Working Your Woman: 6 Tips to Keep Her Happy in the Bedroom

As a man, your sexual health and wellness isn’t just about you getting yours; you also need to please your woman. Hitting her pleasure points boosts your sexual wellbeing as well as your partner’s, leading to better, all-over mind-blowing sex. Here are our tips and tricks to pleasing your woman – just make sure you don’t use them all up in one night!

 

1. The Pre-Coital Massage: Massage the length of your partner’s legs, starting at her upper thighs and working down to her ankles. Once you get down low, focus on your partner’s feet, kneading her heels and the soles. Stretch out each toe individually and, if hygiene allows, have a little suck – you’ll have her ready for the main event in no time.

 

2. Ask Her About it: You’re not a mind reader, so just ask your partner what she wants from you. According to Barbara Bartlik, MD, a professor of psychiatry at CornellUniversity, ‘Most women appreciate men who want to make sure they’re satisfied. If she notices you’re working hard to please her, she’ll be more likely to return the favour.’

 

3. Love Foreplay: It’s not about how often you give her foreplay; it’s about the quality. Michael Perry, PhD, a sex therapist in Encino, California, warns, ‘If you act as if you’re just going through the motions to get to the sex, she’s going to notice, and it will take longer for her to get excited. When a man is loving what he’s doing, it’s going to show through and turn her on, too.’

 

4. Go Gently on the G-Spot: While her clitoris is an obvious place that needs attention, you need to give it your focus in the right way. Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot, explains, ‘Direct stimulation of the clitoris can actually be painful. It’s much better to rub the clitoral hood [where the tops of the labia meet] or to rub along the side of the clitoris than it is to go straight for the head of it.’ Birch adds, ‘Focus on the clitoris, then don’t focus on the clitoris. The clitoris reacts best to being teased, so you want to lick it and suck on it a little, build a little tension, then back off on it a bit before going at it again.’

 

5. Kissing Keeps Her Going: When you get close, really close, to the end point, you can forget how you got here in the first place. Britton notes, ‘Women get their greatest erotic pleasure from frequent, passionate kissing. If you get the sense that she’s starting to lose interest, kissing is always the best way to bring her back into it.’ You don’t always need to frantically swab out her tonsils to show your passion; try to mix things up with an occasional closed-mouth kiss on her nose, eyes, and forehead.

 

6. The ‘Figure Eight’ Technique: When you’re giving full oral attention to her downstairs area, the super-sensitive area around her clitoris responds well to a figure-eight pattern. Start by gently sucking until the little button swells, and then carefully expose the area with your fingers. Circle the clitoris to the left with the slippery underside of your tongue, and then circle it to the right. Following on from this, use the rougher top side of your tongue to flick from right to left and then up and down. Finish by doing figure eights, alternating between your tongue’s smooth underside and firmer tip, and constantly varying the degrees of pressure you use.

Categories: clitoral stimulation, clitoris, Communication, figure, focus, kissing, nbsp, partner

Fuse Blower: How to Get the Orgasm You’re After

The problem with female sexual health and wellness is that even the smallest thing can set you off course. As Nicole Beland, author of Sex, The Whole Picture: The Ultimate How-To for Lovers, details, ‘When I’m this close to orgasm—eyes squeezed shut, lips twisted in a Billy Idol sneer, cheeks glowing—the most descriptive word wouldn’t be “passionate” or “erotic.” It would be “determined.” Because right then, at the edges of my fading consciousness, I’m worried that the phone will ring, my knees will lose their traction on the sheets, or my boyfriend will change position, and suddenly I’ll be sliding away from that elusive peak instead of moving toward it. For the 75% of women who don’t always reach orgasm during intercourse, this happens all the time.’

 

What you need is a fuse blower, or a last shot of stimulation to send you over the edge. According to sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First, ‘Calling it a fuse blower is pretty appropriate. Recent studies show that in order for a woman to achieve orgasm, the part of her brain associated with stress, emotion, and anxiety has to shut down.’ If your partner is able to do something that makes you feel so good that you relax and let go, it’s very likely that you will reach that all-important climax. So, take a look at Beland’s list of orgasm triggers, share them with your partner, and get him to try one out once you reach the point at which you’re sweaty and breathing fast.

 

1. The Double Grip: ‘Despite all the attention her booty may attract when she’s walking down the street in tight jeans or bending over a file cabinet, a woman’s butt is too often sidelined during sex,’ says Beland. ‘And that’s why grabbing both of her cheeks when she’s on top may be just the unexpected turn-on a girl needs to get off.’ New York sex therapist Gilda Carle, PhD, explains, ‘The buttocks are packed with nerve endings. To give her a surprising jolt of pleasure, spread your fingers wide and squeeze both buttocks firmly.’ However, before you give your partner a good spanking, just make sure you have a conversation about it first!

 

2. The Up Shift: Beland provides the following tip courtesy of her friend Rachel: ‘When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his penis rubs against your clitoris.’ However, you can make this tactic even more orgasmic if your legs are together and your man is straddling you. Ellen Friedrichs, MA, an adjunct professor of human sexuality at RutgersUniversity, notes that this variation ‘increases clitoral stimulation.’ Or, if he’s on top, get your partner to prop himself up on his elbows so that his abdomen is in closer contact with your sweet spot.

 

3. The Ultimate: If in doubt, try foreplay, recommends Kerner: ‘Going down on a woman allows [men] to get a real sense of the stimulation she likes at every stage of arousal, especially the final one.’ Getting off when he’s going down also eliminates any performance anxiety you might have during intercourse, so you can potentially get more bang for your buck (pun intended). To get the experience you need, have your partner take note of Beland’s instructions. ‘Learn what she likes,’ she asserts. ‘Get between her legs and give her a solid base of lips, tongue, gums, and even chin to rub against. At first, use your hands to guide her hips to let her know you want her to do the grinding. When she takes over, note how hard she’s pushing and in what direction. Use that information later when using your fingers or giving her a more aggressive tongue bath.’

Categories: beland, clitoral stimulation, female orgasm, fuse blower, nbsp, oral sex, orgasm, partner, reach, sex therapist