There are many sexual health articles out there dedicated to having “better sex” but there’s more to a healthy sex life than just straight-up great sex, every time. Sexual wellbeing encompasses all different kinds of sex – even a few you wouldn’t expect! According to sexual wellness expert and psychologist Laura Meers, PhD, ‘You change, you age, and you grow as a couple in an emotional and an intellectual way. Hopefully you’re growing and changing sexually too. And the more dimensions there are in a relationship in general, the more you will see those dimensions reflected in your sex life.’ So how many of these kinds of sex can you tick off your check list?
1. Pushing-Your-Boundaries Sex: Meers explains, ‘People in long-term relationships sometimes crave excitement and stimulation, but don’t know how to get it with their partner, but you can get that in your current relationship by pushing your regular comfort zone. The anxiety you feel about trying something new mimics what happens when you’re with somebody new. So if you can create that feeling within the confines of an intimate, close, trusting relationship, you will keep reenergising what you have.’
2. Maintenance Sex: Anita Clayton, MD, a professor at the University of Virginia’s Department of Psychiatric Medicine and author of the book Satisfaction, notes, ‘Some couples think everything has to feel perfect, or you both have to be in a sexual mood to have sex.’ However, just-for-the-sake-of-it sex is vital, as it builds regular opportunities for connection into your relationship. Clayton points out, ‘Sex is the one activity a couple has that excludes other people. It keeps your bond unique and strong.’
3. Embarrassing-Moment Sex: ‘Sex is full of smells and sights and sounds; it’s natural,’ says Debra Herbenick, PhD, a researcher for the Kinsey Institute and associate director for the Centre for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University. ‘You’re having sex with human bodies, and they do funny things sometimes, and that’s okay.’ Clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist Ruth Morehouse, PhD, adds, ‘True intimacy is about being able to feel comfortable and real with each other in awkward, embarrassing situations.’
4. Holiday Sex: Meers asserts, ‘On vacation, you’re at your most carefree, which means you can try new things you won’t have to be accountable for at home.’ However, you don’t need to hop on a plane to experience great holiday sex. Meers advises, ‘Head to a hotel downtown and call it a vacation. You can look forward to it and build it up beforehand for even better sex.’
5. Make-Up Sex: You’re raw, exposed and vulnerable after a big fight, which makes for perfect conditions for intense, soul-to-soul physical bonding. Clayton comments, ‘In many ways, make-up sex restores a level of closeness that you may feel was fractured by the argument. Sex can repair that fracture.’ However, if the only time you’re getting along is when you’re in the sack, you may need to take a break from the make-ups and deal with your issues with your clothes on first.
6. Comfort Sex: Sex can be the perfect antidote if you’re feeling sad, depressed, grieving, alone, or hurt, because it’s the opposite of all those things. Clayton argues, ‘Grief tends to drive a wedge between couples. I’ve seen couples break up because something bad happens, but sex can help restore the intimate relationship you have. Instead of letting grief pull you apart, you can use it to pull each other close again.’ Morehouse adds, ‘Sex is a way of declaring your aliveness. It’s a way of defending yourself against the inevitability of death or loss.’
