to enjoy a physically and emotionally fulfilling sex life as you age?

 

1. Communicate: This is a top tip regardless of age, but communication is key when changes occur to your body. As people age, you lose oestrogen while your partner loses testosterone. These hormonal changes may lead to changes in libido, but your partner won’t know what’s going on in your body until you tell him. Not only can openly discussing your concerns and what you’re experiencing emotionally and physically help you both to find a solution; the sheer act of open, vulnerable communication can bring you closer and help you both enjoy sex and intimacy all the more.

 

2. Spend Time Together: Sex and sexuality communicate a great deal: affection, love, esteem, warmth, sharing and bonding. These gifts are as much the right of older adults as they are of those who are younger, so why not take a leaf out of young peoples’ book? Go out on a date to the movies or to dinner, or just suggest you go for a walk. Quality time helps you to focus on intimacy and physical touch, so hark back to your younger selves and hold hands, hug and show affection.

 

3. Experiment: If you find that you’re too tired to have sex at night anymore, try trying it on with your partner in the morning or the afternoon when you have more energy. A low libido can make you want to get things over with quickly, but taking your time and spending longer on foreplay can increase vaginal lubrication and boost your level of desire. If uncomfortable sex is putting you off, try using a lubricant. There are loads of sexual factors to play with, such as mood, lighting and sensual exercises – so try something new to get in the mood.

 

4. Practice Safe Sex: Research shows that rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis have doubled for people in their 50s, 60s and 70s in the past decade, due to the lack of fear of pregnancy. However, condoms are vital for protecting you against STDs, so it’s important to practice safe sex with every new partner.

 

5. Know When to Seek Help: If you suffer from physical limitations or the effects of certain illnesses or medications, you may need to make a few accommodations. Talk with your doctor about any changes that concern you, and he or she can help you make the necessary changes. Some health niggles can be the first sign of a medical problem, so it’s always worth bringing them up.

Categories: Communication, healthy sex life, life, nbsp, older adults, partner, physical, practice safe, safe sex, sex life, sexual, sexual health

Just Great Sex: Eight Sex Tips that Never Go Out of Style

Whenever you read about sexual health and wellness, the article or book in question always seems to be outlining a hot new position or even hotter new erogenous zone. However, sometimes all you need to give your sexual wellbeing a boost is to go back to basics. With that in mind, we turned to Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, co-authors of six books on the topics of sex and love, including Sex: How to Do Everything and The Big Bang: Nerve’s Guide to the New Sexual Universe, for eight sex tips that have stood the test of time.

1. Take it slow: Think about it; would you rather your partner say ““More, harder, oh god, faster,” or “Whoa! Slow down there, cowboy.” Erring on the side of going slow is a much simpler and sexier thing to fix.

2. Provide positive reinforcement: ‘Your partners will welcome praise and feedback like Jessica Simpson would a good review,’ say Taylor and Sharkey. ‘Plus, it’s an easy way to dabble in dirty talk. If you can’t find the words, appreciative noises work just as well.’

3. Love and down-and-dirty sex are not incompatible: Just because you’re in a loving, committed relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t get wild and dirty with your partner. Taylor and Sharkey note, ‘The idea that marriage, monogamy or even good manners is the end of dirty, throw-me-against-the-wall, taboo-busting sex is a tired, old myth that you should debunk on a regular basis.’ However, before you try something adventurous with your partner or give them a money shot in the face, do ask their permission – that’s just good manners.

4. Let your imagination run wild: According to Taylor and Sharkey, ‘Talking and fantasising together about an orgy with your hottie mail carrier, your local news anchor, and Notre Dame’s co-ed cheerleading team is usually infinitely more exciting than a real orgy with your hairy, alcoholic, depressed neighbours. Include your partner in your fantasies when it’s appropriate.’ However, if you’re thinking about someone else while having sex with your partner, it’s probably not a good idea to mention this – unless they’re dressed up as that someone else!

5. Do unto others as you would have done unto you: Practicing reciprocity is only fair when you’re in a relationship, but, then again, you should not do unto to others with the expectation that they must do unto you in return. Still, Taylor and Sharkey warn, ‘You should assume that when your partner tickles your back, it is not just because they’re being nice, but because they would like you to tickle their back, too.’

6. Don’t tar all your partners with the same brush: If things aren’t too hot in the bedroom with your new partner, don’t assume that you can spice things up again using the same bag of tricks you’ve used with a previous partner. Everyone is different and likes different things in the bedroom department, so get to know what your partner likes, instead of arrogantly assuming you know it all.

7. Be honest about your likes: Just as you should get to know what your partner wants in the bedroom, it’s important that you tell them what you like too. However, Taylor and Sharkey add, ‘Don’t expect them to like it, too. There is a difference between having a preference and being a fascist.’

8. Don’t literally rip each others’ clothes off: According to Taylor and Sharkey, ‘Bodice ripping may be sexy in romance paperbacks, but it only works in real life when you’re confident the item of clothing is easily replaceable and not considered a luxury item by your partner.’

Categories: bedroom, dirty, healthy sex life, imagination, partner, sex tips, sharkey, slow, taylor

After 50: How to Have the Best Sex You’ve Ever Had

How often do you need to have sex in order to have a “healthy” sex life? This was the question bugging Barbara Hannah Grufferman, author of The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money and More, who endeavoured find out how sexual health and wellness changes after 50.

 

Grufferman details a recent study by The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour, which found the two variables most associated with the amount of sex you have are your age and your marital satisfaction. As you get older, you have sex less often, particularly if you have lower levels of martial satisfaction. The study showed that half of couples age 65-75 still engaged in sex, but less than one quarter of couples over 75 were still sexually active. Grufferman comments, ‘This study left me feeling that the older we got, the less we got it. Not good.’

 

This led Grufferman to consult friends in similar situation. ‘We all had the same question,’ she says. ‘I love my husband and he loves me, so why aren’t we having more hot sex together, like we used to? We want to have sex, but sometimes we just aren’t into it. How do we get in the mood? We all hated thinking that things were slowing down, and that they might slow down even more. For sure, menopause can sometimes make sex uncomfortable for some women and our libido can drop off. But, just because a woman is post-menopausal, does she automatically lose interest? Forever? Was that my future? Was I supposed to lock this door and throw away the key?’

 

After plenty of worrying and worry-inducing research, Grufferman finally met with Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, who argues that sex after fifty may be the best sex you’ll ever have. Perel noted that while you may be under the misconception that menopause affects your wellness to the point where you no longer want sex, the majority of women over 50 are sexually healthy and, for those that aren’t, simple solutions like lubricants or oestrogen are available. She added that men experience more sexual functioning challenges as they age, which can be troubling and so they often avoid sex. This causes the woman to think he’s no longer attracted to her, which results in a sexual Catch-22.

 

Armed with this uplifting information, Grufferman outlines her three tools that women can use to get into the mood:

 

1. Arousal. ‘Watch a movie or read a book, have a fantasy, put on some sexy lingerie,’ Grufferman suggests. ‘Many things can arouse us. Arousal can lead to desire, and desire leads to sex. Figure out what gets you going and use it when you need it.’

 

2. Desire. Grufferman explains, ‘Desire is wanting to be turned on. With this entry point you want to get aroused, and you want to actively engage in getting turned on with your partner.’

 

3. Willingness. ‘This is the most important entry point for women over 50,’ Grufferman asserts. ‘It’s the willingness to be engaged in desire. If you’ve been ignoring, neglecting or denying your sexual self for a while, then you must consciously decide that you want sex in order to even let yourself feel desire. We talk ourselves into doing things all the time going out to an event, cooking dinner but people don’t think about talking themselves into having sex.’

 

Grufferman concludes, ‘After 50, we’re at a sexual crossroads, and need to make a choice: We could go through menopause, and realise that our experience of sex is changing and decide that we are done with it, and shut down that part of ourselves, lock the door and throw away the key. Or, (the much more fun choice) we could embrace this new life with a sense of freedom and fun; no more periods, no more worries about getting pregnant, no more doing it because there has to be a result, . . . and you may very well find yourself having the best sex . . . ever.’

Categories: After 50, desire, entry point, grufferman, healthy sex life, Marriage, nbsp, nbsp grufferman, sexual, sexual health, Women

Does Old Age Mean the End of Your Sex Life? Absolutely Not!

We have a certain image of the elderly which, perhaps, is more innocent that we’d like to believe. You might think of slippers and cardigans, knitting and golf, but what about their sexual wellness? Surely, after a certain age, you stop thinking about sexual health and crack out the Werther’s Originals, right? Fortunately for them, more and more senior citizens are discovering that just because they’re older doesn’t mean their sex life is over. They’re not dead yet, so why should their sex life be?

 

According to Ron Yap, director of male urologic health program at Concord Hospital Centre for Urologic care, the World War II generation was more accepting of getting older and becoming impotent as they aged. He notes, ‘They feel like, this was life, and they sucked it up.’ However, the succeeding generation, who came of age in time of free love and the Sexual Revolution, is less inclined to lose their libido.

 

This has been backed up by a survey, published in the 2007 New England Journal of Medicine, which looked at the bedroom behaviours of over 3,000 57- to 85-year-olds in the US. Up to three-quarters of respondents were found to still be sexually active, which was about the same frequency of sexual activity as was reported by the 18- to 59-year-olds in the 1992 National Health and Social Life Survey. Yap comments, ‘Clearly, the myth that as people age they naturally lose interest in sex is being debunked.’

 

Society and the media have appeared to get on board with seniors getting back in the saddle. Modern medicine and lifestyle pharmaceutical drugs have made leaps and bounds in helping the elderly to have the staying power of youth, movies such as Something’s Gotta Give have explored older people dealing with their sexuality, and now there is even a burgeoning number of online dating services geared towards those over a certain age (discounting that shockingly awful one on The Apprentice!) As Yap states, ‘My job is to keep guys in the game as long as possible. For some people sexual vigour means so much to them. We don’t try to qualify it.’

Categories: Attitudes, health, healthy sex life, life, nbsp, old age, older, sex life, sexual, year olds

How to Resume Your Sex Life After a Heart Attack

If your well-being has been affected by a heart attack, you may be too embarrassed to inquire about your sexual health. But when is it OK to have sex again? And what’s the safest way to go about it? Now, new guidelines, published in the journals Circulation and European Heart Journal, are urging doctors to help their patients resume a healthy love life, and provide – for the first time – specific advice on enjoying sex safely after a heart attack, stroke, heart transplant or other heart condition.

 

This isn’t the first time that guidelines have discussed how long you should wait before getting back between the sheets, the new advice details exactly which sexual positions and activities you can engage in if you aren’t ready for the physical exertion of intercourse. According to Elaine Steinke, lead author of the statement and professor of nursing at Wichita State University in Kansas, ‘Patients are anxious and often afraid sex will trigger another cardiac event – but the topic sometimes gets passed over because of embarrassment or discomfort.’

 

The paper also recommends that you undergo some type of sex counseling, and discuss with your doctor the health risks of embarking on an affair. As having an affair has been shown to increase the risk of dying from heart problems, the guidelines urge doctors not to be embarrassed about fully discussing the issue. Professor Steinke commented, ‘We deal with the intimate parts of the body in many ways as health care providers. Those who want information are very much relieved that the health care provider has brought up this topic.’

 

If you’ve had no complications after your heart attack, and can walk briskly without experiencing chest pain or other symptoms, the guidelines state that you can typically engage in sexual activity after one week. However, if you’ve undergone heart bypass surgery, you need to wait for your incision to heal fully, and can generally safely resume sexual activity after six to eight weeks. This should be done gradually, and you might want to consider more PG stuff before you move onto the main event, Professor Steinke advised.

Categories: Attack, guidelines, health, health care, healthy sex life, heart, Heart Attack, positions, professor steinke, sexual, sexual activity

Mind and Spirit: The Erotically-Charged Journey of the Body

The carnal aspects of life are as natural to us as food and breathing, but few realise that our emotions and even our spirits are reliant on our sensuality. For this reason, a set of daily meditations can be beneficial for you and your partner to set you on a path to spiritual and sexual enlightenment whilst forming a psychological pattern that you can sink comfortably into.

Sensations

You are born with 5 senses – in sex, the most prominent one will be touch; but where do the rest fit in? If you have ever sat back and enjoyed an erotic novel, then the senses of touch, taste, smell, hearing and sight all seem to be embraced by the main character. There is more truth in those trashy tales than you may think and it can help to boost your sex life to new, daring extremes. The more that you practice, the less fearful you will feel:

• Familiarise yourself and your partner with your erogenous zones.

• Use all five senses during sex.

• Pick one of your senses to focus on during sex – introduce a new fragrance or discover your lover’s scents.

Security

We have all heard the tragic tales of the people that seem to have everything going for them, only for them to casually throw it away. Whether we feel anger, disgust, jealousy or insecurity, feeling self-confident is one of the greatest feats that you can accomplish. We feel the discomforts that we may be forgotten, abandoned or treated indifferently before, during or after your relationship, but this never has to be the case. During sex, feeling safe within yourself and in the course of your relationship is important.

• Are you the damsel in distress or the one in control? Do others give you security? In what form? Does this devalue either of you?

• Release yourself from the bondage of using others to feel safe. Write an inventory of all the ways you seek out security, and how each has worked out for you.

• What makes you face each day? What are your strengths? Use them to find your way towards inner-peace. Self-reflection is an excellent motivator in sex, relationships and spiritual life.

Health

It’s not uncommon that any sexual health issue is treated singularly, rather than across any other bodily category, but the truth is that any health problem can impact on your sex life. Those that have health issues should not restricted sexually, regardless if it’s psychological, genetic or otherwise – everyone deserves a deep, sexual connection with those that they care about.

• We can express deep sexual energy with a partner without getting physical. If your partner has health issues or is ill, you can still radiate erotic energy toward their inner being. Affirm sexual health regardless of the external circumstances.

• Restoring your sexual health might include examining your sexual history, as you would review your medical history for a physician. Twelve-step programs often require a sexual inventory as part of the healing process. An online search will guide you to complete your own version of a sexual inventory.

• For medical problems, you find the right specialist. What sexual issues recur in your life today, and where would it be most sensible to go for help?

Mind and Spirit: The Erotically-Charged Journey of the Body

Categories: healthy sex life, holistic, meditation, sex life, spiritual

Carer? How to Make Sure Your Client’s Sexual Needs are Met

As a carer, your job is to make sure your clients’ needs are met and their wellbeing is taken care of, but what about their sexual health? Who do you turn to when you need to help people with disabilities enjoy sexual relationships?

In order to influence policies so that more disabled people can explore their sexual wellness and enjoy healthy relationships, therapist, consultant, campaigner and author Tuppy Owens started the Outsiders Trust in the 1980s and Sexual Health and Disability Alliance (Shada) in 2005. Owens says that a man who approached Outsiders for help with his predicament has become a “guinea pig” for Shada’s new sexual advocacy group, ASAP (Ask A Sexual Advocacy Professional).

The man’s predicament is that he can’t speak or move, whilst his girlfriend is more able physically but has learning difficulties. The couple want to have sex but have no way of getting started, but the group should be qualified to help them, as it comprises of a sex and massage therapist, a counsellor, a Bodywork specialist and a former sex worker-turned carer. Owens said, ‘First of all we need to educate the girl, with her permission, then we need to get them together somehow.’

Healthcare professionals frequently call the Outsiders sex and disability helpline, as they are aware that their clients have needs that they are unable or unwilling to fulfil. The organisation will put them in touch with someone who can, usually a paid sex-worker which, as Owens is tired of explaining, is not illegal in this country. Owens commented that the problem ‘is that there is so much fear. Care homes are always so terrified that it will get into the press and there will be a big scandal.’

Sex is so easy for most of use that it’s very easy to underestimate its importance. Sex is incredibly connected to wellbeing, as it is not just about a physical need but also a healthy self-esteem. One Outsiders client has noted, ‘There is this overwhelming sense of achievement that I have somehow fulfilled my calling as a man and my self-esteem is lifted for a few important moments.’

Carer? How to Make Sure Your Client’s Sexual Needs are Met

Categories: Carer, Disability, esteem, healthy sex life, outsiders, owens, sex worker, sexual, sexual advocacy, sexual health