Are Men Always Going to Cheat? The Truth

Sexual infidelity is one of the hardest things to come to terms with. It can impact on your emotional wellness and wellbeing in all kinds of ways, and yet it is sadly all too common. To compound this, it’s just impossible to tell, before getting into a relationship, if a man is likely to cheat.

 

A new book, Why Men Really Cheat, by psychologist Martyn Stewart, looks to answer that big question with a mixture of analysis, case studies and theory. During the course of the book, we are introduced to different male types, the Swinger (no, not that type of swinger), the Enigma and the Opportunist, and we are guided through a series of case studies. We are also shown some pretty serious maths in the form of equations and algorithms to help us work out which personality types are more likely to be cheaters, and why that might be the case.

 

The conclusions to the very big question of why people chat are varied, ranging from a fear of missing out on an opportunity, having a compulsive sex drive, requiring immediate gratification and seeking some kind of recognition.

 

In addition to all this, modern technology is making cheating easier than ever. Society is built on ease and instancy, and this is helping to serve people with selfish needs.

 

The book also details the types of men to avoid, including the Lad’s Lad (a blokish man who is easily swayed by his friends, gets drunk easily and therefore cheats easily), the Manipulator (a cunning and secretive type of man), the Stupid Mistake man, who acts first and then thinks about the consequences later, the Disdainer – a misogynistic type who lacks empathy or patience and is not supportive of women as a gender. Then there’s the Opportunist, a carefree, hedonistic type who will not go out of his way to have an affair but will certainly grab one that arises.

Categories: book, case studies, cheat, cheating, easily, men, nbsp, Sex, type

What Makes Sex Sizzle, and What Makes It Fizzle?

Sexual health and wellness is a confusing thing, especially as you don’t tend to own up to your likes and dislikes in the bedroom department. But what makes sex sizzle, and what makes it fizzle? And, is sex better or worse once you tie the knot? We got some singletons and marriedtons to dish the dirt on what lifts and lessens their sexual wellbeing.

 

1. Gina, 34, Single: When it comes to sizzling sex, Gina recalls, ‘The best sexual experiences for me have always been with men I have established an emotional connection with. After that, spontaneity is a real turn-on – don’t pencil me into your Palm Pilot! Planned sex is a real turn-off for me. After that, there are a number of things that can point the sex-meter closer to fizzling than sizzling – it could be an argument, physical exhaustion, stress or just one of those days when I’m feeling not-so-sexy.’

 

2. Randy, 46, Single: ‘Passion – the burning desire to be with someone,’ is what does it for Randy. ‘Part of it is feeling really attracted to the person – the physical characteristics – and part is communication. Without the physical attraction, the chemistry isn’t there. Conflict and resentment are turn-offs, too.’

 

3. Jason, 33, Single: ‘The best is what I call “aerobic sex,” when you’re fully out of breath, completely spent and you know – or at least you believe! – that you’re making the other person feel amazing,’ Jason asserts. ‘That’s when I can relax and give in to it completely.’ When it comes to turn-offs, Jason dislikes ‘a person who can’t kiss past a pucker. And continued bashfulness – I don’t care how fit you are, you have to shake what you have and feel sexy, or it’s a total turn-off.’

 

4. Gisela, 43, Single: ‘A mutual understanding of what a partner wants, both in and out of bed, is so sexy,’ says Gisela. ‘An honest, sincere, straightforward person who has experience. And I like men and women – I want a man who will be okay with that. You’d think that would be easy to find, but it’s not!’ Gisela adds, ‘It fizzles if it’s just for sex and not for the pleasure of both people. Bragging, like kids, is a total turn-off.’

 

5. Bill, 83, Married: ‘A very attractive wife like my Win,’ does it for Bill. ‘We have similar interests – we love to dance and travel – and that kind of connection can translate into great lovemaking. We’re very close in all respects, physically and emotionally, even more so after 53 years of being together.’ He notes, ‘As a result of prostate cancer you can become impotent and can’t get an erection. But we’ve still got it – I’m a lover, a hugger, a kisser – though it’s not like before.’

 

6. Dori, 25, Married: For Dori, self-confidence leads to sizzling sex. ‘Confidence is sexy no matter what,’ she points out. ‘Lack of inhibitions, aggressiveness, taking initiative.’ And what dampens your confidence in the bedroom? ‘Roommates,’ says Dori. ‘My husband and I have them now – that’s why we’re buying a house!’

 

7. Sam, 53, Married: ‘It takes two to tango,’ Sam comments. ‘It takes two good companions, with a good relationship outside of the bed. At 53, you might like a 26-year-old hard-body who can do everything, but that’s a selfish point of view. It might sizzle for you, but it won’t for her. If there’s poor compatibility mentally, it might be good that one time, but that’s it. It’s bad if you’re doing it for the wrong reason, just to do it instead of to enhance your relationship.’

Categories: Bad Sex, better sex, case studies, nbsp, person, real turn, sex sizzle, sexy, sizzling sex, total turn, turn, turn-offs

Putting Pills Through Their Paces: Do they Really Work?

Some wellness experts claim that pills are better than creams for delaying the ageing process, as they work from the inside out and provide your body with essential nutrients. Others argue that a healthy, balanced diet is all you need, so who is right? Can anti-ageing beauty pills really turn the clock back?

Sian Agar, a 36 year-old science teacher from Hove, tested Seven Seas ilumina 30+ pills for a month. ‘I’ve been alarmed by the appearance of fine lines that have appeared under my eyes and across the top of my nose since giving birth, so I was glad to give these a go,’ she said. ‘There was no improvement to my wrinkles, but I did notice my skin was softer, maybe more oily. My hair became greasier (the tablets contain avocado, sunflower and safflower oils). I think taking them over a longer period might prevent more wrinkles from appearing but I probably won’t continue taking them as I dislike the feeling of greasy skin. Probably a great option for women with overly dry skin.’

South London resident Jo Reynolds, 43, is a part-time accountant who tested a month’s supply of Imedeen Time Perfection tablets. She commented, ‘I’ve noticed the dark circles under my eyes and wrinkles getting worse in the past few years so have been using eye creams religiously to try to improve things. Taking the pills was fine and I got no side effects but as yet I haven’t noticed much difference to the wrinkles, although I think the dark circles might have improved in the last week or so. I wouldn’t carry on taking the pills though as spending over £40 a month seems like an extravagance when I eat pretty healthily anyway.’

According to Jane Love, 49, a learning support worker from Basingstoke who tried Perfectil Platinum, ‘My skincare regime isn’t brilliant – I wash my face with soap, and I sometimes go to bed with make-up on. Popping a pill seemed like a great, hassle-free way to care for my skin. After a month of taking the tablets, I didn’t see any changes. Plus points were that no new wrinkles appeared, and although the tablets may provide vitamins and minerals I might be lacking, I probably won’t bother carrying on taking them. I might look into a liquid supplement as that seems more likely to benefit the skin.’

Putting Pills Through Their Paces: Do they Really Work?

Categories: case studies, Pills, Research

How to Carry on As a Couple after Infidelity

Part of the problem with dealing with infidelity is that every situation is different. Family wellness can be affected in different ways, and so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to building your relationship back up again. However, by taking a look at other people’s experiences, you can at least learn something of what it means to restore relationship wellness, even after infidelity, and work out how best to proceed as a couple.

Let’s take the example of Anna (not her real name). Anna’s boyfriend of five years had cheated on a previous girlfriend twice before, though he had never cheated on Anna when they were together. A year ago, the couple took a break, during which Anna’s partner (let’s call him Nathan) slept with someone twice. He said he could have done it more often but didn’t, and Anna said she knew it would happen if they went on a break, but now she’s worried about others will think of her choice to get back together with Nathan.

So what can Anna do? Firstly, the fact that she expects disapproval from her loved ones indicates that she has her own doubts which she’s denying to herself. Also, expecting her partner to cheat, even during a break, signals to Nathan that Anna would accept this, and he’s allowed to carry on as he wants. If this sounds like your situation, taking it slow is advisable, especially if you are yet to speak honestly about why you needed the break, what mistakes you both admit to, and what negatives each believes the other contributed. Once you and your partner are happy – really happy – with how things are, you won’t have to prove it to anyone.

When an old classmate of Holly’s husband moved to town, Holly thought nothing of it when they went out together a few times. Each time, James brought his sister along with him, but Holly said that he acts strangely when James comes home, immediately going to bed without saying anything. When Holly confronted James, he admitted he was smitten although nothing has happened, but Holly is upset by his emotional cheating, and worried that forgiving him will make him think it’s ok to carry on.

However, calling him on it straight away will stop him feeling like it’s ok to pursue anything further. James admitted to it, which is a good thing, but he also needs to openly explain his attraction, and the couple both need to look at their relationship together. Equally, Holly needs to share how sensitive and insecure this makes her feel, and insist that they go out together, work on their intimacy, and hang out with James’ sister when she’s around.

How to Carry on As a Couple after Infidelity

Categories: Advice, case studies, cheating

Is a Defined Contribution Health Plan the Answer for You?

According to Zane Benefits, who have helped companies of all shapes and sizes to improve employee wellness over the years, defined contribution health plans are an affordable alternative to employer-sponsored group health insurance plans. Corporate wellness programmes often come with complications, such as cost, minimum contribution, and participation requirements, but defined contribution health plans can help companies to overcome these hurdles. Zane Benefits reported on case studies from their current clients, in order to show how defined contribution works for real companies and nonprofits.

Kids Dental, in Texas, wanted to offer a competitive health benefits plan that was affordable for both the company and 15+ employees, but when they spent three years researching employer healthcare plans, they were unable to find a solution that was affordable and offered good coverage without a high deductible. However, now Kids Dental provides a defined contribution health plan to employees, in which workers are granted tax-deductible allowances for private health insurance and other medical costs. As a result of their Health Reimbursement Arrangements (HRAs), employees of Kids Dental have the flexibility to create a health care solution that best fits their needs.

The Feet, Inc. is a delivery and logistics company based in Colorado, and the company’s health benefits play a large part in recruiting and retaining top employees. However, The Feet’s group health plan exceeded internal budgets, and so the company needed a new health benefits solution; offering the same level of health care for its 30+ employees but at a much lower price. Like Kids Dental, The Feet found their solution in a Defined Contribution Zane HRA, and has used tax-deductible funds to grant monthly allowances to their staff since September 2009.

Recruitment and retention within the organisation is important to the SPOON Foundation. The non-profit organisation for child nutrition, located in Portland, Oregon, needed health benefits to promote this selling point, offering competitive and flexible benefits for SPOON’s valued employees which were affordable for the non-profit organisation. Since March 2012, SPOON has implemented a Defined Contribution ZaneHRA plan, and so employees can now choose their own individual health plans and are reimbursed tax-free for insurance premiums and other eligible medical expenses. As an added bonus to the HRA wellness programme, SPOON can increase benefits options as the organisation grows, but won’t have to involve a group insurance provider.

Is a Defined Contribution Health Plan the Answer for You?

Categories: affordable, case studies, contribution health, defined contribution, defined contribution health plans, Health Benefits, health care, health plans, kids dental, profit organisation