Five Fantasies Your Partner Wants You to Make a Reality

If you think your partner doesn’t fantasise about sex as much as you do, think again; women have all kinds of saucy fantasies – some of which you’d never have even thought of. So if you want to give your partner’s sexual wellbeing a boost – as well as your own – why not suggest turning some of these top female fantasies into reality?

 

1. She Dominates You: According to Sexual Health and Wellness Writer Isabella Snow, ‘Women love a big strong man who can sweep them off their feet and carry them into the sunset – but you may be surprised to learn that one of the top female sex fantasies is to have that same big strong man begging for sexual release in the bedroom. The entire scenario revolves around you worshipping her body and begging for her attention. Why? She gets to be in control while enjoying total devotion from her man in the process.’

 

2. You Dominate Her: ‘The advent of the metrosexual is most commonly blamed for this top 10 female sex fantasy,’ says Snow. ‘It seems that, in many cases, modern, independent women actually prefer real men who aren’t afraid to embrace their testosterone. This woman fantasizes about you pinning her down and thrusting her thighs apart with your knee. She wants to feel your fingers snake through her hair and pull her head back; she wants to feel your teeth on her shoulder; she wants to be owned – if only while in the bedroom (after which, she’ll want a clear return to equality). This win-win female sex fantasy scenario allows her to fully indulge her femininity, while still espousing the merits of feminism.’

 

3. Teacher/Student: Snow comments, ‘You’ll be thrilled to know that the Britney Spears fantasy isn’t just for men: Women love the idea of dressing up like a schoolgirl and parading about for your viewing pleasure. Many would even like to take it a step further, playing the naughty tart who won’t stop teasing you until you pull her over your knee and give her the spanking she craves. That’s right: Loads and loads of grown women fantasise about getting a proper spanking from their man. A spanking from you is exciting for two reasons: Not only does this mild show of dominance hurt so good, but it also usually leads straight into hot, hot sex.’

 

4. Sex With A Stranger: ‘Most women wouldn’t have the chutzpah to act out this fantasy, but you’d better believe that most have thoroughly enjoyed thinking about it,’ Snow asserts. ‘No-strings-attached sex is something many women would love to experience, but most are dissuaded from it thanks to a lofty load of self-produced guilt. Nevertheless, her libido definitely gets fired up at the idea of a gorgeous male approaching her in a dark, smoky bar and taking her back to his room for a long, hot night of wild sex. This female sex fantasy appeals to her naughtiest side – the kinky one that rarely sees the light of day.’

 

5. Voyeurism: Snow notes, ‘If you think women don’t enjoy watching other people get it on, you’re completely mistaken. Your woman likes to watch for the same reasons as you do: It’s erotic, exhilarating and slightly taboo. She may fantasise about peeping through the neighbour’s bedroom window, spying on a kinky couple in the park or even catching a full-on orgy from the sidelines. Believe it when we tell you she enjoys “watching” just as much as you do; it allows to her be naughty without getting her hands dirty, so to speak.’

Categories: fantasy, female, female sex, nbsp, sex fantasy, sexual fantasies, snow, strong man, voyeurism, Women

Sexual Fantasies: What’s Going on in Your Imagination?

They say that, for a healthy sex life, there’s no harm in a bit of fantasising, and sharing those fantasies with you partner. But what exactly are sexual fantasies, how do they occur and how to they impact your sexual health and wellbeing? The Sinclair Intimacy Institute states, ‘Sexual fantasy refers to the mental image of a person, object, or situation, often but certainly not always involving a sexual component. Human sexuality is a dimension of social life that is often rich with many different sorts of fantasies. Sexual fantasies often entail mental scenarios involving persons other than one’s regular partner and include sexual activities considered culturally inappropriate or unacceptable.’

 

So why do some people have multiple, complicated sexual fantasies, while others don’t fantasise at all? According to the Sinclair Intimacy Institute, ‘People vary considerably in their ability to fantasise and in their enjoyment of this behaviour. Fantasies may supplant reality for some or may serve as a poor substitute of sexual reality for others. Fantasies are often triggered by external stimuli, such as an attractive stranger or an erotic picture, movie, or story.’ If looking at erotica, then, is a main trigger of sexual fantasies, does that mean that men are more likely to have outrageous sexual fantasies than women? Let’s take a look at the gender differences in sexual fantasies:

 

1. Male Sexual Fantasies: ‘In Western societies, males more often use sexually explicit material as a part of fantasy,’ the Sinclair Intimacy Institute explains. ‘The male fantasy world relies heavily upon novel experiences filled with culturally-defined beautiful women who are always sexually available and free. Pornographic magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse, as well as a wide array of so-called harder publications (because they depict explicit sex acts), attempt to capitalize upon such fantasies.’

 

2. Female Sexual Fantasies: ‘Females are more likely to prefer erotica with a “softer,” more imaginative side rather than the “harder,” more explicit forms preferred by many males,’ says the Sinclair Intimacy Institute. ‘Women often base their fantasies upon previous sexual experiences and tend to emphasize romance and intimacy. The onset of the women’s liberation movement has created a renaissance in erotic fiction aimed at women by women writers and film makers.’ In fact, in her book Women On Top, Nancy Friday maintains that women have started a sexual revolution for equality and should implement it with a rich fantasy life.

 

So when are you more likely to fantasise? The Sinclair Intimacy Institute notes, ‘People generally fantasise when engaging in autoerotic sex or masturbation. In his research findings, the prominent sexologist Alfred C. Kinsey reported that fantasy accompanied masturbation for the majority (64%) of females and virtually all males. About 2% of the women in his study sample reported achieving orgasm by fantasy alone. Older females were more prone to fantasise than younger females. Some people, particularly but not solely those from rural areas, have fantasies about sexual contact with animals.’

 

So if you have a fantasy about a particular sexual practice or activity, does that mean you want that fantasy to become reality? The Sinclair Intimacy Institute argues, ‘While fantasy may enhance actual sexual practices, it should not be assumed that a fantasised behaviour represents an unconscious desire. Thus, some women fantasise about being overpowered or even raped by a man, but this does not mean they actually want to be raped. Similarly, some men fantasise about multiple sexual partners, but would find it emotionally difficult to maintain several simultaneous relationships.’ Fantasies, then, are a way to explore your sexuality within the safety of your own imagination, so you don’t necessarily have to try them out in real life.

Categories: Fantasies, fantasies nbsp, fantasy, Intimacy, intimacy institute, men, sexual, sexual fantasies, sinclair intimacy, Women

Four Revelations that Will Undoubtedly Improve Your Sex Life

When it comes to your sexual health and wellness, you learn a lot more with time. Still, wouldn’t it be great if you had this wisdom earlier on in life? We’ve got four women to share their revelations about their sexual wellbeing, so you can learn from their experience.

 

1. Love Your Own Body: According to Lisa, 36, who is in a three-year relationship, ‘In my twenties, I sought out pretty vapid, sex-based relationships that were designed to boost my body-confidence. I thought that the more men who wanted me, the better I’d feel about my stomach or the size of my chest. Then, at 33, I started performing burlesque for fun. Once I realized that an audience of both strangers and friends could appreciate me with all my flaws on display, I didn’t need those pointless relationships anymore. After a year of performing, I found my current boyfriend, who loves me unconditionally. The sex is amazing because it’s meaningful, and I realise that loving your body — not being a certain weight or specific body type — is what makes it attractive in the first place.’

 

2. His Libido isn’t Related to Your Sex Appeal: Mer, 30, who has been married four years, notes, ‘A few years into our marriage, my husband’s sex drive seemed to fall off. I was wanting it way more than he was, and of course, I attributed that to him not finding me attractive any longer. So I decided I’d stop initiating, because the last thing I wanted was pity sex. But I eventually learned that keeping my wishes to have sex to myself only made me angry with my husband, and bottling up theories about why he might say no — “he thinks I’m fat” or “he thinks I’m annoying” — only made me feel bad about myself. I now accept that making a conscious, discussed-about decision to have sex isn’t any less valuable than the hot, spontaneous kind of sex that I imagined all couples engage in all the time. He can’t read my mind, and if he’s too hungry or tired or just not in the mood, I can’t take it personally.’

 

3. It’s Not Boring to Be True to Yourself: ‘Throughout my twenties, men I’ve dated have asked what my bedroom fantasies are, and I’ve always felt wildly unsexy admitting that I really don’t have any,’ admits Marissa, 28, who’s now in a three-year relationship. ‘I like sex and am always up for trying a new position, but I don’t have visions of him dressing up like a sailor in the bedroom or screwing me in public. I convinced myself no man wants to hear that — how boring! So I tried a few classic fantasies on for size, but I always felt like I was lying to the guy and to myself. My big moment was admitting to my serious boyfriend that my sexual imagination is not wild and crazy. And you know what? Since being able to feel like I can be myself during it, sex — without crazy toys or forced dirty talk — has been better than ever.’

 

4. Comfort Can Lead to Adventure: Beth, 30, who has been married five years, recalls, ‘I’d had enough sexual experience before meeting my husband to know the difference between what I liked and what I didn’t, so I knew right away that we had great chemistry. But because we’d been at it awhile before getting married, I started mourning the loss of the “newness” pretty early on. Would I never experience that sense of unexplored possibility again? After some deep thinking, though, I realised that a lot of the hook-ups I’d had weren’t really that great, and every first kiss or first sex was always a gamble. By contrast, my husband knows what I like and I know what he likes. Familiarity can lead to boredom, sure, but it could also lead to experimentation. It’s in my — and my husband’s — control to use our comfort as a source of potential, instead of seeing it as a liability. Once I made that shift, my eyes opened. Now all it takes is something small, like a hotel room with a crazy giant shower, to make everything new again!’

Categories: body, Body Confidence, feel, husband, nbsp, sex appeal, sexual, sexual fantasies, year relationship

Throw Out the Rulebook: Doing What YOU Want During Sex

Why do you let other people’s rules dictate your sexual wellbeing? If you want to initiate sex, have a quickie or share your fantasies, you shouldn’t let some sort of silly rule get in the way. Here are the old rules for sexual wellness, as well as some experts’ and readers’ take on why they’re complete rubbish.

 

1. The best sex lasts for hours: Sure, people say they want to “go all night” but in truth, great sex can be as short – or as long – as you want. I mean, who has the time for hours and hours of sex on a regular basis? Life gets in the way of your sexual health sometimes – that’s just the way of it – so you need to grab opportunities for great sex whenever you can find them. Elizabeth, 36, notes, ‘Fast sex can be amazing. Maybe we have 10 minutes before the kids come home, or five minutes in the kitchen before guests arrive – suddenly we’re discovering how to have sex on the big chopping-block island, and it’s very exciting.’ If you’re thinking you can have satisfaction out of a quickie, sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, points out, ‘When women masturbate, they’re often able to achieve orgasms quite quickly. So there’s no reason why they shouldn’t sometimes be able to experience arousal as quickly as men during partner sex.’ Just don’t be afraid to take charge and do whatever you know you need to have an orgasm.

 

2. He makes the first move: This is silly; it’s perfectly ok for you to pounce on him once in a while – in fact, he’d love it! Kerner argues, ‘Men love women taking the lead. In fact, in this post-Sex and the City era, they’re expecting that kind of empowerment.’ Jenny, 35, recalls, ‘My husband is always the one to tug me toward the bedroom, and I’ve come to rely on his actions to get my motor running, but one evening, after putting the baby to bed, I walked up to my husband, grabbed his collar with both hands and pulled him in for the kiss of a lifetime – including full-body press and roving hands. He was so turned on by my assertiveness, the sex was amazing. That role swap was like an erotic awakening for both of us.’ Joy Davidson, PhD, a New York City sex therapist and author of Fearless Sex, enthuses, ‘Becoming the initiator is a very sexy and powerful feeling that no woman should miss out on.’

 

3. Fantasies belong in your head: You may feel a little bit embarrassed about your naughty thoughts, but sharing fantasies can be a great way to connect with your partner in and out of the bedroom. Kerner admits, ‘People worry about being judged: Am I normal? Is she going to think I’m a freak?’ but sharing your fantasies can open you both up to new ideas, and fuel your libido in the process. Patti Britton, PhD, certified sex educator and co-author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Sensual Massage, adds, ‘Plus, it’s an excellent way to create real intimacy and trust.’ Start by reading and looking at erotica together, Kerner recommends: ‘Once you’re comfortable discussing your turn-ons through other people’s fantasies, then you can begin to explore your own.’ Christine, 34, comments, ‘I was scared to suggest we share our secret sexual thoughts. I didn’t have those racy scenarios of dirty doctor and innocent nurse or the lusty librarian, and it made me feel so tame. One night, though, I started dreamily saying to my husband, “Wouldn’t it be so nice if we were in a cabana on some tropical island…” and he picked it up with something like, “…and our skin is so warm and toasty and I kiss you under the sun.” We both added lines to the tale, creating the most sensual, sexy story, that it got us both fired up.’

Categories: Fantasies, Initiating Sex, kerner, nbsp, people, quickie, sex therapist, sexual, sexual fantasies

Men"s Common Sex Questions Answered

We’ve long heard of female queries regarding sex and it’s many surrounding topics, but rarely do we hear what men have to say on the matter. Men, it seems, have just as many questions and worries about sex, from what they look like to the opposite sex when they’re in the nude to how to navigate those sexual fantasies that are a little more difficult to fulfil. There aren’t issues to be worried about though, so here are a few of the more common questions the male portion of the human race have regarding sexual antics.

How do I minimise my chances of getting caught having sex in public?

Sex in public may be one of the more common sexual fantasies, but that’s not to say it’s easy or particularly safe, legally speaking. While it would be less of a risk to stay cooped up indoors every time you want to have sex, that’s not always the fun option so combining the two is the best option for a fun-filled sex life. Choosing your location wisely is the most important factor of sex outdoors, so don’t choose anywhere busy or where you’ll be caught in broad daylight. You need to choose somewhere quiet, unseen and more private – preferably, in a place with some cover so you can react quickly if you do get interrupted by a passer by!

Do women find the male member aesthetically pleasing?

People have always been of the opinion that men are more visually stimulated than women, but it’s a common question as to whether or not the penis is something that actually turns women on from a visual perspective. But studies show that that’s not actually true – women are more stimulated by visual cues than men. Women get turned on by basically anything sexual, and that goes for the male body as well. So men don’t need to worry that their naked body will be a turn-off – research suggests that the opposite is true!

Why does a woman’s mouth taste different after she’s had an orgasm?

Around 80 per cent of what we interpret as taste is actually smell, and research shows that smell changes along with one’s physiological state. Sexual arousal actually dulls your sense of smell, but post-orgasm your sense of smell and taste becomes keener. Furthermore, panting also makes a difference to a person’s breath, as there are anaerobic bacteria living on the back of the tongue which produce fumes naturally. Even in a healthy mouth, there may be some of these bacteria hanging around. Another theory is that certain hormones, such as oxytocin and cortisol, get released during orgasm and these can change taste sensitivity. It’s also been found that certain levels of arousal can change taste sensitivity, so these things combined can make a person’s mouth taste different pre and post-orgasm.

 

Does a woman’s orgasm get more intense if she has her feet in the air?

This may be a myth in terms of the female body, but it’s not been proven by science just yet. Certain positions don’t reduce or increase your risk of cutting off circulation, so there isn’t any proof that putting your feet in the air during sex makes orgasms more likely. However, certain positions do increase the stimulation to the nerve pathways in your pelvic region so this may be where the myth has stemmed from. There’s certainly no harm to this way of having sex though, so if it works for some then that’s great!

Categories: change taste, men, mouth taste, orgasm, post orgasm, questions, Sex, sexual, sexual fantasies, taste, taste sensitivity, Women

Study Finally Gives Guidelines for Identifying Sex Addiction

Sexual health experts have debated the existence of sex addiction for many years, in large part because, when it comes to identifying and diagnosing true forms of the condition, there has been a distinct lack of methodology. According to Rory Reid, an assistant professor and research psychologist at UCLA, sex addiction may still affect your wellbeing, and his study may have found a way to identify it using specific guidelines. In a statement, Reid commented, ‘The criteria for hypersexual disorder that have been proposed, and now tested, will allow researchers and clinicians to study, treat and develop prevention strategies for individuals at risk for developing hypersexual behaviour.’ So how do you identify sex addiction?

 

‘Identifying characteristics of sex addiction disorder is an important step in creating a definition for the condition, says award-winning wellness writer Hope Gillette, who points out the definition ‘entails more than just the desire to have sex frequently. The inability to break away from sexual activity may be one of the defining characteristics of sex addiction.’ However, the study researchers were keen to avoid turning common behaviours – such as watching porn or having sex often – into classifications of a disorder. For Reid, individuals with hypersexual disorder, ‘might consider the consequences momentarily, but somehow feel their need for sex is more important, and choose sex even in situations where such choices might cause significant problems or harm.’

 

For the study, 207 individuals who had been referred to a mental health clinic –152 of whom had been referred for a sexual behaviour problem, 35 had other psychiatric issues, and 20 individuals were referred for substance abuse – were interviewed. The researchers defined hypersexual disorder as ‘recurrent and intense sexual fantasies, sexual urges, and sexual behaviour’ and noted that patients were required to be under distress or unable to maintain aspects of a normal life because of these sexual urges, in order for a diagnosis to occur. The participants were asked about their frequency of participating in sexual behaviours, such as going to strip clubs, engaging in telephone or cybersex, having sex with other consenting adults, masturbating, and watching pornography.

 

‘Using the established criteria, Reid’s team identified 134 of the patients with sexual behaviour issues established as hypersexual disorder,’ Gillette details. ‘Eighteen of the original 152 patients with sexual disorders were found to have a different mental health issue or no issue at all. The majority of other patients in the study not originally there for a sexual behaviour issue were diagnosed with their original condition or a condition other than sexual addiction. In addition to being able to positively identify hypersexual disorder, researchers found study participants who were diagnosed with sex addiction disorder also indicated masturbation and pornography viewing was considered problematic, so much that some individuals had lost their jobs because of the behaviours.’

 

Moreover, if you have a sex addiction disorder, you’re more likely to perform disruptive sexual behaviours despite knowing the consequences. Reid explained, ‘It’s not that a lot of people don’t take sexual risks from time to time or use sex on occasion to cope with stress or just escape, but for these patients, it’s a constant pattern that escalates until their desire for sex is controlling every aspect of their lives and they feel powerless in their efforts to change.’ If you’re concerned that you may have a sex addiction, you need to identify with a number of the following factors outlined in the study:

 

• Recurring pattern of sexual fantasies


• Urges and behaviours lasting a period of six months or longer, that is not caused by other issues or disorders.


• Pattern of sexual activity in response to unpleasant mood states or to cope with stress


• Failure to reduce or stop sexual behaviour even when known as problematic. Reid added, ‘As with many other mental health disorders, there must also be evidence of personal distress caused by the sexual behaviours that interfere with relationships, work or other important aspects of life.’

Categories: addiction disorder, hypersexual disorder, identifying factors, Mental Health, Research, Sex Addiction, sexual activity, sexual behaviour, sexual behaviours, sexual fantasies

How to Give Yourself a Better Sex Life in Four Simple Steps

A good sex life is important for your emotional health, as well as all areas of your wellbeing, but as we’re British, it can be difficult to talk about sex, or get the help we need to make it better. There’s no shame in trying to better understand your needs or those of your partner, and there are plenty of simple solutions to physically and emotionally enhancing your sexual wellness.

 

1. Understand your sexual needs, and communicate them to your partner.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you’ll have realised just how vital communication is. This is no less true when it comes to sex, but it can be embarrassing to talk about what you want, or you may be worried about your partner’s feelings. You might assume your partner knows what you like in the bedroom, or you might not want to mention it if something doesn’t feel as good. This means you’ll have the same dreary sex life for years to come – unless you talk about it. Be honest about what works for you and what doesn’t, but do it in a way that will make you feel comfortable. This often involves using humour to ease the tension, as well as being honest and open to new ideas.

 

2. Try kegel exercises.

The pubococcygeus (PC), which controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm in both men and women, is a muscle that works like any other; strengthening exercises will improve its function. There is a link between having a toned PC muscle and more intense orgasms, and performing kegel exercises can get you there. To find this magical muscle, see if you can start and stop the flow of your urine next time you’re on the loo (the PC muscle is the one that stops the flow). Then, try to tighten and hold this muscle for a slow count of three, or mix it up and try quick kegels by tightening and relaxing the muscle as rapidly as you can. This will gradually help you to gain more control and, as a result, better orgasms.

 

3. Masturbate.

Masturbating will help you to understand your body, which is information you can pass on to your partner. Plus, as a woman, you’re more likely to have an orgasm from self-pleasuring than intercourse. Start by masturbating until you feel your breathing increase, want to go very fast and want to thrust your pelvis. At this point, don’t aim for an orgasm but instead, stop and experience things for one or two minutes. After this, use light stroking and the kegels you have learned to stimulate yourself again, and then let yourself do whatever you wish!

 

4. Let your imagination run wild.

You may not think you have any sexual fantasies but everyone is capable of them, and they are the most common form of sexual expression. According to their wealth of research, psychologists Harold Leitenberg and Kris Henning have noted the most popular sexual fantasies around, so why not consider these sexy scenarios?

 

• Your current partner: It sounds weird but this is the most common fantasy! Just thinking about sex and feeling aroused is a fantasy, so why wouldn’t you imagine what you’d get up to with your current partner – you might be able to bring that fantasy into reality!

 

• A stranger or imaginary lover: This involves a sexual partner who will do wonderful things to you without being asked and with no strings attached.

 

• Romance novel sex: A lot of women fantasise about being taken against their will – in a way of being “won over” by a strong, passionate man rather than violent abuse. The force used is just enough to get a high level of excitement.

 

• Different locations: A new place, be it in the great outdoors or at the office, gives you the excitement of being naughty.

Categories: current partner, Fantasies, Kegel Exercises, masturbation, Muscle, nbsp, partner, pc muscle, sex life, sexual, sexual fantasies