Showing posts with label Flirting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flirting. Show all posts

There’s a lot of bad sexual wellness advice out there, most of which is aimed at women. However, whether they get it from films, magazines or dodgy websites, men also have some fairly shocking sex tips thrown their way. We’ve taken a look at the worst offenders to your sexual wellbeing, and asked sexual health and relationship expert Anna Pulley to comment.


 


1. Get Down and Chocolatey: Maxim UK once instructed readers, ‘Pop your chap in a jar of Nutella, then present it to your lady. Be rewarded with a very enthusiastic blowjob.’ However, Pulley comments, ‘We’ve been known to joke about boning Nutella before, so we can’t harp too much, but if you present your lady with a brown, gooey dick, she’s going to have questions, and none of those will be, “May I enthusiastically blow you?” Also does this work in reverse? ‘Cause this Hot Pocket in my vagina’s not gonna eat itself.’


 


2. Sexy Saliva: Men’s Health recommended, ‘After your workout, reinforce her rising T with a sweaty make out session: male saliva has 10 to 15 times more testosterone than the female’s does… So prolonged French kissing may give a woman enough of a boost in testosterone to stimulate her interest chemically.’ But according to Pulley, ‘Yes, it’s definitely your testosterone-laden saliva that’s making us “chemically interested.” If the prolonged French kissing doesn’t seem to be doing the trick, try spitting in her face.’


 


3. Doggie Style: ‘A woman may want financial and family security, but she does not want passion security,’ says pickup artist site Cheateau Heartiste. ‘In the same manner, when she has displeased you, punish swiftly, but when she has done you right, reward slowly.’ Pulley points out, ‘It works for the Dog Whisperer so it must be true.’


 


4. The Three Day Rule: Most of us have heard about the three-day rule – ‘Wait three days to call her’ – but it’s often attributed to the movie Swingers. However, Pulley warns, ‘For the love of god, she’s not a sourdough starter. At its core, the three-day rule, enacted so you don’t seem too desperate or eager, makes some sense. Except who calls people anymore, except when you’re locked out of your house or your face is on fire? What if she texts you? Are you going to ignore it until Wednesday because of advice Vince Vaughn gave in the mid-’90s? We know you’re playing it cool, man. We get it. Just tell us when the next bowling date is going down. That’s all we want to know.’


 


5. Flirt With Other Women: Here’s another corker from Cheateau Heartiste: ‘Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually.’ Pulley admits, ‘Of course women (and men) want their partner to be perceived as desirable to others. But intentionally trying to make your partner jealous is a pathetic power trip used by the most insecure. And no, women “will never admit” it because it’s not true. Just like men “will never admit” they love surprise anal.’


 


6. Give Less: ‘Give your woman two-thirds of everything she gives you,’ advise Cheateau Heartiste. ‘For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less… In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.’ It’s not hard to see how this advice is utter rubbish. As Pulley notes, ‘Treating every exchange with women like a manipulative math problem is ¾ stupid, ⅝ sad, and 100 percent guaranteed to make you into an ex variable. Also, did he just call my loins shallow?’

When tending to your wellbeing, your sexuality might not be the first thing you think of. However, there’s more to health than exercise or nutritional wellness; your sexual health is a great natural source of energy, and prevents many seemingly unrelated health problems. According to Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle and author of The Lifetime Love & Sex Quiz Book, ‘Sex doesn’t always have to be an act of love — it can be a kind of play, a celebration.’ A healthy sex life makes you feel resilient, vibrant and ready for the rush of life – no matter your age or lifestyle. So how can you have a healthier attitude towards sex?


 


1. Think Like a Man Every Now and Then: Online wellness coach Liz Brody advises, ‘Every time you see a half-decent guy on the street, in an elevator, in a Gap ad, mentally undress him and imagine how great he looks naked.’ Just think of it as sexy window shopping!


 


2. But Don’t Assume You Always Know What He’s Thinking: ‘Assume for a day — radical as this thought might be — that your partner is not as critical of your body as you are,’ Brody instructs. Mehmet Oz, MD, director of the Cardiovascular Institute at Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Centre and host of The Dr. Oz Show, explains, ‘For men there’s one goal besides eating: sex. We’re very focused. Whether or not you have an extra pound or two, whether or not a nose is crooked, these issues are not first on our minds.’


 


3. Unplug the TV for a Week: That way, instead of flopping on the sofa for the evening, you and your partner will have to think of something else to pass the time.


 


4. Split the Chores: Brody advises, ‘Try this on your partner: Tell him it’s really hard to work all day, cook, do homework with the children, straighten up, and then feel like having sex. Suggest that if he’d take the kids out for dinner or ice cream one night, you’d probably be more in the mood.’ That said, Brody also comments, ‘Pick a day of the week for you and your partner to come home from work early, and don’t use the time to do chores.’


 


5. Treat Yourself: ‘For Valentine’s Day, buy yourself a new vibrator,’ Brody recommends. Not only does this mean you can have fun during your alone time; you can pass on your self-loving techniques to your partner so that he can do things just how you like them. Alice Domar, PhD, director of the Mind/Body Centre for Women’s Health at Boston IVF and assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, adds, ‘Have a glass of wine if you need help getting in the mood.’


 


6. Get Wet: ‘Take a shower or bath with your partner,’ Brody suggests. ‘See where it leads.’


 


7. Reminisce: Brody directs, ‘Think back to your courting days. Did you neck during concerts? Talk forever in coffeehouses? Go Rollerblading? Do one of those things again together.


 


8. Prepare Your Mind: If you decide sex is on the menu in the evening, call your partner at least once during the same day and flirt. This means both of you will be raring to go once you get home.


 


9. Get Away: Brody notes, ‘Go away one weekend without the kids. If you can’t afford a hotel and a babysitter, switch houses with another couple and take turns caring for each other’s children.’


 


10. Mix Things Up: ‘Try a little change of pace, something sensual,’ says Brody. ‘Wear a different colour than you normally do, put on cashmere instead of flannel, listen to music instead of the news, burn a scented candle, get a luscious massage.’

While most women around the country had a sexual wellbeing revival when they read Fifty Shades of Grey, some of the amazing sex scenes did seem a little too fictional. Sure, it makes for great reading, but when you try out a bit of Christian Grey action in real life and it doesn’t pan out, it can leave you feeling a little, well, unsatisfied. Therefore, we turned from the page to real people and real sexual health experts, who can give you tips guaranteed to make your life a whole lot more sexy.


 


1. Lacy Lingerie: Stephanie F, 26, of Athens, Georgia, details, ‘Whenever I wear matching bra and panty sets, I feel sexier all day. I used to save them for special occasions, but now I find that I need that extra kick on blah days, like Mondays.’


 


2. Shower Sex: ‘In Skyfall, Daniel Craig as James Bond has an especially steamy shower scene,’ notes wellness writer Anna Davies. ‘Give your guy the 007 treatment by surprising him as he’s rinsing off after a long day.’ I’m sure he won’t mind getting sweaty all over again!


 


3. Underwear Swimming: Becky C, 30, of Manhattan, Kansas, recalls, ‘A couple of years ago, my husband and I were hiking on a hot day and we came to a stream. I’ve never been skinny dipping, but I did go in the water in just my underwear. It was really fun! Now, whenever we’re hiking and it’s hot, we’ll “underwear swim,” and then lie in the sun to dry out. It feels sort of like breaking the rules, but we won’t get charged with indecent exposure.’


 


4. Lipstick Lift: Amy L, 34, of Savannah, Georgia, comments, ‘I have tubes of my favourite shade of lipstick everywhere. Whenever I’m in a bad mood, I find myself reaching for it. The act of applying it is soothing, and I know this sounds weird, but I love seeing the lipstick blot on a napkin. I’m a really good lipstick blotter, and seeing the outline gives me a weird confidence kick.’


 


5. Flirt with the Barista: According to Davies, ‘Giving a guy a compliment — even when you’re attached, not really interested, and know you would never want to be with him in the real world — will make his day, and give you confidence in yours’


 


6. Playful PDA: ‘A lot of long-term couples stop touching each other, except when they want to have sex,’ says sexuality educator Charlie Glickman. ‘Make a point to hold hands watching TV, or put your hand on his thigh in the car to stay in sync.’ Davies advises, ‘Think back to your favourite moves as a teenager — your hand in his back pocket or engaging in a long kiss even when you’d see each other as soon as algebra was over — and add them to your repertoire for a sexy boost.’


 


7. Thigh Highs: Tiffany James, CEO of UnderCoverWear, a boutique lingerie company, recommends investing in a pair of thigh-high sheer stockings – even in the summer. The surprise of wearing them out of season will seem even sexier, especially if that’s all you’re wearing, and wearing something out of the ordinary in the bedroom can help to ease your inhibitions.


 


8. Say Cheese: Mandy L, 31, of Birmingham, Alabama, admits, ‘I’ve never gotten past the sexy selfie phase. Thankfully, now I have the good sense not to share the photos with anyone but my boyfriend. But the entire process makes me stop being critical of the way I look and makes me think, yeah, I’ve still got it.’

Once you’re married, there’s no need for flirting, right? Wrong! While flirting isn’t the be-all and end-all of your sexual health and wellness, that’s not to say that flirting should be retired once you’ve got the ring. A cheeky flirt here and there will show your husband that you still fancy him, and will take your sexual wellbeing to a whole new level. Therefore, we’ve got advice from relationship expert Harlan Cohen, as well as some real husbands, as to the best way to keep the sparks flying.


 


1. Create a little mystery: Avery G, 28, from New York City, details, ‘My girlfriend insists that the bedroom door stays closed while she gets ready for date night. Whenever she comes out ready to go, she always looks amazing. It takes me back to when we first started dating, when I’d always get so excited seeing her smiling at me as she came into the bar or restaurant.’


 


2. Expect him to laugh: If you’re not usually much of a flirter, breaking from the ordinary may cause your guy to giggle. However, that doesn’t mean your husband is uncomfortable or weirded out and, most importantly of all, he doesn’t want you to stop. Cohen asserts that the best thing you can do is laugh along with him. After all, you’re not flirting with someone you’ve just met; you’re in an established relationship, so it doesn’t have to be perfect.


 


3. Show some love online: Chuck R, 40, from Secaucus, New Jersey, comments, ‘I’d never admit it to my friends, but I love when my wife posts a sort of sappy Some E-Card on my Facebook wall. I love that she isn’t afraid to share her feelings, and I also like that it never gets too personal. If she used pet names or dropped a lot of details, that would be overkill.’


 


4. Do your thing: When you just meet someone, you often adapt your flirting style to what you think the guy expects. However, now you’re married, it’s pretty safe to say that you know one thing that impresses him about you is your individuality – so show it off! Cohen recommends showcasing your quirky personality as one way to remind him how much he loves you.


 


5. Give him (a little bit) of grief: Patrick O, 38, from Maplewood, New Jersey, admits, ‘I’m extremely neat, and sometimes my wife will Instagram a picture of me folding towels or doing the dishes while wearing an apron and gloves. Because it’s done with love, it makes me laugh, and I like that, in a weird way, she wants to show me off to her friends.’


 


6. See him in his element: Dave W, 35, from Boise, Idaho, comments, ‘I teach fitness classes, and I get a huge kick when my wife comes to one. She’ll stand in the front row, make great eye contact, and follow my directions — it feels like she listens and values what I do, which makes me feel awesome. Plus, not everyone in class knows we’re together, so it definitely stokes my ego when she acts like she’s into me after class.’


 


7. Keep him guessing: Derek R, 31, from Savannah, Georgia, explains, ‘Occasionally I’ll get a text that says, “I have a surprise for you tonight.” Sometimes, it’s as simple as her picking up a pint of our favourite ice cream, but once, it was that she booked us a hotel room in a nearby city for the night. No matter what, it’s always good — and I can barely concentrate for the rest of the day after seeing it.’

Does Speed Dating Make Your Testosterone Levels SoarTalking to women; some guys do it naturally, whilst some just think they can and others go into a blind panic thinking about it at all. Most blokes are simply never taught the right way to go about it, which means your confidence can take a knock every time you try chatting someone up, and, if you do manage to get a girl to go out with you, the wellbeing of your relationship is hardly going to be strong if you don’t know how to talk to her!


Firstly, if you want a woman to feel like she’s connecting with you, you need to tap into her emotions. If you share topics like childhood memories, future ambitions, and passions, and listen to hers, you’ll make her see that you’re capable of emotional wellness. Women appreciate men who are not afraid to take a conversation to a personal, intimate level, or express themselves and what they’re passionate about – just don’t make it too personal too soon!


To stop things from getting too deep before you’ve even learnt her name, keep an eye on her body language to make sure you’re not making her feel uncomfortable in any way. Keep the conversation fun, but that doesn’t mean you have to make her laugh all the time (and it might turn her off if you do). Go back to your playground tactics and tease her a little bit to keep things fun and flirty, and use things like ‘cold reads,’ in which you tell her what you observe about her, and what she might be like.


However, when observing her, avoid going heavy with the compliments. One or two are great, but overdoing it can make you come across as too ‘needy’ and she’ll think you’re not being honest, and just trying to impress her. Though she may be beautiful, have nice eyes, or have a hot body, avoid complimenting her on these things in particular as these are a) clichés and b) make you come across as shallow. Instead, compliment her on something that makes her unique, and something unrelated to her looks if possible.


Finally, choose to make statements over questions, so she doesn’t feel like she’s in an interview. Instead of saying ‘where did you grow up?’ go for ‘you don’t look like you grew up around here.’  Conversation games, such as ‘truth or dare’ or the ‘5 questions game’, can help to keep the mood fun and flirtatious, just make sure you don’t give away your hand too soon. Appearing overly interested or desperate won’t help you, but instead make it a bit of a challenge so she wants to win you over. Otherwise, she’ll lose interest.



Ditch the Dodgy Pick Up Lines and Learn How to Talk to Women