Dealing with Sexuality as a Teenager: What’s “Normal?”

When you’re growing up, finding out who you’re attracted to makes up a huge part of your sexual health and wellbeing. Puberty brings out a lot of emotion and sexual feelings, including feelings of feeling attracted to both girls and boys. It’s perfectly normal for girls to think about girls in a sexual way, and for boys to think about boys in a sexual way.

 

As you get older, you start to work out whether you prefer people of the opposite sex or people of the same sex to you, however, this doesn’t always occur when you’re a teenager. Some people know they’re gay from an early age, while others don’t recognise this part of their sexual wellness until much later on. The important thing to remember is: You don’t choose your sexuality, it chooses you. As to why people are gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight, no one really knows and, really, it’s not important. The real key thing in all of this is to understand that being attracted to people of the same sex is just as normal as being attracted to someone of a different sex, and everyone deserves to be with someone they love.

 

If you do think you are gay, lesbian or bisexual, it can be helpful to talk things through with other people who are going through the same thing, or people who have gone through it already. Look in your local phone book, GP surgery, sexual health or contraceptive clinic, pharmacy, youth group, local paper or on the internet to find out if there’s a young men’s or women’s group in your area for lesbian, gay or bisexual people. When it comes to telling people in your life about your sexual preferences, it’s really up to you whether or not you do it, and in what way. Some people don’t understand that being gay, lesbian or bisexual is normal, and so ‘coming out’ can be a difficult thing to figure out. It’s a good idea to read about coming out, and find out about the things to consider before you decide whether to tell people.

 

Regarding sexual intercourse, it’s not only normal for gay, lesbian and bisexual people to worry about it, but everyone has the same feelings and anxieties about sex. Whoever your potential partner might be, deciding when you’re ready to have sex is a big step and a huge decision that only you can make. There is a legal age of consent, and you shouldn’t have sex before that age, but that is not to say that you should start going like bunnies the second you turn 16. The legal age of consent is just the earliest point at which you should consider becoming intimate with someone – it’s not necessarily the right age for you to start having sex.

 

While we’re on the subject, there are no rules about how long you have to be going out with someone before you do it. Everyone is ready at different times and every couple is different. You don’t have to have sex just because your mates or your boyfriend or girlfriend are pressuring you – it’s OK to say no. Nor do you have to “prove” that you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight by sealing the deal, so to speak. Wait until the time is right, and then talk to your partner. Communication is key in any relationship, but particularly in a sexual one. You need to discuss needing to use contraception, having safer sex, picking the right time, and how you would both like the experience to be. Remember, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can pass from girls to girls and boys to boys, as well as between girls and boys, so use a condom or dam when engaging in any kind of sexual activity, including oral sex or use of sex toys.

Categories: bisexual, bisexual people, First time, gay lesbian, girls, legal age, lesbian bisexual, people, Safety, sexual, sexual health, sexuality

Everything a Man Needs to Know Before He Has Sex

While there are countless of articles dedicated to female sexual health, with particular regard to making sure you’re informed and emotionally ready for sex, there’s less attention paid to how the first time affects men’s sexual wellness, and mental wellbeing. However, there’s a good chance that, as a young man, your first inkling of sex is from porn or movies where everything goes perfectly, and, sadly, real life is not like that. So what can you do the get the most out of your first time?

Firstly, you should NEVER forget the condoms. Even if you don’t think sex is a possibility, you should always have a condom on you just in case. The heat of the moment can cloud your judgement, which leads to unprotected sex and, potentially, unwanted pregnancies or STDs. Another thing to remember before you get down to it is to communicate with your partner. Not discussing sex is one of the most common problems new couples have in the bedroom, but the whole experience will be better if you talk to your partner about any inhibitions or fears that you or they have about intercourse. Ask them about what works for them and their expectations, and be honest about your own. You may be anxious that your partner expects mind-blowing sex out of you right off the bat, but talking can alleviate those concerns.

Next, try to take your time and enjoy the moment. This isn’t a test of your manhood or a game; it’s a close moment with your partner that you will cherish in times to come. Remember that there’s far more to sex than just penetrative sex – and other aspects can be more pleasurable to your woman than intercourse. You can have an amazing night with kissing, foreplay, oral sex, mutual masturbation, necking, dry humping, rubbing, massages, mammary intercourse and much more, so don’t rush to the end goal of penetration.

Also, it’s not uncommon to experience premature ejaculation or erection issues. Premature ejaculation is fairly common because of the way sex feels for the very first time, and you may have trouble having an erection because of the psychological pressures of it being your first time, but that doesn’t mean your night is over. You can still please your partner using the kinds of foreplay listed above. The important thing to remember is that NO ONE is good the first time. It takes a lot of time and experience – just like everything else – but just think of all the fun you can have practising through safe sex!

Categories: Communication, First time, men

Ready to Romp? How to Have Great Sex with a New Partner

According to new research published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, your first time having sex may set the tone for the rest of your sexual life. When the researchers interviewed 331 men and women about losing their virginity and their current sex lives, those who had a positive first-time experience has better sexual health, in terms of emotional and physical satisfaction, later on in life. But does this mean your sexual wellbeing is forever determined by your first awkward fumble?

‘First-time sex for anybody can go wrong,’ explains Gloria Brame, PhD, a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. However, there are steps you can take to make sure your first time with a new partner won’t be a disaster. For example, if you’re concerned you may not last long enough, Brame notes ‘masturbating before the date can help take the edge off.’ This helps to stop your body from becoming overly excited and raging with hormones, and instead puts you in control.

Brame also advises taking your time; even though you may be ready to romp after a few minutes of foreplay, she may not be there yet. Before you go for a home-run, stop at all the bases. Brame recommends beginning with kissing her mouth, then kissing down her neckline, past her breasts, and down her stomach to her inner thighs – exploring her breasts with your hands in the meantime. ‘Take time to focus on her nipples with your fingers and tongue,’ she says. ‘Don’t just assume she wants you to thrust inside her.’ Good sex is all about communication, so pause to ask her what she wants you to do next.

Finally, if you’ve had previous partners, that doesn’t mean that the same moves and techniques will work the same way. Brame notes, ‘Every new person requires new exploration,’ and will have different preferences when it comes to technique, speed, and foreplay, among many other factors. Also, she won’t exactly be thrilled if sex with her is exactly the same for you as it was with your ex. Again, remember to communicate and take it slow – you may develop some new moves that put those tired old techniques to shame.

Categories: Communication, First time, masturbation